"Oh-no" Master Hand floated down as quickly as he could to the breakfast room. He didn't teleport because he mind was so preoccupied, he could have ended up in Constantinople (Istanbul!). No, he hadn't been told of Mewtwo's adventure in Nonsense Advice's mind, he had just received a very distressing message from his boss. You might say, "What? Master Hand has no master. Otherwise, he'd just be hand. Duh. Time for Cheetos." Well, sorry to break it to you, my cheese by-product encrusted friend, but there is one power that reigns supreme. Who is it? You'll soon see.
Everyone had gotten over Mutsy's match against Link, and were now lazing around until their scheduled matches. Whenever someone was set for a match, a notice would appear on everyone's plasma screens.
Suddenly, Master Hand burst into the TV room, where everyone was conveniently watching That 70's Show.
"ATTENTION!" Master Hand telepathically shouted, drill sergeant style. Everyone did pay attention.
"I'm not going to sugarcoat it, my boss is coming for a visit Tuesday, and if he doesn't like what he sees, he could shut down the Smash Bros.,or worse. We'll be holding a tournament Tuesday, to really show off, followed by formal banquet. NO EATING CONTESTS, OR I WILL BANISH YOU TO THE DIMENSION OF UNENDING UNPLEASANTNESS FOR ALL ETERNITY, UNDERSTOOD!" He said zooming in on Javi and Kirby, making Kirby cry a little. "We need to have this place sparkling clean,DONKEY KONG, KEEP YOUR BANANA PEELS IN THE GARBAGE OR I WILL STUFF YOUR TIE UP YOUR NOSTRILS AND INTO THE COW PIE YOU CALL A MIND, and everyone training until Tuesday to be at top performance. At four o´clock Monday, I will arrange for a few…details. DISMISSED!" Everyone left to clean the mansion.
"Nonsense Advice, may I have a word with you?"
"What is it?"
"I know you're the only self-aware people in the mansion, so here's the problem plain and simple. It turns out only Nintendo characters can be in the SSBM, which you are not.so, when my boss gets here, if he asks you where you came from, say that you are from a powersensor game on the NES called Nonsense Advice, no one ever played those, so we should be good."
"Powersensor?"
"It was an unsuccessful accesory for the SNES. You moved the character by waving your hand between to panels, perpendicular to each other, which sensed the heat of your hand. The problem was, your hand had to be on fire for the sensor to work."
"I see."
And so, the Mansion was scrubbed thoroughly from top to bottom, and eventually, Donkey Kong had to eat out by the garbage cans. Bowser's room was scrubbed of scorchmarks on the ceiling, walls, floor, and Mario dummy, as well as the chains and instruments of torture being polished and oiled. Ness, stacked his comics neatly in the closet, Kirby vacuumed up all the food scraps, and scrubbed the scorch marks off his Javi dummy. NA hadn't been there long enough to cause a mess in their room, so they helped Marth and Roy take down the Peach posters, much to Roy's dismay. Mewtwo telekinetically repaired all the plasma screens. All the battle stages cleaned themsleves, since they were extra dimensional fragments of…aww, the heck with it, let's say it was house elves. (Eat your heart out Rowling.) When they weren't cleaning, they were training. The Target Test virtual machine got used hundreds of times over the course of hours. It really was a show of camaderie, with Mario and Bowser lifting weights together, Link and Ganondorf sparring with each other, Kirby not killing Javi. Touching isn't it? sniff It really showed how much they loved being Smashers.
Four o' clock on Monday rolled around. Mario, Donkey Kong, Fox, Bowser and NA were walking down a hallway to the arcade when suddenly, they were bound and gagged. They woke up in the horrible bowels of…a…hair salon. Peach and Zelda were there, and Ganondorf and Luigi were tied to chairs.
"Run, save yourselves before it's too late!" Luigi screamed. But, it was too late. They were forced and dragged into the chairs. For the next hour or so, they were primped and polished in everyway. Literally, they took a power buffer to Bowser's shell.
"Fox, when was the last time you really went through your fur? There's battle debris from who-knows-when! I can think of a certain blue fox who will love this. Can you say flea bath?"
whimper
"No-a Peach! Not-a my hat!"
"No boyfriend of mine is going to have a hat covered in goomba guts. Just let me give it a spin cycle and you'll get it right back."
"Its-a dry-clean only! DRY-CLEAN ONLY!"
"No Koopa King should be this shiny! Kamek's gonna laugh at me!"
"Javi, give me your jacket."
"NEVER!"
Blanky enjoyed himself a little, since they sewed up any and all rips and he came out of the washer looking whiter than ever. Anyways, the day went on like that.
"Donkey Kong, give me your tie."
"NEVER!"
"Popo, Nana, give me your snow suits."
"NEVER!"
"Pikachu, get in the tub."
"PIKA!"
"Mr. Game and Watch, get on the ironing board."
"BEEEP!"
"No need for such language."
So, as amazing as it seems, the Smashers made it to Tuesday. All were gathered in the main hall of the Mansion, everyone looking fantastic. Murmurs were circulated on the subject of Master Hand's boss.
"Am I the only one thinking of a giant, white sneaker?"
"Naw. Master Hand's a hand right? So his boss is some huge guy missing a hand."
"Yeah, that makes sense."
Then, the door opened. And the most powerful force in the universes was there. It was…
Who is Master Hand's boss? Will Kamek laugh at Bowser? Will this story ever come to a close? Find out next time on Nonsense Smashers!