Chapter 11: "I've Changed"
Disclaimer: It may be longer than most of my stuff, but I wrote it. Unfortunately, I don't own it. Props to the Magic Master--Rowling! (That's for the the non-ganstas who hate hearing it all the time--i.e. ME! Cheers...and some chocolate on top)
"The next morning was even better, Harry. Your daddy went out on a limb that day, and did something he had never done before." Harry looked curious, as she continued her story. "Wait till you hear this one, Harry."
…
The sky was a pretty baby blue color. The wind was whipping at a steady speed, and the black lake's running waters was the only sound to Lily's ears. She was reading her Jane Austen novel and walking to Arithmancy. She decided to take the more scenic route through the courtyard to class. It was very early and not many people were outside the castle. Lily was more than pleased at the fact. After yesterday's incident everyone had been gossiping and asking her questions, and everywhere she went people whispered about her. She decided peace and quiet was in order, even if only for a while.
She was just about to reenter the castle when someone behind her called her name. "Evans!" Only one person called her Evans. She turned around and saw a very winded James Potter running up beside her. Lily felt her cheeks growing warm, but she had no idea why.
James smiled when he reached her. He was out of breath and his cheeks were flushed, which gave him a very young look. Any other girl might have been falling all over herself, but not Lily. Lily would never…
"Problblblem, Potter?" She ruffled her eyebrows. She had not just done that. Well, maybe he wouldn't notice.
"No, no problblblem, Evans," he looked down and then back up at her shyly. "I just wanted to talk to you. I was on my way to the Great Hall for breakfast, and I saw you outside the window. I ran as fast as I could."
Lily just looked at him, confused. She didn't know what to say, but her mouth was open before she even thought about it. "You missed breakfast for me, I mean… to talk to me?"
"More or less, Evans," he smirked his award winning smile, and Lily blushed heavily. He really was…cute…but he was such a jerk! "I wanted to tell you how sorry I was for yesterday."
Well, there goes the jerk part.
Lily just stared at him. She wasn't sure how long she just sat there like that, but it must have been a while because James actually had to call her name. Then, he reached over and closed her mouth that had somehow ended up open. Then, he smiled again, but this time his smile looked genuine. He seemed to age greatly in that one gesture.
"Are you okay, Evans?"
At his words she shook out of it and tried her best at coherent conversation. "Oh, yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?" She said it all really fast and nervously, which seemed to make Potter even calmer. Somehow they had switched personalities in this conversation.
"Anyway," he continued with a laugh, "I just wanted to say that my behavior was inappropriate and wrong. I misunderstood and it made you look silly. I'm sorry."
She couldn't help it, she actually smiled, and swooned a little bit. "Thanks, I mean, that's really sweet of you," she said as she shifted from one foot to the other. She giggled a little and leaned into James. His face looked confused, but entertained. Then something happened.
Lily jumped away and straightened up. This was James Potter, for goodness sake. Now that she was back to normal, it seemed that James was as well. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and shifted on his feet.
"Well, I guess I better get to class, or something," James said.
Lily couldn't look at him, she just uttered an, "uh huh."
Then James made a move to leave, but before he went he nervously shifted on his feet and then leaned into Lily. Quickly, but sweetly he kissed her forehead, and then began walking away.
She called his name right before he was gone. He turned around quickly as if in anticipation. "There's hope for you yet," she said. He smiled widely and then walked away.
She was smiling like silly again.
…
Later that afternoon after everyone was done with classes and heading to the Great Hall for dinner, Lily was just beginning to act normal again. She hadn't seen Potter since Transfiguration, so she had Astronomy to get over the things that occurred that morning.
Now she was laughing with Marlene and Emmeline as they talked about Hogsmeade.
"I can't believe you are going to Hogsmeade with Sirius," Emmeline was saying to Marlene with jealousy heavy in her voice. "He is so hot! Promise you will tell me every detail?"
"Emmeline, you are going to be there practically the whole time. You are going with Peter, remember?"
"Don't remind me." They were sitting down at their usual spots in the Great Hall.
"So how did that happen anyway?" Lily was asking as someone walked up and interrupted them.
"Hey, Lily." It was Amos Diggory again. The other two girls just stared with open mouth. Everyone knew that Amos Diggory was the most sought after guy at Hogwarts, and he was talking to Lily. "I was just wondering if you had thought about what I said the other day."
Lily went red, and her friends shot her questioning glances. She hadn't told them about yesterday. She had been too distracted by the million questions they asked about Potter. "Er…well, no I hadn't thought about it," she said to Amos. His face fell a little, but then Lily realized what she was saying. She couldn't honestly make that face sad. "But, now I've thought about it. And, yes, Amos. I would love to go to Hogsmeade with you."
Both girls at the table squealed loudly, and Amos' face lit up brilliantly. "Okay, then, I'll meet you outside your common room at noon." Then, he walked away, but not before he took Lily's hand and kissed it gently.
All the girls swooned, including Lily. After he had gotten distance between them, the girls immediately broke into questioning. "How did this happen?" "When did you and Amos become a thing?" and a million other questioned were thrown at her. It was fun for a while, until a group of guys came and joined there party.
"What's so funny?" Sirius Black asked as he sat down beside Marlene.
"Yeah, Lily you look like you just got smacked with a silly stick," Remus said, and sat down between Emmeline and Marlene. Peter came up right at his heals and sat down on Emmeline's other side. Lily was a bit distracted before she noticed another person sitting down beside her.
"Lily could we talk?" When she turned around she was shocked to see Potter standing there. He had called her Lily, and actually asked her nicely. It seemed strange, but he must have changed somehow.
Almost in a daze, she nodded her head. When he reached out to take her hand, she really felt like she was in a foreign place. The rest of the table was whispering and giggling to each other, but Lily was distracted by the gold flecks in his eyes.
He was staring so strongly and determinedly that Lily was nearly scared to know what could make James Potter, silly boy, so serious. They walked away mechanically as James looked at the floor as if in concentration. His face was void of emotion, but his eyes were alive with thought. Lily tried not to stare at him, but she couldn't help it. Once they reached the doors she was thrown out of her study when he looked directly into her eyes. Apparently he hadn't noticed her staring at him before, because now he seemed shocked and his face seemed to ask a question Lily didn't know how to answer.
"Are you okay?" he asked before they left the Great Hall.
She gulped down her embarrassment and then tried to answer, "uh huh," but it came out as more of a grunt.
James smiled at her and then let her pass before him. As she went she noticed a big masculine hand slip up to the small of her back. He was ushering her through the door…
Like a Gentleman…
Weird, Lily thought.
Once they were outside the Great Hall and in the busy corridor outside, he once again took her arm and drug her off to another location.
"Where are we going?" Lily asked as they turned out of one corridor into another.
He just kept walking, determined to find the right location. When he finally did, it took Lily some time to readjust. He simply stopped in the middle of an empty corridor lined with huge glass windows. Lily tried to look him in the eyes but he was still staring at the floor as if he was trying to sort something out in his mind.
All at once they both seemed to make a decision to speak and what resulted was a jumble of words.
"Is something wrong, Potter?" and "Lily, I really like you," came out together. The result was silence. It seemed that James' face was redder than Lily's hair in that moment. They just stared paralyzed with fear to say anything else. Lily's heart was pounding, and she was sure her face was white as a ghost. James was breathing heavily and trying to avoid her eyes.
In an effort to regain normalcy, Lily looked back up at James as if he had said nothing and then cleared her throat, "you were saying, Potter?"
He almost died at the look on her face, or at least his face seemed to say so. He flushed white, and then a light shade of blue, and then back to his beautiful bright red. He opened his mouth as if to continue, but his eyes were searching hers for the right words to say. She wasn't helping. She had a steady gaze that revealed nothing of what she was thinking or feeling. Even her eyes were void of answers, all that remained there was a bit of amusement. This didn't help him, however, as he tried to speak coherently and came out with jumbles.
"I was just saying that…well in certain circumstances one realizes that what one was searching for or what one needed was far different from what one wanted, until one realized that what one really wanted was what one needed…" he kept rambling but Lily was completely without a clue as to what he was saying.
When he took a breath, Lily decided to break in, "come again?" she asked and then thought better of it as his face scrunched up in thought.
"Never mind, Potter. But what does this have to do with me?"
"Well, I'm… I'm 'one'."
Lily stared blankly.
"I realized I need you and want you." He seemed to find great difficulty saying the words, but he did. Lily was stuck in his eyes and couldn't breath, and yet he continued. "I like you for real, Lily. I always have, but now I realized why, and how much."
"Potter—" she began but to no avail; he was already speaking again.
"What I'm trying to say is will you go to Hogsmeade with me?" She opened her mouth to respond but he plunged in once again. "Now, I know, what makes today any different than any other time I've asked you to come to Hogsmeade, right? Well, I've changed Lily, I really have!"
Lily tried to cut in with a "Potter," but he was still talking.
"If you still don't want to go with me that is fine, but I just wanted you to know that I'm always here for you Lily. I'm not going anywhere. I want you, no one else."
Lily's heart was pounding but she had to speak to him before he made a fool of himself, or she found it hard to deny him. "Potter—"
"Lily, please just hear me out. Ever since first year, I have looked at you as more than a friend. You are beautiful and funny and smart and everything I want to be—kind, sincere, passionate, hard working. You are everything I hope for and dream of. If you don't believe me, I understand, but please just accept me as your friend, that would be enough for me—"
This time, however, Lily cut him off with a sweet voice, much quieter than she had been before. Something of it must have caught his attention because he snapped out of his rant quickly and went to attention.
Or maybe it was what she said…
"James…" she whispered, and he was immediately paralyzed.
"Did you just call me by my first name?" he seemed confused and awestruck.
She laughed a little at his funny face and then continued without answering his question. "James, thank you for everything you just said. It was…wonderful," she felt her heart skip a beat. "But I need to tell you something that I'm afraid you might not like to hear."
While she spoke the last part the corridor seemed to get louder and slowly James' head raised and looked over her shoulder. She finished her thought, but when he had no dreadful outbursts she figured the commotion must be important, so she turned around. What faced her, a little ways down the corridor, was an out of breath Amos Diggory. His cheeks were rosy and his face was flushed around it from, what seemed to have been, running. He looked even cuter than James had when he was all wind blown and rosy cheeked.
"Lily, there you are," he said as he walked over to them, completely ignoring James. "I forgot to ask if you wanted to go out to eat when we got to Hogsmeade. Maybe we could go to one of those nice restaurants that all the girls seem to love. Or do you just want to go around the shops? I don't care either way."
James had stopped moving completely, though his hands were balling up into fists. Lily stared between the two men, who looked at nothing but her. She was the one who had to give explanations, and answers. She was used to being the person everyone came to for answers, but this was not an ordinary situation. James was staring at her with a little bit of anger but mostly hurt in his eyes. Amos was staring with affection and excitement. Together they made for one rollercoaster of emotions in Lily.
"Amos, could we talk later," she said eventually. He seemed to just now acknowledge that James was very near them, and his face showed that he did not like it. The two of them stared holes into each other for a second, and then Amos walked away, with one last sweet smile at Lily. After he was out of ear shot, Lily turned back to James and tried to talk to him, but he wasn't hearing anything.
"I'm so stupid," he said more angry than sad.
"No, James, listen to me. Just before you and the boys came up to the table Amos—"
"NO! I don't want to hear about precious Amos, perfect Amos. Stupid Hufflepuff, what are they good for anyway!" He was speaking without thinking and it hurt Lily quite a lot, but she tried to keep herself from showing it.
"James, he asked me to Hogsmeade—"
"Well, obviously."
"I didn't know you were going to ask me, usually you do it every two seconds. Imagine my surprise when you hadn't asked once all day."
James didn't cut her off this time but he did wave his hand as if to say "that's enough," long before she stopped talking.
"Don't worry, you don't have to try and make me feel better. You wanted him, that's fine." Then without any other word, James stormed down the corridor, turning down another at the nearest escape.
…
"It wasn't the happiest moment of my life," Lily said as she looked at her son's accusing face. "In fact, it was a very sad moment. I have always loved your Dad, even then, though I would never admit it. His words had burned a whole in my soul, but as I'm sure you can guess…" she waited for him to give some idea of understanding. Instead he wiggled his feet and chewed on his hands. She decided that must be some kind of answer, and continued. "I'm sure you can guess that that didn't sway my actions. I went with Amos anyway."
And the shadow literally sighed.
A/N: Okay, finally! This was a long time for you all to wait for an update on one of my stories! I submit pretty quickly when I have so many responses. Which, I have to say, YOU GUYS AND GIRLS ROCK...AGAIN! I know I'm not done yet, but I really have to say some things to my faithful reviewers! You all make me feel so squishy inside, especially when I'm having a bad day. I'd like to say thanks to Radical-rebel, A Vermilion Memory, Flutterby Princess, ReadingRobyn(who this update is for), grannyHPfan, tangrine, ballerinadoll9, angels.on.strike, messyblackhair66, Lady of the Rogue, Seldom Darlin, Cassara of Avka, banana-hater, Prince Jonathan's Lover and everyone else! A very special thanks to the ones who have stuck with it from the beginning, and those who have read many of my other stories! I really appreciate it!
The next chapter will be up as soon as I can offer it to you. It will be Hogsmeade, hopefully. I know what I want to write, I just have to figure out how to get it all together in the way I want. Anyway, thanks everyone...and...how...about...REVIEWS? I love you all. Thanks!