Chapter 13: That Word We Know So Well

Disclaimer: The Wizarding World isnt all fluff. They have their prejudices as well. All the messages, the lessons (however unobtrusive), and especially "that word we know so well" are all hers. And I love her even more for it.

Lily coughed loudly. The room was getting colder as the night wore on farther. She looked down at her son and thought it best to cover him in his Merlin blanket. Afterward she looked around for something to cover herself in. There was bound to be a blanket somewhere in the room. She turned to look around, but saw only a jacket that belonged to her husband. She smiled and gratefully wrapped it around her shivering body.

It used to be one of his favorites when they were kids, but now he only wore it around the house. This jacket always reminded her of that year. The year they both changed for the better. And his jacket…it smelled like that year too. It smelled like James Potter, cocky, arrogant, and her subject of weakness.

As if in response to her thoughts her son cried and took away her attention. She looked up and realized that she had somehow ended up sitting down in the rocking chair. She wondered how long she had been silent, just sitting there. But she had no time to think about it because now she had a crying baby to deal with…again.

She got up and crossed to the little boy. He was smiling and looking just like his daddy. She almost dreaded telling this next part of the story. Someone this young didn't need to hear these things, but she had to. It was always best to put everything on the table. Besides he was too young to realize what it all meant anyway.

It was the word that scared her the most. How could she say that word?

"Okay, Harry, prepare yourself…" then under her breath she said, "or maybe I should prepare myself."

…

Lily found herself on a run. She didn't know what was happening or how she had gotten here, but little was considered as one foot fell after another. She was thinking of one thing, and one thing only.

James Potter and that ninny, Indigo Puce, walking hand in hand.

She could just see her now, caressing his bicep and cooing in his ear. The thought made her sick. She couldn't believe this was happening. What happened to the sweet boy who said "I'll be there for you" and "I've changed." This seemed like classic James Potter to her.

She continued straight right past Honeydukes and Zonkos. If she knew James he was somewhere "oo"ing and "ah"ing at some new broomstick, and if she knew Indigo, she was somewhere staring at herself in a mirror.

She didn't know where the two could be combined so she decided just to keep going straight. When she reached a turn in the road, however, she noticed the Hog's Head and thought she'd take a look in there. It wasn't the ideal places to go, but it would give the boy's privacy if they were trying to get away from there dates.

Sometimes it spooked her how well she could map out the Marauders.

Then, something happened. Just as she was about to turn down the road, she noticed something up ahead. There was Sirius Black spinning around in a beautiful smooth Sirius way, but something was wrong. It seemed that he was having malfunctions with his clothing. Sure enough, he was fiddling with a jacket that wouldn't go on right, just outside of Dervish and Banges. And, not surprisingly, James Potter was right behind him with his wand raised jinxing the coat so it wouldn't go about his shoulders correctly.

There he was—jinxing his own best friend, and laughing about it. The thought repulsed her. It repulsed her enough that she marched right toward him, with no regard for who saw, even if it was Indigo Puce.

She was a couple strides away when something strange happened. All of a sudden, Lily wasn't moving anywhere. Actually, she wasn't moving at all. Someone seemed to have frozen her. In the commotion of the busy streets, no one seemed to have noticed, even though Lily was crying out in her mind for someone to see.

Unfortunately for Lily, someone did see, but not the someone she hoped. She was pushed away more to a corner at this point, but because she couldn't move her own body, she had no idea how she had gotten there. Before she had time to establish where she was, the ground collided with her face and suddenly she could move again. She shook her head, trying to free herself from the cloudy vision she had sustained. Then she turned herself, noticing on the way that she was not in a safe place any more. Her body tightened up as she saw that the ground was not fresh dirt and golden walk ways, nor was it marble or wooden floors. What she was looking at was mud, and the place she was looking at was dark.

The whole place was dark. She looked up, finally, as she gained her balance, and noticed she was in some sort of hidden alleyway. She hadn't even noticed it herself as she had walked by. She wondered if anyone knew she was here. Then, she realized, in one flash of a grin, that someone did know she was here. But it wasn't a comfort now.

"Lily Evans, proud Gryffindor! I wonder if he would be equally as proud to see a mudblood in his house today!" the voice, and grin, belonged to a Slytherin boy who teased her frequently. His name was of little consequence, but Lily could never forget those eyes.

Then, she noticed, as her eyes began to focus, that he wasn't alone. Out of the shadows walked three other Slytherin boys, one of which she knew very well.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

She remembered it well. Just a year ago, it had happened, and now here was Severus Snape smiling maliciously as if he owned the world.

"You know," said the first Slytherin as if on cue, when the other boys walked up beside him, "I don't think little mudblood girl knows what is best for her."

Indeed, she didn't. Here she was standing tall and proud, and there they were—four boys who despised her simply for being born. Perhaps she was stepping on toes looking as angry as she did.

"Maybe we ought to teach her boys," he said as he pulled out his wand and flicked it in warning.

Severus came forward first and put his wand to her neck. He began to whisper to her, so the other boys could only faintly hear him, but the words pained Lily, mostly because of how much hate filled them. "When you leave here, he will come for you first, Mudblood. And then you will be sorry!" He almost spat on her face, but she didn't flinch. She just stood there, a lordly lioness being cornered by malicious snakes.

Then, without warning one of the wands alit with fire and before Lily could prepare herself, the light hit her square in the chest. The pain was inevitable, but the degree was beyond Lily's comprehension. She shrunk with quaking silence, because the pain was so great, she could not speak. She tried to look down at her body to see if it was still intact but it hurt to try. The only glimpse she got was her legs wiggling uncontrollably.

All four boys laughed in unison as her body finally relaxed from the pain. She tried to breathe normally, but she couldn't. The pain was still coursing through her blood stream.

In another moment, Lily was in pain again and again and again.

Now she was crying out, almost in challenge to the roars of laughter around her. She was crying for her limbs and the pain, but most of all for that word. That word that burned in her soul, made her feel filthy and disgusting. That word that said she was nothing—it never went away. That word lurked no matter where she went, and now her bones would remember it as well.

She was preparing to cry out again when the laughter died down, and the pain decreased. She tried to stay attentive, and figure out what was going on, but she couldn't. Soon she was fading away into darkness, but before she left the waking world, a voice called out to her.

"Lily, everything is going to be okay."

The voice was peace, the voice was cleansing…

The voice cured the pain.

…

Harry's eyes were still wide open, but he kicked very minimally and he wouldn't dare cry.

The shadow stood up, and began pacing, and Lily followed suit.

Lily was crying now as she thought about her past. All the stupid things kids did, and all the stupid choices they make. But most of all, Lily was thinking about all the stupid mistakes she made, because kids will be dumb, but only if you let them. She thought about it. Had she been too easy on them? Had she given in, and let them do this? Then she remembered his words…

"This is not your fault."

…and Lily figured she should continue the story.

A/n: Okay, I did it. It was hard, and weird, but I did it. My writing is very grammatically incorrect, well it is as correct as I could figure out. Sometimes I write that, "flowy off the brain" stuff and its hard to edit and fix. If you see any big mistakes, I apologize in advance. I hope this makes you all happy. I really liked the last reviews! I've started working on the next chapter too, but its so silly and angsty. I hadnt intinded for my story to go that direction, but I suppose all humor must end in tears sometime. It will get funny again, I promise, and romance will be in the next few chapters (I know how much you galls love that stuff). But I have the end in sight now, so within the next 4-5 chapters I think I will have an end. Don't cry, I'll make it worth the wait...I hope. lol. Well, you know what to do...