Chapter 17: She Was a Goner

Disclaimer: This disclaimer is very important, because I steal a great deal of plot in this chapter. I stole from JKR. She is a genius, and honestly, just plain better than me. So I disclaim. Enjoy.

WARNING: PLOT TWIST AHEAD! Just wait for it ;)

"Now that the secret was out, I visited Remus every time he got sick. That particular time, however, I visited him all through out the day. It was a good thing to take my mind off events. But eventually they all came tumbling back." Lily said to her half asleep little boy. It seemed that the story was actually working now. But, whether Lily knew it herself or not, she didn't care about putting the boy to sleep now. Now she was just reliving the good times.

As if it could read her mind, the shadow smiled.

…

Lily was whistling a lovely tune and spinning her wand between her fingers as she walked to another visit with Remus. She couldn't help it, she was actually glad. She always felt like there was some kind of barrier between Remus and her. She hated to admit it, because the demolishing of the barrier meant he was a werewolf, but she was actually glad that she knew it now. She felt light and at ease. She felt guilty, of course, because she knew that it was painful for him, and here she was smiling. But something in the situation made her feel comfortable. Now the dark closet monster was revealed to be a smelly sock, and they could all move on. She shrugged, okay, werewolf is a little worse than smelly sock, but they could get through it together.

And now she was strolling to the hospital wing, whistling and smiling. She had decided to take the rest of her lunch time to spend with Remus, so he could have company. She was just at the door, when she remembered that maybe she should have brought Remus a snack. She reached out for the door, anyway, and just hoped Remus would forgive her.

She was cut short on her thoughts, and her hand was still mid air, when the door flung open from the inside and Lily was suddenly faced with her own worse enemy, the torture of womanhood, the terror of night dreams, the plague within herself: desire.

There stood, about half a foot taller than her, the perfect, gorgeous boy of her dreams, and she hated herself for thinking so.

"Potter," she said flustered.

"Evans," he said as he ran his hand through his hair. They hadn't spoken since the incident in the boy's dormitory corridor, and barely even saw each other since then. It was, needless to say, awkward.

Lily was surprised to see him, obviously, but Potter's face seemed even more shocked.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he tried to close the door to the hospital wing.

She, of course, grabbed hold of it and gave him a reassuring look. "It's okay, Potter, I already know about Remus." He gave her a look that seemed curious, so she said further, "I know about his condition, Potter."

He breathed a sigh of relief but then bent in closer to Lily to whisper. "Listen Lily, he has a hard time with this, so if you don't want to be his friend anymore at least promise to keep his secret." He was only inches from her face, but she shook her head anyway.

"He's my best friend. I would never do anything to hurt him."

James seemed to look at her very strongly in that moment, she wasn't sure if it was a searching look or just respect that shined in his eyes. They sat there for a moment just staring at each other, but then Lily remembered why she was here. She was coming to see Remus, not chat with Potter. Those kinds of things could be potentially dangerous. She knew from experience. As she snapped out of it, she realized the dangerousness of the situation. Here she was, staring at him only inches from him face, AGAIN. If someone saw them…

Oh, what the hell, she thought. But just as she was beginning to enjoy his close scrutiny and the look of his lips so close to hers, the door opened again. There stood Sirius and Peter. Lily and James jumped away from each other again, but to little avail. The boys saw, just like Frank and Alice had. Sirius didn't look twice, but Peter never stopped looking to start with.

"The two of you really need to find a better place to snog," Sirius said as he passed them. Peter followed with a huge grin on his face.

Once they were gone, Lily and James turned back to each other. Once again it was awkward, like conversations between the two never were. They stared for a while, and then looked around, then back at each other, all in sync. When they noticed there choreography they both burst into laughs. It always seemed that when things got awkward the only thing to do was laugh, so they felt at home once again.

"I'll see you later," Lily said, still laughing.

"Yeah," James returned with a laugh. Then, they separated and went there separate ways.

Without even gaining composure, Lily pushed open the door and strutted in.

At the sound of her laugh, Remus shot up. What she saw were fresh tears on his cheeks.

"What's the matter, Remus?" she asked, concerned.

"How much time you have?" he asked with a quivering lip.

Lily smiled. He could have a sense of humor even when he was upset about something.

But it was a sad smile.

"What's up?" she asked as she took a seat on the bed beside him.

"Well…" he started, but stopped as he rubbed the tears from his cheeks.

Lily didn't understand what would make him cry, so she tried to smooth it over as best she could. "You know, when they did sectumsempra on me I couldn't stop crying, while I sat in here. I thought my face and body would look like that forever—" She was unable to finish, however, because Remus threw his hand up to shush her.

"It's not that, Lily."

"Then, what is it?" she asked as her hand found his. His face answered nothing. "You can tell me anything, you know that right?"

He looked at her sarcastically, "Do you think I would have told you my secret otherwise?"

She laughed. Oh, yeah.

"It's about the boys," Remus said. "How is Severus?" He asked quickly as if something had dawned on him. "Is he back from St. Mungos, yet?"

"Severus? St. Mungos? What does any of that have to do with the boys?"

"Everything, Lily. Everything."

…

"Then, Remus proceeded to tell me all the gory details about the Shrieking Shack, and how Sirius had told Severus about it. The hardest part to hear was how ashamed Remus was of his friend. He was so angry with Sirius, mostly because he thought Sirius understood what it was like for him. If he had killed someone, it would be Remus' fault, even if Sirius had put him in harms way. Remus would be the killer."

Baby Harry cocked his head to the side, as if confused. Lily saw it, but knew she wouldn't tell him anything farther than that. Those details would remain for when he was older.

"Well, anyway, then Remus told me something I never expected to hear. Something that changed everything forever."

…

Remus was still talking about the incident, but Lily only listened half way. She was crying silent tears inside as she tried to stay attentive. She didn't know what was going on. All she did was cry nowadays! But just as she thought she might zone out, Remus said, "Good thing James was there."

Lily snapped up. "What about James?"

Remus looked up as if to say, "you didn't know?" but instead said, "he was the one who stopped it all. He stopped Severus before he got there, and he was the one who told Dumbledore."

Lily's jaw dropped. He had…what? Lily's mind was whirling so fast. "But they were all friendly just now."

"Yeah, they made up after they had a talk with Dumbledore. I don't know what he said, but it's all been resolved. James may have saved Severus' life, and mine."

Lily gulped down her heart beat. It was racing so hard.

I don't want you to save me, I want you to save yourself.

She blinked, and it was gone. The dreams, the wishes, the hatred, the pain—all of it was gone. James was… James was…

She couldn't even get to what he was, she was caught on that name, that face, that heart, that beautiful person who wanted nothing more than to be good to her and sweet and kind and perfect. He wanted everything she was, and she wanted everything he was.

Lily was sure.

She was a goner…

…

"The end," Lily said as she stood up and started marching toward the door, but then Harry's arms burst from under the covers in a wild frenzied mess. And he began crying. Oh, Merlin, how he cried!

"Alright alright!" Lily shouted over him, and he shushed immediately. "Obviously you are slicker than I thought. You are a clever one," she said as she sulked back to her seat, tired as ever.

The shadow stood up at that moment, prepared for whatever came next.

A/N: Sorry it took so long. I didn't know where I wanted to stop. But because I ended it here, the next chapter will be up by tomorrow. I'm very almost done. And I have to say I'm so happy that the feelings are finally out in the open. Lily finally understands. Yay! Hope you liked it! Guess what? Just two more chapters I think! Yay again! Yay, not because it is over, but because then all the secrets will be revealed. I can't wait for you guys to get to the twist. I'm afraid it might be easy to miss, so I'm probably gonna rewrite it a hundred times. I want you guys to understand it or it just won't be as thrilling for me. And the way it is playing in my head right now just doesnt seem obvious enough.

Oh and I wanted to apologize for not replying to everyone's reviews. I'm just so exhausted and really need rest. Yesterday, I went to school had to scale all the steps, then I left immediately and went to take my drivers test (I know an 18 year old should have a drivers license by now!) and I failed, boo, and then I had to try to get my homework done, then I had to go to work until 10, then I had to come home and finish my homework. I didnt sleep very well, either. Then I went to school again this morning. This has been my first free time to type, so hope you guys love me for it! Thanks again! Hope you likes!