E Verses K

As Told By the Veterans

The Eds have had it and now it's time for some visual aids, bloody visual aids. But, will it work, or get them more lipstick stains?

Oh, you should read my other stories first, to fully understand everything. But, of course, the Eds verses the Kankers is an epic battle that every Edfan understands.

Rated T for violence, mild gore, and sensuality.

Chapter One

"Drop the Straws"

"Wrench," Edd requested with his hand coming out from under a cardboard box lifted on four wheels and axles. Eddy stood by with a tool box at his feet. He bent over slowly and picked through the very disorganized box. He stood and plopped the tool into his friend's soft hand. "Thank you Eddy."

"Yeah, yeah," Eddy yawned and blinked heavily. Since Kanker attacks were becoming more frequent, they decided to work early in the morning when the Kankers were not known to attack. Ed came over with empty boxes, a filthy toilet seat, a small bag of cans, and a large quilt. He set the trash down and looked at Eddy yawn once more.

"You have a long tongue Eddy!' he smiled. His friend stared at him with a serious face, then behind him. The tired look instantly transformed to complete terror. Ed looked to where Eddy was and saw three gross young women.

"We need to smooth out this schedule cupcakes," Lee tapped her toes and folded her arms together. At the sound of her voice, Edd jumped and hit his head on the contraption he was building. He dug into his pocket and desperately pulled out a walkie-talkie. He pushed a button. A long beep rang out and he dropped the device. He began to crawl under the box. All of a sudden two hands grabbed his ankles and began to pull him in the opposite direction to where he was crawling.

"No please! Sto-o-op!" he was flipped onto his back and he saw his attacker. Marie applied her usual blood-red lip color. She grabbed him by the neck and pulled him up to lip level. He stared into her cold eyes, "Please, I don't want to kiss you. I'll pay you, anything."

"I love it when you beg," she laughed and began to kiss him. Ed was in May's controlling arms as she placed kiss marks on his face.

"Ahhh! Icky! Groooossss!" he hollared.

Lee giggled over her victim, "Let me go jerk!"

"Put them down!" a deep, agitated, angry voice yelled. May looked to the voice's source. Their cousin was staring at Marie and Edd.

Marie growled, "I'm not hurting him Vesta!" Veronica grabbed her hands and took them off of Edd. She took him into her arms so he would not fall from fear and so she could not grab him back. Edd held onto his rescuer. She set him down gently and then roughly began to attack Marie. After beating her, she moved to May. She kicked her in the leg and Ed scrambled away. Veronica shoved May to the ground and went to Lee. She was beating Eddy while snatching at his body.

"Leave me alone!" he tried to hit her but she plummeted and hugged him. Veronica punched her in the back. She pulled her off him and shoved her next to May. Panting and frowning, she began her lecture.

"What is wrong with you three? This is against the law for crying out loud! Leave them alone!"

"You can't tell us what to do, we love them and want to show them that!" Lee argued.

"Oh shut up, if you love someone you never would intentionally give them that!" she pointed to a bruise on Eddy's face. "Now GO!" The three girls got up and walked off. Veronica turned to her friends. Ed watched those girls; Lee turned her head to them and had a look of vengeance on her face.

"You'll pay, cousin. We'll get our boys."

"Ahh!" Eddy groaned, he sat on his bed, "Those Kankers have to go!" Ed was putting on an eyes patch in the slowest way, as not to hurt his already injured head.

"Eddy there is nothing we can do, we have already tried reverse psychology, turkey basters, and even bribes. None of which has permanently solved our violent dilemma," Edd explained a little distraught himself. However, he had lost Eddy at 'turkey basters'.

"I'm a pirate!" Ed proclaimed happily.

"Well, he can adjust. Have you forgotten about the Kanker jerks already Ed?" Eddy smirked. Ed looked at him with a dim look, then became struck with terror.

"Ahh! Kankers! Pain! Run! Hide! Have mercy! No! I don't like pain!" Ed screamed gesticulating in proper form.

"Shut up Ed, I get it," Eddy frowned, annoyed.

"Kankers hurt Ed!" he began to run to the door. Eddy looked to his bathroom door where Ed's dread stood.

"Come here Eddy!" Lee waved flirtatiously and scooped him up. She started kissing him as Marie charged at Edd. May ran out the door after Ed and ran into Veronica. The two landed on the ground. May ignored her and stood to go after her beloved.

Veronica stood madly, "MAY FELICITY KANKER! You leave him alone now!" May rolled her eyes and began to charge for her. She had a new idea. Lee came from Eddy's house with Marie. They surrounded their straight-set cousin with vicious looks in their eyes.

Eddy sat up and wiped the lipstick off his lips. He looked around to find Edd unconscious. He heard a loud, agonizing sound came from out his open door.

"Ah, let go!"

"Shut up you pest!"

"No! Please!" that was the last he heard of that voice in pain, Kanker giggling prevailed. Lee came back into the room. May and Marie followed lugging a gored Veronica. Eddy gasped but remained motionless in fear. They carried her to the bathroom and dropped her mercilessly. Eddy heard a large thud that brought tears to his bulged eyes. May came from the bathroom and went into the closet. She came back with belts. She came back with belts. She disappeared into the bathroom again. Eddy scrambled to Edd and shook him.

"Double D," he whispered, "Get up. We're in trouble, Veronica's hurt." His friend revived at that and looked around.

"Where is she?" Eddy pointed. They watched the bathroom door hearing whines from behind it's oak finish. Edd clenched his hands. Ed came back into the room. The two boys looked at him with sorrow in their eyes.

"We're dead," Eddy mumbled, "We have to g..." Lee came out of the bathroom with her sisters, each had bloody hands. They looked around; the Eds were gone.

"Ed?" May called.

"Don't cry May, we'll find 'em," Marie complained. They headed out the door to look for them. Four minutes later, three heads popped into the doorway.

"See them?" Eddy asked.

"No Eddy," Ed walked into the room. Edd followed in a sulk. He ran into the bathroom and screamed.

"What Double D!" Eddy yelled, then he remembered. "Oh no." Ed and Eddy rushed over. There, tied to the toilet, was Veronica. She was never supposed to get beaten, she was always supposed to scare her unruly kin off. This time, she had failed miserably. "Untie her!" Edd scrambled to get the ligatures away from her body, they dripped blood onto the floor. Ed carried her out of the bathroom and lay her on Eddy's bed. She woke up and stared at them.

"Why are you guys crying?" she asked, sounding completely normal. She frowned at them.

"They beat you," Edd touched one of the wounds on her arms.

"Oh," she looked at herself, "Now I feel it."

Suddenly they heard voices approaching the house, "Maybe they came back here."

"Oh no, oh no, oh no," Ed trembled, "We've got to go." They scurried into Eddy's hallway and escaped out the front door.

"My house!" Edd directed but Eddy stopped in the middle of the road. His friends halted.

'What are you doing Eddy?" Ed asked.

"I'm done running. They are just going to get us again!"

"It's all we can do," Edd tried to persuade.

"I say we fight!" he slammed hi s fist into his palm. They stared at him in disbelief. He must have been suicidal.

"Look at Veronica Eddy," Ed whined, "If she can't win, we can't."

"Alone, no. But together... what's the chances of them winning?"

"Ninety-nine point nine percent Eddy," Edd sighed, "Don't make us do this, please."

"Are you saying you like it when they beat and touch us until we can get away? It makes me want to puke. I've had enough. Haven't you? Enough is enough, let's give them their dues!"

THE END

Please review. It's going get much better real fast. Next chapter, Resistance.