1. Hollywood
Kermit put his head in his hands, torn between laughter and tears. They hadn't even left on the tour yet and he already had a homicidal pig to deal with.
"That little freak ate my favorite Manolo Blahniks!" Piggy squealed. "They were chartreuse with burnt umber sequins - the perfect shoes!" By now Kermit was holding her back. As he made soothing noises, Dr. Teeth broke in.
"Aw, come on, little pig lady, he didn't mean it. He's just excited about the tour. Aren't you, Animal?" Kermit turned to look at him incredulously.
"Heh, heh, heh," said Animal, grinning.
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2. New Mexico
Rowlf ducked behind the curtain separating the back of the bus from the front, thinking I know Piggy likes to steal the show, but this is ridiculous. He froze, however, at the sight of Gonzo, his left arm and leg extended into Animal's open mouth.
"Hey Rowlf," said Gonzo enthusiastically. "We're practicing my newest act! I'm going to recite Catullus' poem Invitation to Fabullus while Animal chows down. Isn't it a terrific idea!"
Rowlf backed away slowly.
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3. West Virginia
Dana Fox yawned and leaned back in her chair. She spent several minutes contemplating putting her feet up on the instrument console, but decided against it; her boss would give her hell if he ever found out. She sighed. Dana had thought that working for SETI would be exciting, putting her on the cutting edge of science. Instead it was deadly, horribly dull. Her job consisted of endless days sitting in front of the screnes, waiting for something to happen. So far, nothing had, and Dana was starting to lose faith in their mission.
Like some crazy alien is going to care enough about us to listen to our silly messages, she thought. Really, if anyone hears these broadcasts at all, they'd probably just squash us like an annoying bug. She stifled another yawn.
Suddenly, the instrument panel burst into action, emitting a cacophony of noises. Dana almost fell out of her chair. She grabbed the walkie-talkie they were required to keep handy just as it, too, sprang to life.
"Position three to control," said a panicked voice.
"Control here," said Dana. "What the hell is going on?"
"I don't know," said the voice, "but a big chunk of the main satellite dish is... well, it's just gone!"
A loud, heavy belch rattled through the complex.
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4. Pittsburgh
Animal munched happily in his corner of the bus, grunting occasionally. Dr. Teeth sighed, thankful for a moment of relative peace, and slid another slice of rye into the toaster, carefully making sure the dial was set to exactly 4.5.
"Tooooooooooast," said Animal, grinning widely. Dr. Teeth compulsively checked the bread supply and made a mental note to pick up some more at their next stop.
"Ping!" went the toaster.
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5. Washington, DC
Kermit herded the group back into the tour bus.
"Step on it!" he yelled to Dr. Teeth. Behind them, three men in dark suits ran furiously across the lawn of the large, white building. The bus pulled out into the crowded street and Kermit breathed a sigh of relief as the secret service men were lost to sight.
He gave Animal a reproachful look, which was returned with a guileless grin. Kermit sighed. He supposed he couldn't blame Animal, really. After all, you'd think a president would have better manners than to go around using coarse language like "eat me."