Disclaimer: This story includes excerpts of the movie Star Wars. The characters and idea of Star Wars is property of George Lucas. I'm borrowing the characters as respectfully as possible, simply to entertain myself and anyone willing to read this fanfiction.
AN; Hi everybody! An update you satisfy your hunger. Remember, it has to last for a while, as I'm going to be very busy with my studies again. (I think.) I might have another chapter done before this day is over, but I'm not sure. Two things to say this time; 1) it is not, I repeat, NOT and inevitability that Padme and Anakin are coming together. And don't believe for a second that will happen in my story. Obidala, loud and clear. 2) Mu-san is japanese; MU means nothing, and SAN is the general form for addressing people, you add it to a name, like Padme-san if your name is Padme. In response to the question Mrs. Skywalker had; In Holland the main language is Dutch, but German is taught in highschool as a mandatory class throughout the years.
Enjoy this chapter, and drop me a line, like many of you always do. Bless you :)

Peace of Heart

Hypothetical or real

Dinner had been a relief for Padme. Their last dinner had been a little tense. But that was to be expected, just minutes after their kiss. One she was determined to forget. It had helped they had spent a nice relaxed afternoon in the fields by the waterfalls. They had talked, laughed, even played around a bit. But it had been in a friendly manner. Although the rolling through the grass after his little stunt with the Shaak and her ending up on top of him had been somewhat charged. She had gotten off him quickly though once she realized the position she was in and had retired to her chambers for a few hours till dinner when they got back.

Their time apart, even if it were just a few hours, was sufficient for her to regain her composure and get her pent up sexual frustrations back into the iron cage her mind had made for them many years ago. When she entered the dining room she was pleased to see Anakin had some semblance of control back too and greeted her calmly and friendly. All through dinner they had talked about whatever subject they could find, talking freely. She had laughed about some of his stories concerning his training and his 'adventures' with Obi-wan. Fleetingly she wondered if the 'negotiation-with-a-lightsaber' idea would be useful for coming Senate meetings. She could picture Chancellor Palpatine having to fight hundreds of duels in just one sitting! She made a mental note to share this joke with Obi-wan, who she knew would appreciate it greatly.

When Jalné had brought them Danai fruits for dessert Anakin had briefly entertained her with a small demonstration of his prowess in the Force. Granted, it was still an extraordinary thing he could levitate things through an unseen force, but somehow it held less of a surprise to her. He had done it before, when she was packing her clothes back on Coruscant, so it was no real premiere. But that wasn't it. Ever since Obi-wan had connected to her that eventful night she wasn't really impressed by such trivial displays of the Force.

Thinking back at what Obi-wan had done she tried to think of what he exactly had shared with her. Several ideas passed the revue, but none of them seemed adequate to describe it fully. It was just so…intangible. To her it was more of a lingering feeling then an experience she could talk about. She made another mental note to ask Obi-wan to explain to her again, and more elaborately this time, what he had done.

At the time it had been a good idea to retire to the sitting room and relax next to a nice burning fire. The nights were a bit chilly and although her dress hid a lot more of her skin she felt a little cold. And in principal it had been a good idea. There was just one flaw to it. She had chosen her seat first. Now normally that wouldn't be a problem, on the contrary. It was one of her privileges as Senator and former Queen to get one of the most comfy spots. The couch she had chosen was a great piece of furniture and certainly very comfortable. But it was long and could accommodate more then three people. And the moment she had sat down Anakin had sat down too. Right next to her.

Her initial thought had been to recoil and shift, but she didn't want to seem ungrateful in any way. So she hadn't moved and now they were sitting next to each other, their legs almost touching. To keep her mind off his proximity Padme had made a few light comments on current affairs in the Senate, but Anakin had given her monosyllabic answers and soon after her attempts at a light conversation crashed and burned. That's when he started to speak his mind.

She found her breath to be stuck in her throat and her voice to be hiding somewhere she couldn't find it. He was telling her he had been thinking about her from the day they met and that she was constantly in his dreams. That he was in agony in her presence, tormented by the fact she was close to him but not with him. Their kiss this afternoon was already haunting him and he hoped it would not turn into a scar. He moved a little forward but she turned her head away from him, squirming a little. She had no idea how to respond to these somewhat overly dramatic confessions. Although they had a particular undertone that made them seem more like allegations to her.

"You are in my very soul…tormenting me."

What did he know about the torments of love! She was in his soul? How the hell did she get there when they hadn't seen each other for ten years! And it wasn't like they had spent a great deal of time together in a romantic fashion. She was just beginning to think about starting a friendship with the padawan learner she knew practically nothing about when he suddenly came out of the blue and kissed her. Sure, they had met several years ago and she knew him for quite some time, but she didn't know the Anakin sitting before her. He had changed so much that she saw him as a completely different person, even if he did remind her sporadically of the little boy she had met on Tatooine.

"What can I do? I will do anything that you ask."

She looked at his eyes and saw his emotions churn and boil. Again she felt the pull, an animal magnetism trying to draw her closer. Someone with such strong emotions had such pull and attraction and she was a little overwhelmed by his words of love and worship. But that was just the problem, a soft voice in the back of her mind told her, its tone soothing and as cold as ice at the same time. They were his emotions, not hers. She felt she was drowning in them. For a second she tried to find her voice again and tell him something, anything. But her voice remained hidden and she looked away. Anakin huffed.

"If you're suffering as much as I am please, tell me."

With some effort she turned her head back to him and looked him in the eye. A small chill raced down her spine as she saw a look of anger that wasn't there before. She swallowed and finally retrieving he voice she said the only thing that came to her.

"I can't…"

Her mind tried to formulate all sorts of arguments to talk him out of this completely wrong idea of love, but it was still too much of a mess with too many of his emotions assaulting her.

"We can't…It's…just not possible."

She wanted to explain to him how this was all a mistake, a misunderstanding. But her mouth wasn't fully connected to her brain yet and her words sounded inadequate. Apparently Anakin felt so to.

"Anything is possible, Padme, listen to me."

"No, you listen to me!"

Finally her mind had found its way and a line of reasoning came to her. She stood up from the couch to extract herself from the increasingly overwhelming contact with Anakin.

"We live in a real world, come back to it."

Her logical side was taking over and she wanted to make him see that even if she did have feelings for him it would be impossible. That love sometimes isn't possible and cannot be considered. Especially if he wanted to be a jedi. She didn't want him to be expelled from the Jedi Order because he has a false sense of love. A love she did not return.

"You study to become a jedi, I'm…I'm a senator."

He stared at her for a second before looking down at the ground. That told her he was at least hearing her words as he obviously didn't like them.

"If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion it will take us to a place we cannot go. Regardless of the way we feel about each other."

Anakin quickly raised his head. "Then you do feel something!"

Part of her wanted to chuck one of the pillows at his head. Why was he not listening to her! She was talking hypothetically, trying to make him see the situation is impossible even if it did occur.

"I would not let you give up your future for me."

She was struggling with her words a little. She had hoped her logical approach would make him see the light, but it was rapidly falling apart right before her eyes. Anakin stood up and took as step forward.

"You are asking me to be rational. That is something I know I can not do."

He was standing a mere two feet away from her and she could feel the intensity of his feeling radiate from him again.

"Believe me, I wish that I could just wish away my feelings. But I can't."

He drew her into a staring contest, pouring out his frustration and anger through his gaze. But she met his eyes.

"I will not give in to this."

She saw his gaze waver and he turned away from her. With his back to her he spoke again.

"Well you know it…it wouldn't have to be that way."

He turned his body slightly so that he was half looking over his shoulder.

"We could keep it a secret."

Padme could barely believe her ears. Did he just say what she thought he said? That he wanted a love affair under the nose of everybody and not be open about it? Have something that was both impossible and forbidden whilst acting like nothing had changed? Deceive everyone around him just to have his way? Now she really needed to put him in his place.

"We'd be living a lie. One we couldn't keep even if we wanted to. I couldn't do that. Could you, Anakin? Could you live like that?"

Anakin hesitated for a moment. But when he responded his eyes still the same expression.

"No…you're right. It would destroy us."

She let out a silent sigh of relief. Finally, he was acknowledging she was making sense in this miasma of feelings. The only thing she wanted to do now was close the subject forever. But when she opened her mouth they were interrupted by another voice.

"Milady?"

Padme took a step to her right and looked past Anakin. There with a slightly bowed head stood Jalné. She was holding a small datapad in her hands.

"Yes, Jalné?"

"Milady, we just received word from Captain Typho. They have just greeted Master Kenobi on the landing platform and he is currently on his way here. He requests to see you with his apologies for the late hour."

Obi-wan was here? Without conscious thought her heart skipped a beat and started beating a little faster afterwards to make up for it. She almost couldn't believe the news. But on the other hand she couldn't be more ecstatic about anything else. He was exactly what she needed right now, especially with the tension between her and Anakin. She moved a few paces towards Jalné.

"Jalné, please go see if the cook can prepare some food, I'm sure Master Kenobi will be in need of some nourishment. And set up the chamber in the east wing."

"Yes, milady," Jalné bowed and swiftly left.

She was only sporting a small smile on the outside but was grinning from ear to ear on the inside. She suddenly felt filled with positive emotions and found herself thinking if she should change her gown.

'Oh, and I must remember my mental notes for him. Maybe I can—'

She was roughly pulled from her thoughts when Anakin's hand gripped her left arm. His hand felt incredibly cold against her warm flesh, heated by the fire. Again she felt gooseflesh appear and she shivered a little. She looked up and met Anakin's gaze. This time she could barely distinguish the individual emotions in the swirling storm in his eyes.

"Padme, please…," he whispered.

"No, Anakin." She pulled her arm out of his grip. "This conversation is over."

Quickly she walked past him and went to her room. She had no energy left to have another argument with him, especially if he wasn't listening to her. In her room she shut the door behind her and sat down in front of her vanity mirror. She looked at her reflection and was a little startled by the drained look. Apparently Anakin had more of an effect on her then she was willing to admit. For a moment she shut her eyes and rested the palm of her hand flat against her face. Then she took a deep breath and slowly started to remove her make-up. She wanted to appear as natural as possible for Obi-wan. He wasn't someone who cared for appearances, but she wanted to look like the person he made her feel. Sometimes the make-up made her feel a little unreal, dishonest in the way that she could hide her real personality behind a mask. But not to Obi-wan. She had his honesty, so she would give him hers.

- ∞ -

'Dammit! Dammit, dammit, dammit!'

Anakin gave the couch they had been sitting on a swift kick. He tried to release his anger into the Force like he had been taught for so many years, but found it a little difficult at the moment. Why, why did this have to happen? Silently he cursed Obi-wan's timing and ability to disrupt any situation. Of course, the situation hadn't been exactly what he had planned it would be, but it could have been worse. She did admit to having feelings for him, and that was a big step.

Her argument had been foolish and he could easily see through it. She was simply scared of her feelings and was hiding behind their positions to keep him at a distance. But he knew that wouldn't hold up long. He may not be the most experienced person when it came to love, but even he knew that true love could conquer anything. Eventually she would come round and see it as well. Then he would be there to catch her. Slowly his anger was abating and he started walking back to his room. He would wait. But he wasn't going to meet his master. He refused to let Obi-wan disrupt his memories of their conversation and make him forget her words and facial expressions. Her words may have tried to deny him, but her eyes clearly spoke differently.

'Oh yes, she will be mine. I love her and she loves me. Nothing can keep us apart.'

On his way to his room Anakin's thoughts kept returning back to Padme, how lovely she had been in the light from the fire. Just a few steps from his room he stopped in his tracks and resolutely turned around. Obi-wan would be here in a little while. But he wasn't here yet. Quickly he walked back down the hall.

- ∞ -