Sorry for the update delay. Busy life, sorry for not responding to reviews, but I do read them all and appreciate them.

Chapter 12

New Year, New Beginnings

The week following Christmas went by slowly for Hermione.

After ensuring there were sufficient provisions and a few pre-cooked meals available for consumption, Severus had made himself scarce. While Hermione did have her own library books and schoolbooks, as well as much of Severus' own personal library at her disposal, the house was quiet and lonely, and she longed for the easy conversation of Christmas Day. After a few days, she realized that his manner on Christmas was indeed another type of present to her and not to expect it regularly, for she barely saw him apart for a few minutes of cursory check-in at the end of the night.

On New Year's Eve, she had finally had enough and when he came through the Floo in the bedroom, she greeted him with a glass of the bourbon whiskey she had seen him drink on Christmas.

He looked at her askance. She was dressed up in a short black shimmery dress and heels, long-sleeved and low-backed, similar to the one she had worn to Slughorn's party. Her curls were tamed, soft, and sweet-smelling and she smiled at him as she handed him the lowball glass.

Severus stared at it, then back at her. His eyes took in her attire, and he raised an eyebrow as they raked languidly over her figure. Hermione blushed, but didn't turn away.

Finally, he spoke. "You aren't going anywhere."

"No, of course not. It's New Year's though, I thought we could celebrate."

He stiffened, but only paused momentarily before inclining his head briefly. "I am on duty at the school tonight, so I will have to be available in case of emergency."

He did leave the room briefly and return with his robes and frock coat held over his arm, however, so Hermione took encouragement at his attempt to relax by dressing down to button-up and trousers. He placed his outer clothing on the bed, sat himself stock-straight in the chair next to the fire and looked up at her questioningly, as if waiting for her to set the tone of any "celebration".

Hermione attempted to hand him the drink again and he relented, taking it. She held up her own glass and looked at him.

"A toast," she said quietly. "To a new year."

Severus stared at her, but obediently sipped a small amount to accompany her mouthful for courage. He put the glass down on a side table next to the chair, apparently not willing to drink more. Hermione continued standing but placed her drink down on the mantle.

"I was hoping," she said in a manner she hoped was both effervescent and casual, "we could discuss our relationship."

He said nothing, but she saw his eyes widen slightly and his pupils dilate. The look was gone in a flash, however, and his cold teacher mask was immediately in place.

"There is nothing to discuss."

Hermione had anticipated something like this, so she barreled on with her pre-prepared argument. "I am seventeen, almost eighteen, so legal age is not a factor. I know I cannot tell you everything you asked to know yet, but that alone is evidence itself that I can be discrete. No one will find out about it, about us." She licked her lips before meeting his eyes. "I will keep your secrets, Severus."

Severus scowled at hearing his name again, still unused apart from the throws of passion. "You seem to forget, Granger, that I will be marking your papers next week. It is hardly the proper beginning of any…" he sneered, "…relationship."

"Oh?" She said calmly, trying to hide her offense. "You were not thinking of marking my papers when you snogged me in your bed."

He growled and rose out of the chair. "I do apologize for my lack of discretion on Christmas Eve. There had been an attempt to harm you and I was not at my most… composed."

"Composed, is that what you call it?"

"Bloody hell, woman! I had been scared out of my mind and was relieved to have you safe! Is that what you want to hear?" He turned his head away, hiding behind his fallen midnight hair. "I did not hear you complaining at the time," he spat bitterly.

Hermione reached her arm out to his, placing her hand gently on his forearm. "I am not complaining," she said. "I merely want clarification."

"Without providing any of your own? How convenient."

"I want you, Severus, I thought that was clear enough. You can't even seem to decide firmly one way or the other!"

"It is not about what I want, Granger. Surely you are not so juvenile to think that our desires should always be met." He sneered at her, glaring down. "You think your whinging can sway me? Do you throw a tantrum for your sweets as well?"

Hermione turned red and scowled at him, her pert nose wrinkling in fury. "How dare you! What do you think this is, Severus?" She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, knowing he was being deliberately cruel to dissuade discussion. Opening her eyes again, she shook her head as she spoke fervently to him. "I just want to know I'm not being…being used!" She flushed.

He barked a mirthless laugh, eyes cold. "I could say the same, Miss Granger. I am your professor, after all." He stalked close to her, leering into her face. "If you are randy for a quick fuck from a Slytherin, there are plenty available students to sate your needs."

Hermione's arm pulled back and recoiled before springing. Just as her palm was about to collide with his cheek with a slap, Severus caught her wrist deftly in his left hand. He tugged on it and pulled her flush against him.

She was furious with him, blushing hotly, but cursing her body as she involuntarily reacted to him. The anger she felt was burning and mixing with rising desire, despite his insinuations. As angry as she was, she didn't immediately pull away, always comforted by his embrace. Perhaps sensing this, Severus lowered her raised hand to her side before grabbing her buttocks with both hands, pulling her to him and rocking his hips against her.

Fuck, she thought. He feels so good.

"You bastard," she hissed, glaring up at him, not knowing what to do with her hands. She knew her hair must have frizzed up and out in her anger, ruining the soft curls. His eyes were dark and fiery, but she couldn't tell if it was in passion or fury.

"What," he whispered to her in a low tone, "don't you want this? Isn't this what you were asking for?" He pressed his pelvis down into hers as he pulled her arse up with his hands, grinding against her through the thin fabric of her dress. Hermione had to physically keep herself from reacting vocally. She bit her lip and narrowed her eyes at him.

Severus lowered his mouth to her ear. "No mere student would do it for you, would they? You are Miss Know-It-All, and you desire a professor to teach you."

She let out a muffled whimper that concealed a groan, still trying to hide her physical desire for him as her knickers became wetter beneath her dress. The black shimmery number had started riding up as he pressed her up into him, rubbing against her inner thighs through the fabric.

"Well, Miss Granger… let the lesson commence."

He shuffled her slowly backwards towards the wall, keeping his hands firmly clenched on her arse cheeks and breathing roughly into her ear. Hermione bit her lip and clenched her hands at her sides, still unsure if she truly wanted to beat him away with her fists for his arrogance or pull him closer.

"If punishment is what you desire from your professor, I shall provide." He pressed her back into the wall, continuing to grind his hips against her. "In detention… as an outlet for delinquent behavior, you will suck my cock to win your way back into my good favor."

Hermione turned her head away from him and bit down harder on her lip, exhaling slowly through her nose as her lower body trembled and tingled. It wasn't fair, what his words and voice did to her. It wasn't fair that she wanted it.

"No? Of course. You do not like to be punished; you want praise." Severus ground his hips against her slowly and she arched back against him now, breathing heavily, her body unable to keep the resolve she wished it to.

"Yesss," he hissed against her ear. "No punishments for you, my sweet, only rewards." He frotted against her, the movement against the wall helping push her breasts forward into his chest. He released one hand from her behind and brought it around to roughly cup her breast through the dress. Hermione arched into his hand. She gave up on biting her lip, opening her mouth for a silent moan. "As a most exemplary pupil, I reward you after class." He squeezed the breast, using his thumb to find the nipple and press and flick it. "You shall sit on my desk and spread your legs so I can suck and lick your quim till you scream."

"Ohhh," she moaned, unable to remain silent any longer. Yes, all of that sounded quite lovely. Why hide the fact he aroused her?

"Good girl." He growled, approving her vocalization. "Yesss." He kissed his way down her neck, sucking and biting.

She raised her arms and held his biceps tightly, pulling him into her as she arched her neck up into his mouth. She brought her own mouth to his jaw to reciprocate and placed wet kisses down it to his neck and throat. She heard him raspily moan into her ear. He moved both hands back down to her arse, squeezing the cheeks and pulling her furiously into his lower body. Severus rubbed his cock against her faster, her dress rising higher up her hips.

"Ohhh…Oh yes…Sev- Severus…mmff…" She panted frustratedly against his skin, her mouth open. Her face was burning and curly hair frizzing out dangerously, covered in sweat.

He lifted his head away from her ear and she followed suit, removing her mouth from him. Their eyes met, unbridled desire on both their faces.

He snarled at her in a terrifying yet erotic way, his eyes wide and dark. "And after you've pleased your professor. What then? Some new conquest? A new fucktoy?"

Hermione's breath hitched.

She clenched his biceps with her fingernails. "Stop," she whispered hoarsely.

He did not appear to hear her at first. His eyes had closed, and he continued to rub against her lower half, and she could feel his hard manhood through her drenched knickers and the sheer dress fabric. It felt glorious and she had to force herself to speak again instead of gasping.

"Stop." She said more clearly, pulling herself together. She pushed him lightly on his arms where her hands lay.

He stiffened and stilled immediately.

His sneer evaporated rapidly at her words, no trace of it remaining on his face. He turned his head away from her, hiding behind his black hair and trying to calm his fast breathing.

His pelvis shifted back, and she nearly protested. She felt him unclench his hands on her buttocks, relaxing them into flat palms. He began to remove them to pull away from her, but she reached behind her with both hands and kept his wrists from moving.

"Look at me, Severus," she said firmly, as she held his wrists to keep his hands in place on her rear. He could hardly hide, pressed up against each other as they were.

Slowly, he turned his head back to her.

His mouth was downturned slightly and his eyes were wide and sorrowful. Severus had trouble meeting her gaze. He appeared chagrined, embarrassed, and remorseful all at once. Hermione had never seen such a look on him, almost puppy doglike.

"Severus…" She said his name in a soft, hushing tone. She moved her hands, sure now that he wouldn't pull away, and brought them up to his face, cupping it gently. Hermione rubbed her thumbs soothingly against his skin until he met her gaze.

"Severus, I…" She swallowed slowly, not wanting to admit to too much and scare him. "When you asked me to tell you everything, I didn't know what you meant by… my intentions."

Hermione had thought at the time that by "intentions" he was referring to the reason behind her desire, demanding to know whether she was seducing him for information or by her own volition. Perhaps he was asking this of her as well, but apparently, he also wanted to know what she intended this relationship to be. What are your intentions with me? Am I to be used and discarded? He had been saying.

How sweet, she couldn't help but thinking, her heart melting for him. He's a romantic.

Her hazel eyes shimmered up at him, gaze open and bared.

"My intentions aren't only sexual… you must know that." She reddened slightly but didn't look away, deciding to say nothing about how long-term her intentions had actually become.

He looked back at her silently, dark eyes drawing her in. "When I tell you that I want you, it's not because you're my professor, and it's not because there are no other options." She said quietly.

"Potter? Weasley? McLaggen?" Severus whispered, wide-eyed, no hint of malice.

"I prefer you."

He did not answer that. She removed her hands from his cheeks and placed them gently around his neck, holding him as if they were dancing.

"Not that I could know what it would be like," she admitted with a half-smile at him and a raised eyebrow, trying to lighten the mood, "but I think I should fancy you even if you weren't my professor at all. Even if we were both professors, or neither. Even if we were both students."

He startled her by sliding slowly downward instead of pulling out and away, and she didn't know how to react. He released her and slid down to land at her feet on his knees, head hanging down.

She heard his muffled reply from above.

"I know." Severus whispered contritely. "I am sorry, Hermione. Forgive me."

She lowered herself to the floor and pulled him to her, resting his head against her breast and calmly stroking his hair. She sat back against the wall as he curled up against her. He held her tightly around the waist and gave deep shuddering breaths. Oh, my darling, she nearly whispered to him. Oh, my Severus, it's alright. I would never discard you. You are so dear to me.

"Nothing can happen yet," he mumbled into her dress. Hermione shushed him and continued stroking his hair. "I mean it, Hermione. Nothing yet. I lose myself each time we are together, but it cannot continue."

"I know, Severus. I can wait."

Can I? Can I really? She rolled her eyes inwardly at her own lack of patience.

To herself as well as to him, she said calmly,"For you, I will wait."

Severus clutched her tighter and turned his face completely into her dress. His shoulders shook and his breath came in almost silent rasps. Tears ran down her cheeks unbidden as she realized he was sobbing into the fabric.

They held each other like that, ringing in the new year.

If Hermione had hoped that her Professor Snape would be unable to keep his promise to stay away, she was sorely mistaken. Once she was delivered back to Hogwarts after the new year, he avoided her like the plague. She could only think fondly of how he had held her hand through the Floo. Once he delivered her to Gryffindor tower and checked no one was around, he grabbed her hand again and raised it to his lips for a gentle kiss. His eyes never left hers, sending her heart fluttering.

"Good day, Miss Granger," he said, ever the gentleman. She wished he were a scoundrel again.

After a letter to her parents to check in, Hermione determinedly threw herself into books and other studies over the next few days before the term began. Not only these, but the remaining extraneous tasks on her "Order Mission" list that had gone unfulfilled were now beginning to be addressed. She had tried searching through the library archives for the Half-Blood Prince and found only an E. G. Prince, which she was able to definitively confirm was the same as Eileen Prince, Captain of the Gobstones team. She resolved to mention the name to Harry when she saw him, but when he arrived at Hogwarts, he had news to share.

Harry explained the bits of conversation he had overheard between Snape and Malfoy the night of the Christmas party, and Hermione deflected his concerns, sure that Severus was merely acting the part of the loyal spy. She filed the information away for later, however. Then there was his conversation with Rufus Scrimgeour, Harry's conversations with Remus over dinner at the Burrow, the two of them figuring out that Malfoy knew the werewolf Fenrir Greyback, and further speculation on Malfoy's death eater connections. Hermione's guilt at keeping her own Christmas holiday events hidden (on orders from both Severus and Dumbledore) was overshadowed by the new information she now was sifting through and analyzing in her head.

Harry had something else for her.

"Here," Harry said, handing her an envelope. "It's from Remus. He couldn't write you back earlier; he said he's been away for months living with the werewolves and only just got his mail over Christmas."

Hermione smiled at him and nodded, taking the envelope and pocketing it to be read later.

"Look, Hermione… about Ron-"

"No, Harry, I already told you. You can't be apologizing for him as well. He can be a big boy and do it himself if he means it."

"I know, I just…" He sighed. "I hate being the go-between. I love you both, you know."

"I know." She smiled gently at him.

"Hermione…" Harry lifted his hand and ruffled his messy, black hair nervously. "I was just hoping you and Ron could make up sooner rather than later. You know, just in case…" he sighed. "Just in case. I've been dreading something since Cedric died, but now that Sirius is gone, everything has been weighing on me. I just don't want you two at odds in case anything were to come up this year too."

Hermione reached over to him and rubbed the back of his arm soothingly. "Don't worry about us, Harry. I'm sorry," She whispered, more waves of guilt hitting her over her preoccupation the previous weeks, "I hadn't been thinking of how you felt; I've just been… angry at Ron. I'll be here if you need to talk about anything… you know, if there's anything weighing on you."

He nodded and pulled her in for a hug. Hermione made a resolution to give Harry more of her time the coming semester. Perhaps that would help her not to think about Severus.

Once alone in her room, she pulled out the letter from Remus.

Dear Hermione,

Thank you for your letter. I am as well as can be expected, though I have been traveling frequently on business, and it can be a bit lonely. I hope you and your friends are doing well, especially in my own previously taught subject. Do know that I am always here to talk if you need it about school or business, though it may be easier to do so after you are acquainted with our other associate.

I am sorry to hear Nymphadora is not doing well. I have not seen her in a few months, but I thought we parted on good terms and I hold no ill will towards her about anything. If you see her again before I do, give her my friendly regards.

Best,

Remus

As the new term began and classes reconvened, Hermione tried to break herself of the habit of waiting for notes at breakfast. The first few days were admittedly difficult, especially as Severus wouldn't meet her eyes across the hall, but she practiced gritting her teeth and chanting 'patience, patience, patience' in her head.

On the ninth she overheard Professor Sprout giggling to Hooch about Snape's increased glower that would happen every year on his birthday, as evidenced by his foul mood that morning. Hermione gave up on pretense then and showed up at his office that night to wish him a happy birthday. She had no present for him, though did debate presenting herself for him to unwrap before deciding against it, and merely offered a smile and a quick hug. He glowered through the hug but did accept it, tensing up as he did. Afterwards, he opened his desk drawer and removed a book, handing it to her.

"But this is backward! I'm supposed to have something for you!" She cried indignantly.

He shrugged. "This is for me, of a sort. Take it, read it cover to cover as you do, but then go back and peruse slowly."

She picked up Socrates Wallingham's Occlumency as a Natural Meditation: Closing and Opening the Mind, Heart, and Soul.

"Thank you."

"I trust you can borrow Potter's copy of the Advanced Guide to Occlumency?"

She smiled wryly. "I already have."

"Good girl. Read this one too."

She flushed at his praise before frowning in thought. "Why didn't you give Harry this one as well?"

"He didn't make it that far." He scowled. "But you know all about that." At her narrowed eyes, his brows raised slightly. Quickly, he schooled his face to a blank slate and continued speaking. "You will need this to help protect vital information from falling into the wrong hands. If I thought Weasley capable of it, I would insist on him learning as well. Potter tells the both of you everything, does he not?" Severus nodded briefly and waved her out after she slipped the book into her bag. "Good evening, Miss Granger," he said loudly as she opened the door.

Don't worry, Severus. She said to herself, trying not to skip down the corridor. I'll learn how to keep your secrets safe.

Hermione threw herself into her schoolwork over the next few weeks, capping the days by waking up early and staying up late reading the Occlumency books and meditating. It was a welcome distraction from thinking about Severus, even if her eyes did still seek him out often. Having her days fully occupied left her little time for physical distraction and she gladly collapsed into the bed at night and fell asleep quickly, too exhausted to longingly fantasize or work out any separation anxiety.

Ron was still being ignored, though she would tolerate his presence for longer stints of time with merely a disgusted look, if only for Harry's sake. She was mindful to keep a closer eye on Harry from now on, even if it involved Ron being in the room at the same time. At least he seemed to be tiring of Lavender.

Soon after Apparition lessons began, and January drearily morphed into February, Hermione and Severus became tired and bored of distancing themselves. Severus began to meet her eyes regularly across mealtimes once more. After the first few times, he held his gaze the next time and she felt a jolt to her head as he attempted to enter her mind. The meditation exercises she had gotten from the book he had given her had prepared her and she was able to throw him out of her mind sharply, slamming down the shields she had learned how to put in place.

After the next Defense class, he called for her to stay back.

"Sir?"

He motioned for her to approach. Once she was at the desk and the other students had filed out, he spoke. "You are not doing it correctly," he said, looking up at her and half hiding behind his hair. "It's too strong. You need to close your mind, but not like slamming a door."

"What then?" She said indignantly. "It worked, didn't it?"

Severus snarled at her. "In the least subtle way possible. If I had truly wanted to break through, I could have, and it would have hurt."

He straightened and met her eyes. "You have been completing the meditative exercises? Then you should understand that it is most natural to treat the mind, heart, soul as you would the rest of the body and personality when you are guarding information. A job interview is not a round of drinks at the pub, nor is a formal cocktail party an intimate dinner for two. One is naturally more guarded and cautious about their words and actions in certain settings and more honest and open in others. Occlumency works in a similar way. It is physically draining to never let your shields down in any way, or to keep them so tightly closed in anticipation of all breaches. Additionally, it is a clear signal you are hiding something. No, far better is to build up layers of protection based on different settings you may find yourself in."

"Sir," Hermione said pointedly, leaning close with a bit of a smirk on her face. "I can not truly be unguarded in any setting with the information I am keeping hidden."

Severus scowled before whispering, "And who would you tell about… us?"

"No one!" She said quickly, eyes wide. "That is," she corrected, "no one without your consent. Not now at any rate, maybe in-" She bit her lip.

No, better not say "in a few years".

He ignored her cut off, merely nodding sharply. "Of course. Then that information would not be concealed behind the most accessible shield, but there would be other information that would be easily obtained. You are a student, you are in Gryffindor, you are taking multiple N.E.W.T. level courses. This should all be freely available information in your mind, just as you do not hide that reality from anyone around you who observes you on a daily basis. As the data becomes more intimate and secretive, so do the protections behind Occlumency shields. Surely you understand the difference in information you would tell strangers, acquaintances, classmates, friends, relatives…intimate partners?"

"So, I should just let anyone read my mind and give them unimportant tidbits about myself?"

"If they introduced themselves, you might give them the same in conversation. Rather, if there are any Legilimens who are casually looking, the fact that trivial information is not readily accessible will only draw attention to you. This is how you would begin to fool a master Legilimens, by knowing which memories are on the outer planes of the mind that may be comfortably accessed by strangers and casual acquaintances. Then you may plant certain inconsequential memories on deeper planes of the mind, so the intruder believes he has uncovered a secret where there is none, you may move some important memories to the outer plane so the Legilimens believes you have no training in Occlumency, and you may decide which trains of thought you wish the viewer to view and follow."

Hermione understood, making a mental note to practice opening and closing access to her mind and moving memories across access planes during her meditation tonight. Something he said bothered her a bit though.

"And you, Severus?" Hermione said quietly. "Am I to teach myself to treat you as if you are a stranger? A mere casual acquaintance?" The mind, heart, and soul worked in varying degrees of unity, after all. Severus had already accessed the inner layers of her heart and it would require vast degrees of concentration to keep him locked out of her mind, especially if there were things she wanted him to know.

Severus looked at her, dark eyes shining. He kept his face blank. "Ten points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger. I am your professor, and you will address me as such." She couldn't help the hurt look that seeped across her face.

"This setting is a classroom, and I am your instructor." He turned back to the scrolls of parchment on his desk. "Keep up your shields, Granger."

Horcruxes!

Hermione slammed down another book, furious that she could find nothing at all written on them in the library.

Harry had shared the word with her after a recent meeting with Dumbledore, revealing that he needed to get Professor Slughorn to reveal what he knew about them and what he had told the student Tom Riddle. Despite Hermione's best efforts to persuade him otherwise, Harry had bluntly confronted Slughorn after Potions Class. A class in which Harry had acted the cheeky golden boy and simply presented a bezoar to Slughorn instead of doing the actual work of brewing antidotes like everyone else.

She had given up on horcruxes. Really, the reason she was in the library was avoiding Ron.

It was Ron's birthday, it had been months since they had spoken in any kind of civil manner, and she wasn't sure that she wanted to make up. She had the Christmas present to give him now, if he wanted to offer the olive branch himself, but she did not want to bend without any sign from him of repentance. Heck, even Severus Snape had apologized to her more clearly than Ronald Weasley. If that wasn't a sign he was remiss, then what was?

Hermione decided to pull out the Hogwarts' lists again to search for the Half-Blood Prince that had been showing her up in Potions class. If Harry had let her look at his book again, she thought she might be able to deduce more about the mysterious owner. It had been months since she had gotten a proper look at the textbook; Harry knew she was sick of his pretense at being a good student and he had been clutching it to his chest and hiding it away from her gaze at every opportunity. Hermione was probably one more class away from stealing it.

Prince, Prince, Prince. Oh whoops, wrong page. Just-

Hermione's heart stopped. What?

She had been flipping through the library's copy of the Book of Names (personal information redacted in this edition of course), Volume P and had alighted on the incorrect page. Just as she was about to keep turning, her eyes flew- almost by an unknown magnetic draw- towards a name.

A. H. Perri – Class of 1978

Hermione stared at it, wide-eyed and shocked for a brief moment. She looked around her quickly, as if to ensure the new-found information was safe from prying eyes.

Yes, it was right there, she hadn't imagined it. She searched further down the same page and found P.E. Pettigrew- Class of 1978.

Hermione pulled the sapphire pendant necklace out from under her shirt and stared at the H engraved on it. She tried to recall the words from the letter her Mum had sent a few months back.

As I'm sure you remember, Grandmum's maiden name was Perri…

I have recently come across some family heirlooms from my mum's side… including one from my great-aunt Anna Hélène Perri… as family stories have it, she was always a bit eccentric…

It's not a Gryffindor red, but sapphire is the September birthstone, and the H for Hélène could easily stand for Hermione…

Her fingers clutched the necklace as she glanced back at the book, her thoughts whirling rapidly in her head.

Could she have really been a witch- but no, the time period doesn't match up at all, she was your own great-great aunt and grandmum's godmother, yes it could just be a coincidence, Perri isn't all that uncommon a name, is it…but the same year that Pettigrew graduated would be the same year that the Potters did, but… could it be possible I'm not really a muggleborn? Or could- NO, no no, it couldn't mean-

"HERMIONE!"

She was jolted out of her thoughts by a loud yell. The few other library patrons looked up from their texts and frowned. Madam Pince was not in sight, but if she had heard then Hermione might get banned for life. Quickly, she shut the book and grabbed her bag, jumping up and looking for the source of the yell. Ginny ran into view, panting.

"Hermione, come quick- I knew I'd find you in the library." Ginny grabbed her by the elbow and started dragging her out.

"Ginny!" She hissed. "What is going on?"

"Ron. No time. Come."

Hermione frowned, but quickened her pace.

Two hours later, she was sitting in the Hospital Wing with Harry and the other Weasleys, surrounding Ron's bed. Hermione had been crying bitterly.

Harry was right again. Here she and Ron were, fighting over something stupid, both having offended each other plenty of times, and Ron nearly died without a reconciliation. He might be a prat, but she wanted him to be her friend at least. Hermione wouldn't be able to live with herself if he had died when she hated him.

Plus, Harry had saved him by shoving a bezoar down his throat- the same trick he had learned from that Half-Blood Prince she so despised. Now she wouldn't be stealing the book.

However, she would be doing something else.

This could have been prevented. Next time, someone could die.

Hermione gritted her teeth and tried to keep calm as her tearful relief turned quickly to fury.

She would be giving Severus Snape and Albus Dumbledore a piece of her mind.

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore couldn't sleep.

He was pacing his office quietly, having not gone to bed after his late meeting with Severus.

A long day indeed.

Severus was having doubts. "I can't do it anymore, Albus," he had said earlier that afternoon. It was imperative that Severus went through with the plan, all of it.

The old man sighed wearily. He had been in daily, excruciating pain since the summer when he had blackened his hand. He would die, and Severus needed to be the one to do it. Severus was having trouble, however. He was growing restless, wheedling for information that he never needed to before.

Despite the headmaster's claims of distributing his eggs to multiple baskets, it was a lie. All his eggs lay in the basket of Severus Snape. If Severus Snape failed to play the successful double agent, all Albus Dumbledore's well laid plans would go to waste, and what would happen then?

So of course, after seeing Severus' distress that afternoon, knowing he would have to confront Draco about the poisoning and play act questioning his other students for a patsy to place the blame on, Dumbledore invited him to his office that evening for another chat.

He revealed that Harry must die in the end.

Albus could not understand Severus' reaction. He had come to care for the boy? Even Albus' care for the boy could not set aside what must be done.

Then, Severus revealed his motivation.

"Expecto Patronum!"

Albus was stunned.

"Severus… after all this time?"

The doe Patronus leapt around the office, wide-eyed and curious, before fading gently away.

"Always."

Severus left shortly afterward, promising he would fulfill his duty before he stormed out of the office. His duty distressed him, this is true, but he would do it. He would do it for her, just as he had done everything else.

Albus finally stopped pacing and sat at his desk. He pulled open one of the drawers, leaving the time-turner aside and pulling out a scrap of parchment.

He would have to think on it further, but it might not be utterly ridiculous to send Hermione Granger on that mission now. He was starting to understand why he would do it. Why he might do it. He wasn't committed yet.

Albus looked down at the scrap of parchment, reading what was on it. First the dates, then…

Protect Lily Evans Potter with your life.

Yes, this would explain it. Why Severus despised Granger so much- she had failed at the mission to protect the woman he loved, hadn't she? Severus still held a candle for Lily after all this time.

But it was necessary to fail at this mission, wasn't it? Voldemort had fallen once before with Lily's death and the timeline had turned out the way it had, yes? So… failing wouldn't be a failure if it needed to happen.

Dumbledore frowned, trying to puzzle it out.

Time travel was always muddy.

"Not now." Severus hissed at her in the darkened corridor. "Ten points from Gryffindor. I am being exceedingly lenient."

Hermione moved forward out of the shadows. "Severus. Yes now."

He snarled at her and grabbed her arm, pulling her into a window alcove. He fluidly set up a few silencing charms before rounding on her.

"You cannot begin to know the kind of day that I have had, Granger. I have no time for whatever inanities you have to dispel."

"Fine," she snarled back, "I'll be quick! You and Dumbledore sat on that information since Christmas and Ron was nearly killed! Who is it that is smuggling cursed objects, trying to kidnap students, poisoning bottles of mead?! Harry is convinced that it's Malfoy and he's going to start following him everywhere, not that he wasn't already starting to." She had only barely managed to pry the map out of his hands as he slept to sneak out and wait for Snape in the corridor.

Severus scowled and ran his hand through his hair, turning away from her as she continued. "Tell me my friends and I will be protected. I haven't told anyone about Christmas Eve, but I've half a mind to do it. No! NO, I mean the portkey, not… not the rest." She looked a bit chagrined to make him think she would betray him.

"It will not…" Severus sighed. He turned back to her. "Slughorn received the mead a few months ago. This was a delayed response."

"Tell me there will be nothing else." She said firmly, meeting his eyes. "Tell me we will be safe here at Hogwarts at the least! My parents are asking for letters every few days just to be sure I'm alright. I can't have this happen again. Tell me!"

"I CANNOT!" He roared, shocking her to silence. "If you think I have any more control over this situation than you do, then you are sorely mistaken! I cannot tell you that your idiotic friends will be protected, I cannot ensure your own continued protection, I cannot sway the dunderheaded bumbler who is committing these crimes, I cannot persuade our esteemed Headmaster to abandon his puppet show, and I cannot remain unaffected in this face of this!"

He raised his fist and she winced before he drove it into the wall. She heard a small crack, but Severus' face remained hard and unflinching.

Severus breathed quickly through his nose, attempting to calm himself.

Hermione slowly raised her hands to his face and turned it to look at her. She brought his head slowly down, resting his forehead on hers. Then she moved her hands around his neck, lightly threading her hands in his hair and holding him.

"Don't then," she whispered. "I'm sorry, Severus. I shouldn't have asked."

He closed his eyes and relaxed somewhat, removing his hand from the wall and slowly encircling her waist. It was a chaste, polite hold, but she was glad of it.

"If you can do nothing else," she whispered again, gazing up at his closed eyes, "can you at least take comfort from me?"

Severus opened his eyes slowly, pulling her heart apart layer by layer with his piercing dark eyes. He simply gazed at her for a few moments, warring with himself.

"No." He replied in his low, dulcet tone. "Even this, I cannot do."

Yet despite his words, he moved his head and kissed her lips. She hadn't yet had this kind of kiss from him. It was slow and sweet, given with care. Hermione closed her eyes and let herself be slowly moved with him, rocking gently and peacefully.

It felt like a first kiss. She opened her eyes. Or a last.

He moved away just as she looked up questioningly. Her arms fell slowly as his withdrew.

"Come back to me, Hermione." He said quietly. "Come back and be my comfort then."

Then he was gone, leaving Hermione alone with her thoughts yet again.