Disclaimer: This story includes excerpts of the movie Star Wars. The characters and idea of Star Wars is property of George Lucas. I'm borrowing the characters as respectfully as possible, simply to entertain myself and anyone willing to read this fanfiction.
AN; Well look who's back! It's me! smiles So it has taken me a while, but yes, I have returned to writing. I have the time for it, seeing as I finished everything, right up till the end of August. And the joyous news? I am now a Bachelor in the Earth Sciences! Andmy Master degree will start in Spetember. How about that? Anyway, write I will in the coming months. Maybe even try and finish this story... Enjoy this chapter, and of course drop me a line. I'm especially curious what you think of my Yoda. Mu-san.

Peace of Heart

Talk

In front of the turbolift door Obi-wan slowly counted to 100 to calm his nerves. Even after an hour of meditation this morning and some saber exercises, he simply could not find the calm he would like to have to face the next task. Last night, after arriving on Coruscant in the evening from Geonosis, Padme and he had talked till 2 in the morning about…well, basically about everything. About the time he had spent on Geonosis with Dooku, and the time she had spent with Anakin.

He internally sighed. Anakin had not been the most easy travel company so it seemed. Padme had told him about his attitude and his emotional declarations. Obi-wan wasn't sure if she had told him all there was to it, but decided she would tell him if it was important. And going off to Tatooine like that, completely disobeying the orders he had. But then finding his mother dead. Obi-wan closed his eyes and acknowledged his frustration. He truly felt sorry for Anakin, losing his mother in the way he had, but he also felt a strange and distant form of reproach, frowning upon Anakin's actions. They were…emotionally driven. Not a thing a jedi should do. But then how would he react in a situation like that? Impossible question really, seeing he had absolutely no recollection of his mother, or any other family that is. So in all honestly he could not judge Anakin on it. And this left him frustrated and hesitant. Talk to the boy or not? Console him or give him a good lecture on attachments he would perhaps finally understand and take to heart?

'Talk to Anakin about not having attachments, yeah, you're in a real position to go and do that now Kenobi.'

He couldn't talk to Anakin about not having emotional attachments, not without being a total hypocrite. Had he himself not formed an attachment recently? And talked to her till 2 in the morning? And kissed her goodnight?

His heart jumped at the memory of that kiss, and his feeling of guilt grew a little larger once more. How could something so wonderful make him doubt everything so? During his meditation he asked, prodded and begged the Force as much a he could to explain things to him, make them clear and return everything to their basic simple nature. But the Force had only flowed calmly into him, giving him no admonishment about his new relationship with Padme whilst at the same time leaving as confused as they were before to him.

Blasted Force.

The turbolift gave a soft hum and the doors opened. Obi-wan stepped in, turned on his heels and pressed the correct button that would take him to his destination. It was his newly blooming relationship with Padme that brought him to go there. He needed to talk about things, and he certainly wasn't looking forward to the conversation. When Padme had suggested it last night he'd gone into a slight state of shock. Sure, she was right in saying it was necessary, but that didn't mean he had to like it did it?

Of course she also just had to say he needed to talk about his fight with Dooku and the feelings he harboured about it. Saying he needed to discuss the guilt with its object in order for him to shake it off.

Blasted female intuition.

He didn't want to talk about his feelings, he could nicely deal with them in solitude. In meditation with help from the Force. Like he had done with his grief after Qui-gon's death, or like he had done with his almost burning frustrations during Anakin's training and upbringing. He had dealt with it and was a better man afterwards.

'Then why didn't the Force relieve you of your guilt this morning?'

Blasted conscience started to sound like her now too.

The turbolift hummed once more and his heart rate shot up a bit. He was here. And now he was going to talk about everything. He swallowed a little dryly and stepped out into the small hall. Adjusting his robes a bit so everything was on straight he squared his shoulder and sighed softly.

'Force help me…'

He knew he didn't have to use the chime to announce his presence. It had always been a matter of time before he was called inside.

"Come in Obi-wan. Been expecting you, I have," the small speaker next to the door relayed to him.

He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. Then Obi-wan touched the pad and walking through the opened door into Master Yoda's quarters.

- ∞ -

Anakin stepped out of the Temple's infirmary in a foul mood. Getting a new mechanical hand fitted, prodded at and adjusted will do that to you.

And being abandoned by your Master doesn't really help either, he fumed silently.

Last thing he remembered after being struck down by Dooku was Yoda's face, hovering over him in the medical transport. Through his pain clouded senses he knew Padme and Obi-wan were right next to them on the transport, and he relaxed. If Padme was here, she was alive. And if she was alive, everything was all right.

Except, after that, things didn't exactly turn out how he wanted them to. He was whisked away to the medical facilities to have the stump that was once his left hand seen to. Padme and Obi-wan were carried to medical rooms too, but different rooms, and he had to let her go from his field of vision. Impatiently he underwent the procedures, eventually ending up with a mechanical hand, along with the instructions to see the Temple's Healers the second he set foot on Coruscant.

After that he immediately went to look for Padme. But she had been already dismissed from the medical bay and was nowhere to be found. Anakin had thought of looking for his Master, but a great swell of anger and guilt surged through him and caused him to head to the flight deck. There he found some spare parts to tinker with and take his mind of things. It wasn't as easy as it used to be, but despite the mechanical replacement it gave him the peace of mind he desperately wanted. Whenever he stilled his actions the fight between him and Dooku flashed through his mind, and his emotions flared.

Pride for his action that saved his Master, guilt for failing him.

And anger. Burning anger towards Dooku. The old, pitiful, foolish, insulting man who tricked him in their fight. He should never have won, Anakin raged. It was an unfair fight!

When they arrived back on Coruscant he was forced once more to the medical bay, this time by Obi-wan, who finally showed himself. And briefly at that.

"Anakin, you go and see the Healers about your arm. I will come see you there."

That was 15 hours ago. The Healers had instructed him to stay during the night, which he found completely unnecessary, but acquiesced none the less. But what had truly made his mood foul was the call Obi-wan made this morning. He had heard about the Healers' decision to keep Anakin overnight and he had wanted to come to see him this morning, but was called to an important meeting. They would meet for lunch if he was able.

Anakin flexed his new left hand, now fully operational and waiting for a skin graft. Clenching it into a fist he cast his thoughts of Obi-wan aside. Fine, he thought, if Obi-wan is too busy I'll make my own plans. The council had given them time to recuperate, so he could do whatever he wanted. And right now, he wanted to go and fume alone.

His comm device hummed. Frowning slightly he picked it off his belt and after a moment's hesitation activated it.

"Yes?"

"Anakin, my dear boy."

Despite his foul mood Anakin smiled a little. "Chancellor Palpatine"

The chuckle from the other end eased his mood a bit further. "Oh come now Anakin, no need to be so formal with me."

"And here I thought you enjoyed the title," Anakin joked.

Again the chancellor chuckled, and Anakin felt himself relax to a point where his anger was under control again. "It is a duty I am glad to fulfil. But enough about me, how are you my dear boy? I heard some awful stories from the battle on Geonosis, are you all right?"

Anakin looked down at his recently acquired prosthesis. "I'm fine, I guess."

There was a small pause before Palpatine spoke again. "And I am planning to invite count Dooku for tea and cookies."

Anakin snorted at the presented image.

"We both know you're not fine Anakin, much has happened."

How come Obi-wan always made him feel guilty about his emotions, when Palpatine could understand instantly and helped him deal with them so much better?

"Why don't you come to my office, and we'll talk. Mm?"

Anakin dropped his head a little and smiled. "All right, I'm on my way." Hearing Palpatine hang up he disconnected too and hung his comm device back on his belt. It had been a recent development, Palpatine inviting him in for talks, or lunch, or even dinner, but he had come to appreciate them enormously. Their talks were often soothing for his uncertainties, and he felt the Chancellor truly did understand what he was going through.

For a second he thought of informing Obi-wan of his meeting with Palpatine, but immediately decided against it. Obi-wan had always been strangely wary of the leader of the Republic, and often said Anakin shouldn't deal so much with him. Anakin mentally scoffed. Obi-wan was a politician hater, and it was colouring his judgement.

He turned on his heels and headed to the speeder hangar. Locating one he jumped in, started the engine and soon was off towards his appointment.

- ∞ -

Obi-wan parted his outer cloak and sat down on the large cushion facing Yoda. He drew up his legs and assumed a proper meditative position. He settled his gaze on his clasped hands in his lap, not ready to look the old Master in the eye just yet.

"Recuperated well have you, mm?"

Obi-wan nodded. "Yes master, after leaving the medical bay on the ship I meditated to heal, the wounds are barely visible on the surface now." He smiled a little. "I even used the handstand meditation you taught Qui-gon and I many years ago."

To his surprise and reassurance Yoda let out a little chuckle. "Not fond of this method, Qui-gon was. Avoided it when he could he did."

Obi-wan's smile grew a little. "He always said it was a waste of time. Frankly, I thought he just didn't like standing on his head." He let out a soft laugh. "Well at least he wasn't the only one. Padme wasn't too excited to see me like tha—"

Obi-wan stopped dead in his tracks. 'Nice going, Kenobi, way to open this conversation!'

And it seemed the Force didn't want to make this any easier for him. "Mmm, Senator Amidala of your meditation did not approve?"

Still avoiding the creature's gaze Obi-wan decided to just answer everything with full honestly, and not hold back. It would only worsen an already difficult situation.

"She came into my room on the ship when I was doing the exercise. And well, it was more the surprise I suspect than anything else, and she sort of…yelled."

He could feel rather than see Yoda's raised eyebrow in silent question.

"All right, screeching was more like it, but don't tell her I said that. After that, my concentration shattered, and I dropped to the ground. She didn't like that one bit."

"Mmm, tell her about the hard head you have, next time you will."

Fighting a smile Obi-wan bowed his head at Yoda's comment. "Yes, master."

They lapsed into silence for a while, Obi-wan not knowing precisely how to start the conversation he'd rather postpone, and also not daring to say anything when Yoda wasn't talking. After a few minutes Yoda finally broke the quiet.

"Talk, we must Obi-wan."

With the knowledge that it was quite inevitable, Obi-wan could only nod his head. He took a deep breath to collect his courage and the words he would need. He exhaled, and with it came the words that had wanted to escape him ever since Geonosis.

"I'm sorry, master."

Still not looking up he missed Yoda's frown. "Sorry, you say? Why?"

Obi-wan closed his eyes and let everything out, just as he had done with Padme last night.

"I'm sorry I could not capture Dooku on time, and perhaps ended the conflict right there and then." He sighed softly. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect Anakin, and couldn't best Dooku in my duel. I…" His voice grew soft, and his last words were mere whispers. "I never intended to be Dooku's leverage to escape…"

His words hung in the air between them, creating a tension that was slowly suffocating Obi-wan. He awaited Yoda's lesson, reprimand, whatever he wanted to say to him. A minute stretched into a long silence for him, until Yoda's voice broke it.

"Your part to take, this guilt is not."

Convinced the old master would at least point out his errors just like in his padawan days, Obi-wan opened his eyes and settled his surprised gaze on the small yet powerful creature in front of him. Yoda's posture wasn't one of the all-knowing teacher, but rather one of…shame? What in blazes was going on?

"Master?"

Yoda locked eyes with him and Obi-wan was shocked to see a measure of guilt in the master's eyes.

"Let Dooku escape you did not. Failed to act, I did. Judged the situation I did, and acted best I could see. Your fault, it never was."

Frowning slightly Obi-wan considered his words. "But master, I failed to bring Dooku down, and Anakin paid the price for that. And he wouldn't have escaped if you hadn't saved us from the falling powercoil. How in blazes can this be your fault?"

Yoda slowly shook his head in reaction to Obi-wan's slight outburst. "Too careful I was in our fight, concerned for you I was. And too late did I come, capturing Dooku a priority was."

Obi-wan was about to respond in kind to those words, but a small gnarled hand stopped him.

"Tells us what about duty, the Jedi Code does?"

This brought a frown to his forehead in momentarily confusion, and after a moment's thought the words floated back to him. "A jedi must do that what is needed to bring peace and serve the greater good."

Yoda turned his hand around in a gesture for Obi-wan to continue speaking.

"Standing with the Lightside of the Force, with the morals and rules of the Galactic Republic. A jedi's life is in service of these ideals, and they must be upheld without reservation or self-protection, nor protection of others under the influence … of … attachment …"

The words died in his throat. The old master nodded.

"Failed to do this duty I did. Sacrifice you and Anakin, I could not."

Obi-wan found himself in a daze, everything floating around in his head, making sense and no sense at the same time. Without conscious thought a question escaped his lips. "Why not?"

Two old green ears lifted up a bit at this, and Yoda looked at him with a thoughtful expression. "Wondered I have about why. Difficult this proved to be." The master sighed softly. "Chose you and Anakin over Dooku I did, because you are more important." Again his hand lifted to pre-empt Obi-wan's response, which was on the verge of passing his lips. "Agree I do, capturing Dooku was important. But for a long time have I felt the importance of you and Anakin. How you will be, I cannot say. The Force speaks to me only in whispers now of the future, difficult it has become."

Obi-wan turned his head away from Yoda and stared out of the window. In the distance busy lanes of traffic were congesting the airways of Coruscant. Yet their activity had nothing on the mass of thoughts in his head, spinning in each direction. Incredulous thoughts of Yoda even capable of failing, of Yoda's admission to Anakin's importance, his own role in this, attachment, guilt, war, the Force growing distant.

Silently they sat, both in their own thoughts. Finally Obi-wan was the first to speak up again. "Master, there is one thing left to speak of."

Yoda nodded. "Know of your affection for Senator Amidala, I do."

Obi-wan let out a half laugh, almost relieved that in this case Yoda was all knowing once more. He didn't like the prospect of the most powerful jedi alive being fallible. Of course, Yoda would be the first to correct him on this and say that no one was perfect and without faults, but in his eyes the old master always had been such a pinnacle of wisdom, knowledge and strength. But were these not times in which pinnacles were slowly crumbling?

Fighting off a shiver Obi-wan turned back to the elder jedi. "I cannot deny it, master."

Yoda nodded once more. "Tell me about her, and you."

And so Obi-wan did. From their very first meeting on Naboo with Qui-gon and Jar-Jar, his starting feelings when on the ship to Tatooine, their conversation in the galley, his actions on Naboo after Qui-gon's funeral, their reunion here on Coruscant and the following events. For an hour straight Obi-wan talked, leaving as little details out as he was comfortable with, only concealing the occasional kiss here and there. Throughout his tale Yoda merely nodded and kept silent. After finally relaying how they came back from Geonosis and had realized the truth between them Obi-wan fell silent, and settled his eyes on his hands once more, too nervous about Yoda's reaction to look directly at him.

Again a silence fell between them, making Obi-wan more uncomfortable than he already was. When Yoda finally spoke it was his tone of voice that surprised Obi-wan.

"Understood then you have, the message of the Force."

He looked up and saw the jedi master wearing a faintly sly grin. Yet for the life of him he couldn't make heads or tails out of his words. "Master?"

Yoda let out a small chuckle. "On Naboo, told me you did of the warmth you shared. Meditate on it, I asked you to. Now finally, understood you have, this message of the Force."

Blast, he had completely forgotten about that. At this point the warmth he shared with Padme was almost as natural as breathing, its presence unwavering and reassuring. But Yoda did have a point. At that time he had believed it to be something the Force was telling him, but couldn't figure out yet what exactly. Now…was it truly this the Force was telling him?

"But master, how can I be certain this is what—"

"Love her, you do?" Yoda interrupted.

Without blinking his eyes Obi-wan responded. "Yes"

"Would give your life to protect her, you would?"

His voice had grown soft, but stated just as clear. "Yes"

"Die as a jedi, protecting the peace, you would too?"

And in the tone of Yoda's question he could hear the importance. Would he still be a jedi, even when in love? Would he sacrifice himself, their life together, and perhaps even Padme to preserve and protect the ever fragile peace in the universe? In essence, would he do the duty he had sworn to do, piously so after his less than joyous return from Melida/Dann?

Faintly the conversation he had with Padme right after she broke through his Force memory barrier drifted back to him. A jedi wasn't allowed to love, he had said. The Darkside would be too dangerously close. Selfish love. How was he to deny those very truths? Was love not one of the most dangerous things to a jedi, promising such happiness and bringing such perils?

Yet… Did he want to be selfish about his love for Padme? Come to think of it, he hadn't even expected it to be real, let alone reciprocated. What if Padme would be taken away from him by her duties to this new war? Surely he would be sent out to fight. Could they be apart? Could they sacrifice themselves in a struggle that could claim their very lives?

The fire in her eyes had always told him they could. She knew better than most jedi what selflessness and duty was, having cultivated and lived it for a large part of her life. She would make sure this universe would see peace if it was the last thing she'd ever do. She'd go down fighting, as they thought they were going to back on Geonosis. It was there they had admitted it without words, but had fought none the less.

And it was there that he decided to leave her behind on that dune to chase Dooku. For too long had he been a jedi to be selfish. Too much peace he had done with his role as a jedi to think otherwise. All Qui-gon, Yoda, and other jedi's had done for him in his life had shaped him into this, and he would never give up on that. He would never stop being a jedi, even when his heart belonged to Padme. His heart belonged to her, and the rest of him would forever serve the Republic, till the day he would join the Force.

Obi-wan searched Yoda's eyes for any doubt the master may have about this, but could see none. Trust he saw, perhaps even some encouragement.

"Yes, I would," he finally replied to Yoda's final question, his voice hushed by his realizations.

Yoda nodded. "Then a jedi, you will remain."

The relief flowed through him, making him slump down into the cushion a bit. He couldn't help but think Qui-gon would have answered the same.

"Thank you master Yoda, I… I don't know what to say."

The old master smiled. "Name firstborn after me, you will."

The look of utter confusion, shock and bewilderment caused Yoda to chuckles.

"Fear not, Obi-wan, joking I was."

"Please never do that again master," he pleaded in a hoarse voice.

"Promise, I will not," Yoda smiled.

Obi-wan nodded as his nerves calmed down again and he could see the humor in his statement. In a smooth motion he uncrossed his legs and stood up. "Thank you master Yoda, for…everything."

His bow was interrupted however by the master's voice. "One last thing, there is to say."

Sitting back down but keeping his feet on the floor, Obi-wan frowned slightly in question. Yoda sighed softly.

"Know you do, few jedi there are. Geonosis…some did not survive." His green ears drooped a little. "Difficult times are still ahead, and the jedi may not be enough."

The sadness and foreboding in Yoda's words didn't escape Obi-wan, but he knew no words from him were required, so he kept silent.

"Important, it has become, to have the right people in the right places."

He nodded. "I agree."

To this Yoda nodded his assent. "Then agree to have Skywalker take his trials you will."

Obi-wan smiled. "He may not be all he can be yet master, but yes, a good knight he shall be, I promise you."

"The council agrees. Skywalker, the trials will take."

Again Obi-wan made to stand and leave, thinking this was the last subject. It surprised him when Yoda tacked on one final thing.

"As will you."

Obi-wan raised his eyes to meet Yoda's. Trials? He? But he already was a knight, and a master to Anakin. What trials could he do? A jedi only goes through two trials in his life, one for knighthood, and another for the title of master. There aren't any more trials than that. Okay, so technically there was, but that is…for…

"No"

"Mmm, but ready, you are."

"Please master Yoda, I…I'm too young, and not good enough."

"Believe in you, I do."

That certainly halted any other objection he could have made. Blast, now why did Yoda have to say that? It made denial absolutely impossible. Maybe he could use his relationship with Padme as way to stave this off.

But once more Yoda seemed at the top of his game. "Agree with me, Senator Amidala will."

"Blast"

Yoda's chuckle confirmed he had actually said that out loud. Obi-wan groaned softly and hung his head a little. "When do the trials start?"

"Contact you about it soon we will. Now, talk to someone you need to."

This time he bowed there was no more added points, simply because he couldn't take anymore. "Goodnight master."

"Believe in the Force and yourself, Obi-wan."

A small smile crept up his face. "I'll try." And with this small taunt he turned and exited the small room. Yoda might reprimand him for it later, but the little troll had dropped enough bombshells on his head to be guilty about one tiny bit of retaliation. He pressed the console for the turbolift to come, replaying their conversation in his mind. Had Yoda truly given him permission to love Padme? It seems he had, but it was hard to believe.

When the turbolift came he stepped in and selected his floor. First a stop at his quarters, then to Padme's apartment. Then he would retell the entire conversation. The doors closed and the lift hummed softly as it descended.

'I wonder what Padme will say about Yoda's words. Perhaps smugly inform me that love conquers all.' He chuckled softly. 'Although I doubt she could guess that Yoda asked me to take the trials to become a member of the council. No, don't think she'll see that coming. I certainly didn't.'

- ∞ -