Disclaimers: Mutant Enemy and Joss Whedon own it all. I'm just doing this for fun, and hopefully entertainment
Reviews: Welcomed and appreciated
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"She'll never leave here as long as he's Angelus. He told her he would track her down no matter what universe she went to." Willow stated matter-of-factly. "So our only option is to get on with the curse…"
"Blessing Willow. Or spell. No, blessing. Because we are not cursing him with his soul, we are giving him a gift. Him and Buffy." Tara needed this to be perfectly clear. She turned to Giles. "So, did you find a place?"
"I think we have a dimension that will be preferable to our own." He turned to Cordelia when she nudged him. "And Cordelia has placed her preference on being queen."
"Silly man. I actually have second thoughts, I mean this place has no electricity which means no malls. Are we sure we want to go there." She gave a small pout.
Oz shook his head. "Are you sure you want to live? Get real Cordelia. This can't last forever and we can't subject Buffy to this life anymore."
"Alright then." Giles turned to the two Wiccas. "Tonight's the night. Spike, you can do the honors of letting us know if this little plan worked. You get to wake up the Master of the Aurelius clan."
He smiled at Tara. "Well love, if this works we'll be taking a little trip. Are you sure about this?"
"As long as I'm with you I don't care where we go." She smiled back as she moved into his embrace.
"Oh my god, would the two of you just stop? I mean, how mushy can a vampire without a soul really get?" Cordelia rolled her eyes.
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The dreams were over-whelming. They came in waves, short movies in his brain, running on top of each other. Competing for his complete attention and each succeeding. So many, so strong. Buffy's birthday. The judge. Spike, Dru. The water. Buffy. Buffy. Making love to Buffy. Gods. He moaned and rolled onto his stomach. Perfection, Buffy is perfection. Loving her, moving in her, on her, with her. Bliss. Pure bliss. And then pure pain. Pain, such intense pain. He felt his life being sucked out. His soul, Buffy, gone.
Then the reality of pain hit. Hard and long. Was this part of his dream or was this real? It had to be real. Oh gods! What was happening? His eyes flew open and he clutched at his chest, he felt as if he were being ripped apart from the inside out. He gasped, unable to vocalize and rolled over on his side, seeing Buffy.
She opened her eyes in confusion and looked at the vampire, her eyes adjusting to the dimness in the room. "Are you alright? What is it?" She saw the pain filling his eyes as tears began to roll down his cheeks. His eyes. "Oh my god, Angel?" This couldn't be, this just wasn't happening; she was fully awake now, panic rising. Panic and a strange feeling of hope.
"Buffy, I don't know what's wrong. The pain …" His voice was coming in short gasps, then his body arched with one last spasm of pain and it was over. He rolled onto his back and whispered weakly. "Am I sick?" He choked out the question, turning back to her. "Buffy?" He reached for her as she stiffened. "Buffy? What is this? What's happening?" He felt something, knew something was missing, but what? Pieces, there were pieces.
She shook her head and looked at him, attempting to make sense of it, seeing the face of the man she loved. "Oh my god! Angel?"
His eyes filled with confusion at her question. "Yes, of course, what is it?" Angel looked about the darkened room, familiar yet unfamiliar. He licked his lips, dry with fear. "Where are we Buffy?" He felt that he knew the answer, it was on the periphery of his mind, but he couldn't quite grasp it. "Please, talk to me."
Buffy jumped up from the bed, grabbing for Angelus' robe to cover her nakedness and cowered on the armchair. Her whole being immersed in guilt and shame. "Is it you? Is it really you?" The look on her face scared him, her voice so small. "I never thought I'd see you again…I did what I had to." She sobbed.
"Buffy, please." He held a hand out to her, fear almost paralyzing him. She tentatively reached over to him.
She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself, knowing he would need answers, trying to wrap her mind around the fact that he had come back. "Okay," she took another calming breath, fighting the urge to become hysterical, "what do you remember?" She looked closely for his reaction.
He looked around the room. "What is this? Where are we Buffy?" She heard the fear in his voice and her heart bled for him.
She slowly inched towards the edge of the bed and she cautiously sat down. "I don't know where to begin…I…what's the last thing you remember? Do you remember Acathla? Do you remember…"
Angel clutched at his chest and sat straight up. Tears began to fall, his voice weak and dry. "I did it didn't I? I did it all. Oh my god." He fought the sobs that threatened to wrack his body. "All the death, all the destruction. God Buffy…Acathla, you couldn't kill me." He looked at the girl, the woman. His non-existents heart began to break as the memories flooded his mind. "Oh god Buffy." His voice was filled with anguish.
"Stop, just stop." Her voice held a firmness, a conviction that she wasn't sure she really felt but she needed him to believe. "It wasn't you. It was him, it was Angelus. He did all this. And he was allowed to because of me. You," she moved to him and took his chin in her hand to look deeply into his eyes, "you did nothing. You were not here. Angel," she shook him, "Angel! Are you listening to me?"
He looked into her eyes and knew she meant what she said, but the guilt, the disgust was in his soul. "I…"
She saw his desolation and was reminded of herself months ago. He needed time, but he didn't have it, not now. Angel hung his head and spoke. "Can you forgive me?" The pain in his voice broke her heart.
"Me? Forgive you? Did you hear what I just told you? It wasn't you. It's because of me, all me." Her voice was incredulous, then in a smaller voice, she questioned him. "Do you know, do you remember what I did? What I am doing? I'm his whore Angel. I couldn't kill you and I became his whore." Her heart was breaking and she couldn't stop the tears that poured down her face. She hung her head, unable to meet her mate's in eyes.
Angel shook his head and reached for her. "I have a lot of missing pieces, but I know why you're here." He lifted his face up to the ceiling, still trying to control the memories and the wave of emotions threatening to spill out. "You're here to save lives. The few lives you have left. And Angelus used that to his advantage."
She hung her head, unable to face him. "I never thought I'd see you again. I never…I thought I would die, never being able to tell you that I loved you. Only you." Buffy looked up into his eyes. "Only you. Always you."
Angel shook his head as an avalanche of memories flooded his mind. The one constant was Buffy. And Angelus' inability to gain her love. He had her subservience, her body, her lust. But never her heart, her love. It ate at him daily. "I know. Please." He held his arms out to her and she hesitantly went to him. She was filled with questions but at that moment in time all she knew was that she needed to feel the arms of the man she loved around her. She needed to know that he forgave her, that he still loved her.
As if reading her mind, he nuzzled her neck. "Baby, no matter what, nothing could ever stop me from loving you more than life. You did nothing except survive. You are the slayer, it's what you have to do. And the others, they depend on you…" His mind went to Giles, Willow. Oh god, they would never be able to forgive him.
As if reading his mind, Buffy dismissed his thoughts. "I destroyed the world Angel. I let them down, I let the whole world down." She looked up at him. "Can you forgive me for that?"
He laughed softly. "Oh yes, I forgot. My seventeen year old girlfriend had to save the world again and couldn't kill her boyfriend in the process." Angel pulled her a little closer. "It was too much even for you my love. I know slayers are supposed to be young, but you were too young to have to make this sort of decision."
"I'm eighteen now." She said in a small voice.
"I'm sorry I missed your birthday." He kissed her forehead.
"It's okay, I have another one coming up."
Angel had to laugh at the inane direction their conversation was going in and gently tried to lead them back to the matter at hand. "How could this have happened Buffy? Have you been working on restoring my soul?" He had to focus, get to the matter at hand. He had to push the emotions to back to his mind.
She shook her head. "No." Buffy needed this, to find the reason Angel was back. She couldn't wallow in the guilt, in the remorse. And Angel needed it too. "We should go see Giles, he may have some ideas." Buffy pulled away from Angel exposing her neck and he gasped before he could help himself.
"Buffy! Your neck, I bit you?"
Buffy chuckled. "You always bite me." She reached for his hand. "Let's get dressed so we can go see Giles."
He pulled back on her hand and hung his head. "I can't Buffy. I killed Jenny Calendar. Giles will not want to see me." His voice was weak.
"Angelus killed Miss Calendar, not you" Then with a bit more force in her voice, "And she should've told us, she knew and she didn't tell us." She calmed down and continued. "Besides, you've been gone for over a year. Angelus has been the one doing all the evil crap. Don't you dare go all morose soul-boy on me now. We have a chance Angel, a chance to do something. To try and make my mistake a little better. We can't turn back time, but maybe we can battle some demons, save some humans. Please." Her voice was firm.
Angel took an unnecessary breath. "You're right. Sorry." He rose from the bed and swayed as more memories hit him. Buffy reached to steady him, holding him by his waist. She blushed and quickly averted her eyes from his nakedness. Angel laughed softly. "Baby, I seem to remember you've seen me naked for almost a year, you don't have to go all shy on me now."
"It was Angelus, not you. And I am not going all shy, I just want to…you know, give you some privacy." She turned and walked to the closet.
He brushed his hand over his eyes, trying to dismiss all the pictures, fighting the bile that threatened to rise. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of his lover. It calmed him. He picked up the pajama bottoms from the floor and put them on as he followed her into the closet, steeling himself for the next few hours.
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Spike and Tara hovered outside Angelus' door. "I guess we should just forge ahead, right love?" Spike didn't understand his nervousness. It was just the big poof, evil or not, just the same poof. He looked over at his lover and knocked on the door. On the other side of the threshold stood the tall, dark master vampire clad in black leather and silk, a smirk on his face.
"Did I summon you boy?" The remark was given in a caustic tone.
Tara spoke up. "Sorry Angelus, I asked Spike to bring me over. I needed to talk to Buffy. Private female stuff. We can come back later." Her voice began to waver. Spike's eyes narrowed as he looked at his grand-sire. The eyes, yeah that was it. The eyes softened imperceptible as the big poof looked at Tara. It was a flash, but it was there. A look Angelus was incapable of.
Buffy came up behind Angel. "Tara? Are you alright?" She turned to face her mate. "Angelus, please. May I speak with her? It will only be for a moment, I promise." Her voice was subdued, meek. The perfect whore speaking to her keeper.
Angel chuckled. "Yeah, but make it quick. I don't like all this girlfriend crap going on." He motioned for the two of them to enter.
"Thank you Angelus." Buffy gave a shy smile. The two women went into the bedroom and Spike followed Angel into the sitting area.
"So peaches, have you made certain the little bitch was put in her place after all the drama?" Spike poured a glass of blood and sat down, waiting for a reaction.
"What the hell are you talking about? We aren't confidants boy. What I do with my mate is my business and not something I discuss with the likes of you. You forget yourself." Angel took the glass from Spike and downed the rest of the liquid. He felt disoriented and wished Buffy hadn't invited the young Wicca in. His hand stopped in mid-motion, this wasn't right. The young Wicca and Spike, they never just showed up without a summons. He swung around to face the bleached blond vampire. "What? What do you know? What have you done?"
Spike chuckled. "It appears we've done a good thing, well, a good thing for you. Not so good for Angelus."
Angel clutched the side of the table. "Why? You don't like me and I don't like you. Why would you agree to this?"
"Hey, you are still my sire, basically." He shrugged. "And I love Tara and as long as Angelus was in power she would always be in danger. You know that." He waited to see how his grand-sire was reacting to all the information when Buffy and Tara came back into the room. Buffy ran to stand beside Angel.
"They re-souled you. I swear, they never told me, I didn't know they were doing this. I…I…" She turned to Spike and Tara. "Thank you so much. I don't know what to say, how to really thank you." She looked back at Angel. "I have you back and I don't care how."
Angel was unsure of how to react. He was back, but at what cost? While he was Angelus he had done too many evil acts to recount. But his feelings weren't the same as before, the guilt. It was there, but it wasn't as deep, as paralyzing. Did he retain the evil side? Was Angelus still teetering on the brink of release?
Tara saw the confusion, the unanswered questions flash across the master vampires face. "It wasn't a curse."
He looked at her. "What?"
"It wasn't a curse. We didn't curse you. It was more of a blessing. And we asked your permission. " She spoke softly. "We weren't going to bring you back without your approval. If you wanted to stay where you were, where your soul was, you wouldn't have returned. It wouldn't be fair to do that to you. So, we found a spell and reworked it. You aren't cursed with all the pain, all the guilt to carry around for all eternity. It just didn't seem right. We…we also bound your soul." She looked at the two of them. "I'm sorry we didn't ask…"
He was incredulous. "My soul is permanent? It's bound? And you're apologizing?" Angel almost laughed. As inappropriate as it seemed, the thought that he could make love to Buffy without any repercussions was up-most in his mind. He shook his head, what was he thinking? He looked over at Spike, who was smirking. The damn boy knew what he was thinking and found in amusing.
"Well…" Tara cast a quick look in Buffy's direction.
"What?" Buffy knew there was something they hadn't been told yet.
Tara moved a little closer to Spike. "We had to bind it to something strong, something powerful, permanent. I mean, if it were just bound to the body, who's to say some powerful witch or warlock couldn't bring Angelus back with Angel's soul still intact, just out of control? So Willow and I thought about it and, well…we, we had to bind it," she hesitated and swung her eyes to Buffy, "…to you." She held her breath and waited for Buffy's reaction.
"Just what does that mean?" Buffy asked in a hushed tone.
"It means that the two of you, your souls are entwined. I mean, I sort of suspect that they already were, but to be sure of the permanence we had to make it a forever sort of thing." She shuffled nervously. She and Willow assumed the two of them would be fine with this turn of events, but… "We're not real sure of the long term ramifications, you know, will Buffy live forever or will Angel die if Buffy does. It sounds like we were so cavalier, but we weren't, really, we…I…I'm sorry if this was wrong…I…" she looked up at Spike, tears threatening to fall.
Buffy looked between the girl and Angel. "Of course Tara. You did the right thing." She nodded at Angel. "Right?"
"Of course. Tara, I gave Buffy my soul a long time ago, you just made it official." He reached over and took her hand. "Thank you Tara. You don't know what you've done for me, for us."
Buffy smiled. "He's right Tara, you've done a wonderful thing for the both of us." Angel looked over at his mate, knowing from her voice that something wasn't right but also knowing now was not the time to confront her.
Tara wiped a tear from her cheek and leaned into Spike. "Oh, I am so happy right now. I don't even care that the sun will never come out again." She reached up and kissed Spike. "Isn't love just the most wonderful thing ever?"
Spike shook his head at the spell this woman had placed on him. She permeated him, she was everywhere and everything to him and he just rolled his eyes and laughed. "God, I am such a bitch for love, aye Peaches?"
Angel looked at his grand-childe, a look of surprise on his face. "It would appear boy. Guess we both are." He said quietly as he looked down at Buffy.