Here is the update I promised. Enjoy.

Chapter 20

The Spy Who… Shagged Me?

"Perri!"

Hermione was startled awake. She quickly scrambled up the wall but was relieved when she realized it was Severus who spoke. Mulciber stood a few yards behind him.

"Fucking hell, Snape, stop ignoring your consort and share with someone else if you can't get it up-"

Severus hit Mulciber with a non-verbal silencing charm and flashed him a rude hand gesture. Mulciber returned the symbol and retreated down the staircase.

Severus guided Hermione inside the Room of Requirement ala Gym and shut the door, swiveling on his feet and rounding on her.

"What do you think you're doing here? Did you sleep in the corridor all night?!"

"What? No, no I knew you wouldn't come at too odd an hour; I've only been here since three," she reassured him.

"WHAT?!"

"Please Severus! I didn't know what time you were coming, and I knew you were giving me the slip somehow! What time is it anyway?"

He grunted and turned away. "Five," he said grudgingly.

"You used to come at six! Admit you changed the time to avoid me!"

"Gladly!" he retorted, snarling.

"Why? Why are you avoiding me?"

He turned back and looked at her with wide, dark eyes. "I thought it was what you wanted!"

"No!" Hermione looked appropriately aghast. "No, of course not. I've…" She swallowed. "I've missed you."

"You have?" He looked surprised, disbelieving. "I thought you were telling me to make a choice… and you disapprove…"

"I will always disapprove of that choice, Severus." Hermione said fiercely. "And I'll be here waiting for you to come to your senses; to tell you what a bloody berk you've been when you realize it too."

Severus stared at her, looking somewhat awestruck. He said nothing in response and Hermione realized she should take advantage of his attention while she had it. While they were on the difficult subject, might as well go for broke.

"Just, I don't want you acting like the people you associate with if you can help it. Whatever… violent revolutionary actions you can stay out of, do so. I don't agree that you should be getting involved in all this at all, but… I wish you'd limit your involvement… if you could."

It was a lame stipulation, she knew.

Lily was right, how could she continue to associate with him? I care for you so much, Severus, just please don't go murdering anyone I know.

Severus said nothing for a few beats before replying. "This is a condition of our… association?"

Hermione waited long enough for her words to sink in. "I feel that I've been fairly accommodating thus far," she said quietly.

He lifted his hand and ran it through his long hair, a gesture she had come to recognize as nervousness. "I have made no explicit promises, but I am much indebted to… to a prominent revolutionary. Backing out at this point would be exceedingly foolish."

Lucius Malfoy. He said before that Malfoy was funding him after his parents died.

"Is… is there a way you can make yourself useful to your cause in- in a non-violent way?" She asked, grasping at anything he was willing to concede.

"Such as?" Severus raised an eyebrow.

He did not appear angry at her meddling, that was a good sign.

"Spell-making? Or… or…" she whispered the last word as her eyes widened in realization, "…Potions?"

Severus shifted on his feet, responding with a slow drawl. "Potions are not necessarily non-violent. As I've said before, they can be used for ill intent. Nonetheless…" He appeared to be weighing the merits of the suggestion and inclined his head thoughtfully. "A potion's apprenticeship to earn mastery can take two to three years…"

"And you can stay out of trouble for a bit before you need to make any decisions!" Hermione finished excitedly. "You can give it some time to-"

"To come to my senses?" Severus finished, still looking stonily neutral.

"To not get involved until you have to!"

"No, Hermione," Severus said firmly and quietly. "Continuing on in Potions is an apt suggestion, and one I will seriously consider; however, I am already involved as you put it. I have already been given extracurricular assignments that I am expected to complete."

Hermione's face slowly morphed into a look of surprised horror and grief. Death Eater missions. Assignments from Voldemort already?

His face contorted into a grimace as if he were in pain at seeing her reaction. "I cannot continue to associate with you under conditions, Hermione."

"Well, I'm sure as hell not going to approve of your involvement!" She cried.

"NO! No, I just ask that you… let it be for now." Severus ended in a quiet, low tone.

"Let it be? Let it be?! How could I-"

"Just give me an opportunity without forcing me to be something I'm not! Give me the chance to be wanted for myself without any expectations or- or conditions and- and- fuck! Who knows, I just might…arrgh!"

He turned away from her, breathing heavily, overcome by feeling.

"Severus," Hermione breathed. "Yes, yes of course. I… I would have done anyway."

"Would you really? I am still indebted to you, and you ask nothing of me?" Severus spat bitterly.

"God, you Slytherins and your bizarre debtor system!" She barked out a frustrated laugh, half of relief. "Can I ask something of you just because, without there being any debt between us? Ask something because I'm your friend and I hope you're mine as well and friends occasionally do things for each other? At least to make this easier for me to- to let it be?"

He turned back to her, with a questioning look.

Hermione sighed. "And if you do this, I will let it be… for now." Her tone let him know that it was a great sacrifice for Hermione to let anything be.

Severus slowly relaxed.

"Thank you," he said warmly, pulling her to him. She found herself in a polite and chaste hug, as her heart beat rapidly, traitorously wishing it was a very impolite and impure hug.

"Ask." His chest rumbled.

"My friends. Protect my friends from harm."

"I cannot." He huffed and half-chuckled, reminiscent of his older self in his self-assuredness. He played with a stray curl on her head that was tucked under his chin. "You are a butterfly who is friends with all the flowers. Be specific if you wish to hold me to something."

Hermione bit her lip, determined to pick something she could force him to follow through on.

As much as she cared for them, the girls were not important enough to ask him to protect. Plus, she suspected they would get involved in the war against Voldemort no matter the warnings and do a good job of taking care of themselves.

Lily, though. Should she ask for Lily?

No, Hermione thought. No, Severus still cares for Lily. He has always cared for Lily, and he would never intentionally let harm come to her. Save your request for someone else.

Who would he harm intentionally though? I don't care about Pettigrew. If time is inalterable then Remus and Sirius survive this first war…

"James Potter," Hermione whispered. "Keep him from harm." He needs to live long enough to marry Lily and for them to have Harry.

She felt Severus stiffen and he pulled back away from her. When she looked up at him, he had an unreadable expression on his face.

"Why?" He hissed incredulously.

"He's suffered enough, don't you think?" Severus' face remained unchanged. This was not a good enough explanation, apparently.

Hermione sighed again. "I want to keep you out of trouble too, you know." She fingered a stray curl, twisting it. "I picked someone I thought you'd try to harm and might regret later."

He stepped back to her, meeting her amber eyes with his black ones. "Then, I swear it. I will defend myself if he attacks, but I will not otherwise let… Potter come to harm."

Hermione smiled up at him. "Thank you. That does set my mind at ease, a bit."

They spent a few moments staring at each other. The air seemed to shift only slightly, but it was not awkwardness that remained when they found themselves still huddled close and looking intently at each other.

Hermione found her eyes darting nervously back and forth between his eyes and his lips.

"Why Perri," Severus purred. "How worried were you? Do you imagine me the sort to get myself in trouble?"

Hermione blushed. "You know you are, Snape! You're nothing but trouble!"

"Indeed, I am," he replied in a low tone, eyes dark and shining.

He lifted a hand and brought it to her face, brushing away another stray curl that was obscuring her cheek. Hermione had to keep herself from shuddering in pleasure as he tucked it behind her ear.

No! This isn't the time for flirting. We've made progress here and I want to keep it!

"Well!" Hermione blurted, jumping away, red as a tomato. "I've kept you from your training as usual. You better get on before you miss breakfast."

"I will see you later." Severus purred in a low tone. "We still have more to… discuss."

Hermione nodded rapidly as she turned away. She couldn't look back now, not even to see whether she was mistaken about seeing the bulge in his trousers.

Hermione's giddiness allowed her heightened senses to notice every opportunity that came to her. In Charms class, she finally struck when the students were divided into pairs to practice their wand work.

"Callie," she whispered. Calliope jumped, having been lost in thought. Hermione indicated to Professor Flitwick that she had found her partner and practically dragged the dark-haired girl to the corner of the room.

"What is it, Anna?" Callie said nervously, pushing her glasses back up her face.

Hermione did not answer immediately, having become an expert at completing classwork through whispered conversations with Ron and Harry. She did a few wand waves in the air to show her summoning work. When she glared at Callie, the Ravenclaw did likewise. Hermione suspected she was unfamiliar with balancing multiple tasks.

"Why have you been telling people I'm spying on Snape?" Hermione whispered out of the corner of her mouth. "Now everyone expects me to bring back information on him! I don't want to get involved in this rivalry between him and Potter."

"Really?" Callie raised her eyebrows in surprise. "You're a Gryffindor, I expected you wanted to be involved in everything."

Hermione glared at her again and waved her wand fluidly. She might be able to pull a successful hex under Flitwick's nose if Callie pissed her off.

"I thought I was helping," Callie whispered. "It's the only thing that makes sense to allow you to see him, isn't it?"

"You've been doing a lot of help lately, haven't you?" Hermione said between gritted teeth. "With Popov, stepping in to help and then lying so easily to Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey. You never told me what really happened to his arm, too. You know Snape better than you let on, don't you?"

Callie's face contorted into a snarl. "What is that supposed to mean, Perri?" She waved her wand in ferocious jerks with her left hand and Hermione was reminded of just how successful Callie had been at stepping in against Popov.

"Tell me what a consort is, Cohen. Is that how you know Snape?"

Calliope blanched, the mean look dropping quickly off her face. "I am not a consort! Don't go telling anyone that I am, it could ruin my reputation!"

Ah ha. Got you.

"The Slytherins say Snape has two consorts. They think I'm one of them, but I'll bet all my galleons that you're thought to be the other. Tell me what a consort is, Callie."

Hermione was pretty sure she knew already, and she would get truly vicious if the Ravenclaw was actually Severus' consort.

Callie's eyes darted back and forth, to ensure no one was listening and she continued with her wand movements to hide her speech.

"It's a pureblood custom," she whispered. "There's a lot of blood magic in virginity, so it's expected that a bride and groom will be virgins on their wedding day in order to unite both houses with the greatest elemental magic. It's supposed to strengthen the purity of the line and aid fertility as well. Consorts are… the Slytherin way around this."

"A way to sleep around and claim to be a virgin?"

"No, consorts are supposed to help keep them virgins…" Callie's pale face was flushing pink as she looked away, pretending to be focused on her wand movements.

"You're going to have to spell it out for me." Hermione said flatly, taking a perverse sort of pleasure in Callie's embarrassment.

"Consorts are supposed to do everything but… you know. A way to relieve and indulge sexual tension without… without technically…"

"Everything but what?" Hermione said, playing dumb. Callie turned pinker and tried to play it off as being out of breath.

"Everything but the traditional way of… bloody hell. Everything but penetration."

"There are a few different ways of penetrating-"

"Anything that won't spill Virgin's Blood!" Callie hissed. "So obviously, consorts tend to be female as it's the males that go looking for one, and it's preferable that they wouldn't be in the same circle you're looking for a spouse in…"

"So, consorts are most likely to be female and not in Slytherin," Hermione finished. She frowned, thinking about it. "Is this why the other Slytherins don't care about Snape spending time with me?"

Callie shrugged, appearing relieved that she didn't have to explain further. "Probably." Hermione sent her a suspicious look and she protested again. "I'm really not a consort! I've got a reputation to uphold. Whoever you heard it from, they're mistaken."

"I just know that you're more familiar with Snape than you let on," Hermione said. "Are you friends? Did you used to be close, like he was with Lily?"

"Pfft. No. Nothing of the sort." Callie paused with the faux practice movements to push her glasses up her nose. "I just try to stay on polite terms with everyone, even the Slytherins. You might have noticed I don't shun all blood purists like the Gryffindors do. Whether you're spending time with Snape in order to get information from him or not, it's a smart idea to gather as much intel as possible. If he misunderstood my manners as some sort of interest in consorting… that's on him."

"Fine," Hermione bit out, still a bit grumpy. She didn't want to believe Callie's assessment of Severus, but she knew he was prone to loneliness and misinterpreting things. She tried the best she could to bat down the jealous temptation of tearing the other girl's eyes out.

"Now Anna, your turn." Callie had a mischievous glint in her eye. "I told you what a consort is, now you tell me what you've learned from Snape about the Death Eaters."

"I haven't learned anything."

"Not yet, but you might. Come to me first when you learn something."

"And don't tell anyone else? Lily wouldn't be pleased with that."

Callie's eyes grew wide and innocent. "Of course not! Just give me a head start, that's all. Come to me first when you learn something new from Snape or the other Slytherins and give me some time before you tell anyone else." She paused before meeting Hermione's eyes determinedly. "Remember, I have the ability to disseminate facts quickly. You wouldn't want there to be any misunderstandings about your meetings with Snape."

"You- you!" Hermione sputtered.

She cottoned onto the threat immediately. Calliope would spread a rumour around the friend group regardless of its veracity, and she would have to answer for it and defend Severus… and perhaps herself as well.

"How would you know if I reported everything to you or not?" Hermione sneered. "Do you have other sources?"

Callie quirked an eyebrow and pursed her lips in a thin line. "I would probably find out eventually."

Hermione quickly schooled her face to a less angry expression as Professor Flitwick walked around the room, observing the groups.

"Fine," she hissed out of the side of her mouth to her friend who was on her way to becoming a former friend. "I'll tell you if I learn anything about the Death Eaters."

Better to say yes than say no. She might toss Callie a bone every once in a while, to keep the pressure off Severus.

After classes ended, Severus returned to his room to read for a bit before dinner.

Mulciber smirked at him and pointed to a note by his bed. "You know where that's from," he said, grinning. Severus narrowed his eyes, but after checking it thoroughly he found it was spelled with a communication quill for his eyes only. No one had read it.

The note said:

You are perfectly positioned. Use the friendship with Perri to access prominent families for funding and recruitment.

Pureblood lines desired: Black, Cook, Potter.

Half-bloods: Dalton has a foot in the ministry and may prove useful; Do what you will with Perri, she is unknown in Britain.

The Mudblood Evans is highly intelligent and may be used for breeding if proven submissive.

Pay no attention to others. The assignments among recruits will vary.

As soon as he finished reading, the parchment in his hand was engulfed in blue flame, quickly self-disintegrating.

Severus leaned back on the pillows, contemplating the handler's message. He was being encouraged to continue the connection with Hermione, something he had already planned on doing.

A large bubble of pride and elation filled his chest. He could have the power and glory offered by the Death Eaters as well as the witch.

Screw Lily Evans, who could never have accepted his affinity for the dark arts. Hermione understood that, at least. Even if the activism bothered her.

The bubble in his chest began to slowly lose air.

On the other hand…

He had a bad taste in his mouth that the name Perri was mentioned at all. Yes, good that the handler approves, but… better if she were disregarded altogether. Severus didn't believe it could be good that she was considered to be involved.

Hermione's good luck continued that day, and she was able to catch the other girls for a rare moment without Calliope, who had been roped into helping Professor Flitwick with an extra credit Charms project. Guess she was a little too fervent with that wand waving today, Hermione thought, smirking.

"Going alright?" She said genially as she climbed into a seat next to the others in the stands. Lily, Marina, Arabella, and Elpida were sitting together in the Quidditch stadium, huddled in warm cloaks and scarves.

The others nodded, captivated by the Gryffindor Quidditch team practice taking place before them. The Ravenclaw team was waiting to go on afterward for their own practice, so Ellie was able to sit with the other girls and watch.

"James is overworking himself," Lily said quietly. "He's been throwing himself into Quidditch and he'll play till he drops. Mark my words, Ellie, he won't want to leave the pitch for your team to train."

"Oh… we…" Elpida looked guilty. "We agreed to have a short scrimmage before they leave and we take over. Just a quick practice run of our teams together."

"Damn him, course he figured out a way to practice longer," Lily sighed. She didn't look as angry as her words made her sound. "I know he's just trying to avoid thinking about his family."

Arabella reached over and rubbed Lily's back soothingly. "You don't have to be his sole support, Lily. It's weighing on you too much, you've been distracted."

"Hasn't she!" Marina chimed in, trying to lighten the mood. "Professor McGonagall looked like she might keel over in shock when you said you'd just forgotten to do her assignment."

Hermione's head jerked up in attention and she felt that Ellie had noticed the issue as well. "Have you been feeling alright, Lily?" Hermione asked carefully, trying not to show how worried she truly was. Have you forgotten the entire reason you're in the past?! You haven't been protecting Lily! What if someone slipped her something?!

"I'm fine! It just slipped my mind, that's all. I've been worried about James, and it's been hard to sleep…" Lily trailed off.

"We've all been affected," Ellie said somberly. Her eyes darted to Hermione quickly then back again. "Let us know if you're having trouble and we can help." Hermione grinned at her. Ellie would be on the lookout for anything odd with Lily too.

Arabella smiled kindly and the healing gene in the family came out in her comforting manner. "Even just talking helps, Lily. Even the boys are hurting right now, it isn't a sign of weakness."

"Yes! Remus is worried about his parents, I know. Peter has been trying to convince his parents to go into hiding, but they won't acknowledge it's getting more dangerous." Marina said, turning a bit pink and wringing her hands to warm them up from the wind.

"How are you making out with Snape, Anna?" Lily said, turning to Hermione. "Have you found anything out?"

The girls all turned to her.

Hermione paused for a minute, remembering her extorted promise to Callie before shaking her head. "He's been avoiding me, remember?" Not a lie. We only made up this morning.

Lily nodded sharply like a general receiving report from her troops before turning back to watch the game. Her dark red hair billowed behind her in the wind. "Callie has family in the ministry. She wasn't able to say exactly what her uncle does, but I think he's an undercover Auror. She can get a message through to the ministry quickly, so you should talk to her first if you find out anything urgent."

"How do you know?" Hermione asked, frowning. The more she could find out about what Callie was up to, the better.

"Because I got a message to my family through her contacts after what happened to the Potters. My parents are going to sell their house in Cokeworth so they can get away. Even my sister seems to have taken the message seriously. She's going to move in with her fiancé even though the wedding isn't till summer. Somewhere in Surrey, I think." Lily sighed and looked up at the sky, eyes on a James who was fiercely zipping back and forth in the air.

This is why Callie wanted information first, Hermione thought. She wanted to pass it on quickly to a contact in the ministry.

Hermione couldn't help but be reminded of another Ravenclaw who was far too curious for her own good and enjoyed passing on information. Hermione probably couldn't scrawl the word "SNEAK" on Calliope's face without being traced as a time-traveler.

"All the danger, uncertainty, it makes you just want to- to- I don't know! Take advantage of life, doesn't it?" Marina said, jolting Hermione out of her thoughts. "Go off traveling or- or start a romance! Some sort of adventure just to make sure you don't miss out. Before it's too late. Life can be… it can be shorter than you think."

"Yeah," Lily said, still looking up at the sky and watching the players. "I know."

"Gods, sorry," Hermione whispered as she arrived in the library.

Severus had been there for a few hours already, as indicated by the state of the table. He looked up and put down his quill as she dumped her bag on the table and started unloading her books.

"Gryffindor and Ravenclaw had a practice scrimmage, so I had to be there," she explained as she caught her breath. "I gave my excuses after and no one wanted to be in the library for such a short time anyway, so I thought we'd be fine."

After unloading her books, Hermione made to sit down but quickly jumped up when she felt Snape behind her.

As she had been blabbering, he had gotten up and around the table. She turned around and looked at him questioningly.

Severus said nothing, only grabbed her hand and all but dragged her to a secluded alcove between two long stacks. The alcove was hidden just at the end of the row, which turned a sharp corner for a few feet at the end. It made it impossible for anyone in the library to see them unless they walked completely down the aisle of books.

"This is your hiding spot!" Hermione exclaimed. "I knew you were staying here after hours!"

She turned around to face him, grinning.

Then she realized they were stuck together in a small alcove, perfectly hidden away. She had somehow ended up backed against the wall, with Severus blocking the alcove entrance. The warning bell for curfew chimed in a muffled echo and they heard the distant sounds of Madam Pince shooing students out.

Hermione's smile fell and she nervously bit her lip as she looked up at him. Severus made no move to let her out. They must have stood there watching each other for another long minute or two, because they heard the library doors close with a loud, echoing thud.

They were completely alone.

Severus was staring her down with his darkest look, his hair hanging down and framing his face. She found her heart was beating too quickly to interpret his expression.

"What are we doing, Hermione?" He mumbled in that effortless, velvety voice.

"It- it appears we're in the library," she whispered, trying and failing to be cheeky. She felt her face quickly burn as she turned red.

"No," he drawled smoothly. "What are we doing? What is…this between us?"

"I don't know." She recovered quickly and glared at him, trying to channel her adrenaline into anger. "Am I a consort? Are you just priming me to be one?"

"What?" Severus was taken aback. "No!"

"That's what they all think about me. Mulciber, Rosier-"

"They're wrong! I- I don't see you that way-"

"But you allow them to think that. Why else is a Slytherin allowed to associate with a Gryffindor?" Hermione's tone was accusatory, but she was hurt, mostly. She had to know. Severus was still in love with Lily, wasn't he? Was he just trying to use her for release?

Severus narrowed his eyes and glared back at her. "I might ask you the same thing. Why is a Gryffindor allowed to associate with a Slytherin?"

Hermione tried to hold her glare but faltered, feeling guilty. She didn't want to deceive him, not when they were trusting each other. "They- they think I'm using you to get information on your… political activities."

Severus' glare didn't abate. "That is all?"

Hermione frowned. "What do you mean, 'that is all'?"

He huffed and ducked his head.

"I haven't been!" Hermione said, mouth open in consternation and hurt. "I genuinely like spending time with you, I have from the start! If the girls think that's what I'm up to and it gives me the go-ahead to be around you then- then let them think that!"

"Don't tell me you haven't been giving them anything useful?" He looked back at her and cocked an eyebrow.

"I suppose I'll have to come up with something soon."

Severus relaxed. "Likewise for me," he admitted. "If the other Slytherins believe you to be my consort… there is no stigma in frequent association." He looked at her, this glance infuriatingly unreadable.

"Right, well. Oh- Okay." Hermione was getting flustered again. She didn't want to be a Slytherin consort, a common whore, but a dalliance with Severus…

"What are you thinking, Hermione?" Severus said quietly. "Let's not leave anything else unsaid."

"Do you have a consort, then?" She blurted out.

"No," he answered firmly.

"Have you ever had a consort?" She had asked this out of jealousy, she knew it. There was Lily, potentially, and Calliope as well. Maybe there was some muggle girl over the summer or… damn, she was being ridiculous. She flushed in embarrassment.

Severus kept giving her the imperceptible, appraising look. His black hair framed his face regally and she studied his dark eyelashes and his roman nose. Hermione felt her chest tighten and release in fear or pain or heartache, she wasn't sure which.

As he remained silent, she realized her stupidity at asking the question. If he was trying to be a traditional Slytherin and fit in with the purebloods, he would only have needed a consort to retain a virginal status. If he had never had one… he would still be a virgin? Or have already lost his virginity?

Was he insulted? Did he think she was questioning his manhood?

"No," he said finally. "I am curious as to why you would ask, Hermione."

Hermione turned as red as she could. "I- because-" She huffed in frustrated embarrassment. "Don't you know curiosity killed the cat, Snape?"

Severus had a look on his face like a panther about to pounce. "And satisfaction brought it back."

His eyes flashed darkly, and he raised his long-fingered hand to her face. Gently, he brushed a few fallen strands of hair away from her cheek. Hermione's lips parted slightly in a breathless gasp when his hand tucked her hair back and he stepped closer to her. She swallowed.

Instead of removing his hand, he placed it on her cheek, gently tilting her face up. Her eyes gazed into his dark ocean irises, traitorously darting down to his lips and back up again.

"Tell me I'm a sadistic scumbag," he muttered softly.

"Absolutely," Hermione said. Her amber eyes shone up at him, filling with desire.

She had longed for him for months. This him, the older him… everything.

"Tell me to leave." Severus' face came closer, and his other hand was on the other side of her face now.

"You should leave, it's past curfew. We should both leave."

Breathe in, breathe out, don't forget to breathe, don't pass out.

"Tell me I'm your friend."

He shifted closer, continuing to cup her face with his hands. He smelled like the grass from the Quidditch pitch, the warmth of parchment and mahogany from the library.

"You are, Severus. You're my- my best friend." Hermione stammered, failing to still her breathing. The touch of his hands on her face made it more difficult.

"Tell me… tell me I could only ever be your friend. Nothing more, never anything more." His voice rumbled in a pitch that made her shiver slightly.

Hermione could not answer now. He was too close for her to hide her reaction.

She saw Severus' eyes widen, pupils dilate, and a slow smirk began to form on his face. It was close to a feral grin.

A few centimeters more and she could press both upper and lower body against him. Hermione could have sobbed with need if only she could catch her breath long enough. If only her heart would stop pounding in her ears.

He moved his face to the side of her head, speaking directly into her ear as he cupped her face. She whimpered.

"Tell me," he purred.

"Not to," his thumbs stroked each side of her mouth.

"Kiss you," he hissed.

She felt him pull back to stare directly at her as he waited for her to choke out an answer.

"Never." She croaked hoarsely. "Sev-"

But his mouth was already upon hers, his two hands cupping the sides of her face and his lips firmly pressing against hers. She felt herself half laughing in delighted surprise and relief and him kissing her through the smile and sound, as she raised her hands to his shoulders, then his neck and he continued to half pull away for a millisecond before tilting his head and crashing back to her lips again. He would retreat far enough to look at her, but seemingly had no patience to be parted from a kiss long enough to do so.

She couldn't breathe. Her heart felt like it was exploding inside of her while the ringing in her ears engulfed her in kisses. She was drowning in the sensation of being kissed, the air pressing against her, but she felt simultaneously like she was weightless and floating.

Her first kiss with Professor Snape had been wonderful, intoxicating, but it was nothing like this. She had caught him by surprise then and he had immediately gone on the attack and pressed her down on the bed, as if they had instantly skipped several steps of kissing and courtship. It had surprised her how it had happened as well, but nothing like this.

Now, with this Severus… this was a first kiss.

There was innocent shyness as he retreated after a few breathless lip touches, but vulnerability, possessiveness, and need, as his mouth immediately came back to hers. As if she was the air for a drowning man, though she was struggling to catch her breathe herself. His thin lips moved deftly against hers, as graceful as the rest of his form. She struggled to keep up with his lead as he moved rapidly against her returned kisses.

Hermione stroked her fingers through his hair as they kissed, gasping for breath. She felt him press her against the wall behind her.

There were tiny gasps and whimpers that escaped her throat as they desperately kissed each other while he breathed raspily. Severus had the same low, rumbling purr that echoed through his chest, sending panging aches to her lower abdomen. She felt like she would cry or faint or burn up completely, there was such a relief to her longing.

Hermione's vision began to feel compromised when he experimented with nipping and sucking her lips between his. The pool of desire between her legs grew wetter and hotter. She feared her knees would buckle, and her logical side fought to take control. She returned a few feeble sucks and licks herself before slowing the kiss and turning her head away to catch her breath.

As much as she wanted this to continue…

Hermione felt Severus' hands drop from her face. She kept her hands encircling his neck, half-afraid she would fall if she wasn't holding on to him.

Gods, should they talk about this or something?

She didn't want words to ruin it. They should keep going. They should keep kissing before she talked herself out of it.

She glanced back at him.

Severus had stepped back as far as he could with her still holding to him. He also had to catch his breath, doing so through his slightly parted mouth rather than his larger-than-average nose.

Severus looked incredible. Hermione felt again like she would burn away completely when she saw the look he gave her. Viewing his kiss swollen lips, black brimming eyes, and flyaway hair sent further pangs of desire through her.

Hermione was wise enough not to say anything yet. If she tried, it would probably be "don't stop" or "I love you", both equally dangerous.

"Be my girlfriend," Severus said roughly. "Let everyone think what they want. With me, with us… let it be different."

The weight in her chest plummeted into her stomach, sizzling and leaving her with a sour taste in her mouth.

What had she been thinking? It didn't matter what she felt for Severus. She didn't belong in this time.

Plus, he needed to be in love with Lily Evans in 20 years! Didn't he? She had to keep him for Lily.

"I- I can't," she whispered. "I want to… but I can't."