Title: If I Could Turn Back Time (5?)

Author: Cheryl A

Rating: Teen

Genre: Angst/Romance (A/U)

Notes: The story is set right after the re-election in the fourth season, then goes off from canon there. It's heavy on the angst right now…. But remember good things happen to those who wait. 

Feedback: ; I love it and like to hear what people are thinking both good and bad… let me know!

Thanks again to my beta Elizabeth!

Josh stepped out of the shower and got dressed; careful not to wake Donna who was a pretty light sleeper even with all the traveling they had been doing on the campaign. He was the opposite, when he knocked out he was out like a light. He remembered on the first campaign all the time they had to spend traveling on buses before they had the luxury of Air Force One. Josh would always find a way to get comfortable, usually with the assistance of the arm or shoulder of Donna, and get some rest even in the cramped, hard seats of the bus that everybody, especially, Toby complained about. He remembered on occasion when they reached their destination he would still be dead to the world and Donna would have to give him a good slap to the face to alert him to return to the land of the living. This behavior would just be their start down the twisted path of having one of the most unique and peculiar boss/assistant relationships.

Josh thought back to the day when he discovered her in the New Hampshire office and she entered his life. There was something special about her that morning and he admits the way she confidently hired herself struck something in him. As time passed he recognized this feeling as one of attraction and a few years later as love. But as he reminded himself earlier, he swore he would never cross that line and admit to her how he truly felt; that the revelation of such feelings from a Senior White House Staffer to his younger, beautiful blonde assistant would do nothing but harm for all parties involved. He crossed that line last night and he had to do everything he could now to backtrack and fix the mess he had created.

He lowered himself on the bed and gently placed his hand on Donna's shoulder and shook her slightly. That was all took to awaken her with a smile on her face and eyes beaming with love as she stretched her arms and sat up in bed in an effort to be closer to Josh.

"Good morning sunshine," she whispered softly as she leaned in for a morning kiss.

Not wanting to give into temptation, Josh immediately jumped off the bed before she reaches him.

"Umm… Donna you need to get dressed… as we need to have a serious talk" he said trying his best to avoid looking in her eyes, as he did not wanting to witness the hurt and confusion he knew she must be feeling.

He hands her a towel to cover herself and points to the chair where he had laid out some clothes that she had previously left at his apartment neatly on the chair.

Donna, immediately hurt by this cold reaction the morning after having quite possibly the best night of her life, grabbed the towel from his hands and coldly muttered "Thanks" as she wrapped herself in it to spare any further embarrassment .

Josh got up and left the room so she could have some privacy and retain any remaining dignity she has left.

As she is getting dressed Donna feels as if her head is spinning, she can't understand what just happened. Tears fall down her cheeks as she recalled how happy they were last night starting with Josh's failed attempt to cook a romantic dinner for the both of them, to their soul-bearing, heart-opening conversation, moving on to them sharing the most perfect, romantic first kiss snatched straight out of her favorite movie and lastly to how they spent the rest of the evening just savoring in each other's bodies as they made love through the night. She couldn't understand how is it when everything she's ever wanted had finally fallen in place, somebody seems to have stepped in and pulled the rug out from underneath her.

For the life of her she couldn't fathom what had changed but she knew one thing for sure. She was not going to leave without a proper explanation from Josh. She dried her tears and prepared herself to walk in the living room and get answers.

"Joshua Lyman, what the hell is going on?" Donna demanded as she stormed in the living room wanting answers for his behavior.

Josh had prepared some coffee for the two of them and offered it to her.

"No I don't want any coffee. I want some answers, you wanted to talk, so talk." Donna curtly said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Donna's abrupt tone startled Josh as he stumbled to repeat the words he had rehearsed all morning in his head.

"Donna, last night was a mistake and I'm sorry that it happened. We were both drinking on an empty stomach, a dangerous combination and we weren't thinking clearly."

"That's B.S. and you know it, what are you scared of Josh, why are you pushing me away?" Donna demanded.

'Gosh she knows me so well' he thought as he realized this was going to more difficult that he thought if he was going to make this work he needed to be firm.

"I'm not running away from anything I'm telling you the truth Donna, what happened last night was a terrible error in judgment, it was inappropriate and can never happen again."

Donna was about to launch into her next counter-argument when they were interrupted by the sound of a ringing phone coming from the couch where Josh had clumsily discarded his pants last night. Knowing he was answering the correct phone this time, he shot Donna an apologetic look as he answered his phone.

"Josh Lyman" he answered hastily.

"Josh, it is Leo, I'm not interrupting something am I?" Leo asked as he was surprised at the tone of Josh's voice as he answered the phone. Normally that tone was reserved for times when he had unwillingly interrupted Josh's fights with Amy, but he thought for sure that their relationship was through.

"No no… you aren't interrupting anything, what's going on?" Josh asked as he turned around and Donna flung her arms in frustration.

"I know I promised you would have the weekend off, and I know you and Donna came in yesterday, but I really need you in the office as soon as possible. A situation has come up, American citizens have been killed." Leo said apologetically, he hated to have to drag his staffers in on what would be their last weekend off before the re-election.

"Don't say anymore Leo, I'll be there as soon as I can and I'll let Donna know too" Josh said reassuringly.

"Thanks Josh, I know I can always count on you. You never let me down" Leo answered as he hung up the phone and prepared to make his rounds down the Senior Staff call sheet.

Josh turned back around to face a very angry and annoyed Donna.

"Something has come up and we need to get to the office immediately, and since they think I accidentally have your phone, I can buy you some time if you want to go home and shower first before coming in." Josh said ignorantly forgetting the seriousness of the matter they were discussing prior to Leo's call.

"Do you think you can just sleep with me, say it was just a mistake and expect me to roll over and act like nothing has changed and go back to answering to your every beck and call?"

Josh thought that the outcome Donna had just described was the one he was secretly hoping for but he knew it realistically wasn't going to happen.

"Donna, we have a job to do, we serve at the pleasure of the president and we can't let our personal problems get in the way. Leo is expecting us, something larger than us is happening right now and I can't be held up here much longer" Josh said firmly hoping to get his point across to Donna.

"Oh is that what I am to you now, an inconvenience? Because that's certainly not how you treated me last night!" Donna said angrily.

Josh tried to ignore her as he reached for his backpack and began to walk towards the door.

"Josh we can continue to have this conversation now in private, or we can continue this conversation when we get to the White House where I don't think you'd like me announcing that you bedded your young, naïve assistant."

With that Josh let go of the door handle and turned back towards Donna.

Knowing everything was on the line, she inched closer to him an in a softer, gentler tone, she whispered his name as she reached for his hand and placed it over her breaking heart.

"Tell what has changed Joshua? Can you honestly tell me you didn't feel that last night was special? That for the first time ever you felt truly alive on the inside and nothing else in the world mattered? That everything you ever wanted, imagined and ever hoped for in life finally fell into place and life finally started to make sense and have meaning?" Donna pleaded as she looked deep into Josh's eyes desperately searching for any indication he felt the same.

Josh thought to himself, 'God Donna, that's exactly how I felt, last night was perfect it awakened feelings I never knew I could feel everything felt so right.' How he wished he could express how he truly felt to her, take her back into his arms and erase the pain and hurt she was going through right now. But as right as last night felt for both of them, he struggled to remind himself that it was ultimately wrong in the political world they lived in.

It took all that he had to put on his brave face, suppress his desire to comfort Donna and pulled his hand away from Donna's grasp. "I told you already last night was a mistake, it was inappropriate and I'm sorry if you felt it was something more than it was."

Donna turned away unable to look at him, tears now running down her face. Josh hated nothing more than to see her cry, but as much as it hurt him he continued, "Remember, we can't do this, Donna, I'm your boss, and the administration can't afford another scandal! Think of the future Donna; think about what's best for the county."

Donna was trying to pull herself together and took a deep breath and turned to face Josh her face now flushed with anger.

"You're right Joshua, it was a mistake. I'm sorry too."

She went and picked her purse off his couch and gathered her clothes from the floor. Before leaving she stopped and looked Josh directly in the eyes, with a look of hatred that Josh had never seen before.

"I'm sorry that I ever allowed you in my heart and I'm a fool to have thought you could be anything but selfish, thinking nothing about other's feelings and only about yourself. If you continue to push everybody away one morning you are going to wake up and realize how alone you really are and when that day comes don't expect me to be waiting. I'm done waiting for you Josh; just remember you are the one that threw happiness away."

Josh was taken aback by her words, not knowing how to respond, mostly because he knew she was right.

As she turned the door handle, she paused to say one last thing. "Oh Boss, one last thing I don't think I'll be able to make it in the office today I'm feeling kind of sick to my stomach, probably due to something rotten that I ate last night. So I guess you will have to find some other gullible fool to answer your phone and perform your grunt work today."

With that Donna left as she slammed the door, leaving Josh alone to clean his spaghetti-splattered apartment and for the first time, since she had returned to the campaign managed the rest of his work day without her assistance