Title: If I Could Turn Back Time (7?)

Author: Cheryl A

Rating: Teen

Genre: Angst/Romance (A/U)

Notes: The story is set right after the re-election in the fourth season, then goes off from canon there.

Feedback: Want it, need it.. crave it .. I haven't been getting much feedback from the past few chapters… I hope people are still reading it and enjoying it!

Thanks again to my beta Elizabeth , she is the best!

Josh had been behind closed doors all afternoon, not so much working but thinking. Thinking about the future and whether he was doing the right thing by firing Donna. Asking himself, whether he could survive professionally without her by his side and more importantly whether he could go on and live his life without her sharing any part of it.

Looking back, he honestly didn't expect Jack's relationship with Donna to go very far. He thought Jack would just be another gomer in the revolving door of Donna's love life, someone to help take away the pain he caused and make her smile again. It had killed him to watch her miserable day in and day out the weeks following their fight, so he had set her up with Jack as a temporary solution to lift her spirits. Never would he have imagined that Jack would propose after only 3 months of dating of dating her, or that Donna would have accept his offer.

It made him sick as he as he thought about the future, how he'd have to watch as she married somebody who was not him, having kids with somebody that was not him and that she'll be growing old with somebody that was not him. Deep down he knew he really didn't have a right to feel this way. Donna had been right all along, he was selfish and it was entirely his fault that things were the way they were. But what else could he do? He knew he couldn't just leave the White House and run off into the sunset with his beautiful assistant, the world didn't work that way no matter how much he wanted it to. He reasoned to himself that since situations prevented him from being with Donna in the way he truly wanted to; perhaps it was better for them not to be in each other's lives all. That way they could both could truly move on with their lives, however lonely it may be for him.

Josh's thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door, which he knew had to be Donna, since both Toby and Leo had stopped by earlier and expressed their utter disappointment in his failed efforts at the meeting with Congressman Jackson earlier.

"You wanted to see me before I left?" Donna asked timidly.

"Yes I did, please have a seat." Josh said calmly as he reached into his backpack and pulled out the red folder Donna had given him this morning.

Donna reluctantly took a seat and feared what was coming next. She recognized the tone and behavior of Josh; it was the way he acts right before he rips into a Congressman for screwing him over on a bill or vote. She quickly tried to recall anything she may have screwed up recently to cause this late-night meeting, but her mind drew a blank.

"Did you prepare for me the notes on the health care estimates over the next 10 years like I had asked you to earlier this week?"

Donna replied nervously, "Yes I did, it took me over 7 hrs to compile all the data."

"Do you remember giving me those briefing notes and estimates this morning before my meeting with Congressman Jackson?"

"Yes I do, Josh. I put them in your backpack myself this morning."

"Didn't you also tell me that my meeting was at OMB 3215?"

"I believe so, although I would have to check my calendar to be sure."

Josh raised his voice, "Well the meeting was not at OMB 3215, but rather 13215."

Donna gasped; she had never Josh the wrong location before and was mortified at her mistake. Before she had an opportunity to apologize for her actions, he continued his rant.

"When it was determined that I had the wrong location, I tried to call you to find out what the correct location was. But your line was busy and I was unable to reach you because as it turns out you were on the phone on a personal call to a local wedding dress designer's office as White House Phone records show."

Donna didn't know what to say, she was ashamed of her actions. She bit her lower lip nervously as she thought to herself that the situation couldn't get any worse.

"I then had to run up 10 flights of stairs and apologize to already grumpy Republican congressmen why I was 10 minutes late to one of the most important meetings of my life."

Donna attempted again to interrupt him to try to apologize profusely for her errors but he stopped her.

"No wait, it gets better." Josh said with a maniacal smile and slight laugh.

"As I pull out my notes to discuss the 10 years projection that you insist you compiled for me, I discovered that something was terribly wrong."

Donna panicked as she wondered if she had incorrectly tabulated the figures or that she had put a decimal or comma in a wrong place.

Josh slammed the red folder he held in his hand on his desk right in front of Donna.

"Open it." he said coldly.

Donna reached over and opened the folder and to her utter dismay found the missing wedding planning documents she was sure she had left at home. The realization of the situation sunk in and suddenly Donna felt sick to her stomach. She had always taken great pride in her work and she knew how important this meeting was for Josh and the entire administration. She couldn't believe what a terrible mistake she had made and didn't how to even start to apologize for what she had done.

"Instead of finding the aforementioned estimates you promise you compiled for me and placed in my backpack this morning, I find the figures to the Moss-Reese wedding extravaganza." Josh shouted not afraid to express his annoyance and frustration at her actions.

"I'm so sorry Josh. I can't even begin to describe how terrible I feel for putting you in this position. I don't know how this happened but I will call the Congressman myself tomorrow and apologize to him and explain it was entirely my fault this all happened. I'll fix this."

"That's pointless, the only way he opens discussion about this bill again is if the President speaks to him directly."

He paused for a moment before continuing in a softer tone.

"Besides you will not be here tomorrow to make any calls."

Donna looked at Josh confused, "What do you mean I won't be here tomorrow? Are you suspending me, or sending me somewhere else as penance for my actions?"

"No, Donna you won't be here tomorrow because you are fired."

A lingering silence filled the room as Donna struggled to process what Josh had just said and Josh struggled to continue what he set out to do knowing he could not turn back.

"I need somebody that actually cares about their job and knows the importance of the position I hold." Josh said coldly as he looked down at his desk unable to face Donna.

"You're firing me?" Donna asked stunned.

"Yes I am. Your mistake is going to cost us dearly and we may never get a second chance to pass this health care bill. Like I said, I need somebody that I can count on, and it's obviously no longer you. If we can't have your full attention, then we don't need you here at all."

Donna was taken aback, she knew she had made a terrible mistake but she didn't feel she should be fired over it. Josh had made plenty of mistakes himself and he still had his job. She didn't know if she wanted to cry or scream, she was both sad and angry at the same time.

"I made a mistake Josh, I'll admit that. But I don't think that is the real issue here. I think what you meant is if YOU can't have my full attention, then you don't want me here."

"Excuse me? Don't even try to make this about me, when you were the one who screwed up." Josh said outraged at her accusation even though he knew it was more or less true.

"Yes I screwed up, reprimand me, suspend me for a week for my actions, but don't use this as an excuse to get back at me for what happened between us personally."

She looked for a response from Josh, but was met with silence, so she continued.

"You have been treating me horribly since I announced my engagement to Jack. Questioning all my actions, making me work late, assigning me extra work and acting like I'm some junior assistant you have the right to push around, I deserve more than this."

Josh wanted to justify his actions but he found he didn't know where to begin or how to spin it because he knew she was right, he at least owed her the opportunity for her to say what was on her mind.

Still not getting a response from Josh, Donna got up from her chair and stood up to get right in Josh's face, her frustration and anger at an all time high. She was no longer his assistant anymore, so she could say exactly what was on her mind and let everything out that she had held inside for so very long.

"If you are unhappy about how things turned out, then I suggest you look in the mirror. YOU were the one who didn't want me, YOU were the one who told me it was all a mistake, YOU were the one who threw our one chance at happiness out the window for the sake of the Administration and on top of it YOU were the one who insisted Jack ask me out in the first place, and none other than to our favorite restaurant. So if you are angry at yourself that's perfectly fine but please don't take it out on me."

Josh couldn't look at her, and found he was still at a loss of words. A 760 on his SAT verbal and he didn't know how to respond to her entirely right accusations.

"You're punishing me for being happy, for finding love after you recklessly broke my heart. Jack makes me happy, he makes me feel secure and most of all he loves me back. I pity you Joshua. You shut everybody out afraid of letting them in your heart because you think you might lose them someday. But look around Josh, you have a family here that cares about you and is worried about you but I don't think you realize that they won't be around forever. You continuously shut them out, and one by one they will drop out of your life until one day you look around and realize that you have lost everybody and find that nobody still cares."

Donna took a deep breath as she tried to calm herself down as she continued in a softer tone.

"I'll leave right now Josh, walk out of this office and out of your life for good unless you have something else to say to me. I deserve better for myself both personally and professionally. So fire me if it makes you feel better, but remember it doesn't change the future. Because in 3 weeks I'll be Mrs. Jack Reese and you will still be going home to your empty apartment… alone."

Josh finally looked up and met Donna's intense gaze, noticing how her eyes were desperately fighting to hold back the tears it was so wanted to release.

Unable to disagree with anything she said, he simply answered, "Fine."

Visibly hurt by yet another rejection from Josh, Donna simply nodded her head in response to his comment. She took another deep breath and slowly picked up her purse from the floor and began to walk out of his office.

As she stood in the doorway, she turned around to take one last look at the office that had been her home for the past 4 years and address Josh for the last time.

"Have a nice life, Joshua and I want you to wish the best of luck to the poor soul who takes my place, Lord knows they are definitely going to need it."

With that Donna ran out of the White House as fast as she could not even looking back to see how Josh reacted to her departure or to her final comments. She just wanted to get as far away from Josh as she could and get back home to Jack who would comfort her and help take away the pain she was experiencing right now. She needed to be reminded that she was loved, wanted and appreciated by somebody.

As she drove to Jack's, she felt her hands tremble as she tried to grasp the steering wheel and retain control of car. She found herself re-living her fight with Josh over and over in her head making it difficult to concentrate on the road. The shock of entire conversation still overwhelmed her, she couldn't believe that Josh had fired her and couldn't believe she said such hurtful things to him. She wanted to hate him, but she couldn't. As much as she loved and cared for Jack, she knew that deep down Josh would always have a piece of her heart.

As the conversation replayed itself in her mind, she felt a twinge of guilt for the hurtful things she said to Josh, a feeling that refused to go away. She didn't mean to hurt him, but she was angry and upset. At the time all she wanted to do was to hurt him just like he had hurt her. She wanted make him feel the same pain that he had caused her.

As she waited at the red light on Washington Avenue to turn left onto Jack's street she pulled her phone out of her purse and debated whether she should call Josh and apologize. She pushed the "2" on her speed-dial but found she lacked the courage to connect the call. She shook her head and put the phone down on the passenger seat next to her. She told herself she was not going to give him the satisfaction and found her anger towards Josh renewed again. She reminded herself that she was no longer his puppet; he was no longer her concern. Mad at herself for almost giving in and unable to contain the tears she had been holding back, she hit the gas once the light turned green. Blinded by her emotions and eager to escape from her pain, Donna did not see the car racing down the street in the opposite direction, with a drunk driver who had no intention of stopping for any red light.

Before she knew what was going on, the other car plowed into her side causing her compact car to flip over twice before coming to a stop where everything around her faded to black.

------

Meanwhile Josh was still in his office trying to process everything that had occurred this evening. Did Donna really mean everything she said? Had he hurt her that much? He thought to himself that it wasn't ever supposed to turn out like this. All he ever wanted to do was to protect her, to shield her from being hurt. But somehow he had made a mess of everything; as he never intended to be the one who caused her the most pain.

He wondered if he should call her and apologize to her, not just for his actions tonight but his actions for the past couple of months. Or perhaps he should just send her the largest floral arrangement ever created and grovel at her feet for her forgiveness. He didn't know what to do but he knew he had to do something to try to undo the pain he had caused them both; he couldn't let things between them end this way.

As fate would have it he felt his cell-phone vibrate, and his heart leapt as he noticed the caller ID, "Donna Cell." He was excited that he going to get his second chance. He swore this time he was going to stop being a jerk and treat her with the respect she deserved. He prayed that somewhere deep down in that caring heart of hers she could find the strength to forgive him for how he had treated her and that she would believe his promise to change.

"Before you say anything Donna, I want to tell you that I'm sorry for everything. Sorry for hurting you, sorry for the spiteful things I've said to you, and most of all sorry for the careless way I've treated you the past few months. I've been a jealous jackass; I haven't meant anything I've said to you. You're right I shut everybody out and I'm afraid of love because I'm afraid of losing people. But I've been wrong, and it's cost me everything and I'm going to change. Please come back to work tomorrow, give me another chance. Also I can't fire you, you're impervious remember?" Josh finished with a nervous laugh anxiously waiting for her reaction, since he let it all tumble out of him, and didn't allow for any interruptions during his heartfelt declaration.

However, instead of hearing Donna's sweet voice, he was greeted by a stranger.

"Mr. Lyman, my name is Scott and I'm a paramedic with George Washington Hospital. You are listed as Donnatella Moss's in case of emergency contact on her cell phone and her planner. I'm terribly sorry to have to tell you this sir, but Ms. Moss has been involved in a serious car accident and is being transported as we speak to the hospital."

Josh felt a heavy feeling come over his heart and found it difficult to breathe, unable to process what was going on.

"Mr. Lyman, did you hear me? Ms. Moss is in critical condition as a result of a terrible drunk-driving accident that occurred on the corner of Washington Avenue at around 10:45pm. We need you to come to the hospital as soon as possible and notify any other family she may have in the area."

The realization of the situation finally sunk it for Josh as he struggled to find to words to speak. "Yes sir I understand, I'm on my way. Please promise that you will do everything you can to save her, I can't lose her."

He paused for a moment and in a softer whisper continued his plea, "I love her."

"I'm very sorry for your pain Mr. Lyman. Believe me, we will do everything in our power to help Ms. Moss. But I strongly suggest sir that you get to the hospital as quickly as possible as I'm not sure how much longer she will be able to hold on."

With that Josh hung up the phone and grabbed his coat and rushed to George Washington Hospital, praying to God as he never done before, that he would get to her before it was too late.