Title: If I Could Turn Back Time (8?)

Author: Cheryl A

Rating: Teen

Genre: Angst/Romance (A/U)

Notes: The story is set right after the re-election in the fourth season, then goes off from canon there.

Feedback: Want it, need it.. crave it! I appreciate all the feedback I got the last chapter. Please keep it up, it really motivates me and makes me glad that people are actually reading what I write! 

Thanks again to my beta Elizabeth, she is the best!

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12am; George Washington Hospital

Josh slammed his car into park as he rushed to the Emergency Room, hoping that he'd arrived in time He recalled the promise that he had Donna made years ago, an understanding that if either of them were in an accident nothing would stand in their way from being there for each other. He fully upheld that promise as he had ran through 3 stop signs, 2 red lights and drove 15 miles over the speed limit in his effort to rush to get to Donna's side.

As he reached the hospital doors, he took a deep breath and pushed them open; both anxious and afraid of what he would find behind them.

"Donnatella Moss…... where is she?" Josh demanded, interrupting the nurse at the desk as she spoke to another nurse.

"Well just hold on a minute sir… let me check the charts." she calmly stated not even taking the time to look up at Josh.

Josh tapped his foot impatiently, he couldn't understand how the nurse didn't realize just how important of a matter this was and that Donna shouldn't be treated just like any other patient, she was special.

"Let me help you out, she's about 27 and 5'11. She's blonde, has alabaster skin, and blue eyes and did I also mention that she works closely with the President of the United States?"

The nurse finally looked up at Josh, annoyed and obviously not impressed by Josh's words. "Please calm down sir, I understand that you're concerned about your friend but raising your voice at me is not going to help matters."

Growing increasingly more frustrated, Josh ran his hands through his hair and took another deep breath to try to calm down while his heart continued to race. "I'm sorry. My name is Joshua Lyman, I'm the Deputy Chief of Staff to the President. About half an hour ago I was called by a paramedic named Scott who told me that Ms. Moss was involved a serious car accident and that I should rush to this hospital as soon as possible. So hence I'm here now and need to know what is going on."

"Well I don't see Ms. Moss listed on any of these charts, perhaps she just arrived and the doctors still have her information. So I suggest that you have a seat in the waiting area and I'll see if I can get somebody out here to help you."

Josh snapped, he had tried to be nice and tried to be polite but obviously it was not going anywhere. He slammed his fist on the counter.

"No you don't seem to understand lady, I need answers now! Like I said earlier, I work closely for the President, which makes me a pretty important person for you to be giving the shaft. I want somebody here now who can tell me what is going on with Donnatella Moss!"

Josh immediately felt bad about his outburst, he didn't mean for it all to come out like that. He looked around the lobby and saw that all eyes were on him. Embarrassed at his actions, he started to walk towards the waiting room, when a voice called out to him.

"Mr. Lyman?"

Josh turned around and slowly lifted his head to face the doctor, afraid of the news he was about to give him.

"I'm sorry to have kept you waiting sir, would you please follow me?"

Josh felt a huge weight press against his heart, deep down he knew that what was coming next could not be good news. He felt the tears start to pool in his eyes as he struggled to pull himself together to hear what the doctor had to say hoping that his instincts were wrong.

"Mr. Lyman, there is never an easy way to say this, but Ms. Moss suffered significant complications as a result of the injuries that she sustained in the car accident. The paramedics did their best to stabilize her pressure and control the bleeding but unfortunately they were not successful. I've very sorry to have to tell you this, but Ms. Moss passed away en route to the hospital."

The world around him froze as Josh processed the news that the woman he loved was gone. He stood alone and shocked in the hospital hallway for a good half an hour before the thought that that he should probably call Donna's family in Wisconsin and probably Jack, entered his head. He was mad at himself for not thinking about getting in touch with them sooner. It was very selfish of him to think that he was the only one who cared about Donna would be upset she was gone.

Josh pulled out his cell phone and made the call to Donna's family. He didn't know what to say, other than how sorry he was. They agreed that it would be best for them to call Jack. He told them how he would call them as soon as he knew anything about releasing Donna to the funeral home.

Eventually Josh found the strength to leave the hospital and return to his lonely apartment. Soon CJ, Sam, Toby, and Leo all arrived and tried to offer words of condolences to him but he wasn't listening. Even the President and the First Lady came to offer their support. President Barlett tried to commiserate with Josh, telling him he knew what it was like to lose somebody close to him to a reckless drunk driver. He tried to explain that he went through the same pain and anger he was feeling when Mrs. Landingham was killed last year. But it was not the same Josh argued, he had a different relationship with Donna than the President did with Mrs. Landingham, President Bartlett had not been in love with her like Josh was with Donna.

Everybody insisted they understood, but nobody could really understand what he was feeling inside. He felt that he had caused Donna's death tonight because of the pain he put her through. Had she been in any state to drive after their fight? It was obvious she was pretty upset when she left his office. Maybe if they hadn't had that argument, then maybe she would have not been distracted and maybe she would have seen that other car and avoided it and maybe then she would then still be alive.

Although his closest friends surrounded him, Josh never felt so alone in his life. All he could do was think about how he wanted a second chance in life. It just wasn't supposed to end this way for Donna and him. He thought that if he could only turn back time, even for just one day, he promised he would do everything he possibly could to make things right. He'd make up for his past mistakes and poor behavior, he'd let Donna know how he really felt about her and he'd do everything in his power to save her from the fate she met tonight.

One by one everybody started to go home knowing that there wasn't anything further they could do for Josh or Donna that evening. Once everybody was gone, and the door was locked, he made his way to his closet to find an item long since forgotten. He dug around until he found what he was looking for, a tattered brown teddy bear named Mr. Rogers.

He grabbed the old teddy bear and curled up on his bed. He held the bear close to his heart which provided him some comfort as his thoughts drifted from the awful events of tonight back to the night Donna gave him this bear and they shared a tender moment.

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Flashback, Josh's apartment 4 months after his shooting.

"Donna, I told you already a hundred times I'll be fine." Josh insisted as tried to convince Donna to leave his apartment.

"Josh are you absolutely sure? You haven't spent a night alone since you got out of the hospital. What if you need something? What if you forget I'm not here? What if you get one of your nightmares?" Donna asked as she followed him around his apartment worried about leaving him alone.

"Like I said, I'll be fine. I can walk, stand and pee all by myself, so I think that I'll be ok. Maybe I'll actually get a good night's rest now that I won't have you around nagging me all the time and hogging all the blankets in bed." Josh teased.

Donna shot him a look that said she was not amused. She took Josh's rehab seriously and even though she was not his mother or even his girlfriend she worried about him constantly.

"Besides Donna, think about it. If you never leave, how will you ever have a chance to miss me?"

Donna scowl transformed into a smile as she rolled her eyes in response to his comment.

"What, I would miss the snoring that would keep me up half the night and the drool puddles I'd find on my pillow every morning?"

Josh pretended to be hurt, "For the hundredth time Donna, I told you I do not snore and I don't know why your pillow is wet every morning. Did you ever stop to think that perhaps it's because of your spend the entire night dreaming of me, 'cause I have been known to have that effect on women."

Donna slapped him on the arm as she blushed slightly and he broke out in a huge grin.

"Please Joshua don't flatter yourself; there are plenty of other men that occupy my dreams and you definitely aren't one of them."

That was a lie and Donna knew it, the more time she spent living together with Josh and sharing the same bed as him, the more she found herself thinking about Josh in a way she knew she wasn't supposed to.

After his shooting she realized that her feelings for him weren't purely platonic, that somehow along the way she had fallen in love with him. During the day she did her best to purge these improper thoughts from her mind, but at night, as she slept in Josh's arms, she allowed herself to dream and imagine how life could be if he wasn't her boss and they didn't work at the White House.

"Well Donna, I'm sure you are going to enjoy sleeping in your own bed again with your soft Egyptian cotton sheets and throw pillows and all. It will be nice for me to, although I admit I'm going to be quite lonely in bed without you."

As soon as he said it, Josh turned around so that Donna couldn't see him face as he bit his lip and blushed with embarrassment. He didn't mean for that last part to get out, he didn't realize he had been thinking out loud.

It was certainly true, he wasn't denying it. Josh had grown accustomed to Donna being in his bed. At first it had been awkward for both of them, Donna only agreeing to the sleeping conditions because Josh needed her close and he was too weak to shout to Donna on the couch.

It began with both of them sleeping as far away from each other as possible, making sure to keep on their own side of the bed. But as time passed, the distance between them grew smaller and smaller and eventually Josh woke up every morning with his arms wrapped firmly around her and his head lying softly on her pillow where he embarrassingly would leave a spot of drool ever morning, even though he'd never admit it to Donna.

An awkward silence followed Josh's admission. Neither of them wanted to acknowledge what it meant or recognize the feelings behind it. Wanting to break the tension, Donna took the opportunity to give Josh a small gift bag she had been holding behind her back.

"I brought you something special, to help you get through the night since you are kicking me out."

Josh smiled as he eagerly took the bag from Donna's hand and placed it gently on the table as he un-wrapped its contents.

He shot Donna a confused look, as he pulled out a old, tattered brown teddy bear.

"You brought me a ratty old toy to help me get through the night?"

Donna was offended as she snatched the bear from Josh's hand and held it close to her heart.

"Mr. Rogers is not some ratty old toy Joshua; he is a very special person".

Josh let out a slight laugh, "Mr. Rogers? You named the bear Mr. Rogers?"

"Yes I did, when I was six years old Mr. Rogers Neighborhood was my favorite show, so I named the bear after Mr. Rogers."

Josh looked at Donna to continue; he knew where this was going and knew he was in store for a story from her past.

"When I was 6, I had my tonsils taken out and had to stay in the hospital over night. I was scared and I didn't want to be alone, I wanted to sleep in my own bed surrounded my all my other stuffed friends. So my dad went into the hospital gift shop and found this bear and gave it to me. He told me that if I felt lonely, scared or sad to hug the bear really tight and remember that he loved me and that everything would be ok in the morning. So that night I held Mr. Rogers close and thought about what my dad said and when I woke up the next morning everything was ok and I was able to go home that afternoon. Mr. Rogers has been at my bedside ever night since then."

She paused as she handed the teddy-bear back over to Josh. "I want you to have Mr. Rogers, he'll keep you company now that I'm not going to be around. If you feel lonely, lost or scared in the middle of the night, I want you to hold him close and remember that I care about you and that everything will be alright in the morning."

Josh smiled, he was genuinely touched by Donna's gesture, no matter how cheesy it was. He held the bear close to his heart and whispered "Thanks."

Donna smiled in return as Josh reached over and wrapped himself around her in a warm embrace and whispered softly in her ear.

"What did I ever do to deserve such a wonderful woman like you in my life?"

Donna just shrugged her shoulders, she didn't ever want Josh to let go. It felt so right being in his arms.

She felt a small pool of tears collect in her eyes as they reluctantly broke their embrace and Donna collected her things and prepared to go home alone.

"Take good care of Mr. Rogers. Remember what I told you and when I'm not around he's in charge and remember he doesn't bring you coffee either."

Josh nodded his head in agreement and placed a soft kiss on her forehead and she stood in the doorway, both of them not wanting to end their tender moment they were sharing.

"Goodnight Joshua"

"Goodnight Donnatella"

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As the memory faded, Josh held Mr. Rogers closer. If he really concentrated he found that he could still smell the sweet scent of Donna's shampoo on the bear. He closed his eyes and thought back to Donna's words that if he held the bear close to his heart all night, maybe somehow he'd awaken in the morning and everything would be alright.

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