Chapter Three

January 1969

Serena had been to her doctor shortly after she thought she could be pregnant. Her doctor had confirmed her fears. That man who raped her had fathered her child. Serena was pregnant. There was nothing she could do about it. Her friend Margo had tried to convince her that having a baby could be cool. If nothing else, it would help get her a seat on the bus or subway. Serena was still a little unsure. She worried she would not be able to handle it.

Life was supposed to be simple. Serena did not want anything messing that up. She liked her life the way it was. Although she would not categorize herself as an alcoholic, she liked her daily trips to the bars. People there knew her. She liked that feeling of inclusion. She saw the women at the doctor's office. Most of them were not having heir first child. Women like that frightened Serena. The only thing she feared more was that she was going to become one of them.

Nine months later, she was bigger than ever and still in the need of some wine. Seeing as she still was not in labor, she decided to meet Margo down at one of their favorite bars. Margo still had not arrived. Serena's tolerance for the new bartender was fading.

"Ma'am, you've already had two glasses of wine," this new guy pointed out. As if Serena needed a reminder. She just wanted to slap him. "Studies are being done on babies whose mothers—"

"I don't give a damn about studies!" Serena exclaimed. "Look, I'm paying your bar for the wine. All you have to do is pour it already! So pour, or I'm leaving."

Someone sat down in the seat next to Serena. Serena smiled as she recognized her friend. Margo leaned over the bar, exposing her fully developed chest and new black lace bra to the bartender. "Just make my friend happy, ok?" she said. "Then you can be happy, and it will all be a happy world!" She then gave a rowdy laugh and turned to face Serena. "Still haven't popped the booger?"

Serena grumbled an incoherent response. She then grabbed her glass of wine and gulped it down as if it were a shot of vodka. She loudly pressed her glass against the bar as a signal for more. She glared at the bartender until he poured some for her.

Serena then frowned. Something new was happening. Normally, she would have had much more wine. She was feeling pain, and it was not something she liked. If she had gone to some other bar, perhaps the pain would be less intense. She then sighed as she felt it go away.

"You ok?" Margo asked as she downed her second shot. "If you believe that whole science crap about wine, we can go," she offered.

Serena shook her head. "No," she insisted. "And don't you go trying to sell it on me either." Her tone was commanding. "It was probably just something I ate. I don't feel anything now." She snapped her fingers loudly to attract the attention of her favorite bartender. This was the one who knew her. He would not give her medical bullshit. He would just refill her wine, sometimes without even charging her.

"Hey there, little lady," Rick said as he joined Serena and Margo. "You need something?"

"You mean besides going back in time so I won't be pregnant and also so you won't hire this brat?" Serena questioned. Her head tilted at the newest member of the staff.

Rick shrugged. "Hey, he's all we got. At this point, we can't be picky about who we hire."

"Holy fuck!" Serena yelled. This time she knew she felt pain. It was getting stronger.

Startled by Serena's outburst, one of the female patrons of the bar walked over. "Ricky, call an ambulance. This woman's havin' a baby."

Serena's eyes widened. "No, I'm not," she insisted. "I don't want a baby. How can I have it if I don't want it! Oh, somebody shoot me!"

"Somebody page NICU!" Dr. Cardigan yelled as he saw Serena being wheeled into the delivery room. One of the nurses informed him that there was a drunk woman giving birth in their hospital. He knew that their neonatal intensive care was not the best in the country, but it was better than nothing. He somehow had the feeling this child would need all the help it could get.

"I'm here," a nurse said. "And Dr. Pelham is on his way," she offered.

Dr. Cardigan raised an eyebrow at the nurse. "And who are you?" he asked.

"Nurse Warner," the nurse responded. "I started in OB when you were a resident, and you later delivered my daughter Melinda."

"Will somebody tell me what is going on?" Serena demanded. She turned to Nurse Warner. "You look smart," she offered. "What's happening?"

"You went into labor a couple of hours ago," Nurse Warner informed her. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the NICU doctors enter the room.

"I don't remember," Serena muttered. She knew why she did not remember. The reason was always the same. However, she didn't want these people thinking she could not care for a child. Now that she had begun to sober up, she wanted the child. She cared about it.

Nurse Warner saw Dr. Cardigan nod at her. "I know, but it's time for your baby to be born," she said in a soothing and reassuring tone. "You have to push now, Serena." She stood by Serena's feet and hoped for the child's safety. She always pitied the babies in her care.

"Fully dilated," Dr. Cardigan stated. "Push!"

Serena tried her hardest. It took nearly half an hour, but she finally gave birth. As soon as she heard one of the doctors tell her it was over, she flopped down on the bed. It was over. She had nothing more to worry about.

Wait, she thought. Aren't babies supposed to cry? She frowned as she gently sat up. Her baby was not crying. "Hey," she called. "What's wrong with it? Why isn't the baby crying?"

Nurse Warner gave a sad sigh as she turned back to Serena. "The doctors are working very hard," she said. She did not know if they would be able to fix it. She hoped they would. She also did not know what else to say. She highly suspected that it was alcohol-related, but she could not be certain. "We don't know what's wrong with your daughter."

Serena barely registered the words. She just kept watching as the four doctors began frantically working on her baby. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "Just hang in there."