When the forces of the land
Took me away
Wherever you are
I will come back
I will be beside of you
The beasts of night will fade
I will not let you to broke
—
The ride back to the city was a quiet one, eerily so.
Gwaine was holding Llamrei's reins, riding behind everyone else. No one could watch the empty saddle. Lancelot was riding near Gwaine, his eyes cast forward, jaw taut. Gwaine noticed how the man tried to hold himself in control. Lancelot knew something about Merlin, Gwaine was sure of that. Lancelot was Merlin's confidant. Lancelot had been the one who Merlin usually sought out when there were problems. If Gwaine hadn't known that Lancelot was courting Gwen, he would have thought that there had been something more going on between those two. But Merlin had been devoted to Arthur. Over time Gwaine had seen how Merlin looked at the king. To him there was no one else. And Arthur?
Gwaine looked forward, where the king was riding. It seemed like there was an invisible shield around him, permitting anyone to come near him. It was a shield of painful sorrow. Sorrow of a human who had lost someone more precious than anything else. No one could touch or go near him. There was pain everywhere around them. One of them was gone. Gwaine didn't know what to do. He thought that maybe it was still a shock that held him back. There were no words to say, to scream out loud. To Gwaine, Merlin was his best friend, his confidant, the only one who knew his deepest secret. No, he wasn't angry that Merlin hadn't told anything to him, Gwaine didn't know Merlin's reasons and didn't care. He had been just glad that Merlin had had someone to speak to. Gwaine noticed how Percival held his reins and lagged behind, moving to ride beside Gwaine. They didn't exchange words, didn't even look at each other. Percival looked like he could start to cry anytime now. Big soft heart that always wanted to protect those who couldn't do it themselves. To this day, they all, or maybe not all of them, have thought that Merlin was the one who needed them most. And given the situation, maybe so, but very differently than what they have been thinking.
Magic.
Why in the name of all holy Merlin had come to Camelot from all the possible places. Alright, Ealdor was in Essetir, not the best place either for a sorcerer. But maybe Caerleon, or Kent.
Oh, Gwaine understood why Merlin hadn't told him anything. The risk of even knowing. Merlin had never wanted to endanger anyone. Gwaine was still fairly sure that Lancelot knew. But after leaving the attackers behind, heading back home, no one had said anything. No one dared. They all waited for Arthur to say something, but the king was silent. What would Arthur do when they get back. Keep quiet or declare Merlin a traitor?
So went Gwaine's thoughts until they reached the gates of the lower town. It looked so normal when they rode through the streets. The people gave way for the king, bowing lightly when they hurried past, though the king didn't seem to notice any of this. There were no his usual greetings, him stopping to ask from vendors how they were doing or waving to the children. Gwaine, still coming last with Merlin's horse, could hear the whispering. See the confused faces.
Usually Merlin was riding beside Arthur or right behind joking along with his friends. Not at the back, walking last like proper servant.
The people of Camelot were accustomed to seeing this unusual sight. No other servant would speak and behave like Merlin, king's manservant and Court Physician's apprentice. In his position, Merlin was very unique. So the rumors that Merlin was Arthur's lover got more and more water to the mill every day, although there was never evidence. Everyone who belonged to Arthur's inner circle knew that Arthur and Merlin were just friends. Gwaine grimaced. He had seen the moment where Arthur tried to reach Merlin. When Merlin reached Arthur. They all had heard the cry that Arhur had let go, calling Merlin. No, they weren't lovers, but maybe someday they could have been. What had made them stay just friends, Gwaine couldn't but speculate.
When they reached the citadel, Gwen was waiting for them along with some squires and stablehands. She had come to be the Lady of the castle, taking over some of the steward's job, who was coming too old to his position. Soon Arthur would have to decide who would take over the position of steward. Before this moment Gwaine would have said that to be Merlin, but now Gwaine was sure that it would be Gwen. Arthur wasn't one to maintain old traditions that seemed absolutely pointless.
Gwen hurried first to greet his brother, noticing that something was wrong. Of course she first seeked out her fiance, then…
"Where is Merlin?"
Gwaine heard her asking, but kept his eyes at the stableboy who had come to take Llamrei. His eyes were big and frightened when he also noticed that Merlin was missing. The knight was well aware that Merlin was in good terms almost everyone at the castle servants, but especially with the stablehands.
Gwaine collected Merlin's belongings and asked his squire to see his own gear to be taken care of.
"Gwaine, Lancelot, come with me. No Guinevere, I… I will speak with you later. Elyan. You can tell her. No one else." Arthur's gaze was hard when he turned to leave. Gwaine and Lancelot followed him toward Gaius' tower.
"Shit," Gwaine muttered when he realized. Gaius. Merlin was like a son to him. And he must know about Merlin's magic.
Arthur rushed through the corridors but when he reached the door, he halted. His hand hovered over the handle. Then he decided to knock. There was a muffled answer to come in, but it was eventually Lancelot who opened the door and guided Arthur inside.
Gaius was sitting at the table, food in front of him. Another bowl of food waiting for his ward to come home.
"Your majesty?" Gaius was rising but Arthur mutely waved him to sit and sit himself opposite of the old man. Gaius was frowning, looking around to see Merlin, noticing that his ward wasn't there. Noticing that Gwaine was holding Merlin's bags. He looked at the king.
"What happened, sire?"
"He saved my life. I'm sorry Gaius. He…" Arthur lowered his eyes. He couldn't say it. His voice trembled.
"Merlin is dead," Gwaine said and watched how Gaius closed his eyes.
"My boy…"
"It was a sorcerer. He casted a spell and Merlin… Merlin had magic, didn't he? I saw his eyes." Arthur whispered.
Gaius lowered his both hands at the table, looking suddenly much older and very tired.
"He was a warlock. What happened to him?"
"He kind of exploded." Gwaine answered and winced.
"The spell hit him at the same time when he casted his own. First he seemed fine, but then there were those golden sparkles leaving him, and when Arthur tried to reach him, he… He vanished, " Lancelot tried to explain. Arthur was studying his own hands.
"I could hear him, before he…" Arthur started but stopped shortly.
"What did he say, sire?" Gaius asked but Arthur shook his head.
"I… " he couldn't say it aloud. Then he rose. "I have to go. I'm sorry Gaius. I'm so sorry."
"What will you do now, sire?" Gaius asked quietly.
"What?"
"About Merlin."
About his magic. That Gaius knew and protected him.
Arthur swallowed hard.
"He will be membered as he was. As a friend. Kind and loyal. Brave."
Arthur said, ready to leave.
"He was the bravest of us," Lancelot said and Arthur watched him.
"You knew." There was a trail of bitterness in Arthur's voice, he refused to look at Lancelot.
"From the beginning," Lancelot admitted. "I saw him. He saved me. He… He wanted to tell you so many times. But he was afraid."
"Afraid of me?" Arthur's voice almost broke at that moment.
"Merlin, afraid of you? Never," Gwaine snorted and Lancelot almost smiled.
"He was afraid that he would lose everything. Your trust, your friendship, his…" Lancelot trailed off.
His love, Gwaine supplied. Arthur closed his eyes, his hands fisted.
"I will speak with you later. I… I have to go."
And they let him go.
—
Maybe you want some background to this fic.
Morgana is bad. Morgause is dead. No Agravaine in Camelot, may come later. Uther was killed by Morgana. Lancelot is dating Gwen, so Lancelot is alive. No dorochas. King Caerleon is dead, but no by Arthur. There was no war. Kilgharrah is free and Aithusa with him. Gwaine will get some more history. Balinor is dead. Modred, well, we see, but he is not in Camelot right now.