Radiating warmth slowly coaxed me out of the depths of my mind. I was vaguely aware that my shirt was covering me again and the feeling of a hand stroking my hair in a soothing manner. Dampness on my cheek, paired with a throbbing headache, let me know I had been crying for a while. I hated feeling like this.
The harsh gurgling of my stomach brought me fully back to reality. It took a moment to realize it was reacting to the intoxicating scent permeating the room: burgers and onion rings. With reality also came the awareness of the position I was in; namely that I was curled up against Natsu's chest, one of his arms wrapped around my shoulder and the other stroking my hair.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled as I pulled myself out of his comforting embrace and wiped the lingering moisture from my cheeks. "What time is it?"
"Time to eat," he replied with a smile. "Everything should still be hot, Gray dropped it off around ten minutes ago."
I noticed the bag was from one of my favorite burger joints in Magnolia, but I was too hungry to question if he randomly ordered from somewhere or if he had found out what I liked to eat - I didn't care either way. He set a large order of onion rings between us and handed me one of the burgers. Upon opening the wrapper, I found one of my favorite comfort foods: a burger piled with fried jalapenos and cheese curds.
Natsu looked deep in thought as he ate, so instead of trying to start up a conversation, I made a mental list of things I needed to do as I savored each bite. Living at the hotel was a short-term solution, so I would need to find a new apartment and hire movers; if that bastard knew where I worked, it was safe to assume he also knew where I lived. I should file a report about my gun, which I can do when I go to the police station to speak with detectives about this morning's incident. And, of course, my car will need to be replaced. I'm sure most of the damage can be repaired, but I don't want to make it too easy to know which car is mine, so...new car it is.
My thoughts turned to the man sitting next to me and I took a moment to watch him. His brows furrowed the slightest bit as he ate. I can't help but wonder what's going on in his mind, though I am too invested in my food to ask.
Something Natsu said earlier drifts through my mind. I don't really understand how I'm safer here. Sure, there are a fair number of people during work hours, but there are only ever two security guards on duty in the lobby as well as the cameras I set up several months ago. Unless the security guards are former special forces, they're not really going to make me feel at ease.
Thinking of the two men who were at the desk when I came in Friday evening caused me to snort out a laugh. There's no way those two are trained to do more than drink coffee and make perverted comments. No, that's not really fair, I'm sure they're both professional drinkers and smokers as well.
"That's an encouraging sound," Natsu declared before stuffing an onion ring in his mouth. "Any chance you'll let me in on the joke?"
Since my circumstances are the reason we're even here today, I might as well share some levity, and he chuckled when I explained my thoughts on the two security guards.
"You've got a point; they do seem pretty innocuous. Actually, Macao and Wakaba are former E.O.D. They were medically retired around fifteen years ago after an incident that nearly killed them both. Believe me, they're a lot more capable than they look; that's why I like to have them up front."
Laughter bubbled up in my throat again. It stopped when I noticed Natsu was not laughing with me.
"Wait, you're serious?"
"Absolutely," he countered. "I poached them from my dad's company a few years ago, but I've known them since I was thirteen, so I know what they're capable of doing. It's pretty impressive when they get serious. Not that that happens often, mind you."
I nodded at his words and we continued our meal in peace, both wrapped snugly in our own thoughts once more. As we cleaned up the wrappers and tossed everything, Natsu spoke again.
"You seem to be doing a little better now. If you're up for it, I have a few things I would like to discuss. No pressure, we can talk about it later this week if you're not up to it right now."
"I'm okay enough, I guess. What do you wanna talk about?"
"How many of our friends know what you've been through?"
"All of them, to some extent." I pulled a pillow from behind me and hugged it to my chest. "They all know I was kidnapped and some of what happened to me; they know who is responsible. Levy, Erza, Cana, and Wendy have seen the scars. Some of them, anyway. Gray, Gajeel, and Jellal know about them, but not how bad they are."
My throat tightens when I remember their reactions. Each of them - even Gajeel - treated me like I would break. I would not allow the hugs they wanted to give, nor any form of physical comfort for some time, too sickened by the memories to want to be touched again. Too disgusted with myself, and too disgusted with what I now looked like under my clothes to want anyone to see me again.
"Why," Natstu's single word broke me out of my thoughts. He paused, as if seeking the remainder of his question. "I guess...why were you willing to share so much with me? This kinda goes both ways - our friendship - and I suppose I don't get why you would be willing to share more with someone you barely know than you have with your closest friends."
Silence settled between us as I contemplated how to answer his question. It doesn't make sense that he now knows more than any of the others. My fingers curl into the pillow, pulling it tighter to me. Will I sound completely crazy if I tell the truth? I feel like I can trust him; my intuition is telling me it's alright to let Natsu in, even if I can't make sense of why.
"I guess I just feel like I can trust you."
"Fair enough. So...why didn't you come back inside the building with me when he showed up?"
"I didn't want anyone else getting hurt because of me." The words came out as a whisper. I found myself unable to look him in the eyes any longer and dropped my gaze to study the shallow scratches on my hands. "And I knew it would get physical; he delights in causing me pain – as I'm sure you've seen."
"Then why the hell would you stay out there alone?" Natsu growled at me.
"To keep you safe, idiot," I yelled back. The pillow I'd been clutching fell to the floor as I stood, hands on my hips, and defended myself from the ferocious tone he took with me. "Every man Bora perceives as a threat to 'his property' is removed from my life. Every. Single. One. That fucking psycho put one of my cousins in the ICU because we were hanging out a lot a couple years back. He knew...that bastard KNEW it was my cousin and not some romantic rival or whatever...and nearly killed him because my cousin was trying to help me; trying to make sure I felt safe again.
"And when my father found out, he hired a bodyguard so I could have a professional around when I left my apartment. Two bodyguards were killed because they were hired to protect me. They were doing their jobs, and he killed them both because of me. My dad hired another - a woman this time, thinking that would make a difference. Do you know what Bora's ultimate response was to a man just trying to take care of his daughter and keep her safe? He decided that my father was the real problem, so he killed him too. That pathetic piece of shit had my father murdered for trying to protect me. So what the hell was I supposed to do, Natsu? Was I just supposed to let you become another fucking target? Just stand by and allow you to be put in the grave, too?"
To say Natsu was shocked by this would be an understatement. He opened his mouth to speak again, but I didn't give him the chance.
"No, it's not your turn to talk again yet. Do you know what this has done to me? Do you even understand - at all - what it's like to be truly alone? Gajeel and Levy's rehearsal and wedding are the only social events I've been to in over three years. I don't go to the bar with the girls, I don't go on dates, I don't even chance meeting any of my friends anywhere in public out of fear that someone will report my actions to that asshole and someone I love will end up dead. Again. The only time I leave my apartment anymore is to come to work, and it took Levy months for me to agree to be in her wedding. She's been my friend for as long as I can remember and I almost denied her request because it's not safe to be near me. I don't even know why they bother anymore, it's not like I can be there for any of them."
I pause for a breath, trying to steady my nerves. It doesn't work, and I let out a deep sigh as I realize something else.
"I shouldn't have asked you to walk me to my car Friday, it was selfish. I should have...he asked about you. This is all my fault." I find some bit of courage within me to look at Natsu again. "I'm alone and I'm scared, and no matter what I've tried, I can't get away from him. He always finds me, and because of my selfish request, you're in danger." I'm crying again, but I can't stop.
"He may have physically held me captive for three months, but it's been five years since then and I'm still not free. My cage is bigger, but I'm not free."
"Lucy." All of the anger and frustration disappeared from Natsu's voice when he uttered my name. "You don't have to be alone. All you have to do is reach out, and the help you need will be there; I'll be there."
I could feel my will trying to bend at his words, but I resist the temptation to give in. He doesn't sound the least bit tentative about helping me, even with what I've told him today. Maybe he thinks I'm exaggerating, or he doesn't understand how dangerous it would be for him to help me. Is it possible he just doesn't care about the threat to his own life? Even remembering what the girls told me earlier, it doesn't make sense to me. Besides, how could he even begin to help with someone who is seemingly untouchable? It feels selfish to ask for help, and though part of me wants to, I resist.
"I can't ask you to help me, Natsu. It just...it doesn't really feel like it's worth it anymore."
"What's not worth it?"
"Fighting. Trying to get away. In case you hadn't figured it out, this isn't exactly the first time he's violated the restraining order; it took me over a year to get the damned thing in the first place. None of the charges ever stick. I was missing for three months, found in a room in his house that was locked from the outside, obviously abused, with his fucking name carved into my back. Do you know how long he spent incarcerated? Three days. The maximum amount of time someone can be held if they're not being charged with a crime – which he wasn't. In spite of my statement, my physical and emotional state when found, and all evidence pointing to him doing all of this, it was Mary who took the fall for it.
"I guess it just seems like a wasted effort to fight anymore. He always wins anyway, so maybe I should just let him. No one else has to be hurt if I just let him have what he wants."
"I'm more than willing to help you. I'm willing to fight with you. Please let me." Natsu reaches a hand towards me.
My brain doesn't even let me consider turning him down again. I answer his request by slipping my hand into his and sitting down again.
"Lucy, you deserve to live the life you choose, and when someone tries to take that choice from you, it is always worth it to keep fighting. And this time – with help – he will not win. I won't let him."
It was so strange that I was able to accept his offer. Natsu would help, and I would be free. My other friends had asked me if I needed help before - they practically demanded I let them help, as is their way - but I always turned them down. I don't know why it was so easy to accept the help of a man I barely knew. This whole fucking situation is riduculous, but I find myself optimistic for the first time since I realized I was being stalked.
"This could take a little while to fully get off the ground, but we should probably start with your safety, as that is the most important thing."
"Alright. Well, I am going to be looking for an apartment this week while I stay at the hotel. I'm on a month-to-month, so I don't have to worry about breaking my lease," I start, noting the sour look on his face. "What?"
"How many times have you had to move since you started working here?"
"Um…" It takes a moment to count each apartment complex I've rented in two years. Damn, I move around a lot. "This move will make lucky number thirteen."
"In two years?"
"Yeah."
"And you think you're going to be safe renting just whatever apartment you haven't settled for yet?"
"I don't really have another option," I retort, crossing my arms over my chest. "I don't want to put anyone out by staying with any of my friends. I don't want to buy a house if I'm just going to move in a few months anyway, and I don't like the idea of renting a house to live in by myself. Unless I want to leave Magnolia - which I don't - I'm kinda out of ideas."
Natsu looked deep in thought for a few moments. His eyes drifted around his office, looking at nothing in particular, as the fingers of his right hand tapped restlessly on his thigh. I waited in silence for him to let me know if he had a better plan than what I'd already been doing. It's unlikely, but miracles happen.
Already-disheveled pink hair becomes even more so as Natsu runs a hand through it. And I'm pretty sure I hear him mumble, 'oh well, fuck it,' under his breath before he looks up at me with resolve.
"I know of a place where you can live."
"Not your guest room," I replied firmly.
"No. Not that you wouldn't be welcome, but you've already turned me down. It's...uh...well, it's a safehouse. Sorta. It's secure, and liveable, and safe. So...yeah...safehouse."
Not entirely convinced, I hope the look I'm giving him conveys how skeptical I am of this particular plan...
No, apparently the look isn't clear enough, as he gives me a warm smile. Alright, blunt statement it is.
"I'm not staying in some shack in the middle of the forest that you deem a 'safehouse.'"
"What? No, it's not a shack," he grumbled. "It's a…"
"It's a what, Natsu?"
"It's a," he scrubbed a hand through his hair, "it's a pretty safe place, and I think you'll be comfortable there until we get Bora taken care of."
Even though I could sense he was hiding something, the sincerity in his voice had me agreeing to move into the safehouse.
We stayed in his office arguing for several more hours, finally agreeing that I would have a security team assigned to me, but I was able to negotiate not having a glorified babysitter around while at work. Tomorrow I will move into the 'safehouse' after work and movers will pack up my apartment this week and store everything in one of Dragon Imports' warehouses.
When Natsu finally drove me back to the hotel, my mind was buzzing with questions that had all gone unanswered. I was, however, assured that these questions would be answered throughout the week, but according to Natsu we both needed sleep more than I needed to satisfy my curiosity.
Thank you to everyone who sent followed or favorited my story and/or myself. I appreciate all of you so much! Special thanks to my reviewers: Copperreign12, Jack5635, samurai of sunflowers, Niomei, LadyNerdyNerf, Guest, RequiemMage, and themelodicshagg.
Some have commented that chapter 4 was a bit of a difficult read. This is because I've read too many fanfics that just gloss over the trauma. Dealing with trauma is not an easy process. In case you haven't figured it out yet, Lucy has PTSD from the incidents with Bora. Dealing with PTSD is difficult at best, and there are so many factors that come into play. I'm drawing some of the inspiration from my own experiences (nothing near as horrific as what I've written), and how I learned to follow my intuition when it came to who I could trust in my life. Though she does not understand it, Lucy's intuition has let her know that Natsu is someone worthy of her trust.
I promise, I will be bringing the funny back soon. None of the trauma chapters were easy for me to write, but I feel they are necessary to the development of the story and characters.
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.
TTFN, Lovelies!