In no way, shape or form do I take credit for creation or ownership of the Hagane no Renkinjutsushi (Fullmetal Alchemist) series. The original manga is the property of Hiromu Arakawa and the anime is the property of Bones animation studio.
Dinner began as quite a lively affair, the conversation plentiful and pleasant as Elysia gleefully prattled on when Riza and Gracia weren't catching up with one another, leaving Roy content to add a few remarks here and there. For the most part, he kept watching Riza as she ate, noticing that even in the comfortable atmosphere of the Hughes residence, she sat up straight and took small bites, waiting until she was finished before speaking and never interrupting the mile-a-minute expositions that Elysia was availing them all with, preferring to add commentary when necessary and to wait for her to become interested in her food once again before speaking at length.
Also, her hair had led him to distraction yet again as he was unable to keep all of his attention away from the blonde locks as they hung behind her, brushing forward in front of her shoulders when she made certain movements. Excepting his weeks of recovery, he had rarely seen her with her hair down; Riza opted to keep it cropped short during both their childhood and her early years in the service, then kept it tightly controlled once she had finished growing it out. It was really a shame, he mused as he watched the tips bob as she nodded an affirmative to a question from Gracia, because her hair was quite beautiful and she looked amazing with it down. He'd had to restrain himself more than once from reaching his hand over and running her fingers through it again as he had done earlier, so eager was he to play with the long silken strands once more. He could only imagine it spread about her head like a sort of surreal halo as she slumbered, flowing over her pillow and the sheets as she slept and as she…
Remembering that there was a child in the room, Roy forced his mind to focus back on the conversation, in order to deter himself from going down that line of thought. With Elysia becoming as inquisitive as her father, one could never be sure just what strange behaviors she might notice and ask about, regardless of the embarrassing situation that may result. Nonetheless, just moments before he succeeded in fully redirecting his mind, Riza and Gracia both turned their attention on him, concern and interest written on Riza's features.
"Are you alright? You've been silent for a long time now. Is anything wrong?" Gracia asked maternally before Riza could speak. "You're flushed, Roy, are you feeling okay?"
Roy waved her down, motioning for her not to get up. "I'm fine," he supplied, the mild blush that came from being caught with his mind wandering, even if they didn't know what he was thinking about, burning his cheeks. "I just… I was a little out of it; my mind started to wander. I guess I had a longer day than I had thought," he supplied, smiling weakly until the pair of women accepted the answer, hoping silently for Elysia to distract attention away from him once more.
His savior answered his prayers as she launched into a story about some of the children that she went to school with that had come down with fevers, only to later break out with colds or itchy spots, causing her to tell him to take care of himself. Left to himself and his thoughts once again, Roy returned to studying the woman seated beside him, trying to be a little more discreet this time around. He found it a little curious that after so long, he was just now starting to have such strong physical reactions to Riza, having gone years upon years being able to remain perfectly calm in her presence, despite the growing attachment he had felt to her. He had always prided himself on keeping his cool, it was one of his many traits that had made so many women flock after him with desire, and it had allowed him years of freedom of hiding the emotions he felt for Riza, protecting both her and their careers. It made him feel all the more awkward that after being separated from her for so long, he was reacting to her despite his efforts to remain calm. He was unused to physically desiring someone so strongly, especially after having first become emotionally intertwined, making the current situation arising between him and Riza even more thrilling, more wonderfully confusing to wade through. Long had Riza been irreplaceable in his heart, but now she was bringing forth primal urges in him that he'd been able to keep at bay in addition to having his sweet daydreams of years past, making him feel like a young man again, wistful and dreaming of the future and, to be frank, easily excitable as could be.
Once more, his mind was getting away from him, as he had moved on to studying the skin of her neck that peeked out of her high-collared shirt, the flesh there milky and pale like her face and hands. Idly, he wondered how she stayed so fair when he knew she spent time outdoors, but attributed it to her genes keeping her from tanning much, similar to how he would only darken a little after hours outside thanks to his mother. Moving once again down the distracted trails of thought that he knew would get him into trouble, he wondered what it would be like to kiss her along her neck and near her collarbone.
Wickedly, he realized that any marks he would leave would be covered during the day, as she always wore one of those dark high-necks beneath her uniform unless they were in their dress uniforms, meaning that he could technically leave as many marks as he wanted without getting caught. The thought was exciting and left him pausing, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath as he tried to stop lusting after her like a teenager once more.
Bringing a hand up to rub his temple, Roy fought the urge to groan as he adjusted his position in his seat. Honestly, if Riza knew what he was thinking about this whole time at dinner, instead of listening to Elysia, she would probably kill him. Pitifully, he argued to himself that it wasn't his fault, that he could normally control himself and his thoughts quite easily when he wanted; it was just that Riza had something about her that made him lose focus. He'd honestly never been this bad about daydreaming about anyone or anything, and as pleasant as the thoughts he kept having were, they were bound to get him into trouble in the present company.
Vowing to himself that he was going to behave for the rest of dinner even if it killed him, Roy focused his attention on his food, turning his head just such that he could no longer see Riza out of the corner of his eye, effectively removing his distraction, for now. Looking up, he saw Elysia chatting animatedly with her mother, the words flowing over him without registering as he watched her.
She'd grown so much since he'd seen her last, becoming ever more vocal like Maes with the passing of time. The sorrow that had masked her face as she cried into Gracia's lap at her father's funeral was long-gone, her father's missing presence less a hole in her life than it was to those around her who keenly felt his absence after years of being at the mercy of his antics. She was thriving under her mother's care, and as happy as he was to see her so joyous, part of him was pained to know that she would no longer feel the warmth of her father's arms as he held her nor hear the timbre of his voice as he chatted with her about any and everything under the sun. She was too young to really remember what she had lost, not in the same fashion that her mother and he could feel the void left where his best friend had once filled their lives with love and laughter.
Depressing himself as he was, it took him a few moments before he realized that Elysia was talking to him, standing at his side and tapping him on the shoulder. Blinking a few times, he turned to look at her after casting glances at Gracia and Riza. "What is it?" he asked, his voice coming out in a croak for some reason.
Elysia frowned up at him. "You're crying, Uncle Roy. What's wrong?"
Startled by her words, Roy finally noticed when he went to touch his face that he'd left his hand hovering above his plate, fork still in hand for probably quite a while. Setting the utensil down, he brushed his fingers over his cheek and realized that she was right. While certainly not a lot, he had unknowingly shed a few tears during his agonizing musings about his deceased friend. "Nothing's wrong, Elysia," he said as the little girl crawled up into his lap, twining her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.
"Do you miss Daddy?" she asked suddenly, looking up at him with luminous, curious eyes. "Whenever Mommy's sad, it's because she misses Daddy."
Letting his arms rest around Elysia, Roy held his goddaughter close, smiling despite the sorrow that still lingered in his thoughts. "You're right, I do miss your Daddy," he said softly.
Pulling back, Elysia looked at him very seriously before speaking. "Well, it's okay to miss Daddy, but you shouldn't let it make you sad, because that will make Daddy sad too and he doesn't like being sad."
Chuckling, Roy couldn't help but smile a bit at Elysia's logic, wonderfully wise in its childlike simplicity. With one final stern look, Elysia extracted herself from Roy's arms and returned to her seat, unfazed in the least by the last five minutes' events. After a few moments, the feel of Gracia and Riza staring at him became too oppressive and Roy excused himself, not meeting their eyes as he left the table and made his way to the bathroom. Kicking the door mostly shut behind him, Roy leaned over the countertop, his hands braced against the cool surface as he propped himself up. After he caught his breath a bit and calmed down, he carefully removed his eye patch and went about cleaning his damp face.
Catching cool water from the faucet in his hands, Roy splashed himself, rinsing the tear streaks from his face before scrubbing his hands across his face tiredly. He knew Maes would kick his ass if he knew that he was still this easily upset by his death over two years after it happened, but that didn't make in any easier to move on from it. It didn't make him any less frustrated that there was nothing he could do back then, didn't bring back a father for little Elysia. Looking up, he stared at his own reflection in the mirror, a broken eye and an empty, haunted one staring back at him in the glass. Yes, since his return to Central he was mostly back to who he once was, full of pride in himself and his people, but the underlying doubt that has started festering on the night the homunculi took away his best friend had remained, weighing him down even now. In a moment of blind rage and anger, he tightly balled on of his fists as his side and let it fly at the mirror before him.
The wonderful, liberating pain never came though, as strong but gentle hands caught his arm when he hauled it back to punch. Whipping around, he saw Riza had entered the small bathroom and now held his arm in a tight grip, her fingers digging into his arm as she glared at him. She was about to say something to him, but he cut her off. "I failed… then, now. I failed Elysia, Gracia… I failed Maes… I even failed you. I fell apart back then and I ran like a coward after we fought the homunculi, instead of fighting the transfer from Central… I-"
His self-pitying words were cut off by a sharp crack as Riza's hand contacted with the side of his face in a fierce slap. She was still glaring at him when he looked at her face in shock, but her eyes were beaded with tears at the corners. "Dammit, Taisa… Roy, you didn't fail me then, you're failing me now by shutting down again over all this!"
He was about to contest her words, but she continued, her hands moving to grip the sides of his head and bring their faces close together. "I told you before, and I'll keep saying it until you finally listen. There was nothing that could be done for him, so stop punishing yourself for that. You wouldn't have been able to change things, You would have just been killed too." She hissed at him angrily. Startling him, she yanked him down the last few inches between them, her lips sealing over his for a few seconds before she yanked him back, glaring into his eyes once more though her tone had softened as she spoke again. "I told you, you're here now and that's all that matters. We're together. Stop living in the past, Roy."
A soft knock at the door frame alerted the pair to their audience as Gracia made her presence known. "Roy, Riza, are you both alright?" She asked, looking pointedly at the pair of them.
Bringing his hands up, Roy wrapped his fingers lightly around Riza's wrists and squeezed them ever so softly. "I will be," he said with conviction, meeting Riza's firm gaze before looking up to Gracia and smiling at her.
"Come on, Uncle Roy," Elysia called as she appeared from down the hallway. "We still have to finish dessert." The adults laughed a bit at the break in the serious atmosphere as she looked pleadingly up at them before tugging on her mother's hand to bring her back to the dinner table.
"You all start without me, I've just got to finish cleaning up here," Roy said as he and Riza released their holds on one another. She looked at him curiously, but he smiled, feeling a bit more ready to face things than before.
As the women exited the bathroom, Roy splashed his face again with more cold water and toweled himself off before meeting his gaze one final time in the mirror. "I'm going to become the man you died trying to help," Roy said calmly, serenely, "I'm going to be the kind of man who deserves Riza and her loyalty... and the chance to be with her. I'm not going to let myself screw things up anymore." With one final nod to his image in the mirror, Roy reattached his eye patch and exited the room, his head held high and his confidence nearing what it once was.
Again, not really terribly pleased with this, but it's taken me forever and a day to get anything done, so I'm just gonig to stop messing with this and accept that Roy turned into a big ball of Emo and teenage hormones for a chapter. Things this semester at college are so busy, it's near impossible to find time to write, so updates are going to slow down, thought hopefully nowhere as bad as this one took. I can't make any promises, but I'm working on things when I can. -K