Disclaimer: Characters belong to Shonda Rhimes and Grey's anatomy. I keep borrowing them just to have fun writing stories. I hope you enjoy too. I'm still French so I want to apologize beforehand for the mistakes. I try and try again to get a better English

I'm so happy that you guys are back with me, with this new story. I love to read what you think. Thank you for the reviews, for following and to put it in favorite. I hope you enjoy this new chapter.

Chapter 2: "We have the memories we deserve"

While Meredith had hung up since hours, the Latin woman still heard the words looping through her head like a broken record «Arizona is in the coma for three days» ... «Arizona is in the coma for three days»...

Finally, Alex had gone to his mentor's house.

Knowing where she was hiding the emergency key, he had entered the silent house. His calls getting no response, he checked all the rooms and found Arizona in Sofia's bedroom, lying on the ground, a stepladder on her and a paint container spilled on the floor.

Since she found out about the situation, the Latin woman had been unable to move.

Flabbergasted, she sat on Sofia's bed, the mind obsessed with images of her ex-wife.
That's why Arizona didn't answer her calls. Guilt overwhelming her, Callie was appalled.

Once again, locked up in this wrath that had not left her since this day when a storm had taken away, her life, her dreams and her illusions; she had let her down.
For days Arizona had not answered her, she should have worried about it and called someone to check if she had a problem instead of blaming her. That's the normal thing people do. Sane people anyway, but the Latin woman wondered if she was really sane when it was about her ex-wife.

The brunette smiles sadly thinking back to that day, when she had crossed her smile and her sparkling blue eyes in the mirror of the bathroom of a bar. While she felt like she got to the bottom of her life, from that day on, Arizona had immediately lit up her life. They had come close earthly paradise and after, heaven had become hell.

Things had become very complicated between them, nothing was ever clear, everything was always awkward.
Even if, at some point in their lives, they had been absolutely whole for each other and they had had an unlimited trust in each other; in recent years, mistrust and suspicion have always been at the turn of a word, or even, the dark-haired woman painfully sighed at this realization, or even without a word.

Was this the result of betrayals, broken promises, excessive demands and disappointed illusions? Had they thus spoiled a love that projected to be great and everlasting? Because at one time it was.
It was not just a dream; that was what their life was truly like.
Yet today it was so far away, that it seemed like that never existed.

Feeling the moisture through her shirt, the brunette realized that tears had been running down her cheeks for a long time, descending on her neck and cleavage, while her mind was wandering

The idea that her ex-wife was alone setting up their daughter's room devastated her.

For hours, wondering about the circumstances of this new accident of the blonde, she was writing her own script. It was clear for Callie; wanting once again to ignore that she had a prosthesis instead of her left leg, Arizona had certainly climbed on that damn ladder, and had fallen down.

Her ex-wife had never let herself belittled by the amputation, and even though the Latin woman was admiring the bravery that she needed every day to accomplish everything she did; she had always considered that the blonde was too often reckless and take not sufficiently account of her disability.

Still wanting overprotect Arizona, Callie had involuntarily sent to her wife the image of her handicap, and she was not unaware that in the notebook of the blonde's marital grievances, this one must be certainly written in bold and even underlined.

How long was she lying down before Alex found her? Had she lost consciousness immediately or, on the contrary, been afraid, feeling alone in an empty house, since the day when, exhausted by the tragedies and darkness in which they had lived for too long, her anchor had given up on her.

At these thoughts, a guilty sob escaped from the Latina's throat, while the front door of her New York apartment had just slammed.

- Callie, what's going on? Asks Penny, facing her collapsed girlfriend; the mascara leaving on the copper skin the stigma of tears that the brunette had not stopped pouring, since she had hung up with Meredith.

- It's Arizona... She... She fell down and ... Alex found her lifeless in Sofia's bedroom...and she's been in a coma for three days

- Oh... so Sofia's not leaving?

Appalled by her girlfriend's insensitivity, the Latina raised her head towards Penny. There was not even anger in the brunette's voice, she was only dismayed.

- I'm... I'm telling you that my ex-wife, the mother of my daughter... The Dr Robbins that you know, who you worked with, is in a coma, and the only thing that you're worried about, is if Sofia is going to be able to leave New York?

- I'm just surprised that the coma of your ex-wife, of whom you've been divorced for nearly three years, the mother of your daughter that you drove in a court so that you could take her daughter thousands of miles away from her, the Dr Robbins, with whom, unless I'm mistaken, you haven't spoken two words in months, has put you in such a state! And yes, I'm asking if Sofia is moving! Because it seems to be her only desire since she realized that New York was really far away from Seattle, and that she couldn't see her mother every day except in face time, and moreover it seems rather complicated between the jet lag and the pace of work of Dr Robbins, your ex-wife!

The Latin woman's shoulders sag in front of Penny's diatribe that she had screamed without just taking a breath of air. She must have kept her words to herself for a while thought Callie.
The Latin woman didn't have the strength to pursue this discussion and anyway there were a number of cruel truths in what Penny was saying.
She had indeed been divorced for almost three years from her ex-wife, whose voice she had not heard since she took her daughter to New York after a despicable battle for custody of their child, who now, wished only one thing: going back to Seattle. It was indeed a pretty good summary of the fiasco that her life was.

- I'm going to pick up Sofia at school

When she came back with Sofia, Penny was no longer at home, she had left a note explaining that she went to the hospital, and Callie felt relieved.

She had no desire to fight tonight, as a matter of fact, she no longer wanted to fight at all. She had certainly used all her strengths in the fights with her ex-wife for the rest of her life.

Callie sneers, grinning at the thought that went through her mind.
Always with a little sadness in her beautiful blue eyes, Arizona claimed that the Latin woman was angry because she was passionate and sensitive and fought for the things she held dear, and that was a great quality.
The blonde had spent a lot of time forgiving her mood swings and the many times she had crossed the line. Or maybe she hadn't really? Perhaps Arizona had merely been silenced by her own guilt, just to convince herself that, as long as Callie was mad, it was a good sign, it meant that she still cared about her, and their marriage was still surviving.

Sofia's footsteps coming back from her room interrupt the Latin's thoughts.

- Is my suitcase ready mama?... I will have to put on my rabbit blanket... And I have to put the drawings I made for mommy too

- Sofia, come here, we need to talk.

- Yeah, mama, uh... The worry suddenly passes into the eyes of the child... I'm still going to Seattle, right? The nodding of her mother's head is enough to reassure the little girl, who started to jump on the spot while singing. One more school day, two more nights and I'll be flying alone with a hostess who'll take care of me, and mommy will be waiting for me at the airport in Seattle, and as soon as I'm with her; I'll ask mommy for her phone so I can text you and tell you I came safe. You've already explained everything to me, almost every day for many days, mama!

Callie smiled at her daughter's impatience; she was obviously counting the days that separated her from her mother in whose arms, she had not been able to snuggle for months.
Taking a deep breath, because it hurt her feelings as a mother a little bit, but especially because, and she found that she became a master in this area the last years, once again she was going to disappoint the person, she loved more than anything.

- I know, honey, I'm a very anxious and annoying mama... but actually it's not about the trip to Seattle…There… There's a little change going on here.

As expected, the little girl's face had suddenly darkened, her eyes were already shining with the tears she was holding back.

Since her earliest childhood, life had required Sofia a great ability to adapt. She had lost her father when she was not yet two years old, and even though that memory was not conscious, her life had changed considerably since then.
Her moms had become darker. Even when they were playing and laughing with her, something was still missing. However, the move to New York and the absence of one of her mothers that this had resulted, had gotten the better of Sofia's resilience.

- I'm not going to see mommy? Sobs Sofia with a miserable poot. Callie grabs her on her lap to cuddle her.

-You will, sweety, you will see her very soon. And you know she can't wait to see you too. But since there is a week of spring vacation, we thought you could go to grandma and grandpa's house first, and you could leave tomorrow, since it was your last day in this school anyway. Does that sound good to you?

- And I can go feed the chickens and walk around with my pony and also cuddle to Tchoupi?! Asks the little girl, raising sad eyes on her Latin mother, but trying to find, in spite of everything, some reasons to rejoice in this change of plan which basically upset her.

Arizona's parents worshipped their only grand- child, and at that moment Callie thanked God for that.

Everything in their home was done first for Sofia's pleasure. There were the chickens that made Sofia as happy as Arizona, the dog Tchoupi that the little one adored, and to the great surprise of both mothers; worrying about their granddaughter who had just lost her father, claiming the extraordinary benefit well known of the bond between this animal and the children, Barbara and the colonel had even bought a pony for Sofia's second birthday.

Callie had thought it was a little crazy, but it was such a loving act that she had dropped a few tears of emotion. She fondly remembers having even managed to make Arizona laugh, which did not smile much at that time, telling her that if Mark was seeing them from where he was, he must have laughed at the Colonel's attempt to replace "the sperm donor" with a pony.

Unlike Callie's mother, who had still not reversed her judgment about the depraved life of her lesbian daughter; Arizona's mother, had never disconnected from Callie, even after the divorce and even after the custody trial.

For the sake of Sofia, her parents, and perhaps also of Callie who had found in her mother-in-law, the mother who had always been missing for her, Arizona hasn't ever disagreed with that.

So, when she had called to explain to them what had happened to Arizona in Seattle, Callie was not surprised that her ex-parents-in-law, willingly accept her proposal to take care of their granddaughter, while on her side she wanted to go to Seattle to check their daughter's health.

- You can do all this... and also ride a bike with your grandfather. And grandma told me that she was going to teach you how to make some good recipes... You know, the cranberry pie...

- Oh yay! Awesome! The recipe for cranberry pie!... Sofia bursts with laughter, making Callie smile even if she was consumed by anxiety. The one that mommy fails all the time!

If the little girl was the spitting image of her Latin mother and had inherited from her father this incredible ability to make the best with all situations, she however, imitated all the mimics and expressions of Arizona, making her an easy-going and cheerful little girl. The slightest little thing excited her and brought out of her mouth, a lot of Yay! Awesome! and Great! Yet, it's been a while that the Latin had not heard this frank laughter.

Sofia's laughter had always been contagious, this child had kept them standing in the worst moments. But since she had emptiness in the place of the front teeth that she had lost last month, even her smile provoked the laughter of the Latin.

Just a couple weeks ago, the brunette had also heard Arizona bursting out of laughter, as Sofia appeared on the screen with a big smile, proudly exposing her toothless mouth to her mother during a face-time meeting.

From afar, Callie and Penny had overheard their playful conversation about the tooth fairy, and Arizona had promised her daughter that a gift would arrive by mail very soon from the Seattle tooth fairy.

Penny had not laughed, remembered the Latina. Penny had only said that all these tooth fairy stories were stupid, and that somehow Arizona was spoiling Sofia too much.
Penny wasn't very funny; thought Callie. She was nice and quiet and easy going; but Penny wasn't much fun, and now that the Latin had rested a little from a passionate relationship that had devoured her for seven years, she'd even go so far as to say, that her relationship with Penny was bland, restful but bland. Callie chases away those thoughts to focus on her child who was looking at her with sparks in her eyes.

- Mama, tell me again the story about mommy's cranberry pies.

- Okay, so Mom was still trying to make a cranberry pie, and then, when she was eating it, she made this grin.". The brunette mimicking Arizona looking disgusted, made Sofia laugh... She shrugged her shoulders like that, and she always ended up saying "Puff ... It's not as good as my mother's". But I always told her that it wasn't true and it tasted better ...

- This was a lie, mama! Sofia exclaimed, savoring the anecdotes of a period of which the child had no memories but which Callie always enjoyed telling her from time to time.

- Yeah, but it was a little lie to make her feel better...

Callie turns her head away, trying to hide in front of her child, the tears threatening to invade her eyes. This expression was totally borrowed from Arizona. This is what the blonde had put forward as an argument while one day, consumed by jealousy, the Latina urged her wife to name all the exes that she had had in the hospital and whom the blonde had avoided talking to her.

The Latin remembers that Arizona was waiting for her at home, worried of having hurt her and ready to do anything to be forgiven

"It was to protect you, I didn't want you to be hurt, it was a little lie to make you feel better, these little lies are allowed when they are made out of love…"

The fight ended with Arizona pushed on their bed, while the brunette threw herself on her, and a pretty unforgettable sexy night had followed.
For a long time, every time there was a misunderstanding, or an omission, it had become a complicit joke between them, until it could no longer be. Even to make them feel better, the lies had been too big to be forgiven.
Callie had lied and promised she'd save the leg, and betrayed her. Arizona had taken too long to realize that it was a lie out of love, and she betrayed her in return.

The betrayals, the lies had taken so much space in their relationship that they no longer had the heart to joke about this anecdote, or even from that moment on, to make small lies so that the other feels better.

- Mama?

- Hum? Sofia's voice takes Callie back to New York.

- Do you still want mom to feel better?

- Of course, I do sweety.

- So, I'll have to go to Seattle, because mommy always says I'm her sunshine, and as soon as she sees me, she feels great.

- And I'm sure you are. You'll go to Seattle Sofia, I promise you... Only a few days of vacation at Grandma and Grandpa's and then you'll go to Seattle to see your mommy

XXXXXXXXXXXX

When she enters through the large lobby of the Grey Sloan Memorial, Callie's stomach squeezes. She never thought she'd miss this place as much.
Of course, she would have preferred to come back under other circumstances.
What did she gonna find here? How was Arizona doing? Could her daughter come to see her mother soon, like she promised her this morning, before she put her on a plane to meet her grandparents in Wyoming, and herself fly to Seattle.
The Latin sneered bitterly, she absolutely had to lose the habit of making promises to the people she loved to madness, just to make them feel better, especially when she was not sure she could keep them.

A voice that called her name, drives away that thought that often obsessed her in recent months, and even more so since she had learned about Arizona's accident.

- Callie, you came?! Meredith was surprised to see her friend already there…But where's Sofia?

- With Arizona's parents. Mer, how is she? Are there any changes? What about her shoulder? Who's the ortho that worked on her shoulder? Does she have any other injuries?

- Breathe Callie, breathe... Yeah, she's got two cracked ribs, and the dislocated shoulder's been fixed by Dr Atticus Lincoln, he is amazing, but that's not the thing to worry about. You need to talk to Amelia, she will explain.

Accompanied by Meredith, Callie sees in a dark room, Amelia Shepherd who was thoroughly studying brain images in front of her. Alongside her, seeming to await the verdict, stood Alex, April and Richard.

Taking a deep breath, Callie walks into the room. She feared the diagnosis. She knew by heart, this cleaver that falls on a family and changes life in one second. Was she even allowed to receive that? Here, everyone seemed to think so, but she was only the ex-wife after all. Was she still Arizona's family?

- Hi Torres. Said the neurologist without turning back. Arizona woke up this morning.

A smile illuminates the unusually dull face of the Latin woman who had not closed her eye last night, and had slept rather poorly in recent times too. Her weary mind, however, quickly became aware of the tension in the room and the lack of enthusiasm for what should have been the great news of the day.

A shadow passes over Callie's face, so there was a «but», otherwise wouldn't have done all those mysteries.

- But?

- But... I don't know.

- "How would you not know?"? It is quite simple! There is a "but" or there is no "but". Did she answer your requests? Did she say anything?

- Yes. She knows her name. She knows she's in Seattle... but ...but she seems confused ...I think ... Finally, she said that she was the new pediatric surgeon who came to replace Dr. Kenley...Uh... She was sorry for his heart accident, and she absolutely wanted to talk to a certain Dr. Bailey as soon as possible.

- That's ... That's when she came to Seattle Grace, nearly ten years ago! You ... Do you think that... Did you ask her any other questions? ... Did she see her leg?...

- Uh ...The leg? No... I didn't notice. The neurologist turns to the pediatrician... Alex, you were with me, do you think she saw her leg?

- I have no idea! I mean, I was trying to figure out what she was saying... Alex was trying to play the film back in his mind...She was totally delirious... She thought she was in a guard room... that she had to sleep because she had a busy day the next day... She was talking about a child that needed to be transplanted as soon as possible... and then she sank again.

- I can't believe it. Nobody thought about her leg?! Callie ran her fingers nervously through her hair. In the Latin view, the leg was undoubtedly the thing that had most seriously affected Arizona's life over the past ten years... Wait, Alex! What do you mean by she sank again? Is she back in a coma?!

- Callie there's nothing on the scans or the M.R.I. And... maybe she needs more time... She will wake up, there is no reason not to. The brain is complicated, sometimes, it's hard to understand what...

The Latin woman giggles, a mixture of wrath and sarcasm in the voice

- Hey! You know what? That's Arizona Robbins, my ex-wife! Do you think I'm not intimately aware that her brain is quite complicated? You're facing the most complicated brain you've ever come across... Callie sneers by showing the images on the screens... And besides if you find the keys, then do me a favor, tell me how it works in there!

Hermetic with the orthopedist's passive aggressive irony, Amelia continues in a professional tone

- I think it might be some sort of "emotional dissociative traumatic retrograde amnesia".

Latin opens bewildered eyes.

- Perfect, just perfect ... So, I'll give you two pointers that could guide you. She fell from the sky and her leg must have been cut off! That's enough trauma for you, or should I develop the emotional shock that you get when you open your eyes thinking that you're 27 and you still move through the corridors of the hospital with roller shoes and suddenly discover that in fact there's a big void in place of your left leg! The tone of the Latin had risen to the point of practically yelling at the neurologist who always remained impassive. You should have had to pay attention to that, reassure her ... I don't know... Explaining to her how brave and amazing she had been and how she managed to overcome it, and that she now had a life like anyone else and that ... that Sofia was proud of her mom who had a robot leg... The Latina furiously erases a tear that flowed on her cheek... And I'm sure, she wouldn't have gone back to sleep if you'd told her about Sofia... She wouldn't have sunk again... Callie was sobbing... Damn...it'll never end... Why the curse is on us.

Inside the room, everyone was silent. They knew the temperament of the orthopedist, and knew that at some point, she would have to go through a fit of anger followed by tears. While Meredith was trying to cheer up her friend with a friendly hand on her arm, in a calm voice Amelia explained again.

- We can imagine the trauma is the leg, but we are not sure about that, Callie. I contacted Professor Koperman in London who conducted a study on this kind of pathology for 20 years. According to him, it is difficult to know what cause this kind of amnesia. Sometimes, what might seem obvious is not the real breaking point. That is why he expressly recommends not to share memories with the patient. He has to find it himself. So, it would have been a mistake to reassure her. Without meaning to, we could have caused shock and aggravated her psychological state. A grunt came out of Callie's throat, she clearly did not share the concept that reassure a patient could worsen his case. He is not even in favour of hypnosis; he thinks that the sudden emergence of memories can be dangerous.

The neurologist ignoring the orthopedist was now talking to all the surgeons who were in the room

… And those around her, need to know that it is essential for her total recovery. No blunders! Amelia underlines her point by looking at April with insistent eyes. The redhead woman hitting her chest seemed offended by the neuro surgeon's insinuation...If her mind resists, it is because she needs time and we must let her rediscover her past little by little...

- Are you serious? I do not know what says, your DR whatever his name is, specialist of traumatic amnesia, blah, blah, blah…, but what I'm absolutely sure of, is that wanting her back on the path she's already been on, would be pure sadism. This would be downright torture for her! For the second time! Not to mention the fact that this time there's a little girl that I just sent to her grandparents promising her that she was going to see her mom in a few days... Callie sniffs held back tears ... What does the London specialist say about how long it takes to regain memory?

- It varies, but there have been no cases that have gone beyond two years, beyond two years is ...

- Two years! Cries the Latina falling heavily on a chair.

- Most of the time it is a few weeks or a few months... However sometimes some parts may remain permanently erased. Callie, I think you need to accept the treatment that Koperman advocates. No one is in a better position than you to help Arizona remember this part of her life, but you must respect Koperman's advice.

- Me?!

Astounded by the neurologist's suggestion, Callie sought vainly in the eyes of the other surgeons she wasn't alone in considering Amelia's idea as totally delusional, and that it might not be useless to run a CT scan of the neurologist's brain to make sure her tumor had been completely removed.

- No, no, no, no... You are kidding me. Right? I'm the last person she'll want to see when she will wake up... She couldn't stand the thought of me helping her even when we were married... Callie chuckles ... And frankly, it will certainly not be any different now. I doubt very much that she has changed her mind on this issue. Plus, there's no way I'm coming back down that road, or even being around her for that. You know, the crash, the leg and everything. I'm not even sure I can do it myself, so I don't even want to imagine what it would be like for her.

No, sorry, I'm not the right person for this... and then let me remind you that I live in New York now. And anyway, trust me, the ex-wife she hates and who always makes her angry, won't help Arizona recover her memory.

Absolutely sure of having convinced her audience who with great wisdom had let her spill her guts; in a few seconds the Latin had gone around all the arguments that seemed unassailable to her.

- Callie, I think you don't get it... if Amelia isn't wrong, and if only Arizona was ever coming to hate you, ... Exasperated by his two friends still unable to see clearly when it came about their relationship, Alex sighs... Right now, she doesn't hate you. Arizona doesn't even know you yet

- Oh my God, it's true! ... But... But that's much worse! ... You want me to ... You want me to lie to her? ... Hiding from her that we were married and divorced, and that she has a child I took miles away from her after we were torn apart in a lousy trial?... But already that there is not much left of our relationship... As soon as she finds out the truth, she...

- It's just a little lie to make her feel better.

Richard had been silent all along. He was very affected by this new event that Arizona, who seemed barely get her head out of the water since a few months, was going to have to endure.
He hadn't been Callie Torres' biggest fan since the trial; however, the man was convinced that she was the only one able to help the blonde.
Callie smiled, «a little lie to make her feel better» Even if she remained convinced that the lie was once again huge, and dangerous, these were the only words that calmed her a bit since she entered this room.

- Who else knows more about this part of Arizona's life that seems to have faded? You'll have to try to give her some clues to awaken her memory, lead her without rushing her, Callie. And anyway... Richard highlighted...You're still the only trusted person to call in an emergency recorded in her medical file. .

- She... She didn't change that? Asks Callie extremely surprised, and visibly moved that her ex-wife could still trust her, specially to make medical decisions about her. The brunette had long been convinced that from Arizona's point of view she had the worst record in this field ... Whatever, I didn't do that either... We never think about doing such things. But I know her... The brunette was shaking her head... She will hate me... Once again ... In a barely audible voice, a sob stuck in her throat, she utters the words that sounded like a whisper... She'll hate me even more if it's possible...

- Oh my God Callie, stop with that! Cries out April, in an acute voice that translated her exasperation …We tell you that Arizona doesn't hate you, she never could. You must be blind or completely stupid not to see that. Embarrassed by the words and especially the tone on which they came out, always a little impressed by the orthopedic surgeon badass, the red-haired woman adds by lowering her head... Um, I'm sorry I yelled at you...and...and uh...for calling you stupid, too.

- Okay, I'm gonna stay... One week ... I'm gonna stay one week while Sofia's on vacation. As she leaves the room, Callie mumbles... I... I have to make a few phone calls to organize that.

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