Disclaimer: Characters belong to Shonda Rhimes and Grey's anatomy. I keep borrowing them just to have fun writing stories. I hope you enjoy too with this one.

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Chapter 5: Some Memories Are Better Buried Than Revealed

As Arizona showed signs of fatigue, Callie came to Meredith's home early. The general surgeon was not known for her great culinary skills, so the Latin woman has decided to cook a chicken Piccata, in order to save some and be able to bring it to Arizona for lunch tomorrow.

Sharing the meal with Amelia, Meredith and Maggie, who still lived in the same house, the women's conversation was light.

- How's it going with Arizona? Asks Maggie… I don't really dare go see her, it's a bit weird situation...I'll be awkward, or... I don't know... I'm afraid I might make a blunder...

- I know... That's also what I feared... but it's super simple, actually. She's unbelievable, breathtaking... she makes things really easy; She plays around all the time. Don't you think, Amelia?...

Understanding the allusion, the neurologist laughs

- She was under sedation! She was kind of uninhibited. When I made my rounds today, she behaved very appropriately... On the verge of the coldness.

- Um... if you say so... but... Well, she's really changed, she accepts help. She even asks for it. And frankly, it's really surprising... Callie laughed at the memory of the disappointment on her ex-wife's face discovering herself in the mirror... She seemed more shocked by her ten years older image in the mirror than by a legless...

- Arizona has always been very concerned about her appearance. Meredith chuckles

- Yeah, that's right... especially from the leg. It has... Actually… Uh, see, the amputation really made her lose self-confidence... Callie sneers... And I never thought I'd ever say that, but it's even nice to see her flirting... 'cause it's crazy anyway; she's always been so naturally gorgeous that I never paid attention to it.
At that time, I obsessively focused on her functional recovery... Giggling bitterly, the dreamy Latin woman scowls... You know, the Doctor was perfect, but the wife was actually pretty lame…Taking a deep breath, she smiles…But in any case, she became who she was again; fun, lively, enthusiastic and so cheerful... I... I had forgotten how cheerful she was, and how contagious her joy was. Arizona has always known how to make people around her happy ... And...and she's like that again!

Meredith frowned as Amelia and Maggie smiled at the brunette's paean of praise about her ex-wife. It was not exactly the memory that the two women's relationship had left them the last few times they had seen them together. Realizing she was getting carried away; embarrassed the Latina coughs.

- Anyway, I just want to say that it's way easier than I thought...

- So, she talked about the leg? Amelia asks

- Yeah, and I don't think the leg is the problem. You were right... the problem is probably elsewhere... I mean, if she had taken things the way she does today... I don't think we would have gone through all this shit and we would still be happily married and probably Sofia would have a brother or sister or even both. Said the Latin thoughtfully

As worry passed through Meredith's eyes, naively Maggie commented

- I've known you two, more divorced than married; but I do remember when I interrupted a discussion, or rather an argument, between you and Arizona about her specialization in fetal surgery, and your desire to have another child as well. You were so angry, and she was so overwhelmed.

And then at the end of the day when you told her she had to do it, she looked so happy. You two seemed so in love. Arizona seemed to really care about you, what you wanted seemed to mean a lot to her. I remember, she was willing to give up the project for you, for your family! I didn't understand why all of a sudden it became such a problem between you two leading you to divorce and everything.

- This wasn't really why we got divorced, it was simply a revelation of what we were trying to ignore for too long. The Latina sighs at this memory... But you're right, I'm always too impulsive... I think I wasn't listening to anything she was telling me. Yeah... I wasn't very easy back then either...

- And you, you had not lost a leg. Points out Amelia ironically

- No, it's true, but I'd lost a lot more, I'd lost her. I'd lost my whole life. Answers Callie dark and gloomy

A malaise settling in the room, Callie gets up to head to the kitchen, taking the dish of the chicken Piccata.

- I'm... I'm gonna save some for her lunch tomorrow... it was the first meal I cooked for her when we met... Maybe it'll remind her of something. Smiling, the Latin adds by sniffing... Chicken Piccata is a big story between us.

Meredith follows the brunette into the kitchen

- Callie, what are you doing?

- What? I'm putting chicken in a dish for tomorrow Arizona's meal

- No, I mean ... I know those eyes and that tone and that smile when you talk about Arizona...

- Uh... I don't understand... What exactly are you trying to say to me?

- I just want to tell you that you never knew how to resist her, you always come back to her and after a while; you suffer and you leave her again. You're hurt, you hurt her and she hurts you back... that's always that's been going on throughout your story...

- That's a somewhat simplistic and very reductive description of our history, Meredith. Replicates the Latin dryly

- Listen, Callie... My point is...uh... be careful. I'm not the closest person to Arizona, but everyone could see how much she suffered after your divorce, and she apparently had a hard time overcoming, but the last few months, she seemed to be doing better... So just be careful, you must not jump the gun, and hurt each other again. Because if the breaking point isn't the leg... But then what is it?

- I don't know ... Her brother's death... The car accident... Or Sofia's birth! It always broke her when she brought it up... Or I don't know, she had had a real panic attack when Clark walked into the room and pointed his gun at us... And she miscarried too, and we never talked about that again. There's so much stuff that it could be, you know She's been through so much. Maybe when she found herself lying alone in Sofia's room, she was afraid of dying and she relived waiting in the woods, she never talked about that too... I don't know, Meredith... Don't you think I'm not thinking about it? I can't stop thinking about it.

- I know, Callie, I just want to tell you that you should keep some distance...

- So, I'm the only one who can help her, but I have to keep some distance. Irritated, Callie was wondering if Meredith really remembered who it was about. For God's sakes, they were talking about Arizona, the woman with whom she had once wanted sharing every minute of the rest of her life. It's downright Mission: Impossible, what you guys expect from me, Mer.

The general surgeon sighed; her friend was not easy to guide. Even though Meredith knew that the breakup had not been easy for Callie either, she felt that the Latin woman was clearly unaware of Arizona's pain when they separated and perhaps even worse during the trial.

- Yeah, and that's why you're stepping on a wire, Callie... And I want you to know that if you need a compassionate and sympathetic ear, or an outside eye to keep from falling off the wire, you will always find mine.

- Oh, with her I'm used to it, sometimes I walk on a wire, sometimes I walk on eggshells... Callie giggles... But thank you... Meanwhile, my hopes are in chicken Piccata. In the morning, I'm gonna go pick up some casual clothes from her place, and we're gonna try to see if she remembers how to walk with a prosthesis. This could be a first step in regaining sensations she's forgotten.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning, true to her plan, Callie was recovering the key hidden in the wall lamp that illuminated the porch of the blonde's house.

When they lived together, Arizona was absolutely against hiding a spare key. She thought it was pointless and reckless, because there was no reason for them to forget or lose their house key, arguing that in addition it was taking burglars for stupider than they are, since everyone was hiding the keys under a vase next to door. As usual when they disagreed, they had been fighting about it for days.
Finding a compromise, the blonde had finally accepted that Callie hid a key in the wall lamp beside their door. The Latina noticed with an emotional smile that her ex-wife had visibly kept this habit.

Callie did not know the house, she had often dropped Sofia there, but had never come into.

She was moving forward timidly. Her eyes are attracted by the photo on the entrance wall beside the coat hook.
The image that had immortalized this moment of happiness, could not be more highlighted. Arizona should see it several times a day, thinks Callie astonished at her ex-wife's choice to have a witness of happiness lost, every day in front of her eyes.

For her part, she had rather tried to conceal anything that might remind her of their life together. They undoubtedly had different ways of handling things giggles the brunette; coming nearer to examine the photo more closely. Mark, Arizona and herself, with Sofia in her arms were smiling, like you couldn't smile bigger.
It was the first picture they took of their family, the day Callie and Sofia returned home after long months of hospitalization

The Latin woman thinks back to her conversation the day before with Meredith, how could one say that their story had been nothing but wounds?

Their story had been a passion. It was a rare chemistry between them. When everything was going well between them, life was grandiose, this picture and many others were there to remind it, but with the irrationality and excess that often comes with passion, when things went less well, it could become a real nightmare.

The Latina's eyes wandered all around the house, it was perfectly tidy. The house was luminous, the walls and furniture were pastel color; through the bay window overlooking a courtyard, the sun was shining in the living room. Of course, she didn't expect to enter the bat-cave, but it wasn't an Easter basket either. It was elegant, it looked like Arizona's style.

Callie went through the room to move around the courtyard, there was a swing and a football cage. Raising her eyes, she lets a sob escape when she saw a tree house already installed. Arizona loved tree houses; it was a memory of her childhood with her brother. The brunette could say that everything seemed to come out of the store. With a heavy heart Callie whispers

- Sofia was eagerly awaited by her mother.

Since she lived in far away from her, Arizona used to spoil Sofia. Not a week had gone by during her months in New York without the little girl receiving a package. Arizona sent a dress or shoes that she loved, or DVD or books, or toys. The little girl had not finished saying that she liked something, that it seemed that her mother was already in the shop in search. Callie felt it was excessive and definitely not in line with the upbringing they had always wanted to give to Sofia, but she figured out that Arizona was making up for the lack as much as she could.
It certainly made her feel like she was sharing things, and keeping a strong bond with her child whom she missed so many moments.

Back in the lobby, she realized that the bedrooms should be upstairs. A single-storey house had been the sine qua non that Callie had imposed on the realtor when they had bought their house together. How could her ex-wife buy a place with a staircase? Looking up at the sky, the Latina was talking in her head, it was a real denial of her condition.

- With crutches, stairs are dangerous, and at home she always needed crutches to relieve the stump from the friction of the prosthesis»

Grumbles Callie while climbing the steps. A number of questions arise in the spirit of Latina. "How come she didn't know her ex-wife had a staircase at her house? Had she turned a blind eye to Arizona and her life? How could that have happened?"

Upstairs one door was ajar. In the room the furniture was covered and one wall was half painted light green while on another, the letters forming Sofia's name were already hung. On the floor, the spilled paint had dried on the plastic that was supposed to protect the parquet flooring and the stepladder was still on the ground.

The other room should be Arizona's, thinks Callie. She opens the door timidly, it seemed strange to her to enter the blonde's private space. Naturally, in the past, they had shared privacy and obviously the same bedroom, but it seemed so long ago, that she felt like she was invading her ex-wife's intimacy.

Raising her eyebrows astounded, she discovers that on every piece of furniture there was a portrait of Sofia.
In front of the bed, a part of the wall was dedicated to the little girl. Like a door that would open on dreams, Arizona had filled a frame of impressive dimensions, with a montage of photos of Sofia since her birth.

Surrounding herself with images of her child was certainly her way of loving her; and the only way to console herself of her absence, to endure that, one way of resisting. Overwhelmed, Callie sits on the edge of the bed watching at the photos.

She certainly had not taken the measure of Arizona's sacrifice when she gave her the plane tickets.

She remembers that night; the night of Owen and Amelia's wedding.
The Latin woman had refused to go, pretending that she had no strength. And she really had not. She did not have the courage to meet the guests' eyes; of Richard, of Bailey; not after the trial of the shame.

Because when her ex-wife had looked at her eyes full of tears, and reminded her that they were both Sofia's mothers, she realized that she had ruined everything, that once again she had gone too far and that she had allowed to be said about her ex-wife, was pathetic and unforgivable.

And yet, it was Arizona who folded again. She was the one, who made the first step; who came to her door giving plane tickets like an olive branch.

It was raining that night, tears running down her face, the Latina remembers hugging her ex-wife and whispering in her neck.

- Arizona Robbins you will remain for me the most incredible person I have ever met... Barely able to speak, resigned by this admission, she had added ... The person most in everything … in fact. I'm so sorry it couldn't work out between us

The blonde had moved away from the embrace, and had looked at her with a miserable smile, her blue eyes shone with tears that she did her best to contain.
The brunette had sometimes seen her ex-wife break down in tears, but in the storm, Arizona Robbins was a good man, she always ended up standing up with dignity.

- Me too, me too. She had swallowed her tears, had displayed a big and beautiful smile, and the blue eyes had plunged into the black eyes... But we can't live with that much regret and remorse, Callie. They take up too much space, and end up hiding love! So, go to New York and try to be as happy as you can Calliope, you deserve it.

Like a few years ago, in the bathroom of the bar where they had exchanged their first kiss, this time while offering her a sad and sorry smile of «end of their story», the blonde had backed away without one more word. She had left Callie's home, leaving her daughter to move to New York.

Stunned, with her eyes staring where her ex-wife was no longer, the Latina had remained frozen for a few minutes in the doorway, the words that Arizona had spoken turning in the head.

"What we did was wrong, Callie. We could have done it right, but we missed..."

Callie remembers that she wasn't really sure of anything that evening.
Torn apart by conflicting feelings, all night long she had looked at the plane tickets asking one question. Did she still want to go to New York?

But it had to be recognized that they had had their chance, several chances even and had systematically failed.
At the end of the night, the brunette had to resign herself, this boat had already sailed too much. She had repeated mentally, "Arizona Robbins you will remain for me the person most everything. You will always be the most beautiful… …the sweetest… funniest... the most amazingly sexy...You will stay the one I have loved more than I could ever love."

And the following morning, she was on a flight with her daughter.

Still sitting on her ex-wife's bed, fixing the frame of the photo, tears flowed down the brunette's cheeks.
Remembering what she had come to do in this house, she gets up abruptly, opens the closet, grabs a bag and quickly buries Arizona stuff there; and like a robber, she runs away.

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