Disclaimer: Characters belong to Shonda Rhimes and Grey's anatomy. I keep borrowing them just to have fun writing stories.
Chapter 9 "Time heals memories as well as illusions. It is his job."
Callie had planned to take Arizona first to Joe's. She knew that upon her arrival in Seattle, the young pediatrician frequented this bar. The Latin woman was trying to start again from the very beginning and redo the journey with her ex-wife. She could not help but hope that the bar where they shared their first kiss, reminds or at least causes a feeling of déjà vu for Arizona.
Alas, sipping her glass of white wine, the blonde, leaning on the bar, found very odd the extreme familiarity with which the waiter spoke to her when she did even not know him.
- This is where all the people from the hospital meet... You've been coming here for 10 years. Reminds her the brunette, somewhat disappointed by Arizona's lack of interest for the place where they had many important memories
- Oh ... Arizona bursts with laughter... I tend to forget it. I should walk around with a mirror in front of me to remember that I am no longer 27 and I have been living in this town for 10 years. I can hardly believe it. You know, I really didn't plan on staying in Seattle when I came to replace Dr. Kenley.
Every revelation that Arizona expressed with the greatest naivety about what she had in mind when the two women had met, made Callie shudder. However, despite her disillusionment and the failure in Joe's bar; the Latin woman hiding her disappointment persists and continues her plan for the evening.
In the car, Arizona was totally delighted. Like a child, she was enthused by the tiniest detail that modernity had brought to the automobile industry. On the way; amazed, she observed the stores, she was excited about everything she discovered, but nothing about it evoked any memory.
To the great despair of the Latin woman, she had not even reacted when Callie had intentionally passed in front of the building where was their former apartment.
It's a little bummed out about the uselessness of all her attempts, that the brunette heads for the French restaurant where they had been together on several occasions.
This place was in a way, unique in their history; it was their love restaurant. They had loved to come back, in memory of a date that didn't go very well; but that the next day had led them to take a significant step in their relationship , sharing a pizza and especially their first night together.
While they enter the restaurant, Arizona freezes up. Opening big astonished eyes, she remains motionless a few seconds seeming to photograph everything was around her.
- Arizona our table is over there
- Oh ... Yeah ... I ... Of course
Sitting facing Callie, the blonde did not speak any more, she seemed overwhelmed by an emotion, giving a little hope to the Latin who was stalking the slightest of her reactions.
- Arizona are you okay?
- Yeah... uh... Calliope... Uh… Did I really used to come to this restaurant? It's... it's a fancy restaurant! ... I mean ... Did you make a dinner reservation for a work appointment here? Who the hell are you? The daughter of an oil king!
Callie bursts with laughter.
- In fact, the first time I came here, I had to choose between not eating for a week, or paying for the bill...
- And what did you do? Wait, let me guess. You ate and then you ran away like a thief without paying. Arizona broke out laughing. ... Calliope I can't run with this prosthesis; I haven't practiced with the heel yet.
- Finally, I didn't pay. I was invited in.
- Well, you must have meant a lot to that person. Arizona was smiling at the brunette... I guess if I took a pretty girl to that kind of place, it would be because... She lowers her voice by getting closer to Callie to whisper the words... I would love her very, very much. I might even think about marrying her. Callie's eyebrows rose with a leap, the Latin woman being unable to hold back a giggle...Oh no... I didn't mean to imply that you loved me very much, or...Or that you want to marry me. Or...Or even that I'm a pretty girl... The red had colored Arizona's cheeks; embarrassed, she starts laughing... You...you are not about to propose, Dr Torres?
Callie also laughed at her ex-wife's embarrassment. It was amazing how she too felt like stuck in the years 2007 -2008 during this delicious phase of seduction; loving everything she discovered about Arizona's personality and laughing at everything the blonde was telling her. At that time she had made her happier than she had ever been in her entire life, thought the brunette.
- No, I won't, I promise. I wouldn't want to see you running until you've tasted their delicious dishes.
- Oh, you figured me out. I'm not that kind of conventional girl... Uh... woman... You know that kind of woman who gets married or who has kids, a family , a home with the fire in the fireplace and so on. My dream is rather... The blue of her eyes darkens... Was... Specifies Arizona, with a frown... My dream was to change the world with medicine, I... I wanted to heal children, in countries where they have never seen a pediatrician before... Uh... well, that's what I would have liked... I even applied for the Carter Madison... She sighs deeply... But apparently, none of my dreams came true. I've been in Seattle for 10 years and I'm not even a pediatric surgeon anymore...
Callie's eyes had also darkened, she observed the disappointment on her ex-wife's face. The reality of Arizona was quite far from her dream life and the Latina was fully aware that she was no stranger to this situation.
After the couple therapy, Callie remained convinced that this was a deeply ingrained regret for the blonde. She still remembered how much Arizona's words had wounded her and had cruelly made her realize that from the very beginning, they never wanted the same things in life. But the love they immediately felt for each other, had some way trapped them in a life together. One of them had had to make concessions, and right now, when she looked back, she had to admit that Arizona had done a lot. Ignoring the thoughts running through the Latin's head, Arizona continued her own path in hers.
- It's so frustrating not knowing who I am, nor what I've done with my life. That looks so empty. This Italian woman came into my room this afternoon, and she claims we're dating and it didn't mean anything to me. According to April, I'm apparently sleeping with the sex world champion, and I don't even remember. Arizona giggles.
Embarrassed Callie scrapes her throat, trying to avoid the blonde's gaze.
- You don't like her very much. Am I wrong?
- Me? ... I... I don't even know who she is.
- But she seemed to know you, and you clearly changed your face when I mentioned her.
- No, it's just... Look, I don't think it's good for you to get information from everyone... It was clear that no one was supposed to tell you things and you were supposed to find them out by yourself... I mean, it might overwhelm you, and if as soon as I leave for a while...
With her hand on her arm, Arizona interrupts the Latina
- Calliope, you are adorably protective, but you must understand, I'm the one who's looking for answers... I saw this therapist today and except for hypnosis... Callie winces ... Yes, I know it's risky; but I can't stay like that. I mean, there's so much I don't understand. Do you even know, why I am a maternal-fetal surgeon, when all I ever wanted to do was pediatric surgery?
Hiding her embarrassment, the Latina takes a sip of the wine that the waiter had brought, but it was just stepping back to jump better, because obviously Arizona who did not take her eyes off her, was waiting for an answer.
- You... you said you needed something new and...
- Yeah, that's what Alex said too, but that doesn't make sense to me... What was I running away from, Calliope? What happened in my life that I needed something new or to fix myself? April said I needed to forget about pain. What happened Callie? All the people who seem to be my friends, talk about you and New York like as though I needed to be careful, even the chief...
- Oh Richard; he's like an overprotective father with you.
- A father with whom I go to lesbian bars?! The blonde exclaims. I can assure you that my dad has no problem with my sexual orientation, but he would never go to lesbian bars with me. The mental image of her ex-father-in-law in a lesbian bar, makes the Latin laugh, but her ex-wife was not going to be distracted by a joke... And why would I need to be protected by Richard, or anyone else? That's what I can't understand. Is it because the leg? Is that something else?
Callie swallowed hardly. Breathing deeply, she was promising inside herself that tomorrow, their friends would hear from her. But Arizona seemed so tormented, that the Latin repelled her silent threats and her discontent to try to appease the blonde.
- Again, by wanting to do the right thing, they just made it more difficult, and you see at Grey Sloan everyone...
- Yeah, that as well! Why is the hospital named Grey Sloan? When I got here it was the Seattle Grace!
- Oh please, do you really want me to ruin our dinner in such a fancy restaurant, telling you about all the mergers, all the takeovers and all the gross turpitudes the medical world has to face when the money world comes in?
- Uh... Absolutely not. Don't spoil my dream, I'm still an illusion-filled young surgeon. Chuckled Arizona.
Even though this time she seemed to be out of the woods, Callie knew that her ex-wife's stubborn spirit was going to catch up with her at some point, and much more embarrassing questions than telling her that she was one of the owners of the hospital was going to return in their conversation.
She puts her hand on the blonde's, caressing it with her thumb.
- Arizona, let's do something. I promise you, if your memory really doesn't come back, we'll consider other options, hypnosis or even I'll tell you everything, if you wish. But give yourself a chance to find out slowly, so that you'll identify the breakup point, and you can really heal and recover your whole life. Will you trust me a little longer?
Disturbed by the gentle touch of Callie's hand on hers, added to the tender gaze and the warm and loving voice with which the Latin spoke to her, Arizona lets herself be enveloped by this affection. She would have wanted to dive and even drown in the depths of the black eyes that interrogated her. However, she had the unpleasant impression that she was not allowed to do it and that what she felt was dangerous.
Even if at this very moment, the beautiful woman sitting in a romantic restaurant in front of her, looked like the most adorable, sweet, kind and tender human being that she had ever met; the blonde was determined keeping in mind what she had not stopped hearing all day; Callie Torres had a girlfriend in New York, and she was only one of her best friends.
She pulled herself together, realizing that the brunette looking at her affectionately, was waiting for her answer.
- Sure! Of course I trust you Calliope. You're so...so sweet and you do so much for me. I don't know what I'd do without you. Who are you if not the daughter of the oil king, some fairy who had bent over my crib and kept an eye on me?
- You realize you're a 37 years old surgeon, renowned across the country and your only references are fairy tales and cartoons. I'm surprised you haven't asked me about the latest Disney masterpiece yet.
- Oh about that, I just read they were going to make "Ratatouille"! It's about a rat in...
Callie, bursts out laughing
- What?
- Arizona, it was released in 2007! Well, actually this year for you. You forced me to see it in a movie theater filled with kids. We were the only two adults in the theater who had no kids with them but a giant bowl of popcorn. Besides, you even ate cotton candy. I was so embarrassed that I even considered kidnapping a kid.
The two women laughed, Arizona wiped away the tears that flowed from her eyes, so much the image of the shameful Latin amused her.
- You're a really great friend. Who does that? You ...you don't need to kidnap a child anymore; now you can use Sofia there...
- She ... She prefers to go with her other mother... Says Callie, laughter suddenly giving way to emotion. In fact, it's something they both share... The two of them are so fond of it that I leave this part to my ex-wife.... Callie's eyes were lost in the distance... When they were watching a DVD at home, they were saying the dialogues in the film as well as the characters, they were so funny when they did that.
- Oh, I do that too! But most people find it annoying. Mumbles Arizona, while carrying the fork to her mouth… Hum... It's delicious...
- I find that funny.
Hardly hearing the brunette's voice barely audible; Arizona looking up at the woman in front of her saw once again in the depth of the black eyes, the small sad shadow that she had noticed from the first time that she had crossed the orthopedist's eyes .
- What the hell happened, Calliope?
- What?
- I mean ... You're clearly a really, really incredible friend of mine. ... Chuckles the blonde... And you always get that little shadow that goes through your eyes when you talk about your ex-wife and your daughter, and ... I ... I feel like if we're friends, I should know a little bit about your private life... but... The blonde shrugs one shoulder ...I'm sorry, I forgot that too... And I feel awful because I might be able to help in turn...
- Trust me, forget about it too. It's...it's... it's so complicated and there are things that can't be fixed anyway.
Looking at Callie with immense tenderness in her eyes, Arizona tilts her head.
- When it comes to love, if you really want to, anything can always be fixed, Calliope.
Callie grinned, she really felt like she had wanted it more than anything.
The questions that had so often turned into her mind at that time were reappearing right now. Maybe she didn't try hard enough? Maybe she shouldn't have left the therapist's office and tried again; but she felt so tired and miserable. Arizona's voice startles her.
- Why did you get divorced?
- You know, nothing but very banal. You no longer understand each other, you aren't as close as you used to be, you're unhappy and you sleep with someone else.
- Oh, you cheated on her.
- No, she did. Callie takes a deep breath… And I couldn't forgive her. I mean, I tried really hard and I thought I could do it. But, that was always there, as a predator on the lookout for the slightest disagreement. The Latin sniffs... At the slightest doubt, it resurfaced between us, to devour us. That broke something inside of me, and I think in her too... and... The bright black eyes plunging into the blue eyes, Callie quotes, word for word, the last words that Arizona had whispered to her on the doorstep the day she brought her the plane tickets to New York... And we can't live with so many regret and remorse. They take up too much space, and end up hiding love!
Callie's emotion was so strong that a tear she could not hold back, flowed on her cheek. She didn't really know why, but before the brunette's grief, the blue eyes began to shine as well. Discreetly the blonde erased a tear on her own cheek.
- I know you don't like that I hate her. But I hate her for ruining such a beautiful smile, and for letting that sad little shadow settle in such beautiful eyes.
- Oh, her smile was way more beautiful than mine. It was actually magical. Everyone always felt better as soon as she smiled. Her smile made her eyes shine. And her eyes…Uh…They were just... wow... You know, they told you how much she cared about you. But one day, they stopped talking... She was miserable, and I think I didn't realize what she was going through. I haven't understood her, I was in such a hurry to get our life back that I didn't support her enough and... Callie shrugs the shoulders... and she made a mistake.
- I can't believe anyone would be miserable around you...
- Oh, trust me, she was. We wanted another child, and ...and she had a miscarriage and I wasn't there. I mean... Of course, I was physically present, but I did not support her... Callie shook her head like she was talking to herself...I did not pay enough attention to her, there were so many things. No, believe me, I was not up to the task, I should have done better.
Frowning, Arizona was listening attentively, while the Latin woman just realized that it was with her ex-wife that she was sharing these repressed feelings for years.
- And so, ... In your opinion when you're unhappy you sleep with someone else? You think that makes things better? No, it makes them worse, Calliope. I hate infidels the way I hate liars. Look, I never get involve with anyone, because, I want to have fun until exhaustion. I mean, I don't really know what's going on with this Italian, but I'm sure I didn't make any promises of exclusivity. No one is deceived in the story, that's the deal. But when you meet someone you love so much you can marry her; you don't cheat on her because you're unhappy, Calliope... You... You fight for it. And the way you talk about it, it sounds like your story was worth it. Stop thinking everything is on you, it's never because of one person. I can see how much you loved her and even... The blonde gets close to the Latina's face and whispers... How much you still love her.
- You really decided to ruin this night for me, right?... Callie giggles, masking the emotion that was going through her... We're here for you anyway. So, let's drop my pathetic life and try to have a pleasant evening. I'm just going to update you on the different novelties of this new world and maybe things will come of by themselves. Now, stick this in your ears.
Callie hands earphones to the blonde, delighted to move as soon as possible to something less emotionally charged.
- Why? What the hell is that?
- Put it on!
The blonde puts them on, with a suspicious air, but her eyes light up when the music plays in her ears. The Latin had prepared a compilation of the various songs that Arizona loved and listened to frequently. Right now, she was listening to" First Love" by Adèle.
- Wow, this girl has a sublime voice. That's great, she's gonna make it.
Callie bursts with laughter
- You should think about telling her, it will encourage her. Haven't you ever thought of discovering new talent? I don't know, making emerge new artistes? Maybe. If you ever get tired of surgery. No, I'm not kidding Arizona, you really have a gift.
Taking a sententious tone, Arizona raises her index finger before the eyes of the Latin woman who kept laughing.
- Dr Torres, making fun of the weaknesses of someone you pretend to help is bad!
Smiling, Callie grabs the finger. Keeping the blonde's hand in hers a little longer than necessary, the two women look at each other intensely for a long second. Seeking to get out of the moment in which they were dangerously reveling, each one takes her glass of wine, and swallows a big gulp.
- It's Adele! Callie ends up by saying ... You're the biggest fan. You love anything she sings. What you are listening to now, is one of her first songs. You were listening to it in a loop... Uh ... As a matter of fact, she's gone a long way... Hiding her embarrassment in a harmless conversation, Callie was kidding... The woman is one of the artists who sells the most records in the world and certainly among the most awarded too
- More than Michael Jackson?
- By the way, I have bad news for you, Michael Jackson is dead.
- Mickael Jackson died?! Arizona screams in shock, making some of the restaurant's customers to turn towards them.
The blonde seemed strongly affected. Callie remembered that she had really been at the time, she and Mark laughed a little bit at the grief of the unconditional fan.
- Oh, I never knew you guys were that close. Much more comfortable with this fun conversation, the Latin was laughing.
- Hold on a second, I can believe that! Michael Jackson! Calliope, He is ... He was a part of my teen years and youth! When did he die?
- Uh I don't know... Callie picks up a phone and goes online... June 25, 2009
- And you... Did you find this on your telephone?
- No, in yours actually and the music you hear is also on your phone...
- Did you pick up my phone from my place? A glimmer of hope goes through the blue eyes... And so, are there any pictures or stuffs that could help me?
The phone like the house of the blonde teeming with their daughter's photos, Callie had decided to buy a new one and especially virgin of the testimonies of the blonde's life.
Arizona's hospitalization was less and less justified, she would certainly be allowed out shortly, so Callie had spent all day preparing for Arizona's return and removing from her ex-wife's house any clues that could abruptly tell her that she had a child, that this child was Sofia, and what it entailed in this life that Arizona had clearly needed to forget about.
Callie was convinced that the real blockage was this life that had imposed itself on her ex-wife or rather that she had imposed on her ex-wife; sacrificing all Arizona's dreams on the way.
She decided to give her child an extra week off with her grandparents and to take more time to try to bring Sofia back into the mind of Arizona without rushing her.
If the blonde's stubborn spirit, continued to deny this part of her life, then they should come to other more drastic solutions. And she had no doubt, it would probably be the end of that charming relationship she was having right now with the adorable woman sitting in front of her, who could add to the long list of things she had to reproach her for, the lies she was making up right now.
- No, you broke your phone when you fell down, so I went to buy you another one and I'm gonna show you how to use it... I installed the app so you can control your prosthesis, and that's very important, Arizona. It lets you know how much load remains, and also adapt the prosthesis as required. Look, this is the basic mode for every day. This one, you use it when you need to stand at the operating table for a long time
- Oh, and can I ski with this one? Requests Arizona, showing an image on the phone screen.
The smile drawn on the face of the blonde who discovered the app on her phone as if she were at the funfair, confirmed to the Latin that the prosthesis was definitely not the problem.
- You can. You never took the time, all you did was work, but you could... And you can even skate, you know. And then I brought you the music you liked to listen to, finally the one I remember. You can ask April, too, because you're both totally hung up on this thing.
- Oh no I don't want to become like all those people who walk with their heads down on their screen, it's awful!
- This is exactly the way you are...
- Oh shit! One more thing I don't like about myself... But then, there are no pictures in this one...The blonde suddenly took a serious face ... Nothing to tell me a bit about what I did during those 10 years except working.
- No, but you can put some. I'm sorry, Arizona, but maybe that wouldn't help you to remember anyway.
Faced with the Arizona's disappointment, the Latina no longer knew if continuing to hide the whole past to her ex-wife, was going to be possible for a long time and even if that was the best way to help her recover her memory.
With a disillusioned pout on her face, Arizona raised her left shoulder, her voice was filled with sadness.
- Yeah, it doesn't matter... Thanks, Callie. I don't know how I'm going to be able to repay anything you do for me.
- Hey, that's what friends do...
- So, I don't remember ever having a friend like you... Said the blonde moved by such attention
- You know what? I'll let you make me have cranberry pie for the rest of my life...
Callie's ability to direct the conversation to lighter topics as soon as things got a little intense, often saved them from awkward moments, right now. It was one more thing that she found from their former relationship. When the blonde didn't feel well, the Latina always invented stories to make her laugh and lighten her worries and it always worked.
- You'd better ask my mother, since you call her to inform her of my condition.... There was like a little tone of blame in the blonde's words
- You'll be able call your parents yourself now… Callie shows the phone she handed… And for the record, your pies are as good as your mother's, even better...
- You…Have you ever tasted my mother's pies? And also, mine?
- Uh... yeah... I mean everyone ate your mom's pies... You…You already brought them to the hospital...and
Callie is interrupted by a spoon lodged in her mouth.
- Taste this. It's succulent, it's my favorite dessert. Calliope Iphigenia Torres, you are a kind of seer. You ordered all my favorites? Motionless, the spoon in mouth, Callie stunned was looking at the blonde... Oh my gosh, I forgot again. I know, I'm the one with amnesia, not you. I can't get the hang of it. Says Arizona in a laughter… You know me really well, though!...Her laughter falls when she sees the dismal look of the Latin... Callie? Callie, what's going on?... You don't like it... you ... You look like you just met a ghost.
Callie sends her a half smile. Actually, it was. Arizona had just pronounced her full name. Her spirit yielded and little pieces of her memory seemed to reappear. The Latina woman was terrified anticipating what would happen. Arizona's laughing voice interrupts the train of her thoughts.
- Everything is fine...I...Just it's surprising as a dessert...
- Okay, so tell me something or rather explain it to me. How do you end up marrying a woman, when you sleep with your best friend whenever you have the opportunity?
- Oh, you mean how can you be Bi? This is a discussion we've had before. That's' really something you never understood
- Of course, I understand that. I know what a bi is, Callie! Slightly offended, the blonde raises her eyes to the sky. In LGBT there is a B. But usually, it is rather the opposite... I mean, I slept with a bunch of straight girls, these kind of girls goes around the lesbian land, you know, like a , they will never get involved in any gay life. It's easier to have a lesbian as a sex friend and an official boyfriend, than the opposite. Unless you've had the revelation on your first try.
- Oh, not at all... I mean I was just expecting it to be different, you know, the huge thing, the sparks and everything, but no... it was good with Erika. She was the first one. But it wasn't the fireworks, no better than with a guy... I mean, I had as much fun with a guy as I did with a woman.
With shady eyes, very attentive to the brunette's words as if she embarked on a sociological study on human sexual behavior, Arizona nodded her head.
- Wow, not very reassuring for your partner.
- I know. For her it was also the first experience with a woman and she had the revelation, not me... When I saw her crying after sex, I was a little jealous, but it just meant that she had never experienced the «wow! »; you know what I mean. And I had already known the «wow» and it wasn't any bigger with her than with Mark so I was BI. But to be really sure, I had to experiment, I had to compare to make up my mind, and she didn't understand it, so she left me.
Callie was was enjoying this relax chat, even if she was aware that she was taking advantage a little bit of Arizona's memory loss, right now.
If she had explained this to her, with those words at the time, the brunette thought, she would have totally freaked her out. She winces, suddenly remembering that this was exactly how she had done it, with the same clumsiness and the same casual tone without taking into account her girlfriend's insecurities.
- Well, I guess that was a compliment to you. In my memory, I don't think I've ever made anyone cry, because of the, "wow", as you call it, and I've never cried either. Arizona giggles
- You did it ... Both... Whispers the brunette for herself
- What?
- Nothing... What I'm trying to say is that for me the revelation is not about man or a woman, but about a person.
- Yeah, I can understand that... Sniffs the dreamy blonde... But I'm sure you had the epiphany with your ex-wife, didn't you? Arizona winks mischievously at the brunette
- I... I think we should go back to the hospital now.
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