Disclaimer: Characters belong to Shonda Rhimes and Grey's anatomy.

A/N: I feel like you are all eager to see Arizona regain her memory, but her amnesia allows them both to live a new type of relationship, with naivety and enthusiasm and without fears or resentments. That took time for Callie who had all the memories.

Chapter 10: "Unhappy the one who can't find a refuge in his memories"

As Callie had foreseen, Arizona had no reason to stay in hospital anymore; and the next day in the middle of the afternoon, Amelia signed her discharge.

Of course, she would still need to immobilize her shoulder for two more weeks and start a rehabilitation. Moreover, Miranda had categorically forbidden her to perform surgeries, before passing some tests to prove that her cognitive memory was intact.

Curiously, and to Callie's great surprise, for a workaholic like Arizona had always been, the blonde did not care much about this part of her life.

In front of the door of Arizona's house, nervously, Callie grabs in the wall lamp that lighted the porch, the emergency key that she had rested the last time she came.

- Do I put a key here?... Asks Arizona astonished... Wow, that's not very wise!

- That has still allowed Alex to enter your home without breaking the door...

- Yeah, and that allows anyone to do that too ...

- Jesus Arizona, we're not going to have that conversation again! The spare keys are practical, and it looks like you've come to my opinion since you have one hidden in there.

- We... Have we ever had this kind of discussion? The blonde looked at the brunette with an astounded look

- Uh... yeah... you know, just for talking ... Uh…just like that, uh... Occasionally

The brunette bites her lips. The more comfortable she was with Arizona, the more things about their live together came out of her mouth.

The two women walk into the house and stop in the hallway.

While Callie looked at her with a questioning gaze; Arizona was paying close attention to the environment as she always did when she discovered a new place, trying to force her mind to feel something.

- Nothing. It's a nice place, but nothing is coming. Confesses her, blowing with discouragement

Aware of her ex-wife's disappointment, Callie tries to change the conversation

- I wonder how you could buy a house with stairs?

- Calliope, I discover staircase, the house and everything else! How could I know? ... You should have asked me when my memory was still working. I guess the stairs don't bother me as much as you do... In front of the blonde's dry tone, the Latina scrapes her throat. It had been part of the problem, Arizona did not want to be regarded as a disabled, and in her obsession to protect her, Callie was constantly underlining it, giving her that image she hated. But right now, her ex-wife, whose eyes wandered all around the house, seemed preoccupied with something else... I just feel like... Don't you think that's a bit impersonal?... I mean, the furniture is pretty... But, you know, it looks like nobody lives here... That's so cold... there are no pictures... Nothing... I guess that like everyone seems to say, I have to spend all my time in the hospital, and I don't care about my privacy or my home.

- Uh... Maybe you were taking care of it... You... you were painting a room in green when you fell from the stepladder. Replies the brunette, feeling for a large part responsible for the emptiness that she imagined too, in the blonde's life.

- Green!? That's strange... I don't particularly like green

- Uh ... I think you prefer beige and natural tones but you like green and also pink

- Let's take a look at this room.

The two women enter Sofia's room where Callie had removed all the furniture and taken the letters from the wall. All that remained was the stepladder and the paint can. Arizona was frowning.

- Does this ring a bell?... This is where Alex found you and...

- Nothing... Said the blonde coldly, leaving the room to cross the hallway and push the opposite door. Oh my God, but that's impossible! My life ended in 2007?! There's nothing here but pictures of my brother, or our childhood! But I haven't had a personal life in 10 years? Overwhelmed by everything she could think of, Arizona sits down on the edge of her bed, staring at the wall on which was hung the frame with the photos of Sofia that Callie had taken care to remove. There's something missing here... The Latina feels her stomach squeeze. I'll go look for a painting or something tomorrow... It's horrible... I... I don't like this home, Calliope... This is so unlike me. It's a cold and sad place. My life cannot have become this sidereal void! Dismayed, the blonde, hides her face in her hands. Callie could hear grief in her voice, she kneels before Arizona, and then, fondly pulling her hands out of her face she keeps them in hers

- Okay... okay, you're gonna sit in the living room and I'm gonna make you a cup of tea and you're gonna try to appropriate this place slowly. Don't be so impatient, it's gonna be okay.

- But I feel more at home in the hospital than I do here! I can't stay here... I... I can't, I can't… She kept saying these words in whispers.

An anxiety attack apparently took hold of the blonde who was clearly working very hard not to break down in tears before this desert that seemed to be her life. Gripping her hands in hers, Callie tries to appease her.

- You want me to stay with you tonight? The blonde raises eyes filled with gratitude towards the Latina.

- You... Could you? I mean, I don't want to go overboard... You've already done a lot, and I don't want to get you into trouble with your girlfriend, and...

- My girlfriend is in New York and if my best friend needs me, I'm helping my best friend, no matter what my girlfriend thinks or even says. Okay?

Tears rose in Arizona's eyes. She did not understand this irrepressible need to snuggle up in the arms of the Latin woman as soon as she felt vulnerable, and she had to fight with all her strength not to. Once again rejecting this desire, she straightens up and pulls herself together as her father had taught her to do since her earliest childhood.

- Thank you, Calliope... I didn't think I could stay in that house alone tonight. I guess, time will make it easier...

- You know, I'm just gonna go get some stuff from Meredith's, and then I'll stop by the grocery store, I'm sure if I open your cupboards, I'm going to get depressed. Looking at her with a mocking eye, the Latin woman was joking and as always Arizona starts to laugh. And you'll see, after a couple of drinks of wine and...

Relieved by this idea, and proudly showing off her new phone the blonde proposes innocently

- I'll order a pizza; can you grab some beers?

Beer and pizza always heralded a sexy sex party for both women. Like dancing salsa, it was part of those complicit innuendoes that the two women used, to have fun and to flirt discreetly when everything between them was just love games, suggestive jokes or laughter

Callie remembers that suddenly sitting in the cafeteria among their doctor friends, she could ask with an innocent look to Arizona

- What's for dinner tonight?

Then, Arizona was answering mischievously

- How about some pizza? The glow in her eyes betrayed her, but only Callie knew how to read them.

- Oh, I'll love it! I'll pick up the beers...

The two women exchanged tender eyes full of promise, and the night often turned out to be beyond their expectations.
At other times, it was the blonde who interrupted the Latina in the middle of a surgery, asking her in a naughty way.

- Callie, I'm sorry, I can't remember, are we having a salsa class tonight? Then they stared at each other, reading desire in their eyes.

Of course, the blonde wasn't supposed to remember this, but Callie having some pretty vivid memories of those moments, can't hold back a burst of laughter.

- It's amazing how everything I say makes you laugh... I've never felt this funny and... lost.

- You're mostly funny but not only; and I'll get pizza and beer. Said Callie, placing a friendly kiss on the blonde's cheek as she walked toward the kitchen to make tea.

Arizona closes the eyes. The simple touch of the Latina's lips on her cheek was enough to appease her.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Callie had just left and she was already missing her. Arizona remembered the words that Carina had spoken with clinched teeth to Amelia Shepherd. She too wondered what her life would be like when the Latin woman was going to move for New York. No chance she forgets that her best friend had a girlfriend in New York; every time she met someone in the hospital, he reminded her of that.

This morning, she had caught a snippet of conversation between Richard Webber and Bailey; Miranda had implied that if Callie had already left the Grey Sloan without looking back, she could do so again.

It had annoyed the blonde, and right now, sitting alone on this couch, this idea even made her a little sad. She was already feeling the emptiness that the brunette's absence was going to cause in her life.

Deciding instead to keep her mind busy thinking about how she could improve the decoration of this home to make it warmer, Arizona looked all around her.

It was basically a lack of life and photos testifying to this life of which she knew nothing. Had she become allergic to photos for 10 years, or had she done nothing but work? The second option seemed more likely to her. It would explain why she felt better in the hospital than in her own home, which looked more like 100 sqm where you store your clothes and occasionally you take a shower, than in a place where you have built a life.

Distraught, she looked at her phone on the coffee table, Arizona grabbed it. This morning April had shown her how to make a call-in face -to -face, and she really needed to talk to someone rather than continue torturing her spirit alone in this depressing room.

She presses on the contact

- Hey mommy!

Remaining speechless in front of the person who appeared on the screen, the blonde first checks the number and then turns stunned not to see behind her the person to whom these words were to be addressed.

Frowning, she figured that she must have handled it wrong and had mistakenly logged in with a wrong number that Calliope probably must have recorded on her phone.

Suddenly disoriented, squinting her eyes, Arizona stares with a somewhat baffled look at the screen. She recognized her parents' home kitchen

As she tried to elucidate this mystery rationally, the little brunette in front of her pursued the conversation.

- Mom, it's been a while since you haven't called me. I really miss you... and I can't wait for you to hug me until you choke me and eat my little face with your kisses... Arizona's eyes opened bigger and bigger as she heard the words of Callie's daughter whom she recognized for having already seen her in the photos that the Latina had shown her... You know, I have fun with Grandpa and Grandma ... And I made the cranberry pie with Grandma... The blonde's eyes and forehead were wrinkling as her fuzzy mind tried to process all the elements and put two and two together.

Trying to understand, she analyzed what was before her eyes, silently summarizing what was being imposed on her mind. Calliope's daughter was at her parents' house, calling her, mom, and calling her parents, grandpa and grandma. Meanwhile the little chatterbox in front of her, barely taking time to breathe, continued cheerfully the story of her holidays... It was delicious! Almost as good as yours! Uh... Mama said we're allowed to make small lies to make you feel good...Sofia chuckles, putting her hands on her mouth as if she had leaked a huge secret...

Mom, Chupi is grounded! He stole and ate all the cheese we bought and ... And also, you don't know what? Caramel was limping and in fact he had stuck a thorn in his hoof, so grandpa had to take it away, and meanwhile, I hugged him, so he wouldn't be afraid and I told him in his ear that he must be brave like you, because we had to cut off your leg to save your life... Arizona felt her throat tightening... and that you were the bravest mom on earth and now, mama built you a robot leg so you could take me to the park and even run faster than me...but I don't think Caramel's gonna need a robot leg... Mommy! Mommy, are you listening to me!

- Yes Sofia, I am. Whispers Arizona holding back her tears.

Reassured to still have her mother's attention, and unaware of the cataclysm that she was causing, the little girl who had been deprived of her mother's always ready ear resumed her speech

- I'm having fun, mom, but I miss you... I want to come back to Seattle now. Why can't I come back to Seattle yet, and live with you? Mama says you have a lot of work and you have a lot of babies to save, but…But I'm your baby too, you know even if I'm not sick. Mommy, am I not your baby anymore?...

Arizona felt her eyes full of tears that threatened to run over her cheeks and turn into a fit of sobbing. She was afraid of having understood too well, and she was no longer sure that she could long contain the emotion that overwhelmed her in front of this little girl who called her, mom, who cried all her love to her, and of whom she knew nothing.

- I ... I ... Sofia... You're going to come soon... And ... I want you to come too. Okay? I'm going to talk to your mom and you're going to come, I ... I promise. But... But I... I'll call you back. I… I have to go to the hospital right now….

- Yay! See you soon Mom, go and save other babies then, but you love me the strongest in the world, don't you? To Pluto and back a million times.

- Yeah, To Pluto and back a million times. Arizona Repeats in a monotonous voice, letting out a sob while Sofia had already hung up.
Staring at the frozen image of the little black hair girl still on the screen, the blonde wiped away the tears that kept flowing.

When Callie came back, Arizona had not moved from the sofa, she felt emptied and dismayed, her face betrayed the devastation she felt deep down.

- Arizona, what happ... Callie's eyes land on the screen where Sofia's photo was still. Arizona turns her head posing on the Latin a blank and icy look.

- So that's who I am, huh? That's why you didn't want to tell me anything. The blonde sneers bitterly... So, I'm this hateful, selfish woman who cheated on you, hurt you, destroyed her family and let her child down... because... Because apparently no kid lives in this soulless house. That's the kind of person I've become.

The tone was acidic, but mostly filled with deep sadness. Appalled, Callie was shaking her head

- No! You're not Arizona! I told you, I was wrong too in our history and you say it yourself, it's never one person's fault... But please believe me... you never gave up on Sofia. Sofia means everything to you, you love her more than anything in this world, and she loves you so much if you could know how…...

- Why should I believe you now when you've been lying to me for days... Why should I trust you? Who the hell are you? I don't even know you. The blonde gets up and leaves the room leaving Callie helpless.

The Latina had agreed to be the one who was going to lie to Arizona again, and now it is on her that her anger fell again. She knew from day one that the blonde would hate her, exactly like she did about the leg, but it didn't hurt any less.

She puts the beer and pizza on the kitchen island and leaves the house with tears in her eyes, reliving once more the pain of being rejected by the woman she was still trying to protect.

Thank you for reading and sharing what you think… Please, don't blame me too much…