DC: don't own it

Thank you to my reviewers

Chapter 8,

The graduation ceremony wasn't as fancy as Lily had imagined. Probably because most of the class was only graduating early because of the big order mission. There were people there, and afterwards most of the graduates partied. But mostly the ceremony consisted of them walking up and picking up a diploma cover.

Lily thought the whole thing was kind of stupid. After all they were just finishing training. The course hadn't lasted more then four or five months give or take. But it did still feel good to be congratulated.

That night there was a party at James and Sirius' flat. They all sat around drinking white wine and talking. Sirius busted out a karaoke machine he had borrowed from Remus and they sang bad covers of different songs.

Finally the crowd began to thin and Lily helped the boys with the clean up.

"So are you going to hand Voldie his ass on a platter with us?" Sirius asked flicking his wand and making paper plates vanish.

"I'm not sure yet." Lily said. "I don't think I'm ready." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"You know I'd slap some sense into you but James would kill me."

"You couldn't take me." Lily said laughing. Sirius stuck his tongue out at her and James laughed.

Dumbledore led the army into battle against the death eaters. The battle frightened Lily and she began to question herself about her chosen career path. She ducked behind some debris as she saw Voldemort. She didn't think he would be there; his appearance had been an uncertainty.

A curse flew her way, Lily dodged and looked at who attacked her. It was obviously Malfoy, his blonde hair poked out of his hood and she could see ice blue eyes behind the mask.

Lucius shot spells at Lily and she managed to evade most of them. Lily saw a jet of blue burst from his wand and as she jumped out of the way it hit her knee. Lily crashed to the ground with her knee feeling like it was being stabbed by white hot knives. The pain was making her dizzy.

She saw a flash of green and then red before she blacked out.

Lily's head hurt. She couldn't quite remember why her head or her knee hurt. She opened her eyes and saw a pale hand putting something on her forehead.

"Don't sit up too fast, that curse will knock you out again." Voldemort said emotionlessly. "That spell will leave you bed ridden for a while. At least you'll have trouble walking around." Voldemort tilted her head back and tipped some potion into her mouth. "I know that I have no right to persuade you to quit being an auror."

"I'll quit being an auror," Lily said coldly, "when you quit being a bloody ass."

"But I strongly recommend that you quit while you can, I won't always be there to keep my death eaters from killing you."

"I don't need you to save me!" Lily cried sitting up. Bad move on her part, it made her head rush and it made her dizzy. She took a moment to clear her head and Voldemort pushed her back against her pillows.

"If I hadn't deflected his curse, then you wouldn't be here."

"That doesn't mean that you need to save me!" Lily cried. "I'm not just some weak little girl that needs saving!" Voldemort leaned over her and looked her square in the eyes.

"Whatever, the point is its dangerous and I don't like it."

"You don't have any control over me." Lily said icily. "It's not like we're married."

"I think we would both kill each other if we were married." Lily looked at him angrily.

"You are the biggest jerk in the world. And you're competing with the memory of James in school!" Lily snapped trying to sit up again. Voldemort splayed his hand over her collarbone and forced her to stay down. He lowered his lips to hers and silenced her with a searing kiss.

Lily didn't bother to fight him. She had missed his kisses. She parted her lips for him and invited him to deepen the kiss. He pulled back and left a light feathery kiss on the tips of her lips.

"I hate you." Lily breathed.

"I know you do." Voldemort said before kissing her again.

Frank and Alice had decided to get married on Christmas Eve. It was going to be an outdoor wedding, in the snow. The idea was beautiful, except for the fact that the bridesmaid dresses were spaghetti strap.

In they compromised, the wedding would be indoors, with an enchanted winter surrounding them. In the end Alice was happier with this, because it meant that she could get the strapless dress she had loved.

December 24 had finally come. After weeks of planning the wedding was finally here. Lily was so happy for her friend. She just knew that one day they would have a family. At the rehearsal dinner, Alice and Lily joked around about one day having children and they would go to Hogwarts together and be friends. Alice had asked if Lily was interested in anybody. She lied and said she wasn't.

Lily was getting ready at home when she felt the familiar presence of the man she loathed and loved.

"You look breathtaking." Voldemort said leaning against the doorframe while Lily put on her makeup. She was dressed in a soft emerald dress with the sleeves going over the end of her shoulders. A long slit went from her knee to the floor and revealed silver high heels. "What's the occasion?"

"A friend of mine is getting married." She looked at Voldemort while she put on lipstick. "Like many they rushed their engagement. You've been putting a scare into people. They think they're going to die any day now."

"I thought the wedding you were going to was next month."

"Weasley wedding." Lily said brushing eye shadow on her eyelids. "They've got one kid now. An injury, caused by one of your death eaters mind you, postponed their wedding. I believe the kid is named Bill. Or maybe Charlie. I can't remember, Molly loved both names."

"So why is it you haven't run off and married somebody?" Voldemort asked.

"I suppose James would be willing." Voldemort's eyes flashed. "Why did you bring it up if you didn't want to hear my answer?" Lily asked, annoyed. She grinned. "Are you jealous?"

"I'm not jealous." Voldemort snapped.

"I'll be dancing with him." His eye flashed again. "Ha! You're jealous!" Voldemort walked quickly over to her and put his hands on her shoulders, effectively keeping her in her seat.

"There is no way in hell I would be jealous of that haughty little pretty boy, you are not my wife nor even my girlfriend so there is no reason for me to be jealous." Lily felt her heart race. He was so sexy when he was jealous.

"It's a beautiful wedding." Remus said watching Mr. and Mrs. Longbottom share their first dance. "They both look so happy."

"Yeah," Lily said dreamily, "it's every girl's dream to marry their prince charming."

"What about you?" Remus asked taking a sip of wine. "Who's your prince charming?"

"I'll let you know when I find him." Lily said. Remus laughed. Lily saw James dancing with a girl she didn't recognize. "Who is James dancing with?"

"Oh, that's Sirius's friend, Sasha. Sirius set them up."

"Oh."

"Jealous?"

"Actually, no." Lily said.

"James kind of hoped you would be." Remus said with a smile. "After all he only dates girls to get your attention."

"I just wish he would get over me." Lily sighed.

"He's been programmed to follow you, jaw flopped open and drooling since third year. It'll take him a while to realize that you two aren't going to be together." Remus said mildly. After the song ended, James came and sat down next to Lily.

"Having fun?"

"A blast." Lily said dryly. It was another love song. She swallowed the rest of her wine and walked off. James followed.

"What's up?"

"I hate slow songs, you know when you can actually see all the happy couples." Lily said. "Especially two in a row."

James took her hands. "Someday you'll find somebody to push around the dance floor and you'll be really happy." Lily smiled a little smile.

"I'm just worried that I'll spend my life chasing a dream."

"Well I've been chasing you pretty much all my life, and I'm not terribly damaged." Lily hugged her friend.

"I wish I would have known what a good person you are back when we were kids." She said. She actually meant it. If James had been her friend she would have without a doubt fallen in love with him and she wouldn't be in this tangled mess of a relationship with the dark lord.

"Lils, I matured so that one day you would notice me as more then just the Potter boy." Lily glanced towards the wedding reception.

"I know how you feel, or how I make you feel."

"I've told you…"

"No, I mean I know what it feels like to be in love with someone that you can't have."

"Who?"

"I can't say."

"It's not Frank is it?"

"No." Lily said with a small laugh. She looked at James. She could imagine what life would have been like with him. She knew that he would be an amazing husband. But what she didn't know is how the gap between them had closed and who kissed who.

They both pulled away. Apparently James didn't know who kissed who either. Lily felt bad. There wasn't a single spark when their should have been fireworks.

"James…"

"I'm sorry."

"…I can't…I have to go." She turned quickly and left.

"You kissed him!" was her greeting when she arrived home.

"What do you spy on me?" Lily cried angrily. "It just happened…it was the heat of the moment…" Lily paused, "wait why am I explaining myself to you?"

"Who kissed who?"

"We both kissed, okay." Lily said stiffly. She pulled her shoes off and walked into her bedroom. "It wasn't like we shagged or anything."

"Shocking." Voldemort had to duck as a book flew at his head. "I thought you didn't like him!"

"And I thought that you weren't jealous of him!" Lily retorted. She took her hair out of the clips and fluffed it a bit. "Besides, not that you care but I didn't feel anything."

"Nothing for the guy you're supposedly perfect for." Voldemort snapped.

"Damn it," Lily said angrily, slamming her brush on the table, "don't you get it? I love you! Okay! I love you! But I can't love you because…because…"

"Because they say you can't."

"Exactly!" Lily cried. "I mean…no…stop confusing me!" She sat heavily on her bed and cried tears of frustration. She felt his weight beside her. He turned her head to face him.

"Then nobody will know." He promised, kissing her softly. "We'll only meet when you want it and we'll stay out of each other's professional lives."

"You have to promise not to read my mind or anything like that." Lily sobbed.

"You have my word." Lily rested her head on his shoulder. Life really wasn't fair at all.

TBC

Once again I'm still toying around with pacing so if it was too fast just let me know. And if Voldie was OOC I apologize…kind of…sort of…not really :runs off drunk on author power:. Enjoy!