DC: don't own it

Thank you to my reviewers.

I'm so happy that so many people like this story. happy happy writer Sorry I haven't been updating as quickly, my friend taught me how to make videos to post on and I've been going crazy over making them. Unfortunately I can't seem to get animated ones to work but I'm close. Anyway the point is I'm going to most likely be making a video for this story (if my sims will behave) but I'm not sure.

Anyway, now that I've bored you to tears, enjoy the story.

Chapter 12,

Voldemort made it to Lily's apartment to find something he absolutely did not want to see.

The place was almost completely destroyed. Outside he had seen his mark. Somebody was going to pay dearly.

He walked around the apartment looking at the wreckage and searching for something, anything, to alert him that Lily was alright.

He didn't find anything. Her shoes and coat were still by the door, only in a charred heap. Her purse was on the floor with a strap broken and he saw blood on the white carpet.

Voldemort felt a strange and very unusual sensation in his throat and behind his eyes. His normally calm and collected mind was racing a mile a minute trying to process everything he saw. But he couldn't get his head around the fact that Lily was killed by death eaters. His death eaters. Voldemort walked into her bedroom and found and searched through the drawers of the nightstand for something to remember her by. Perhaps a piece of jewelry. A bottle of her favorite perfume weighed in his pocket.

He found a photograph and smiled. Lily had taken a picture of them together. It was one of the rare times he had actually smiled. He remembered how she begged him to let her take the picture.

He pocketed the picture and left the apartment without daring to look back.

"Hey! She's awake!" Sirius said brightly. Lily moaned as bright light hit her eyes.

"Where am I?"

"Party Central." Sirius said, grinning like a fool. James shoved him aside.

"Our flat." He said. "Death eaters attacked your place. They gave you a nasty head injury but nothing terrible." Lily sat up and looked around. The place was an absolute mess. It looked like it totally belong to two bachelors. She was sure that there was something growing out of what looked like a pizza box, from a pizza place that closed down two months ago.

"Sorry the place is such a mess." James said. "We haven't gotten around to tidying up."

"I think that pizza is alive." Lily said. James laughed. He flicked his wand and the box was gone.

"You can stay here until you find a new place." James said.

"Or until you marry Jamie." Sirius added. James threw a pillow at Sirius. "Anyway kiddies, I have a date."

"Have fun." James said. Sirius waved to them and left. "So are you hungry?"

"Yeah, I suppose." Lily looked around groggily as James left to make her something to eat. She didn't remember much. She just remembered coming home and a death eater was there with a partner, she recognized as either Macnair or Goyle, she couldn't remember. They threw a spell at her, a killing curse by the look of it, and she ran.

She had managed to dodge their attacks, finally, as they blew up her end table, something hard hit her head. She managed to apparate before a killing curse hit her. She wasn't entirely sure where she wound up though.

"Where was I when you found me?" Lily asked.

"You landed on Sirius's snowman." James said pointing out the window to a lump of snow with a human shape in it. "He'll be demanding a new one once your better." Lily laughed softly. "You should lie low for a while." James said. "Especially now that you're prego."

"Thanks." Lily muttered dryly. James gave her a one armed hug.

"Look, if you need anything you can always come to me." Lily smiled at him.

"Thanks, James, really."

"It's nothing." He looked slightly flushed. They ate grilled cheese sandwiches in a comfortable silence and then they ended up watching television until late when James fell asleep.

But Lily couldn't sleep. Now that she didn't have anything to distract her, all she could think about what how two death eaters tried to kill her. Voldemort wanted her dead. Lily felt a stab of betrayal when that thought hit her. Perhaps he was tired of having someone like her as a lover, or perhaps he knew about the baby.

Either way, Lily couldn't shake the aching feeling in her heart. She still loved him, and she knew that she always would. She looked at James, peacefully sleeping. She did care about him. Quite a lot actually. Maybe it was time that she stopped chasing a dream and looked at what was right in front of her.

Lily shook her head no. She couldn't betray Voldemort like that.

'But he betrayed you first' a voice in her head told her. 'He didn't even try to off you himself, he sent two of his lackeys to do the job for him!' Lily sighed. She had a headache.

"So have you told your boyfriend that you're okay?" James asked over breakfast. Lily shook her head no.

"We broke up." She told him.

"Are you going to tell him about the baby?" James asked. Lily shook her head no.

"He doesn't think highly of family. He'd be happier never knowing." Lily sighed after she spoke. She took a bite of egg so she wouldn't have to say anything else. The dream of Voldemort and her happy family came back again.

"Hey, what do you say we go somewhere?" Lily shrugged.

"Sure why not."

"You're distracted." James said as they walked down a snowy street in downtown London.

"I'm thinking."

"About what?"

"I've been such an idiot." Lily said. James heard tears in her voice. She squeezed James's hand. "I had this delusion that my boyfriend cared about me."

"Everybody breaks up, Lils." James said gently. "I'm sure he cared a great deal about you when you first went out."

"He doesn't know how to love." Lily said bitterly. "He doesn't care about anyone. I was so stupid to think that I would be the one exception." James stopped and turned Lily's head to look at him.

"Everybody hurts after breaking up." James said. "I'm positive that soon you'll be able to forget about him and open your heart to someone else."

They had the moment again. The moment where Lily saw everything she should be in his eyes, next thing she knew was that she was kissing him. To her surprise he pushed her away, gently.

"Lily, I know that I would hate myself forever if I kissed you back." James told her firmly, but warmly. "Maybe one day we can be together, but right now you're upset and vulnerable." Lily blushed. James kissed her cheek softly. "I look forward to that day."

They walked in silence back to the Leaky Cauldron. Once in the old pub, they apparated back home.

Voldemort had never felt pain like this before. The moment he returned he demanded to see the death eaters responsible.

Goyle and Rookwood. He led them away. When they were alone he put spells around the room and yelled until he was hoarse. He threw them around, snapped their wands, hit them, kicked them, he clawed their skin off in chucks with his nails.

Then, as they looked up at him with confusion and agony, he took out a long knife with a golden handle, used for decoration. He didn't raise a wand to them. He grabbed Rookwood by the throat and jammed the knife into his stomach, he slammed the man against the wall and with powerful force he wrenched the knife up to his neck and pulled it out.

He turned to Goyle.

"Why? Master why?" Voldemort drove the knife into Goyle's heart.

"Because you killed her." Voldemort snarled, cutting him down to his right hip. He threw the dagger down and returned to his chambers. He shed his robes and continued on into the massive bathroom.

He soaked in a boiling hot bath. He had never lost anyone before. He wasn't used to feeling regret. He had wanted to go over and see her that night, if only he had. Then he would have saved her.

Voldemort rested his head on a velvet pillow and folded his arms across his stomach. The water didn't comfort him. The feeling in his throat was back, as was the feeling behind his eyes. He wondered if this was what he mother had felt when the muggle left.

After his bath he made his way to bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. He turned his head and looked out the window. He sighed.

So this was true pain.

Little did Voldemort know, Lily was alive and watching the lights of London from the window of the guest room thinking the same thing.

TBC

Finally I was able to settle on a chapter. I knew what I wanted but I had about a hundred ways of making it happen. This one appealed to me more though. Anyway enjoy.