Disclaimer: It's J K's world, I just play in it.

Previously

On cue, the portrait swung open to reveal a head of blond. "The password's Paradiso by the way."

"What! Why?"

"I danno. It was just in my head at the time, and I figured it was so inappropriate that it was perfect."

"Well, what ever floats your boat little boy." Hermione pushed past him and stumbled into the room and Neville tumbled in after her. Apparently the books had been more than he could manage and the pile scattered across the floor. Malfoy tutted to himself, and stepping over the two figures sprawled on the floor, made his way to the kitchen. He was dying for a cup of coffee.

Committe, Elite

Want To Go Snog Behind Hagrid's Hut?

Hermione sat huddled over her work, books imprisoning her small body like columns. Very little thought had gone into the architecture of these columns. In the words of Bertrand Russell, they were merely brute fact and that was all. They were a necessary part of Hermione's study.

Firstly, they served the useful purpose of research. Secondly, they blocked both the view and the sound of Malfoy's incessant droning. He had taken it upon himself to drive her to an early grave and believed it was his personal responsibility to do this as soon as possible.

Neville had spotted the early signs of a confrontation and had quickly disappeared through the portrait, pausing only to warn Harry and Ron away on his way out. The remaining members of the Golden Trio had not seen Hermione in a day or so since she had moved common rooms. Her time was demanded by the responsibilities of the Committee and she had yet to find any time for her forlorn waifs.

For the last few minutes, Malfoy had occupied himself by firing questions at the top of her head. The tip of her forehead grew steadily redder with each sentence that issued from his mouth and if he listened very carefully, he could just hear her grinding her teeth.

"Have you every wondered why the universe exists?" There was a long silence. "It just makes me wonder what my purpose is in life to be honest." And to illustrate this he emitted a long sigh and fell back in his chair dramatically.

"What if I really am not intended for something greater? What if I am destined to life of treachery, wealth, mudbloods and grime?"

"Whatever Malfoy" Hermione mumbled. Her tone was barely audible.

"Do you have any plans for the future or will you just cling to the Golden Trio?"

"34 plus 17, carry the 2 and divide by 9, no 8."

"Ah the Golden Trio." Malfoy sat up a little. He couldn't help but feel that he didn't really have her attention. "What is that Arithmancy or something? Sounds pointless." There was another pause. "Are you listening to me because I don't want to waste my breath?"

"Sure Malfoy" she replied, carefully multiplying the first column of figures and then dividing it by the second.

"Want to go snog behind Hagrid's hut?"

"Yeh I agree now will you be quiet. I'm trying to concentrate."

"We need to go to potions." (Still no response) "Want to run round the Hufflepuff's common room naked?"

"Fine, just give me a moment here." she replied, flicking her hand in a gesture to swat him away.

"Will you admit that I'm far sexier than Weasley will ever be?"

"Naturally Malfoy, just-

WHAT?" she yelled, standing up. Well, that woke her up he thought smugly.

"Malfoy, we need to go to potions. We're gonna be late." She exclaimed. He shrugged and continued to swing his legs. Hermione gathered up her books: parchment trailing behind her as her staggered out of the door like a little line of complimentary loo paper clinging to the heel of her shoe. Malfoy yawned, then jumped up, startled out of his comfort zone as her voice resounded off the walls.

"MALFOY MOVE! WE'RE GONNA BE LATE."

Still got ten minutes, he muttered to himself. Bloody Gryffindors.

People were already waiting in the potions room: the keen beans who couldn't bear to be on Snape's bad side. Hermione walked in fully composed with a satisfiablyy smug expression, closely followed by a rather flushed Malfoy.

"Asshole," she muttered under her breath.

(Flashback)

"So Granger, which one of your boyfriends would you rather marry? The one with the wild temper or the one with the gash across his face?" Hermione growled and clutched her books with a terrifying grip. "Seriously, you have to pick one." Malfoy trotted to keep up with her. "Oh come on Granger. Give us a smile."

Hermione stopped abruptly. "There are a few things I need to make clear, ferret. Don't talk to me more than you really have to and if you so much as mention my best friends in a way I might consider inappropriate, I will castrate you and feed you to Parkinson. I will then proceed to ruin your life Malfoy. Do I make myself clear?"

She stepped forward, glowering at the fading smirk to emphasise this point. She may be small, but Malfoy decided in that second that she was intimidating as hell.

(End of Flashback)

Snape emerged from the potions closet. "Fifteen points to Gryffindor for tardiness."

Hermione chocked. "What! I'm on time."

Snape sneered. "You address me as 'sir' Miss Granger, and that's another five points for attitude. To arrive after the teacher is to be late whether you are punctual or not and tardiness is not tolerated in my classroom. Now sit down."

Hermione huffed and threw her books on the nearest desk. Asshole. They were all assholes. All shoved up their own asses. She chuckled to herself: so that would make them a bit more than assholes right? Like, some kind of bionic-asshole. Hehehe, she was so witty. Sometimes she surprised herself.

She did not notice people's eyes on her or hear the small gasps as Draco Malfoy slung his bag onto the desk beside her. His arm brushed against her and she looked up startled. Malfoy grinned widely and proceeded to unpack the contents of his bag. Hermione clenched her jaw. He was doing this deliberately. Just ignore him.

Her cursing became a mantra. Assholes. All bloody assholes. Bloody fin' assholes.

Harry and Ron stumbled in late. No less than she had expected. Neither of them heard Snape as they stood gawping at the third, final and most crucial member of their trio.

Harry took a step forward. "Mione, what are you doing? Malfoy, get out of my seat. I would rather you didn't pollute my desk with you perfectly manicured hands. Oh no, I'm sorry, it doesn't look as if you made it to the health spar today. You look like sht." Ron laughed (somewhat manically. Lets face it, he was a little shocked).

"Granger, make your boyfriend shut up."

"Oh, both of you, shut up," she snapped. "Remember what I said earlier, Malfoy? Kapoof, castrations, your life will be ruined."

Draco groaned but stayed silent. Harry chuckled. "She's got you on a short leash." Harry's sneered was replaced with an angelic innocence as Hermione looked up quickly, glowering.

"Oh, and what's that supposed to mean?"

"Erm... nothing, Mione, really."

"I thought so….. Harry, quit fidgeting, it's beginning to annoy me." Harry's hands dropped to his sides. Draco rolled his eyes.

A small face peered round the side of the classroom door. Professor Snape looked up. The first year swallowed hard. Now was not the time to run away.

"Ppp pr profefessor Sn Snape sir, I have a message ffrfrom the Headmaster s ssir." The interruption was not appreciated, though many members of the class looked up, interested to see their teacher's reaction. Snape chose not to speak. He didn't trust his temper today.

"He wwwonders whether Hhhermione Granger and Draco Mmmalfoy could gggo to his office, sir. Umm, now sir."

"Yes yes, of course. Draco, Granger, gather your things and get out of my sight." Hermione nodded, standing up abruptly… and was that a smile she saw? (Author shudders).

The first year was waiting outside for the two to emerge. Hermione smiled to herself. "Bless him, he's still shaking."

Malfoy sneered. "He'll get over it. Snape isn't that bad. As long as you're a decent person, he'll like you."

"Yeh well, he doesn't like me and I get the best bloody grades in the class."

"I didn't say anything about intelligence Granger."

The first year continued to hurry them along the next corridor. Did he not know that they already knew the way to Dumbledore's office?

"Why you arrogant piece of… You're so stuck up your own ass, not even your own friends can be round you for longer than a few minutes. Why, I would just love to…"

"Is that so, Mudblood?" The young boy gasped, hearing what he'd been taught was not a very nice name. (At least, one does not usually hear it in civilized conversation ;-) Malfoy sneered. "I know exactly what you would like to do to me, but I'm sorry. As a rule, I don't sleep with Gryffindors." The first year's eyes were wide open at hearing so much dirty language in such a short period of time.

"For your information Malfoy, I wouldn't sleep with you if I was paid. The sum would have to be a hell of a lot for me to even consider kissing you, you self-centred pureblood."

"You say that like it's a bad thing. So... you're saying you would kiss me?"

Hermione clenched her fists. Bloody hell, he knew how to make her angry. "That isn't what I meant and you know it."

"Yeh whatever Granger." And growing bored of the banter, he overtook the first year (A/N bless him, his legs are only little) trying to separate the distance between them.

Hermione sped up. How dare he walk away from her in the middle of an argument!

A/N Things become a little clearer in the next chappie. Be a star and review. Thank you very much.

Author: You really shouldn't wind her up like that.

Draco: Honey, you would have done the same.

Author: Show's how little you know about me.

Draco: Oh I like to think I know you quite well.

Hermione: Will you two cut it out. Your making me feel sick.