"You're only seventeen!"
I can't breathe.
But I mask my panic well.
"What?" I ask with a laugh. "What are you talking about? Who is this?"
Elizabeth rises from the couch. She looks at me, pityingly. I can't stand it.
"Shannon…" Elizabeth says, calmly but sternly, "this has gone on long enough."
"Wes, I don't know who this is," I insist.
"You're only seventeen!" Wes shrieks again.
I start to protest again, but my eyes drift to the coffee table. Last year's Stoneybrook Day yearbook lies there. Elizabeth's thought of everything, hasn't she? I place my hand over my chest and take a long breath. I am still breathing, aren't I? I shift my eyes to Elizabeth, standing very straight before the couch, her eyes holding mine with their pitying gaze. Then I look to Wes, still holding the door open, face a mixture of horror and fury.
"I'll be eighteen in March," I say, simply.
"Oh, my God!" Wes screams.
"Please calm down," Elizabeth says, gently. "Shannon, please come inside and shut the door."
I obey, stepping over the threshold. Wes backs away from me. Horror bleeds all over his face. He doesn't want me near. I close the door.
"I can explain," I tell him.
"Oh, my God!" Wes shouts again. "You're only seventeen! How could you lie to me? Oh, my God!"
"I never intended to lie to you," I yell back. "You're the one who assumed I was in college!"
"It's my fault?" Wes roars.
"No! Yes! Of course not! It's…I…It shouldn't matter, Wes! It's only three years! I am still the same person! Everything else was the truth!"
"You expect me to believe that?"
"Yes! I expect you to believe it because you love me!"
"I don't even know you!" Wes shouts. He covers his face with his hands. "Oh, my God! This could ruin me! You could destroy my life! Oh, my God, I've been having sex with a high school student!"
"It was completely consensual!" I reply and spin around to face Elizabeth. I point a finger at her. "It was completely consensual!"
"It was. It was," Wes chimes in, sounding panicked. "I had no idea. I never thought…I knew she was naïve and sometimes immature, but I didn't…I didn't…"
"I believe you," Elizabeth says, soothingly.
I step toward Wes and he takes a step back. "Wes!" I cry, taking another step. I reach out and grab his hands, lacing my fingers through his. I grip tightly. "Wes! It's all right! I'm sorry I lied, but that doesn't change anything between us. My parents don't care. It's all right. We're in love. I love you, Wes! I love you so much! I need you!"
Wes jerks his hands away. "If you loved me, you wouldn't have lied to me," he retorts, accusingly. "You wouldn't have let me…Oh, my God! You've been seventeen this whole time!" Wes clutches his head, remembering all the things I've done to him and all the things he's done to me. "Oh, my God. New York…this morning. You can't possibly love me! You could ruin my life! My career!"
"It was consensual! You didn't know!"
"You think anyone will care about that? That they'll believe that? Oh, my God. The parents of my students…the school board…the town...they'll crucify me. You're in high school! That's all anyone will care about. I've been sleeping with a high school student! I'll be run out of the school! I'll always be that perverted math teacher! Did you ever think of that, Shannon? Did you think of anyone but yourself?"
No. I did not. Not really. "I love you," I tell him. "And that's all that should matter."
"That isn't enough!" Wes looks like he might cry. "What am I supposed to tell my parents? This will kill my mother! Especially if people find out! You could ruin my entire family, Shannon!"
Elizabeth steps between us and holds her arms out, separating Wes and I. "Okay, that's enough," she says. I don't understand how she's remained so calm. I feel like I am drowning. Wes looks like his head might explode. But Elizabeth simply steps between us and announces she's now in charge. "That's enough," she repeats. "You both need to calm down. Wesley, I realize this has been a shock, but you need to quit yelling. And Shannon, please don't say anything more. It's time for us to leave. This is over."
Who does Elizabeth Brewer think she is? She's not my mother. She's not a relative. She's a neighbor. "I'm not going anywhere," I inform her, peevishly. "I'm staying with Wes and we're working things out."
Elizabeth looks at me a moment, then turns to Wes. "Wesley, do you want Shannon to stay?"
"No."
Elizabeth turns back to me. "It's over, Shannon," she says.
"It isn't!"
Elizabeth returns her attention to Wes. "I am very sorry that this happened to you," she tells him. "I wish it had not carried on this long. As soon as my daughter told me your name – "
"Kristy told you?" I screech. That traitor! That rat! She said she wanted to be my friend again!
"Yes and she should have told me a week ago. Now, Shannon, let's go." Elizabeth takes my elbow and pulls me toward the door.
I allow myself to be lead away. I turn my head and look back at Wes. He stares at me, stonily. His left eye twitches. He doesn't say anything else to me. He lets me go.
My legs become jelly on the walkway and collapse beneath me. I can't walk. I can't breathe. I can't think. I feel hollowed out and incomplete. There's nothing now.
Elizabeth slips an arm around my waist and holds me up. "Come on, Shannon," she says, softly, in my ear. "I'll drive you home." She half-carries me out to the parking lot. Her silver-gray BMW roadster sits three spaces from my own car. How did I miss it? I am so blind.
Elizabeth practically shoves me into the passenger seat, then latches my belt for me. When she shuts the door, I lay my head against the window and close my eyes. I listen to Elizabeth start the car. Wes doesn't want me. How can he stop loving me in a single instant? He didn't even consider it. He didn't even hear my words. I lied to him. I know I did. But that doesn't mean I don't love him. He lied to me, too. He never loved me.
"Something had to be done," Elizabeth says, matter-of-factly, as we leave Wes' apartment complex.
Out the window, I watch the apartment grow smaller and smaller until it disappears. The place I used to be happy, the place where Wes loved me disappears.
This is all Kristy and Elizabeth's fault. They've destroyed me. They've taken away the one perfect thing in my life. And I will hurt them back.
"You're so self-righteous," I tell Elizabeth. I can't even muster any anger into my voice.
"Perhaps."
"You think you're so smart."
"Yes. I do."
She's as obnoxious as Kristy. They both deserve what they get.
"I know why Sam left."
"Oh, really?" Elizabeth replies, airily. She thinks she knows what I will say. That I'll blame her. She's ready for that.
"He left," I say, "because I caught him screwing my little sister for two hundred dollars."
Elizabeth slams on the brakes, screeching to a halt in the middle of Forest Drive. We're both thrown forward, then the seatbelts snap us back. I smack my head hard against the headrest.
Elizabeth's hands fly to her mouth. "Oh, God," she whispers.
"He still owes her a hundred. He didn't get to finish. He thinks the police are after him. You might want to ask your daughter-in-law about who put that idea in his head."
"Oh, God," Elizabeth whispers again.
"He pretended Tiffany was Stacey McGill. Two hundred dollars to deflower a fake Stacey McGill."
"Oh, God."
"That's a pretty long fall off your high horse, isn't it?"
A truck stops behind us and blasts its horn. Elizabeth takes her foot off the brake and continues down the street. Her face remains stricken. She doesn't say another word. I lay my head against the window again and watch the houses pass. I hope she tells Kristy. If she doesn't, I will.
Elizabeth pulls into my driveway. The garage door is up, but there are no cars inside. Elizabeth turns off the engine and unlatches her seatbelt. Then she doesn't make another move. I would run away. I wish to run away. But I know I can't support myself. I can't make that walk from the car to the front door.
Elizabeth bursts into tears.
Good.
"When did you become such a spiteful little witch?" she demands through her tears.
"I guess it was inevitable," I reply.
Elizabeth sobs cease. Her door opens then closes. I hear her walk around the car and then she appears at my window. She jerks the car door open and I slump over sideways.
"Get out of the car, please," she requests, flatly. "You can do it yourself."
Slowly, I unlatch the belt and climb out of the car. My legs wobble unsteadily beneath me. I'm shaking. I'm no longer falling apart. I've hit bottom and shattered.
Elizabeth comes inside with me. When we walk into the foyer, we see Maria in the living room, seated on the carpet, surrounded by rolls of wrapping paper and bags of bows. Jingle Bells blares from the stereo. Dear Lord. Is it really almost Christmas?
"Hi, Elizabeth!" Maria exclaims, glancing up. She springs to her feet and races into the foyer. "What's wrong with Shanny?" she asks.
"Elizabeth just destroyed my life, that's what happened," I snap and then discover energy I thought completely sapped. I rush up the stairs on my shaky legs.
In my bedroom, I check the answering machine. Wes may have changed his mind. He thought it over and realized I've proven how much I love him and that, really, he loves me, too. But there are no messages. He needs more time. I sink down on the bed and stare across the room out the window. Outside all I see is gray.
The bedroom door swings open and Elizabeth barrels right in, holding a glass of water. She hands it to me, then holds out her other hand. "Here, take these. I found them in your parents' medicine cabinet." She drops two tiny white pills into my open palm.
I swallow the pills without question. Maybe they'll kill me.
"Where are your parents?" Elizabeth asks.
I shrug.
Elizabeth curses under her breath.
"Why are you still here?" I ask, crabbily. Hasn't she done enough already?
"Because there needs to be an adult here once in awhile," Elizabeth replies. She begins back toward the door. "Take a nap. You look awful." Then she's gone.
"Tell Kristy I'm never speaking to her again!" I call after her. I don't think Elizabeth hears.
When I hear Elizabeth thunder down the stairs, I stand and cross the room to my desk. I pick up the phone and tap out Wes' number. I reach a busy signal. My stomach tightens. I hope Wes isn't on the phone crying to his mother. That's a little hasty.
I'm already crying when I fall face first onto my pillow. I clutch it tightly, sobbing hard. I can't help it. I don't have the strength to hold back any longer. I cry and cry and eventually drift into a shallow sleep.
When I wake again, Maria's sitting in a chair by the window, balancing a dinner tray on her knees.
"Elizabeth said your boyfriend found out you're a liar," Maria informs me.
"How long have I been asleep?" I ask. It feels like days.
"About fifteen minutes," Maria answers.
Oh.
Maria stands and carries the tray over to the bed. "Elizabeth said to make you something when you woke up," she says and sets the tray on the night table. There's a glass of apple juice and a cheese sandwich with no crusts.
I stare at the tray, feeling queasy. I shake my head. "I'm going to throw up," I announce. But I don't. I stay in bed and the feeling lingers, but doesn't worsen. "Elizabeth isn't still here, is she?" Hopefully, she's out tearing apart some other person's life.
"No. She went to find Tiffany. Then she said she's going to find Mom and Dad and pull their heads out of their asses so they take control of this disaster of a house," Maria says.
I roll my eyes. Elizabeth Brewer needs to mind her own damn business. Wes and I were perfectly happy before she barged in and annihilated our relationship. Doesn't she have her own screwed up kids to worry about? She needs to take control of Kristy and Kristy's big mouth.
"I have something for you," Maria tells me. She removes a folded piece of paper from her pocket and holds it out to me.
"What is it?" I ask, suspiciously.
"A note."
"From who?"
Maria hesitates. "From Kristy. She brought it over while you were gone."
"Rip it up and flush it down the toilet."
"I'm supposed to read it to you then," Maria says, unfolding the note. She clears her throat and reads, "I'm sorry. I did it because I'm your friend."
I snort. Kristy has some bizarre definition of a friend.
"Get the phone, Maria," I order her.
"You want me to call Kristy?" she asks, hopefully. "She said she'd come over if you wanted her to."
"No, I don't want you to call Kristy! Pick up the phone and dial this number: KL5-3672."
Maria frowns at me, like she knows whose number it is. But she obeys and taps out the number. She listens a moment. "It's busy," she tells me.
I bite my lip. I won't allow Maria to see me cry. "He's tattling to his mother," I say.
"Or he took the phone off the hook."
Or that.
I close my eyes and fight back the tears. He's furious. He hates me. But that could still change. He'll recover from the shock. I just need to give him a little space, a little time.
"Do you want me to call someone?" Maria offers. "Maybe Kristy should come over. Or Abby."
"No," I whisper, eyes still shut. "I don't want anyone," I say in a wavering voice. I only want Wes. There's no one else for me anyway. Kristy, Abby, Anna, Lindsey, Greer, Meg – they're all gone. My life lies in shambles and there's no one left to hold me up. Maybe that's my own fault in some ways.
"I'll stay with you, Shanny," Maria says, returning to the chair by the window. She picks up a book off the windowsill and opens it.
I roll onto my other side, so I face away from Maria. I manage to cry silently, but suspect Maria knows anyway.