cw: physical assault and trauma.
While fighting and violence are part of this world, simply hurting people is a different matter. This chapter will have such moments, and a character trying to make sense of things after being victimized.

Scarlet Justice - ep. 09
"Lost Courage"

"Alright. Participants, get ready for battle."

I walk towards Iruka and Sasuke follows suit. The rules here are simple enough: taijutsu, basic Academy techniques, and modified shinobi tools only. In these conditions we shouldn't have to worry much about lethal injury. The fight ends with surrender, knockout, or at the discretion of the referee.

I make the seal of confrontation and Sasuke follows suit. There's a pulse coming from him...he seems to have dark designs for the match.

"We'll see if you're worth anything after all," he says.

"..." Rude, isn't he. Perhaps I need to fix that.

The crowd, gathered well back of the designated fighting circle, seems to be in Sasuke's corner. I know that I have at least one supporter in Hinata, and that's more than good enough for now. It's too bad I can't see her in the mass of people...

"Ready!" Iruka calls out.

I continue holding the seal until the appropriate time.

"Begin!"

I block as Sasuke throws the first punch, feeling its weight as it sends me sliding backwards. He moves and follows with a kick that I swiftly dodge before re-positioning myself.

Alright. I can see a few things going on.

Sasuke is strong, and quick. He outclasses me overall in taijutsu. Simple assessments.

He could really be trouble if I'm not careful. I have to focus and search for a proper approach. I know that I'm faster, and will likely have much more stamina. These can be used to my advantage immediately.

I take a quick step backwards and avoid Sasuke's next punch, then start running towards the edge of the ring before stepping to my left as he attacks again. Reaching into the pouch on my side, I whip out shuriken and pepper the ground in front of Sasuke to make him slow down.

He pauses for a moment before pushing chakra into high speed movement, crossing the gap between us. He really does have some impressive speed, doesn't he. I admire it for a moment before leaning away from another hard punch, and note him winding up for a roundhouse kick. Not good, but manageable. Time to use one of my strengths.

I quickly split my legs and drop to the ground, letting the attack sail over my head before I pop back up and cartwheel away to a safe position.

I take a moment to catch my breath. Sasuke quickly recovers from his attack and throws a kunai at me; it slams into my chest and makes 'me' wince before I turn into a small log in a puff of smoke. My time is now, then. I accelerate through the small cloud and hit Sasuke in the face with a right hook, making him stumble. I follow up with two rapid knees to the gut and finish with a somersault kick, sending him to the ground on his back.

It seems like I'm holding my own this time, which is more than I could have hoped for. I make sure to ready another kunai as I land, and take my stance again. Sasuke looks at me with frustration and contempt before drawing his own kunai and charging.

His strikes are strong, as expected...I do my best to dodge and parry whatever I can as our weapons continue to clash loudly. A strong swing makes me stumble as I block, and he follows up with an open palm to my chest. It hurts, but I need to focus...I speed to my left to avoid his wild slash, getting behind him, then speed up again to drive an elbow into his back, making him grunt in pain.

It's another relatively weak attack, but I can settle for breaking his combat rhythm. My combat speed has helped a lot, since I'm really not that strong yet...hopefully that will change one day soon. I settle back into position, waiting for the next movement.

Sasuke weaves handseals and makes a clone of himself, which arms itself with an extra kunai at the same time he does before charging.

I grumble to myself. With actual ninjutsu on hand, this wouldn't be an issue...for now, I will have to guess a bit. One of them is fake with fake weapons, but none have been thrown. He's probably betting on a substitution. If he does get too close before I can react, I will be at his mercy when it comes to taijutsu yet again. Pick the right direction to move, and I can go right through the clone...but that is also a big risk.

I keep my focus, looking for clues as he moves. He's not at full speed just yet.

The shadows.

Right. Sasuke's is clearly defined as he moves, coming in from the right. And on the left, his clone is winding up and ready to throw his weapons.

The safe move is to attack both with ninja tools. That way, it will at the least make him block and force a reset for both of us.

"..."

Forget all of that. I'm going to make the hard read instead.

I draw more kunai and shoot ahead, then brake briefly before shooting towards the Sasuke on my left...and stopping on a dime, much to the real Sasuke's shock. Looks like he underestimated my body control. The clone passes through me harmlessly as I whirl around, gathering momentum, and unload a set of kunai into Sasuke's chest. The impact makes him float in the air briefly before he hits the ground painfully.

"Aaaaagh!" He scrambles to his feet, visibly hurt. "You...!"

"..."

I watch as he drops his weapons and makes a single seal, huffing and puffing. "I'll put an end to this."

"...?"

I can feel his chakra building at a distance. Before I can fully process what's happening, he disappeared from my sight completely. This is...I catch a blur at the very last moment and raise my arm to block the incoming strike, a heavy kick that throws me to the ground on my side. My eyes widen and I roll out of the way as Sasuke's foot comes down where my head once was, and stand up to see that he has disappeared again.

Where is he...?

Suddenly I can feel his elbow go into my back, and I can't help but cry out in pain. A moment later, he attacks from the front and drives a fist into my stomach, making me reel. He follows with a kick to the face that I escape with a substitution art, leaving a small log behind.

I catch my breath some distance away, wincing as my body tries to absorb the pain. He's going all out. Definitely. I know that if he sustains that pace for too long, I'm done for...yes, he's burning energy very quickly, but it won't matter if my teeth are all the way down my throat. He's seriously trying to hurt me. I skip back a few more steps and see him disappear again.

Alright. There is one thing to do, and only one thing.

This is no time to be scared. No, it's time to take the fight right to him.

I focus and feel the energy rush through my body. Sasuke appears in front of me.

I can easily see him coming.

He throws a punch and I step past it, elbowing him in the chest and making him fly backwards before he hits the ground. Good. I've closed the power and speed gap for the time being, and I will surely take advantage.

I take a breath in and accelerate, feeling the wind whip past my ears as I duck another punch. I gain position, then chain punches to Sasuke's body, sending him stumbling backwards and off-balance as he gasps for air. I spin on my heel and launch a kick that hits him squarely in the side. It looks like his chakra boost has worn off. I won't dare stop at this point.

He's open and I drive forward again, punching him in the side of the mouth, feeling my knuckles sting as they slam into his cheek bone. I move across with another punch and end up hitting a log, but Sasuke isn't far away as his movements start to slow. I rush forward before the log can hit the ground, charging him and sliding to avoid his swinging fist. At the last moment I pop upwards to deliver an uppercut, sending Sasuke through the air. He soon hits the ground, rolling backwards before getting to his feet.

I feel my temporary burst wear off, and the shock makes me gasp for air. I look over at Sasuke, who has bruises and dirt all over his body. He spits into the dirt and forces himself into a stance, intending to move forward against his body's wishes.

I know that I'm nearly there. The soreness is catching up with me, so this is nothing but a good thing.

The next move...what's the right move for this stage of the fight? I ready myself for more high speed movement.

Sasuke approaches, but...as he moves, I know something is wrong. He throws punches that come out more and more slowly, and instead of attacking, I decide to take my time to dodge everything. Sasuke chases me slowly around the ring, his exhaustion making him heavier and heavier with each moment. I let him do as he pleases.

He whiffs a punch and stumbles to the ground, slow to move. I reasoned that it has to be inexperience...he had probably never gone that low on chakra before in a fight, or at any point. It's affecting his overall coordination...

"..."

There is no sense in humiliating him, or dragging things out further.

I walked over to him and place a knee on his back before he can truly get up. One hand goes onto the back of his head, and the other holds a kunai gently against his neck.

"That's it," Iruka calls out.

I nod to acknowledge him and holster my weapon as I move away, taking some time on my knees to catch my breath. A few parts of my body are definitely sore...but this has been a welcome experience. I know where I am and where I stand. A good match.

This is the time for proper sportsmanship. Iruka checks Sasuke for serious injury as he brings him to his feet. Sasuke insists he's okay, even as he glares at me. I make no move to provoke him any further; aside from his fragile ego, it wouldn't be fair to do it at this time. My victory is more than enough. For the first time, I'm aware of the crowd as they move in closer after the match's conclusion. Hinata shakily makes her way to the front and gives me a wave. I smile and wave back to her. I hope I made her happy with that performance, and that I've inspired her a bit.

There are many mutterings of disbelief, and distressed commentary after Sasuke's loss - more than my win, of course. Many are unhappy. I really don't care.

I get to my feet and face Sasuke, presenting my hand for the Academy tradition. The Seal of Reconciliation was meant to remind everyone that even after an intense fight, these were still your comrades. People you should care about, and respect, if only a little. That sounds like a good thing to adhere to.

Iruka is looking after other children as Sasuke looks down at my hand for a moment. I try to reassure him with a gentle smile, keeping my mouth closed as Emi taught me. He doesn't return my gesture, but raises his hand.

My guard is slack enough that I don't realize what's happening.

His hand is above mine.

I stare into his eyes, and can see nothing but the colour of blood. I freeze. I can see what's happening but I can't stop it. I can't talk. I can't scream.

His hand is high above mine.

I am on my knees.

The air disappears.

It's so dark.

It's so-

"I don't like people."

I remember this memory. I said it to my stepmother one day, in the midst of those training days.

She took a long drag of her cigarette, placed on the end of a stick, as she lounged on her couch. Rings of smoke came from her lips, and she gave me a smile...one that was filled with sadness and understanding.

"Oh, honey. Who the hell does?"

An eternity passes.

No.

A second split into unholy pieces.

My eyes fly open. My chest heaves painfully as I gasp for air. My hands fly to my throat and clutch it as tears come to my eyes. I can't stop coughing even as I try to breathe.

I am in pain.

I am utterly, indescribably, furious.

I am upset.

I am so terribly hurt.

"Lili!"

A hand...Hinata's hand. I can feel it on top of mine. I clutch at it as if my life depends on it, and she lets me. I slowly calm down and breathing becomes less stressful.

So many voices...but there's one that cuts through the void and into me.

"You think you can look down on me?! On everyone here?! Just because you're fucking rich, from the middle of nowhere! I don't need your pity! DON'T LOOK DOWN ON ME! DON'T YOU FUCKING TREAT ME LIKE GARBAGE-!"

I can hear struggling and Iruka's voice ringing out sternly.

It's quiet a while. Hinata rubs my back as I keep trying to get more air. Iruka comes back and kneels before me.

"Lilith...tell me what hurts. I need to hear that you're okay," he says.

"..." I force myself upwards, shaking, and move Hinata's hand away.

"Lili...? Are you-"

"Stop. Leave me alone," I say firmly. I can feel the tender flesh on my neck as I touch it. I can feel the chill that ripples down my spine as I remember.

"Lilith, we need to get you-"

"Leave me," I repeat. "I'm going home."

"No." Iruka stands in front of me. "You have to go to the infirmary. Lilith, I am not making a request. Sasuke will be disciplined for this as soon as we figure out what happened, but you have to get yourself checked out." He turns to the crowd. "As for the rest of you, the fight's over. Leave, find something else to do."

The crowd slowly disperses.

Hinata keeps trying to get close to me, and I shake her away. I don't want her. I don't want anyone.

"Stop. Stop it, Hinata."

She clings to my back, shaking. I stop resisting and let her stay.

"I'll go with you," she whispers. "I want you to be okay...please..."

"Please look after her, Hinata. I have to take care of Sasuke first, because of what I think I saw...I'll meet you two over there."

Hinata moves me towards the infirmary as I stare at the ground. A nurse comes to check on me after talking with Iruka. I can't remember what happened.

I'm just so tired.

So...tired.

Luna comes to see me.

"Miss Lilith."

Her voice calls me out of my haze. I turn my head on my pillow to look at her. I have no will left to speak.

"I understand." She sits on the bed next to me, and takes my hand in hers. It's warm. Soft.

I'm eternally thankful for her.

It's night. Everyone is asleep, and so is Luna. She did her best. She tried her hardest.

I love her. So much.

But even that can't stop the tears from flowing.

In this bed. Lost. Hurt. Alone. I tried so hard. I did my best. And even then, I...

I...

I can't do anything but cry. In a time and place where nobody will ever hear me.

Someone...tell me. Where do I go from here?