Chapter Ten:

Buffy's date with Angel went by like all of the other, with one notable exception. As always they went to an expensive restaurant. Angel ordered her a salad and himself a steak and chocolate moose for desert, of which he dutifully fed her one bite. They went to see a movie Angel had no intention of watching and like a good girlfriend she let his wondering hands roam free.

This time however she was thinking about Willow and Oz and how comfortable they were together. She thought about Dawns beaming smile whenever Connors name was mentioned and Faiths general peaceful glow whenever she had seen or heard from Wes. Buffy's thoughts returned to the man attacking her mouth and forcing his exploring tongue between her teeth. She hated when he did that. Maybe if she just gave him a chance, let him show her how much he cared, maybe then she could have her share in those fuzzy feelings too.

She wanted so desperately to be close to someone, to be able to share something wonderful and scary and deep with someone who understood that she needed to be needed, not adored. Angel had been so good about waiting. It wasn't even like she was saving her virginity for the right man. She had given that away far too easily. Much to her sorrow, years ago at one of Cordy's parties and at the tender age of sixteen she had gotten horribly drunk and followed an equally paralytic Riley Finn into the guest house and with no romance, no tender words and a great deal of pain it was over in the space of a song. Riley didn't even remember the next morning. She heard him bragging about this girl he banged but no one ever knew it was her. That was her one and only sexual experience, she and Parker were only together for seven months and Angel was trying to be patient but he was becoming more persistent as time went on. Who could blame him? They had been together for years now.

It wasn't that Buffy was unfeeling or afraid. They did plenty of other things and Buffy always held up her end. 'Great Buffy, what a way to phrase it' she giggled a little at her own internal joking as Angel stopped the car outside her house.

"What's so funny babe?"

"Oh nothing, just something I read in Cosmo"

It was a lie and she knew it but what did it matter. As she looked at Angel in his dark suite with his athletes body and angelic eyes Buffy wondered if maybe he could erase the bad memories and give her something more than the uneasiness that had been settling in lately.

"Angel, tell me how you feel about us?"

"Let me show you baby"

Angel ran his wondering hands up her back zeroing in on the clasp of her Bra, his eyes asking the same question they always did before sliding to her cleavage as he began to undress her with his eyes. It often happened this way, but in an instant she decided that tonight the answer would be different.

"Alright Angel, but not here, come inside. My parents are away for the weekend, they won't be back till Monday."

To her great surprise her voice shook only a little now her decision was made. Angel paused for the slightest of moments before bolting out of the car and round to her door. Before she really knew what was going on they were in the guest bedroom, it was closest to the front door and apparently Angel couldn't wait long now he knew she had given in. Angel kissed her neck and one shoulder as he threw away her blouse, then just as quickly his attention shifted to the fastest way to remove his own shirt and trousers. He striped in one fluid motion and indicated for her to lie down on the bed.

After that everything moved very quickly. She remembered to insist he ware protection even though she was on the pill but other than that Angel took control. He didn't even bother to take off her skirt, he just hiked it up around her and pulled her crimson panties down. Though he told her she was hot and sexy, he never actually said her name and as he thrust into her he was so caught up in his own need that he failed to notice the tears of pain that welled in her eyes or the gasping sound she made at the unfamiliar and painful invasion.

As he squeezed her still silk encased breast and thrust more rapidly in search of release Buffy lay there and waited for the pain to ebb and the energy to build, but it didn't and with one final grunt Angel climaxed, his body shook and then it was over.

A few minuets later Angel rolled off her, kissed her forehead quickly and muttered something about getting cleaned up and all Buffy could think was 'there must be more to it than that' maybe it got better with time? Maybe next time it wouldn't hurt so much? The problem was Buffy didn't really want a next time, right now all she wanted to do was curl up and cry.

She was shaken from her thoughts as a fully dresses Angel reappeared looking for his keys.

"Babe, you're not dressed?"

"Where are you going Angel?"

"I'm sorry babe, I thought you knew, I can't stay, I have to be up early to practice. Coach called an emergency drill for next Fridays game. You understand don't you babe?"

"Well I …."

"Great, I knew you would. That was great babe. I'll call you tomorrow ok."

And then he was gone and Buffy was left alone, lying half naked with her skirt around her waist, an ache at her core and tears in her eyes.