Chapter Eleven:

Spike punched his pillow violently for the fifth time in as many minuets. Why did he have to live next door to her? It was one thirty in the morning for crying out loud and here he was, home alone on a Saturday night, tossing and turning because he saw Peaches leaving her house. Why couldn't he just ignore the fact that the wanker obviously got what he had come for and couldn't be bothered to stay the night. Maybe she didn't care? Maybe they did it all the time?

Spike punched his pillow again. Unfortunately there was a hole in that theory since he knew it didn't happen all the time. Angel never went in. Now, he wasn't fooling him self, he didn't expect her to be all sweet and innocent, not with a body like that and boyfriends like Parker and Peaches. Best he could figure it, not that he had given the matter much thought, Parker left her because she wouldn't 'give it up' and Angel was introducing his Johnson to half the female population so he figured that Buffy was not the kind of girl who unveiled her virtue easily. His prediction, she got too drunk too young, had a very unsatisfying experience and was a little gun shy. Not all that implausible really. What guy in his right mind would admit that he was dating the hottest girl in Sunnydale and still wasn't aloud to seal the deal. So what had changed tonight? Why had she decided after so long to go that final step?

Spike shuddered and punched his pillow again. Just listening to himself made him ill. What was he, a bloody drug store novel? He had to stop thinking about her! It was her life and she could do what ever and who ever she wanted. Problem was, something deep down told him Buffy wasn't the kind of girl to 'do' anyone. She deserved better than that and she defiantly deserved better than Angel. In frustration Spike yelled into his pillow and gave up on sleep, instead heading for the kitchen and some of the chocolate chip ice cream his mum hid in the back of the freezer.

Buffy winced as she stepped out of the shower. Was it supposed to hurt so much? Wasn't it supposed to be better? Shouldn't it have been beautiful? As she put on her white cotton panties and matching t-shirt bra Buffy looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. She knew she was attractive, people had been saying it for years, but somehow it all seemed so empty. If taking that final physical step was beautiful, and all she felt was empty, what did that say about her? What good was a body that couldn't feel love?

Buffy shook her head to clear the haze of thoughts circling her and filling her with doubt. She gingerly walked to her room and shut the door. It didn't hurt as much anymore and the heat from the shower had relieved some of the tension in her muscles. Drying off her hair and dressing for bed she looked again at the now totally transformed girl in the mirror. This was the real her, messy hair, bunny slippers and yummy sushi pajamas. This was the girl Angel was supposed to search for and discover but somewhere along the way they stopped traveling together and started just traveling next to each other. He didn't tell her about his family, his dreams for the future, his hopes, fears or quirky habits, she didn't even know what his favorite colour was.

That's just great Buffy! You just had sex with a man and you don't even know his favorite colour!

Buffy took a few deep breaths and reached for the phone. She really needed a friend but Faith was out of town and there was no conceivable way in which Cordy or Harmony would understand. She needed to talk to somebody and she needed a hug so she called the only person she could think of ………

Spike was standing in the dark of his kitchen reaching for the fridge door when the phone rang. His reaction would have been hysterically funny if it hadn't been for the yelp of surprise, which sounded decidedly feminine even to his own ears.

"Winter's residence, why the hell are you calling so late?……No Mrs. Winters isn't here right now….Buffy is that you?…….What's wrong? Are you hurt or something? Did Angel hurt you? …..What do you mean that's a stupid question? ….. Of course I know he's your bloody boyfriend! ….No wait, it wasn't a mistake calling…..will you just shut up a second?……Go unlock your door I'm coming over……..well I'm coming so you had better let me in."

Spike banged his head softly against the wall as he replaced the receiver. Why should he even care that she sounded upset? Why, why, why? Who does she think she is anyway, calling his mum for advice or whatever and then treating him like an answering service, saying it was a mistake to even call and then after he offers to come over she has the nerve to say she won't even let him in. ARAH ! That girl could be so irritating!

Spike managed to yell at Buffy in his head all the way out his back door, over the fence and onto her porch, still carrying the tub of choc chip no less and heaven help her if the door was locked! As he turned the knob and heard the bolt slide back one thought lingered.

Please don't let her talk to me about having sex with Angel !