Chapter 14.
Saturday had been filled with mixed emotions for Buffy. She woke up warm, contented, wrapped up in strong yet slender arms and the faint scent of soap. Not the manufactured, synthetic floral stuff that everyone seemed so fond of lately, it was the soap from childhood, that dependable homely fragrance. It was at this point that it registered that they were not the arms of her boyfriend, it was not Angels cinnamon shower gel or apple shampoo and she didn't mind one bit.
She could hear Kirsten Dunst reciting Shakespeare, trying to win over her leading man and the events of the previous evening floated back. She had slept with Angel, he had left and somehow calling Joyce for comfort had ended in Spike eating ice-cream in her kitchen and making small talk. Buffy opened her eyes tentatively and when she was sure he was asleep began to really look at the young man beside her. At this close a proximity he looked much younger. His long soft eyelashes softened his features and contrasted against his strikingly blonde locks. She took in his pale complexion, his strong chin and chiselled cheekbones. For heaven sake, even the little scar on his eyebrow made him that much more attractive.
More than anything else what struck her was his hair. Soft, sleep tussled and unrestrained it curled naturally yet haphazardly and despite her better judgment she couldn't help reaching out and brushing a curl back from his forehead. That was a mistake because as he made an adorable contented sound and a shot of electricity run up her spine, for the very first time buffy imagined herself lying naked, bathed in candle light with her hands in his hair and herself in his arms.
Oh fate was cruel !
Why did it have to be him? Why would her body want a man she hardly knew and would never be able to have. Even if they were able to but the past behind then, which she wanted more with each passing day, she was the last woman he would ever look at with tender loving eyes let alone passion. He was wild and dark and probably surrounded by exciting, experienced women. How could she ever hope to capture his attention?
DAME, DAME, DAME! She had to stop thinking about him. She had Angel, that was enough. Spike just isn't your type, your only attracted to him because your tired and he's so warm. That's it.
Pity she didn't believe it.
Angel lay on his big double bed and covered his head with his pillow. Sun was streaming in his window and he felt like he had been run down with a Mac truck. He had finally gotten Buffy into bed and it had defiantly not been worth the wait. He knew he didn't love Buffy Summers. He doubted he would ever really love anyone. Love made you weak! Angel cast his mind back over the events of the weekend. Of all the women he had slept with, and there had been quite a few, that was defiantly the worst experience. It had been her idea to do it in the first place and then she just lay there. It clearly wasn't her first time so maybe she just didn't enjoy sex. Maybe she just wasn't any good at it.
Everything about Buffy was just so plane, She was accommodating and agreeable, she had natural grace and most of all she came from the right family. They did all the right things and went to all the right places, they were the perfect couple. Except that there was no spark, there never had been as far as he was concerned. If they weren't dating he doubted if they would even be friends. But she wasn't a danger to his heart, she drew attention wherever she went and he didn't have to work at making her happy.
If he was really honest Angel realized he hardly knew anything about Buffy as a person and she knew even less about him. In the early days she had made efforts to get emotionally involved in his life but at the end of the day this was what he wanted. She was wealthy, beautiful and belonged exclusively to him. What else could he ask for?
If he wanted someone to hang out with he had his friends and if he needed someone who really knew him, who could tell if he was lying and who listened without judgment, well that's why he was friends with Cordilia. They had been friends since before they even started school and they were there for each other. To the outside world they had picture perfect lives. No one knew, no one they dated, none of their family or friends could tell you any different. But Angel knew the truth about Cordy just like she knew him. He knew she loved Care Bears and Mango ice cream and her favourite colour was sky blue, just like his. They were there for each other and Cordy was possibly the only cheerleader at UC Sunnydale that he had never slept with. What they had was special and it scared him to think that he could ever lose her.
Angel rolled over and screamed into his pillow. He hated feeling vulnerable and he hated that he could have sex all over town but never feel as warm as when he was sitting in a crowded cafeteria talking to Cordy. Angel looked in the mirror at a handsome, popular football star….
"You are one screwed up kid"