Chapter 16
The week went by in a bluer of tears. Angel tried to explain and make his excuses but there was really nothing left to say. He had lied to her, she had believed him and now it was over. So Buffy was left to do what any other self-respecting woman would do, cry her self to sleep then put on a brave face and soldier on. So she cried, she cried for all the lies he told her, for the cheating and the deception, for the time she had spent worrying about how he felt, what he wanted and what people would think. She cried for the helpless, weak feelings that threatened to swallow her whole and she cried for all the times she had crossed a line, against her better judgment, going further than she had wanted to just to keep him happy. If she was really honest with her self she even cried because, of course, Spike had to turn up right at that moment so he could hear first hand that he had been right all along. Dame Dame DAME! She hated feeling helpless!
The one thing she didn't cry over was loosing Angel. How could she loose something that never really belonged to her? After all those years it was odd to think that there was nothing about Angel that she would really miss, she didn't know him well enough. Maybe it had always been just a matter of time before things ended? Maybe they should have ended years ago? All Buffy knew for sure was that she wasn't sure about anything anymore.
On Friday however the final puzzle piece fell into place, for Buffy at least. As she made her way past the practice fields she overheard a few of the football players bragging about their latest conquests. They made overly suggestive comments about Harmony and a few other girls on the cheerleading team, even a few descriptive suggestions about what they would like to do with Buffy herself, which needless to say enraged her. Yet Angel stood by, barely paying them any attention. It wasn't until Parker started on a detailed description of what he would like to do with Cordilia in a dark corner that Angel almost choked on his Gatorade. Then when Doyle began to explicitly and graphically agree Angel turned around and decked him.
"How dare you talk about her like that! There's no way Cordy would ever lower her standards enough for you to get anywhere near that close."
"Yeah, well you were always over there, don't try to tell us you weren't gettin' any! You've had half the tail on campus and one or two of the faculty!"
"I have never, EVER, had sex with Cordy! I could never just use her like that."
At that moment realization finally dawned on Buffy, all the signs were there, Angel could never have loved her because he was already in love with Cordilia. It was all right to degrade other women, use their bodies, play on their emotions, break their hearts. After all, it was just sex. But with Cordilia all bets were off, Cordy had been his best friend since childhood and now he had fallen in love with her. For a second Buffy hoped that she would break his heart, but at the same time she realized that maybe they were right together, maybe Cordy was the only one who had a chance to get past all of the emotional barrios around his heart and if Angel and Cordilia could find someone to love then maybe Buffy could find her one in a million.
Maybe?