It is James' and Lily's wedding day.
Unfortunately it is the night of the full moon.
Remus has to leave.
What will Sirius do?
20 years later, Sirius returns from Azkaban.
After being in the shrieking shack with Harry and Remus he decides to live with Remus…
"It is full moon today.", Remus said timidly to Sirius. Both men were taking the last preparations for the wedding. Sirius wore a suit and his tie was still loose. So was Remus'.
"I know, Moony.", Sirius answered. He pitied his friend that he would have to leave early this evening. The man wouldn't have fun at the party when he knew that one of his best friends had to suffer and feel alone.
He had a plan but he also knew that Remus would not allow him to leave with him, but Sirius wasn't willing to leave him alone. He never had in their days at Hogwarts and he would not leave him alone now!
"I have to leave when the sun sets…", the werewolf murmurs and casts his eyes towards the floor. Sirius made a step towards him and touched Remus' chin to lift his face upwards.
"Don't worry. They'll understand.", he never was so affectionate but when it was the night of the full moon he knew Remus needed it. He was fragile when he knew he would turn into a werewolf at night and Sirius would do anything to make him feel better. He began to fumble with Remus' tie and in turn the werewolf made a proper knot beneath Sirius' chin.
"You look great in that suit.", Sirius told Remus and promptly the man's cheek turned pink. He laughed lightly.
"And certainly you look like you are up to no good… like always." Sirius gave him one of his lopsided smirks and threw an arm around Remus' shoulder.
"Come on… we make James' wedding a success!", he grinned and led the other man out of his house.
He had left the party some time before the sun had set. He had been happy it was fun to see James and Lily so happy. They had smiled all the time and he knew that they were meant to be together.
Now he sat alone in his chamber, the happy laughs still ringing in his ears.
He felt so utterly alone, drew his knees upwards under his chin and hugged them like he always did when he waited for the transformation.
Remus had seen all those cheerful faces, all those happy people, dancing, laughing and kissing. Nobody had ever kissed him. Really kissed… he never had a girlfriend at school or in the few years after their time at school. No one ever dated him or even looked at him. He knew he was not as beautiful as Sirius or clever as James but he also was capable of love.
Or perhaps he thought so.
He wanted someone to love him so badly, he needed someone to hold him, someone who knew who he was and would embrace him when he felt bad, someone who cared for him when he transformed back from werewolf to human.
An image of Sirius shot into his head. He was often with him, when he was exhausted in the morning when he transformed back. Sirius hold him, healed his wounds and cared for him, ut he was his friend, wasn't he? Remus was not supposed to hope that Sirius would kiss him and embrace him like a lover…
But still… Remus trembled at the thought of being alone for the rest of his life. Sometimes he fantasized what it would be like: he would see all friends happy and marrying and having children of their own.
And he would smile with them pretend that he was contend with his life when he was not.
Sometimes another thought appeared: Remus met someone who loved him deeply and accepted who he was. WHAT he was.
And he couldn't deny that he was a monster.
Later that night when he wurned into a werewolf he would hurt himself with his claws and teeth.
Sometimes these cuts were so deep he nearly bleeds to death.
Sometimes he wished he would bleed to death.
This was a nice way of escaping his lonely life, his sad existence.
He was not needed by anyone and who would miss him? His friends would mourn for him but time would heal their wounds and they would go on with their lives.
A tear slid through his closed eyelids. He felt the transformation begin.
Pain shot through his whole body and his eyes opened with a gasp.
"I came just in time.", Sirius said and knelt down next to Remus. God's Remus needed him so badly by his side when he became a werewolf. It was like their ritual.
Sirius bent his head and kissed Remus forehead. "Don't worry. I'm here with you." He said.
Always the same action, always the same words.
Remus relaxed and felt better. It was like a miracle how Sirius could melt away his fears and his pain.
Remus saw Sirius transform into a dog, a beautiful black one. His hair colour matched that of Sirius' real hair and he was as beautiful as the man himself.
Remus reached out with a hand and stroked the velvety fur. "Thank you Padfoot." He whispered, then closed his eyes and tried to surpress the pain in his body.
But he could not stand it. It was as bad as ever and he screamed.
When he opened his eyes again it was like he was not himself anymore. He was furious 'cause he was alone. He hated himself and every part of his being screamed for destruction. The werewolf began to claw himself badly, he clawed at his arms and his chest, he needed someone to hold him, but no one was there for him.
Another scream, a deep roar.
When the werewolf felt the blood flow he was satisfied but still he wanted more. He aimed for the dog and tried to bury his fangs in its neck. Kill it!
But the dog was strong and he was able to deal with the werewolf. He fought with him until the werewolf was fully exhausted and lay on the floor. Only then came the huge dog and laid next to him, licked over the werewolf's face and then laid his head on it's neck.
Same action as ever.
This night the werewolf was more violent than Sirius had known him to be but nonetheless he was able to deal with him. In the morning Remus transformed back into his human form and When he was fully transformed Sirius did the same. Unlike Remus he was fully clothed.
The other man lay nearly naked on the floor, covered in blood and breathing heavily. Sirius picked him up like he was a child, light as a feather and carried him out of the chamber into Remus house.
There he sat on the couch, let the man's head rest in his lap.
"He hates me so much…", Remus muttered. He was barely conscious but Sirius presence calmed him.
"Why would he hate you?", Sirius asked, while washing Remus skin with a cloth and cold water. It felt so good.
"'cause I do not what he wants. He needs a mate and I… who would ever date a werewolf?" Remus asked crestfallen. Sirius knew he felt bad when he had been a werewolf but this was worse. He could read it in Remus eyes. They looked so hopeless and alone.
"I would.", he simply answered. Surprised he noticed Remus shook his head. "I would not?"
"No one would, Sirius. They know I'm a monster. Look at me… all covered in blood." He felt Sirius' Hand glide over his chest and relaxed a tiny bit. "There are scars all over my body even in my face. My clothes are always tattered and shabby. How could anyone want to date somebody like me. I'm a complete disaster."
"Shhh…" Sirius hushed him. "You ARE beautiful, Moony. You are compassionate, gentle and my good conscience. I would love you." 'If only you'd let me' he added.
Again he bent down and kissed Remus forehead. Something he only did before the transformation. This kiss was new, but Remus did not mind. He was tired and sad he needed Sirius.
Sirius always was the strong one and even if he was up to no good he had a heart of gold and was one of the most compassionate people Remus had ever met in his life. He knew that nobody knew this side of Sirius but he did and he was happy and felt honoured.
Sirius' words became more distant, slowly Remus slipped into a deep sleep. He was so happy that Sirius was with him, he trusted him completely. He even did not mind that he was naked and so vulnerable in the mans arms.
Again, before darkness embraced him, he felt Sirius lips touch his forehead. His eyelids. His cheek. His nose… his whole face.
When Remus woke up it was late in the afternoon but he lay in his bed safely covered, all his wounds cared for. He tried to roll onto his back but he touched someone lying next to him and started.
Sirius lay next to him, sleeping. It was the first time he had brought Remus up the stairs into his bed and then fell asleep in Remus' bed.
The werewolf did not care, in fact he was all too happy that he was not alone. Sirius' face was relaxed he seemed contend to lie next to his friend and when he felt Remus move his arm curled around the man's waist and pulled him closer to Sirius' chest.
Remus gasped but it felt so good to feel Sirius' strong arms around him and his broad chest pressed against his back.
"Good morning, Remus.", Sirius whispered near to his ear and Remus gasped. The man was awake! He thought he still slept…
"You left James' wedding just to get bitten by a werewolf?"
"I left James' wedding just to be with my best friend. There were so many of his friends I guessed he barely noticed us missing. And he knew that it was the night of the full moon…"
Remus sighed. He felt so good just lying here in the arms of Sirius. It was so uncomplicated and he trusted him so deeply.
"This morning, Remus, you told me you felt alone. And I told you I'd date you…"
"You kissed my face all over.", Remus remembered and sat up. "Why would you date a werewolf. What if she turns out to be a monster. Like me."
"I would love you because you are so gentle and adorable. You are compassionate and helpful. You love your friends and when they need you ou are there for them. When I was in trouble you always were there for me. You are sweet and beautiful, your body is perfect and your hands so soft and gentle. Your eyes are deep and they hold a passion I'm eager to discover. Your shin is so soft and beautifully tanned. Even your hair is soft, I so like to touch it. When I'm with you I feel whole and when you leave me I miss you. Sometimes you make me laugh and sometimes you make me sad but you always make me a better man. You are my good conscience, you know what is best for me. I like the way you move, smoothly and elegant. I love the way you run your hand through your hair when you are nervous or angry. I love it when you tell me that I'm up to no good. I love it when I am able to find an excuse to touch you. I love your skin and I love the way you smell. You smell like a cold day in winter. Fresh and sweet. I love your clothes no matter how shabby they are they make you the man I love."
Remus felt tears in his eyes when he realised what Sirius had just told him. He felt the wetness on his cheeks and ran to his shoulder. "Sirius.", he muttered and turned around to face the man.
Sirius had closed his eyes but his hand firmly gripped Remus' shoulders and ran towards his back. He opened his eyes and looked straight into Remus'. "I love you, Remus Lupin.", he said and gently brushed his lips over Remus'. Just a short innocent kiss but it was the most beautiful thing Remus' had ever experienced in his life.
He leaned forwards and gently took Sirius' lips again, covered them with his own and let them play with Sirius' smooth and soft lips. Sirius got more bold and leaned above Remus, covered the werewolf's body with his own while he pleaded entry with his tongue, teased Remus and then entered his mouth to taste the man he loved so deeply.
Remus happily answered to the kiss, wanted to taste Sirius wanted to feel his every move against his body. Gods… where had Sirius learned to kiss like that?
The kiss left Remus light headed and shivering. He wanted more.
"I love you", he breathed and let his hands roam over Sirius' shoulders and back. he felt the muscles beneath his shirt and was eager to get it off the man's body.
He softly moaned when Sirius kissed his chest, he shivered and shook with pleasure when Sirius ran his tongue around his belly and he sighed contend when Sirius' hands stroked his whole body. He screamed when he felt Sirius' body move with his and he clung to Sirius as if he was a lifeboat on the sea.
Remus wanted nothing more than to feel Sirius. The man felt good when he gently made love to the werewolf and showed him that he was worth being loved.
When they lay together in each others arms Remus looked up into Sirius deep dark blue eyes.
"You love me…", he whispered as if not really believing it.
Sirius brought a hand to his cheek and gently stroked the soft skin.
"Yes…how could I not love you, Remus?" he asked and pulled the man closer.
This evening Remus slept so deep and so contend like never before.
Remus awoke with a start and grabbed the sheets next to him. The bed was empty where Sirius was supposed to lie.
No. Sirius had been in Azkaban.
And last term he had seen him in the shrieking shack, had learned that he was not the one who had betrayed Lily and James Potter.
Sirius was innocent and all the years Remus had believed in his guilt. He felt so bad for blaming the love of his life. Again the tears began to fall, he couldn't hold them back.
Last night the werewolf had screamed for his blood and no one was there to prevent him from doing this. He had bitten and clawed himself so often since Sirius was gone that there were many new scars all over his body.
The werewolf had screamed and longed for his mate. The animal in Remus could not live any longer without him. He loved him so deeply.
All the time Remus had loved him even if he had blamed Sirius for the betrayal. His feelings were as deep as in their first night.
Remus left his bed, tried to wipe away the tears and went upstairs into his kitchen. Like in trance he put the kettle onto the stove and boiled some water for his tea.
"Remus…", a soft voice said his name and this was the first time Remus noticed the huge man sitting at his table. His eyes were sunken in and his skin waxy but he was as beautiful as ever. Remus' heart skipped a beat.
"Sirius…" he stammered. He needed to apologize needed to tell the man he was sorry but no word escaped his lips. He wasn't able to speak and Sirius knew. The man stood up and walked towards Remus until he stood in front of him.
"I missed you so much while I was in Azkaban.", he whispered his voice hoarse. "Forgive me. I never knew what would happened, though I should have known. I never wanted to leave you alone, Remus."
"I do not need to forgive anthing. Nothing is your fault.", Remus finally managed. "It is me who has to apologize." Now tears ran down his face it was as beautiful as the last time Sirius had seen it and his heart raced. "I believed in your guilt. Sirius I knew you for so long, I trusted you, I even slept with you. I love you but I believed in your guilt." His voice was barely a whisper when Sirius reached out and enfolded him in a breathtaking embrace.
"Doesn't matter now, Remus. I would forgive you anything, Remus. How could you not believe it?" he asked and kissed Remus' face all over. "I love you, Remus, I love you so much!"
Remus tilted his head upwards towards Sirius and melted in the breathtaking kiss.
Still Sirius was able to make Remus mad when kissing him, his lips tasted like he remembered them and where still so sensual they made him dizzy.
"I love you.", he whispered when Sirius finally came up for air.
Sirius could no longer wait. He pushed Remus towards the stairs kissed him, touching him all the way up to his bedroom.
It was like their first night and yet they knew each other so well. They discovered their bodies new, touched the spots they knew the other would like and kissed again and again to confirm that all was real.
When Remus lay beneath Sirius and felt his lover all around him the werewolf in him purred. Actually Remus himself purred and moaned in pleasure while he enjoyed Sirius lovemaking for the first time in twenty years. Gods he needed this man so badly he loved him, he couldn't breath without him.
When they lay under the sheets covered in sweat and kisses he looked up at Sirius like in their first night.
"You love me?" he asked. The same words.
"Forever, Remus."
"You even don't care that I thought you were guilty. You don't mind my being a werewolf?"
Sirius stroked his cheek, took his hand and kissed Remus' palm.
"You are perfect, my love"