(A/N: A fic named "Short", and now a fic named "Tall." Yeah, I'm real creative with titles. Anywho, this fanfic is about our own Professor Membrane, because he's awesome and isn't acknowledged nearly enough. I only have a little bit done so far... more will probably be added, depending on review and inspiration levels.
Disclaimer: I don't own Professor Membrane, his awesomeness or anything else in this fanfic.)
Tall
REAL science is happening! After all, this is the official home basement lab of Professor Membrane - REAL science is always happening in the official home basement lab of Professor Membrane! That and REAL toast... REAL toast likes to happen in the official home basement lab of Professor Membrane too.
As was to be expected, Professor Membrane was doing REAL sciencey things, like pouring a beaker of dangerous explosive compounds into a beaker of less-than-safe corrosive acids. I'm not sure what this was accomplishing, but then, I'm not a scientist. Membrane brushed a few crumbs of REAL toast from his fashionably high collar and scribbled something down that involved cosines - I think they were cosines. I'm even less of a mathematician than I am a scientist.
Suddenly, Professor Membrane punctuated the quiet atmosphere of REAL science with a resounding "A-HA! THIS is the solution I've been looking for! I will contact those other people I contact when I come up with solutions now on my mega-jumbo screen of DOOM!" And, pressing an ominous-looking red button which caused a ginormous screen to lower out of the ceiling, he proceeded to do just that. Static buzzed over the screen and out of the speakers teeth-gratingly, so Professor Membrane grated his teeth and reached for the dial which would tune the transmitters to the top-secret frequency that would allow him to contact those other science guys. Before he could reach it though, he paused. Adjusting his goggles curiously, he stared hard at the screen. Amongst the snow, he could make out something green. Two somethings. Moving in a way Membrane had never known green somethings to move. Strange voices filtered through the huge and expensive speakers set up at strategic locations throughout the lab, and, curiosity getting the better of him, Membrane finally reached down and turned the dial. Rather than turning it to the frequency for contacting other scientists, however, he instead turned it slowly the other way; the visual and audio reception cleared of static drastically, and then the green somethings became all too clear.
"Zim, entertain - I mean, brief us on your latest," one green thing commanded in a muffled voice. Both green things were humanoid, tall and extremely lean, with insectoid faces and highly technological robes that matched their eyes, one in red and one in purple. The red one had spoken, and its voice was muffled because it was pigging out on what looked like a bag of neon blue cheese puffs, while the purple one helped itself to a bucket of gelatinous orange slop. In the background, what was clearly the interior of an advanced alien spaceship could be seen, controls tended to by shorter versions of the first two aliens in red outfits as stylishly high-collared as Membrane's own.
The connection must have been working both ways, because the purple one squinted at the Professor, elbowed its partner in its ridiculously spindly side and remarked, orange glop dripping from its mouth, "Hey... that's not Zim." Shocked from his intrigued stupor by this recognition, Professor Membrane backed away from the screen, nearly knocking over the table behind him.
"Aliens!" he choked out, finding his voice and pointing at them dramatically. "ALIENS!" The purple one had found a slurpee and sucked on it carelessly now, while the red one just looked at Membrane as though he'd screamed "THE SKY IS BLUE!" (It was late night, so the sky was actually a darkish gray tainted by the encroaching green of pollution, but you know what I mean.) Fortunately, Professor Membrane quickly recovered and assumed a professional, REAL sciencey stance of diplomacy.
"I - I mean, ahem. You are aliens, aren't you?" Professor Membrane queried, raising an eyebrow seriously.
"Duh," the purple one deadpanned around the slurpee's straw. Ask a stupid question, get a real half-assed answer. Professor Membrane tried again.
"An extraterrestrial encounter! Just imagine it!" he said, growing more enthused by the second. "What is your location? What are your prime objectives? Uh - take me to your leader!" He couldn't resist that last one - it was hard enough not to say "I come in peace!"
"We're the Tallest. We are our leaders," Red (as Membrane had decided to think of him) informed dryly. "Hey - give us your location. Maybe we can get around to blowing your planet u - "
"Wait!" Purple interrupted, looking at Membrane as though seeing him for the first time. "You're rather... tall, aren't you?" Membrane was startled.
"Well... yes, I am tall," he admitted truthfully, though lost on what that had to do with anything. Red and Purple observed him closely, acquiring growingly pleased looks.
"Very tall," Red grinned hungrily. "What planet are you on?"
"I am Professor Membrane of the planet EARTH!" the Professor announced proudly. The Tallest's grins grew together.
"Excellent," Red purred. "We'll see you soon." The transmission ended.