A/N: School for me starts Tuesday and I want this finished, so instead of cleaning my room and packing, I'm working on this. And of course took me days to write so I'm moved now, and my rooms needs unpacking but meh…I got all week.
--
RECAP
"Excuse you you're in my seat" a half drunk Sara spoke glass in hand, donning a smile he turned in his seat.
"Hello Sara"
Crash
The glass was no longer.
Twenty Seconds later
"Catherine would you like to dance?" Nick asked
"I'd love too" she got up and followed Nick to the dance floor, Warrick and his wife were already getting up, no questions asked
"Thanks Guys" Greg muttered and looked at the only person who hadn't ran away.
Sara"Are you going to stare at me or sit down?" she sat without saying a word, the waiter oblivious to both who was cleaning up her broken glass.
"I'd never thought I'd see the day when I rendered Sara Sidle speechless" she numbly looked up to him, however still remaining silent, stunned or shocked or both, she wasn't sure, but nothing would coming out. Where had the speech she rehearsed for months, after he left, gone? She couldn't remember a damn word of it
"Okay, I see I'm going to be speaking to myself here" he needed a drink, where were all the waiters? Not one could be seen
"Why are you here?" finally came out in nothing more than a whisper on her side
"Grissom's retiring is he not?"
"But…"
"You thought I wouldn't come did you? Almost didn't but I can't change who we fall for can I?"
"No I guess you can't" still a whisper, she needed something to moisten her throat and she too began looking around for the waiter.
"Don't bother, already tried there's not one within sight" he rested his hands comfortably on the table, not sure if it was up to him to start or her, and to be truthful they had a lot of past to cover up, some not for others to hear. They sat in silence for a few moments, concluding that it was in fact over between them, and it would always remain hostile between them, he stood ready to leave.
"This was mistake" he whispered to himself, intent on getting out of here and on the first plane back home.
"Wait" stopped him, from moving any further, and it was his turn to be stunned or shocked or both.
"Let's get out of here" she grabbed her purse, fumbling with the latch, and only then did he think that maybe she was just a tad drunk.
"Have you been drinking?" he asked as his hand slid to the small of her back to help her weave through people
"Not enough to matter. I know exactly what I'm doing, where I am, who I'm with"
"That's good, I should say hello to Grissom"
"You better" she stood by the door, patiently waiting
Nick and Catherine took turns looking over at Sara and over to Greg who at the moment was talking with Grissom and the recently elected mayor.
"We forgot something" Catherine suddenly panicked
"What's that?"
"What if Greg is married has a girlfriend or…" she was cut off by Nick
"Greg isn't wearing a wedding ring, and if he does have a girlfriend I'm sure he wouldn't do anything"
"Greg I trust, its Sara I don't"
--
"Ready?" Greg let out a big sigh as he approached, nodding silently and followed her out
"Grissom glad that you're back?"
"I'm not back, I leave on Friday"
"You know what I meant"
"He really couldn't say anything, the mayor was standing there, and wouldn't get the hint to leave, which I am grateful for"
"Why is that?"
"Just cause, really don't have a reason. Grissom wont be mad that you're leaving?"
"Ha" Greg raised an eyebrow in confusion, seeing his look she explained
"Grissom and I aren't together anymore"
"Sorry didn't know"
"No I guess you wouldn't"
"We've reached my car where to m'lady?"
"My place? These shoes are killing me"
"Okay, you still live in the same place?"
"Yep"
"Alright" both climbed into the car without saying another word, nor did they discuss anything on the way over. Which in his opinion was more than stressful.
--
Keeping his head low, he followed her up the stairs and down the hallway, how many times had they walked down this hallway laughing, him telling her a joke, and she laughing at the reply, or how many times had he sung down this hallway just so she would smile when the jokes didn't work?
Too Many
For some reason he felt as if he was doing something wrong, like he shouldn't be here or something, but he had nothing to justify to that, he wasn't doing anything, he had touched her once when he was leading her out of the party. That was it – no kissing, no nothing.
"Do you want something to drink?"
"Water but I can get it, go take off your shoes"
"You don't mind?"
"Nope, I know where everything is" and a part of him didn't want to forget, so he had held on, and the image of where she kept everything leapt forward, and he opened the cupboard closest to the fridge. Because he knew she didn't like tap water, so instead of keeping them by the sink, which in most cases always happened, the closer to the fridge, the easier it was that she could just pull it out and pour.
Lost deep in thought when Sara returned, she let him have his moment and then moved past him, shaking him out of whatever spell he had been in.
"Feel way better now" just like his little analogy he had just given she opened the cupboard first, then the fridge pouring herself a glass of orange juice.
"Is there anything we really need to talk about?" he asked after a moment
"I need to know why you left"
He licked his lips and thought the question
Did I not say I was going to get asked this question?
So Answer her
"At first I would have said that you and Grissom together was just overwhelming but I don't know if I can say that anymore, that would be a little too corny you know…now its just I don't know why I left but I'm glad I did, I've got to do so much, I'm level 3 now, something that I know never would have happened here, with Ecklie always going on about some budget cuts needed to be made"
"You could have transferred to a different shift, Days and Swing are still short handed"
"No it's better this way, I'm happy"
"What about me?"
"What about you? We were never together, a point you have rubbed in over and over, so you didn't have a say in what went on, or where I went"
"Geez way to rub that one in"
"Sorry but the truth does hurt"
Maybe more than it should but it still does
"Have you ever wanted something so bad, and couldn't have it, and when you finally do get it, you don't want it anymore?" she asked cradling her glass, somehow neither of them had moved, he still stood propped up against her sink. And she up against her island, her stove to be precise.
"Ya, when I was seven I wanted this one play car so bad, and I kept getting told no, so by the time Christmas came around, I got it, but it just sat at the bottom of my toy chest"
"Not sounding a little cliché but that's what happened, after so long of wanting…the flame it just went out and I no longer wanted him"
"Is this the part where you tell me you love me instead?" her silence told him everything he needed to know
"You were, and what did you expect to happen? Me admitting that I still love you, that I'd be willing to move back just for you, give up everything I've worked hard to get, just for some fling that will fizzle out? No Sara, I'm not going to do that"
"Doesn't my feelings matter?"
"Of course they do but I'm not thinking of only my self now, I have Alison and the life we were creating to think about too and I dont want to give that up, that would be another failure on my part"
"So what am I supposed to do?"
"I really honestly don't know that is up to you" and he looked at her, and for the first time since he came back he could see the real her, and it didn't look good, her make up that she used to cover up her bags was wearing off, the paleness of her skin, just maybe she had been taking things a bit harder than he had
"Don't look at me like that, everybody else does"
"How am I looking at you?"
"You're looking at me like I'm broken, damaged goods, just waiting for the tape that's holding it all back to break, everyone else is and I'm tired of it, I'm not fragile, I wont break if you look at me the wrong way"
"Then why push yourself downhill, why couldn't you triumph, show that it doesn't bother you"
"Because I am human just like everyone else, and it does hurt"
"And you think it didn't for me, it hurt like hell, more than it should"
"Are you going to tell me what I should believe in, what I'll never be cause I really don't think I'm up for it"
"I'm not going to do that"
"Grissom said that too, and then he started say oh did you know, it works better if you do this..."
"I'm not Grissom, and never will be, I hope you do see that"
"I see that, I've always seen that"
"No I dont think you have, because if you had, we wouldn't be in this mess"
"What do you want me to do, I can't turn back time"
"I'm not asking you too, I'm just saying 'What if'"
"I really dont like what if's Greg"
"But the world is full of them, something we can't change, no matter what happens"
"Would you do something for me?"
"Almost anything"
"Would you answer a simple question, honestly and truthfully no bull shit involved?"
You know what that question is don't you
Ya unfortunately I do
And your answer is going to be
The truth
And that is?
"Ya"
"Do you still have any type of feeling for me, maybe even love?"
"Ya I still love you"
What about Alison?
A/N: Yes I'm stopping it there, because I'm that cruel.