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Thanks to my betas HPBNC and hp4freek
Chapter Seven: Birth Control and Bananas
Hermione took extra care to get ready that morning. She was going on a date with Professor Snape! Well, I suppose it's not really a date. He's going out with me to pick up a large quantity of condoms, and bananas, before we go pick up potion ingredients.
Deciding to straighten her hair, she took out her flattening iron. She rarely chose to use it; in her opinion, it was far too time consuming to make her hair manageable. Since she had been using the shampoo of Severus's concoction, her hair had been nothing but soft and silky with gentle waves. She knew that Muggle appliances did not work within the walls of Hogwarts, but she had figured out that if you charm them properly, they work just as well as when being run off electricity.
Hermione took care straightening her hair and placing on subtle amounts of make-up. She dressed in Muggle clothes. She pulled out a little black skirt and a violet jumper. She pulled on a pair of shoes that looked a lot like ballet slippers, but they were black and had a regular sole to them. She took a light corduroy jacket out of her wardrobe and headed down to the main entrance to meet her snarky date.
When she arrived at her destination, she noticed she was not the only one who had taken great care of their appearance today. She looked Severus over and noted that his hair was not as limp as it normally looked. He had picked out Muggle clothes as well, knowing they were going into Muggle London. He had on a pair of black trousers, rather similar to what he normally wore under his teaching robes, as well as a starched white linen shirt and a black leather jacket. There was something different about his skin, but she could not figure out what exactly.
She smiled at her travelling companion for the day. "You look wonderful today, Sev," she complimented him.
He was thankful for the praise. He had spent a majority of the night brewing different potions to improve his appearance. He decreased the potency of his shampoo, so his hair didn't look so greasy anymore; it was light and bounced as he walked. He brewed up several cleaners for himself. He would never admit it to anyone, but he had also taken her inadvertent advice, and had spent some time 'exploring his body.' He gave her a small smile, which showed a little bit of his teeth. She gasped in response and praised him some more.
"Your teeth! They look amazing!" She smiled at him and pulled on the sleeve of his jacket. "Go on and give me a proper smile!"
He ignored her request and pulled his arm out of her hands, asking if they could just go and get this over with.
They arrived at Muggle London by Apparition. There were designated areas that wizards were able to come and go from. Hermione led the way. She had made an appointment with the gynaecologist in St. Paul's Hospital about sexual education. Hermione told them that she worked at a boarding school and was the school nurse. She had recently come into the position of having to teach a class on sexual education, as well as other health related topics. She thought that it was important to have supplies on hand, in the event that they were needed by students. Although, school rules strictly prohibited that sort of relationship among the students.
In the waiting room of their first stop, Severus was highly uncomfortable. There had been models placed around the waiting room. Hermione had left him sitting in the waiting room while she met with the doctor the appointment was made with. He was staring at an anatomically correct pelvis of a male. He felt as though the semi-erect phallus was mocking him. He tried to look away, but was greeted with the female counter-parts, which he found just as awkward to look at in plastic form.
Merlin, Hermione, hurry up!
Turning to his other side, he saw an end table with some magazines placed on them. The top ones were of no help; they were all about parenthood. There were also a few magazines full of celebrity gossip. He selected the lesser evil and began thumbing through a magazine proclaiming a scandal. Some actress had walked in on her husband in bed with his ex-wife. It appears as though he had left his wife after cheating on her for quite some time with the girl in question. I can't believe people actually pay to read this garbage!
Hermione left her meeting carrying a big box full of various things. She had some pamphlets of information, as well as hundreds of condoms; some flavoured, some coloured, they even had some that would glow in the dark! Hermione placed the box down in the chair next to Severus. He didn't look up. He was intent on his reading material. She had the impulse to run her hand through his hair, but decided against it. She placed a hand on his shoulder and spoke his name quietly. It came out a bit huskier than she had realised it would.
Severus seemed confused for a moment; then his stoic mask was back in place again. "Took you long enough!"
"My apologies!" Hermione spat back at him. She picked the box back up before she grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the doorway. "Come on, I've got one more stop I need to make!" He looked bewildered, but didn't argue any further. She dragged him into a secluded ally before she performed a shrinking charm on the box she was carrying. She handed it to Severus with the order to put it into his pocket.
"What for?"
"Do I look like I have a place to carry it?" she snapped back at him.
"If you do, I'd hate to find out where," he replied back to her with a smirk.
Hermione continued to pull Severus into a grocery store. She proceeded to buy about fifty bananas, and then dragged Severus back to the alley to shrink down those bags and pass them off to Severus as well.
"There, now we can go to get what you need." She smiled at him, and they walked back towards wizarding London to visit the apothecary.
Later that evening
Hermione found herself having a difficult time focusing on her potions work. She had asked specifically to help him, but she kept getting distracted by him. She would watch his graceful, calculated movements as he chopped the various ingredients that they needed. The tender attention he put into a cauldron while he was brewing to make sure that it was a perfect potion. She was snapped out of her reverie by her name being barked. "Miss Granger! If you don't intend to watch your potion, then why did you offer to assist?"
"I was watching it!"
"About as well as Mr. Longbottom had watched his potions." The snide remark about her abilities hurt. She was furious.
"You are a foul-tempered man, and I'm sick of taking your crap! You haven't said a single nice thing to me since I've been here! Come to think of it, I don't think you've ever said a single nice thing about me. Whether you like it or not, you're stuck with me. You're not perfect you know. So get off your high horse, and give people the proper praise they deserve!"
God she's hot when she's angry!
"Praise, Miss Granger? You want to be praised for being an insufferable know-it-all? You want praise for trying to blow up my lab and attempt to kill us both? I see nothing you've done worthy of praise!"
Hermione growled in frustration before calling him, "Bastard!" and storming out of the room.