"So Lifelike!"

By GirlX2

-

"…Well, was there anything else you did differently when you drank it before?" Dana asked.

"For the last time, no!" Jack growled. "I drank the bloody stuff, passed out, and woke up here."

"Well, maybe it wasn't the drink. You did say you'd taken some jewelry."

"Aye."

"Well, maybe one of the things you stole was cursed." She suggested. "God knows it wouldn't be the first time."

Jack nodded. "Unfortunately, the spoils don't seem to have made the journey with me. It looks like I may be stuck here."

Dana groaned, burying her face in a pillow. "What am I going to do?"

"Eh?"

"I can't just let you go out into the world like this. You'll get stepped on, or eaten by wild animals…or worse, found by rabid, Mary-Sue writing fan girls."

"I'll pretend to have understood that last bit." Jack said to the back of her head.

"You'll just have to stay here until we figure this out." She lifted her head. "Which means I'm going to have to take care of you."

"No one takes care of Captain Jack Sparrow." He replied.

"Maybe not, but you don't have many options at this point." She said. "You can't just go out like this. You'll be seen."

"I'm a pirate, what do I care if people see me?" He challenged her.

"If you get discovered, you'll spend your remaining days with government scientists studying you." Dana explained.

"And I don't want that?" He confirmed.

"No, you don't." She said grimly. "A tiny fictional pirate suddenly appearing would be questionable, at least. Not to mention, they'll probably hold me for questioning-even though it seems to be random that you came to life in my doll."

Jack nodded, lost in thought. Already, he was missing the Pearl terribly. Not to mention, relying upon a lady to take care of him was a definite step backwards, ego-wise.

Dana stood up, making the bed wobble under his feet. "Well, I'd better set up a bed for you."

"Can't we share this one?" His eyes gleamed suggestively.

"Sure, if your not afraid of me rolling on top of you." She countered, smirking.

Jack pondered this. A grin spread across his face.

"Forget it." She threw her hands into the air in exasperation. "I'll get something ready."

-

The accommodations weren't as poor as Jack was used to when he usually stayed on land. Dana had set up a wine crate for him that was nearly the size of his cabin on the Pearl. She had had dug up a doll bed that was a tad on the large side, but was comfortable enough. She'd even thrown in a few chairs, though he doubted he'd be using them. The room had no doors, but Jack could scale the walls easily, if he needed to.

"Tomorrow I'll see about something a bit more permanent." Dana told him. Jack nodded, not liking the sound of 'permanent'.

"And if you're planning on running away while I'm asleep, just know I've got three dogs roaming the halls." She said.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Jack replied with an air of wounded innocence.

He hadn't been planning on running away-the idea of being alone in a land of giants from the future didn't enthrall the captain-but dogs or no dogs, nothing kept him from exploring his surroundings.

Jack waited until Dana's breathing had become soft and even. Slowly, he climbed the small wall of he room. He found himself on top of a dresser. The floor wavered hazily below him in the dark.

"You're a bloody pirate, and you're not scared of heights." He muttered. Steeling himself against the woozy feelings in his stomach, he started down the dresser, swinging from handle to handle.

Finally, he landed on the floor. Mountains of cloth surrounded him (Dana had obviously grown lax about putting the clothes away) as he made his way toward the door.

"Oh bugger."

-

A few moments of dream-soaked bliss flitted through Dana's head before she remember the night before. Slowly, the nineteen year old sat up, praying it had all been a (wonderful?) dream.

No such luck. The box she'd fixed for Jack was still on her dresser. Gingerly, she got up and made her way towards it.

'A pirate-no matter how tiny-is still a pirate, and if he's hung-over I'm not going to wake him.' She thought, peering into the box.

It was empty.

"Damn it!" She groaned. She's suspected he try something like this, but the threat of three giant dogs should have-

"Oh…crap. The dogs." Three very energetic Dalmatians who would eat any and every small animal that crossed their path.

She ran to the door, stopping after she saw it was still closed.

'What the hell?' She thought, bewildered. There was no way Jack could have closed the door.

"Come to think of it, how did he open the door?"

A proverbial light bulb sparked. Slowly, Dana scanned the floor for the miniature pirate.

There, lying on a pile of her tee shirts, Jack had apparently given up on his bid for exploration. The now empty rum bottle was still clutched in his hand. He'd curled up in her new MST3K shirt, and looked downright adorable (as adorable as a pirate can look, anyway).

Unable to help herself, Dana let out an "Awwww."

Jack, who was sleeping the effects of the drink, didn't rouse.

"Well, I can't leave you down there." Dana gingerly picked the whole pile of shirts up, and laid it on her bed. Jack, still mired in sleep, rolled off the shirts and onto the bed without so much as a murmur.

'I'd better get washed up while he's still out.' Dana left the room praying that the hung-over man wouldn't wake before she could return.

-

She needn't have worried; Jack only started to come round when she brought in breakfast.

"I made bacon and eggs." She announced, seeing he was up.

"…Rum…?" Jack blinked blearily up at her.

"I can get some later. Just eat now."

Jack nodded. The portions were generous-enough scrambled eggs to feed his whole crew, a strip of bacon the size of a plank-and it smelled good.

"I don't have any utensils that can match your size…" Dana trailed off, seeing Jack eagerly grabbing the eggs with his hands "…Not that that's a problem."

"Pirate." He reminder her between mouthfuls.

"Yeah, right. Anyway, its my day off work, so I guess we can spend the day getting you acclimated." Dana said.

"If that means drunk, then I agree." Jack grinned.

"No, it doesn't." Dana rolled her eyes.

"Well, forget it then." He replied.

"You might be stuck here for some time. I kind of figured you'd want to get a general idea of what's going on."

"Well…yeah, I guess." Jack said between mouthfuls.

"Great. First order of business: this house also harbors three dogs, and my parents. If they see you, we're busted."

"Love, if nothing else, I'm a master of evading the proper authorities."

"Uh-huh." She raised a skeptical eyebrow. "What about Norrington?"

"Simple miscalculation on my part." Jack said. "Won't happen here."

"Good. Secondly, I guess you'll want to see the boat." She said slyly.

"What?" Jack leapt to his feet. "You have a boat?"

"Well, its my parent's pontoon boat." She admitted. "But I'm allowed to drive it whenever. It pales in comparison to the Pearl, but…"

"Where is it?" Jack demanded.

"In the canal in the yard." She jerked a thumb towards the wall. "I live on a lake."

A grin spread slowly over the man's face.

-

"Yes, yes I've got it. Stay still if anyone see us." Jack grumbled.

"Well, if you'd just be willing to get into my purse-"

"Don't even finish that." Jack threatened.

Dana groaned. "This is such a bad idea…"

"Easy, easy!" Jack yelped as her fist clenched around him.

"Sorry." Dana apologized.

The two were currently edging through Dana's yard, trying to look inconspicuous. Rather, Dana was trying to look inconspicuous, while Jack just tried to be still in her hand.

"I really don't want to explain to anyone why I'm bringing my action figure on the boat." Dana hissed as they stepped onto the small craft. Dana placed him onto the console, just out of the way of the steering wheel's spikes. It looked like a metallic version of an old-timey ship's wheel. She revved the motor.

Jack jumped at the noise. "What the bloody hell was that?"

"The engine." Dana said, trying to think of some example he'd understand. "Like in a train?"

"What's a train?"

"Never mind. All you need to know is its mechanical, and it makes the boat move."

"Thus the conspicuous lack of sails." Jack waved his hands about in typical fashion.

"Right." Dana said, trying to concentrate on backing out of the canal without crashing the boat.

Jack took the moment to examine the vessel. It was bright red in color, with a green flooring and a striped cover overhead. Basically, it looked like a fancy raft. The steering consol was off-white and springy under his boots. He inspected the cup holder at some length.

"Love, why is there a pit in this thing?" He jabbed at the plastic cylinder with his sword.

"Its for drinks, so they don't fall off." She replied, steering them towards the bay.

Jack contemplated this. "In three hundred years, that's the sole improvement in seafaring."

"Hey, we were a little busy curing the plague and building flying machines." Dana said.

"Flying machines?" Jack repeated incredulously.

"Uh, yeah, But don't think about it, because its really expensive, and we've got no place to go to." She told him.

"Don't worry, I have no intention of flying anywhere." Jack made a face.

The lake before them was fairly empty, as it was a weekday morning.

"Where are we going?"

"Where else? The beach."

-

"Feel at home?"

"Inescapably so." Jack muttered.

"What? Speak up."

"I said…Oh never mind."

The two were walking on the deserted beachfront. Jack was making his own path over the oversized shells and rocks after insisting Dana put him down. Dana was walking several paces behind him.

"If you'd just let me carry you-"

"Captain Jack Sparrow is not carried."

Dana rolled her eyes. "Fine, but if you fall into a hole and break you leg don't come running to me."

Jack opened his mouth then stopped, looking confused.

"How could I run if my leg was-"

"Its just a figure of speech." Dana cut him off.

Jack scrambled over a small rock. "So, whatever happened to Will and Elizabeth? You said you knew about them."

"Uh…" Dana stalled. "How long ago did you re-claim the Pearl?"

Jack shrugged. "Almost six months ago. Why?"

Dana bit her lip. Jack knew nothing of his impending doom, and telling him could prove disastrous. Changing history-even to save her favorite pirate-didn't bode well.

"I'm not sure." She finished lamely. "Mostly, we only know about the one adventure."

"Ah. Probably got married and had a dozen kids." Jack said. "Providing of course that Will was in actuality, not a eunuch."

Dana laughed. "I have a feeling Will's intact."

"For Elizabeth's sake, he'd better be. Now, are we going to have any rum at all on this expedition?"

"Legally, I can't buy alcohol." Dana told him. "I can probably get some from my parents stash when we go home."

"Pirate." Jack grinned.

"Yeah well-SHIT!" There was a loud thump.

Jack spun around at the cry. Dana was lying sprawled across the sand, and groaning.

"What happened?" Jack hurried back to Dana and climbed onto her shoulder.

"I slipped and twisted my ankle!" She moaned, tears welling up.

"Can you walk?"

"I don't think so…" She tested the ankle, biting back a cry. "I'll need to call for help."

"There's no one around!" Jack replied, waving his arms.

"Eh, that's not exactly what I meant…" Dana strained for her purse. "Crap, it rolled away. Jack, can you get into my purse without wreaking it?"

"Aye." Jack nodded.

"Well, do it. My phone's in there."

"What the blood hell is a phone?" Jack asked while climbing down her arm.

"Just bring me the black box that lights up. It should be half your size." Dana replied.

Jack complied, unzipping the leather satchel. Slowly, he dragged the square to her, panting.

"Is this box going to help?" He asked between huffs.

"I can use it to communicate with people who are far away." Dana picked it up. "I'll call my boyfriend."

"What happened to no one seeing me?" Jack demanded.

"Well…" Dana bit her lip. "We'll have to make an exception. Probably more than one, actually."

Jack crossed his arms. He did not like where this was heading.

"Matt?" Dana held the box to her ear. "Where are you?…Good, because I need you to come to the beach and get me…No, the boat didn't break down…just hurry, please?"

Jack stared at Dana incredulously. Clearly, the girl had gone insane. She was talking to a box!

"Well, I think I sprained my ankle-"

Even from the ground, Jack could hear the resounding shout of "WHAT!" That came from the phone. He jumped back, terrified. Dana winced.

"I'm fine, I just can't hobble back through the water to get to the boat." She tried to calm the disembodied voice down.

"I'll be right there!" The male voice was frantic.

"Good." Dana punched a button on the phone. The light clicked off. "We're just lucky he's only about fifteen minutes away."

Jack's jaw hung open. "What was that?"

"I told you, this lets me call people who are far away." Dana replied.

Jack continued to stare at the phone in amazement.

"It's magic." Dana sighed.

"Oohh." Jack's look of terrified wonder melted away. "Why didn't you say so?"

-

End of Chapter 3