⁂trigger warning this chapter because of Bella. Contains depression, anxiety, codependency, unspecified eating issues, and a general unhealthy view of life. high-school and life in general can be hard to navigate. If you or someone you know needs help, please reach out to the emergency numbers and hot lines available in whichever country you're in⁂
Monday morning brought along a familiar round of emotions for Lily. She was used to being the new girl at school. She had an equation for how her day would go, right down to any random variables.
First, she'd try to achieve a normal look with her hair. Thankfully, her breakout from moving to Forks had cleared up enough around her chin to be covered by makeup. Normally she wouldn't have the luxury of makeup, but Sarah insisted that even if she didn't want to or need it, that it was available to her should she desire to use it.
Second, she would grab something easy to eat for breakfast. She wasn't big on breakfast as a whole, but knew Sarah wanted her to eat more frequently.
Third, she would be dropped off at school by Sarah on her way into work. She would be early, but thats ok. It gave her time to get accustomed to her surroundings and take note of important things.
Fourth, she'd do the new girl tango. It was a balancing act of question avoidance, mystique, social rank structure, and figuring out where she could comfortably join without standing out too much. She had gotten quite adapt at this dance after switching schools more times than she could count.
Finally, she would make a friend who could drive her home freeing up Sarah and her reliability on her foster parents. She didn't dislike them, she just didn't feel comfortable relying on the Wilson's for all of her needs. It felt too familiar to being trapped. And she would never again let herself feel like that.
Random variables included the av kid who would try to befriend her, a jealous supposedly new BFF, the quiet girl she could actually be friends with, and the jock. The main stereotypes of school as unfortunate as they were are a tried and true method for her to rely on.
She had not anticipated the cluster of chaos that was the drama of Forks High. No sane person could have anticipated the broken dynamic that she was welcomed into.
Her day had started off normally. Predictable. Safe. She had breakfast with Sarah, who was busy trying to shovel as much cereal as she could down her throat before shift. She managed to get a few pieces on her scrubs but cleaned them off before it stained.
The front office was clean, organized, and had a mostly alive plant sitting on the desk. The florescent lights were the ever present backdrop that made up the administration office. After getting her schedule (a nice combination of general courses and two advanced classes to spice life up) she was introduced to Eric Yorkie and Angela weber. They seemed nice, and fulfilled two of the generic high-school stereotypes she anticipated on meeting today. Angela seemed genuine in welcoming her to Forks, and thankfully shared several classes together.
She was stopped several times throughout the day by various students introducing themselves, asking questions, and things of that nature. She fulfilled her part in that dance as she was used to. When the bell finally rang for lunch lily felt she was doing reasonably well. She grabbed her tray with Angela and another girl named Jessica who seemed content filling her in about everyone and everything when it happened.
There, sitting by herself in a storm cloud all her own was this fragile looking girl. She had no food tray. No books. No emotion. She seemed like a zombie. The worst part was everyone seemed to ignore her, as if she was invisible. As the self proclaimed queen of invisibility lily couldn't understand what this dynamic was. She was real right? Not a figment of her imagination?
Jessica explained it eventually. The girl was named Isabella swan, the chiefs daughter. Sarah has mentioned her briefly at her birthday party a few days prior. Apperently the doctor that had left had several foster children. One of which, named Edward, had been dating Bella but they broke up. Bella had all but ditched her friends for this guy according to Jessica and refused to let any of them in her life now that this guy had left. She apperently went walking in the woods last month, got lost, and became this zombie afterwards.
Nobody knew what to do for Bella, and she was refusing to communicate with everyone. So the population of Forks high in their infinite wisdom decided to ignore her rather than address the issue.
What. The. Heck. This girl needed help, but then again what could she do? Lily didn't even know how to deal with everything in her own head let alone offer to be a shrink for someone else. She toyed with the thought of bringing it up with Sarah once she was back at the house. Maybe she would be a better option. She wasn't used to relying on adults but maybe this could work?
Social dilemma temporarily resolved, she continued to observe the populace of Forks high. After Jessica offered to give her a ride home sense she lived close to lily, she was able to breathe a sigh of relief. School was done, classes seemed alright, and the drama from school had been handled. Lily decided to start making dinner for Sarah and John sense they were both at work still. She settled on baked chicken because it was easy.
A few hours later she broached the subject of Bella with Sarah.
"Sarah I have a question. Is someone there for Bella? I noticed at school she seemed secluded." there. Big emotional jump made, she sat back to observe her forster parent. Sarah seemed to be trying to figure out what to say without going into too much detail.
"its ok if you can't tell me. I understand with work and everything. She just seemed so sad. It was weird. Im sorry. Forget I said anything" was the quick response after she felt Sarah had thought too long.
"No, honey its fine. Shes been having a real rough time of it lately. I know her father is worried. Maybe you could try talking to her? She could really use a support system. She may not be receptive to it at first, and maybe it might not work, but sometimes just having someone there means more than anything."
A few minutes passed in silence as they continued to eat. Then, the question turned to her. "How are you holding up? Settling in ok? Sue called and said she needed some help starting a community garden down at the reservation. Im not that great with plants, but I heard from a little birdie that you have a green thumb." She tried to come off casual, but lily could tell this was her trying to help reach out.
"I'm alright with growing plants" was the most noncommittal answer she could think of on the spot.
"wonderful! Its settled then. I'll bring us down to the Clearwater house on Saturday after breakfast to help!" Sarah seemed to absolutely beam at the idea. It wasn't until John cleared his throat to intervene. He casually reminder her that she had an extra shift Saturday. Sarah seemed put out by that but then quickly recovered.
"thats alright, you both can go! You could use some time in the fresh air anyways John. You're always cooped up with the guys. Go get fresh air together!" was sarahs subtle way of trying to get them to bond. It was impossible to tell Sarah no when she made her mind up about something.
The rest of the week went by in an unimpressive fog. Things seemed to be the same each day without too much difference in schedule. It wasnt until Friday night that she started to get apprehensive for the garden project. She hadn't spent a lot of time with John, mostly sarah up until this point.
As a matter of fact she hadn't even felt like herself until this point. She felt more numb than anything else. It was easier to feel numb. To go with the flow. To avoid anything too dangerous. But seeing Bella had scared her. Is that how she was? Thinking to herself she rubbed her arms quickly while in bed. She needed to get a grip. She made it this far. She refused to give up. She just… needed time. That's all. She could get through this.