Lily ended up waking up several times throughout the night. Dreams of wolves chasing her, howling, red eyes hidden behind the brush. Lily didn't enjoy taking medicine to help her sleep, but it was there if she needed it. She should have taken it after the first nightmare. Sarah had been incessant on getting something prescribed for her once she moved into the house. The argument was one that had been repeated several times.
"I know you don't want to rely on medicine, but this isn't that sweetheart. This just helps you get to sleep and stay asleep. People can die from sleep deprivation, and it isn't just because of the lack of sleep. Stress takes a huge toll on your body in ways you cannot even imagine! Your heart for one! Prolonged stress, even from lack of sleeping or nightmares during sleep, can cause damage to your heart. Some stress is ok. Remember how we talked about big stress and little stress?" Sarah was on a roll.
"Yes, I remember. Some stress is healthy, little every day stresses. Big stress is bad, and should be mitigated as much as possible." Lily said in a tired voice. They had this conversation every day it seemed.
"No, dear I don't think you understand. Love we hear you at night. I don't like pushing but I know you need help. Please, just let us help you. I have a friend who would be more than happy to talk to you to see what we can do to help you sleep. Maybe she has other recommendations besides medicine? All I am asking is that we take this chance together. I promise, I will stand by your side with whatever the doctor and you decide. I just want you to get some help. Please."
It was hard arguing with someone who not only worked in the healthcare world, but also seemed to genuinely care about you. Lily hadn't realized just how… tired she had been. It wasn't your regular "Oh, I only slept a few hours tired." No, this was bone achingly tired. The kind that bleeds into everything. After agreeing to finally see someone, they made the phone call.
It was really simple, even though Lily had felt like her stomach was full of butterflies. Her hands had kept shaking, and she couldn't quite calm down. She wasn't too sure what was going on, but she had to trust Sarah was right in this. She made it seem like Lily had a choice. Lily had decided to choose to get help. Besides, even if she didn't want to take anything at least she tried and would listen to what the doctor had to say.
That had been several weeks ago. The appointment ended up going really well, surprisingly well according to Lily. Her doctor was a kind middle aged woman who didn't disregard anything Lily had said. She listened, asked what Lily wanted and what she would be ok with. They came up with a plan together that involved finding an outdoor activity, meditating before bed, and having medicine available if she found she couldn't get to sleep. Lily didn't want anything prescribed that could be addicting, and was surprised to find that there were several options still available to her. They settled on a gentle low dose. She was also prescribed a medication of anxiety after her doctor noticed the signs of a panic attack forming.
Lily began feeling more like herself as the weeks passed. She wasn't sure if it was because she was finally sleeping more, or if it was because she had friends like Leah, or if the starts aligned for once and gave her a pass at life for the time being. No matter what, she was grateful. She had missed who she wanted to be.
Lily ended up taking a long shower prior to picking up coffee and rolls for her meeting with Leah. She wasn't sure what was going on, but she needed someone to talk to. Someone who didn't think she was crazy. Someone who could be bluntly honest. She needed Leah.
She arrived later than anticipated at Leah's house, but she wasn't surprised. The weather hadn't been great lately so the roads were full of ice. If a giant possible hallucination of a wolf didn't take Lily out, she sure as heck wasn't going to let ice do it.
After parking, Leah stormed out of the house and went straight to the driver's side of the car. Shocked, Lily opened the door, but was immediately cut off.
"Move over. I'm driving. I need to think." Was tersely spat out at Lily, who immediately started scrambling across the center divider in the car to the passenger seat. Deciding that silence and space was what she needed, Lily didn't complain when the car quickly was put into reverse and pulled away from the Clearwater's driveway. She gently opened up Leah's coffee for her, just in case. While she wasn't unused to people being in a bad mood, she always found herself uncomfortable in the situation. She just tried making herself as small as possible.
"Lily, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you. Please stop looking at me like I just kicked your puppy. It's hurting my heart, and I already feel like shit" came from the driver's seat. Leah sounded tired and angry, but Lily could understand.
"Why don't we pull over by one of the trails. We could sit, relax, and break into these cinnamon rolls. Sugar always helps" Lily offered. "Besides, I'm getting a little car sick by your driving. If I get sick in this car, I fully intend on making sure I cover you with it. Don't tempt me" got a snort of a laugh out of Leah as she slowed down to take a turn.
"Fine, I'll pull over. Its totally because I don't want to be covered in whatever you've already manage to shovel in there. Not because I care or anything, because I don't" was her sassy reply.
Lily had missed this. The easy back and forth. She didn't want it to stop but the elephants in the room were starting to trumpet.
"What do you want to do first? Eat then talk? Talk then eat? Eat, rage, throw coffee, then talk? I'm all ears, but I also have no idea what's happened sense the…. accident."
Leah took a bite out of her roll, slowly appreciating its sugary sweetness. After swallowing, she sighed. "I don't know what happened after I went to the store. You were with Emily and everything seemed normal. But, when I got home all I saw was blood, you were starting to glow, and it was such a cluster fuck. Then, you screamed, Emily's face started to try and stitch itself up which was beyond disgusting to watch, and then you passed out with her." She looked down at her coffee after that. Gripping the to go cup hard, she started back up.
"Then, we finally get you both to the hospital and they won't tell me anything. You're still a minor so I wasn't even allowed in your room without permission. Emily was quickly taken away by the Emergency staff, my Dad was flipping out saying the hospital wasn't safe. He asked me how I could be so stupid as to bring my cousin here. As if I was the one who hurt her, who caused all this mess. Then, Sam shows up and is just welcomed with open arms by everyone. As if he hadn't been harassing Emily for weeks. The worst part? Once she woke up, she let him in! She kicked everyone else out of the room while they talked. They talked for hours. I don't know what they talked about, but he must have brainwashed her while they were alone.
She forgave him for everything. They're together now. They are so sickeningly in love." At that, Leah started to whip a tear that had escaped down her cheek. Deciding she didn't want a hug because she wasn't done yet, Lily continued to sit in shock.
"That's right, they're together now. All these weeks of us sticking together, her supporting me, and then out of the blue she's attacked by who knows what. Then, I don't know if it was blood lose or if she hit her head, but Emily changed. She tried to talk to me about it, but I just…. I couldn't listen. I'm so fucking hurt and angry and I just can't seem to calm down. I am so sick of crying and feeling like this. Nothing helps with the anger. Every time I see her face, I think back to that day and wonder what happened. What did you see? Did Sam do it? Emily says it wasn't him, that he saved you both, but that doesn't add up."
Lily looked over at her friend, trying to figure out how to even begin. "When I first got here, I went walking in the woods by the house. You know me, I like being outside in nature. The woods just seemed so magical! It was as if they were begging to be explored, to find out what secrets it contained. I ended up leaving the trail for a while. Then, it felt like I was being watched. I didn't remember this until I got home from the hospital. I remember seeing something big, black, and furry running near me. I didn't get a good look at it, but it scared me enough not to go back into the trails by the house alone."
She decided to take a breath here, sipped her coffee, and readjusted her legs. Her right foot was beginning to fall asleep.
"I know, I sound crazy. It was probably nothing, so I didn't think about it until Emily got hurt. Her and Sam were arguing outside. He had shown up shortly after you had left. I think he was waiting to try and get her alone, but I'm not sure. Anyways, they started arguing. Emily let him go first, saying whatever it was he was trying to say. I didn't hear very much because of the door, but it sounded like he was trying to convince her they belonged together. Emily started shouting after he finished. She was saying all these things about him, his past, and then she brought up his dad. That's when it happened. I heard this roaring screaming sound and ran outside to see what was going on. Emily had asked me to stay inside when she went to confront Sam.
There was this giant black wolf standing over her, growling. It looked up at me, and started to growl even louder, and I don't know what happened but I just growled back at it and threw my shoe. Did you guys ever find it by the way? Sorry, anyways the monster left which let me see what happened to Emily. I called 9-1-1, and started trying to stop the blood. Then, you showed up. You know the rest."
The girls just looked at each other in silence. The sounds of the woods went on in the distance. Trees rustled, animals snuffled around, and it would have been a nice day had the conversation not been so serious. They sat together thinking through everything that had just been shared.
It was eventually Leah that broke the silence.
"So… you wanna tell me why you decided to glow and partially heal Emily's face? Because that was disgusting and freaky as hell. "
Lily looked down at her hands. They seemed normal. They weren't burning or itching. There was some sugar stuck on one of the nails from the treats earlier, but other than that they seemed like ordinary hands.
"I don't know what happened. I just remembered it being hard to beath and everything was burning. It started in my hands; I think… But I have no idea what happened. You're absolutely sure I glowed? That her face started to get better?"
"Are you thinking I could make this shit up? Even the doctors were confused by her face. Part of it looked like it had been healing for weeks while the other part of her face was…fresh…. So yeah. I'm sure."
Lily scrubbed her face with her hands, hoping to rub away the memory of burning. She pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself, trying to feel safe and secure.
"Any luck your legends have anything like this?" She joked, but was somewhat serious. Lily had hopped maybe it was something to do with everything here, but she was just as lost and confused as Leah. It's not like there is a google search for glowing hands and healing faces.
"No, I can safely say Tinkerbelle that there is nothing like that in our legends. Next time there is a bon fire, I'll invite you though. You an ask the elders yourself for any of this weird shit is buried somewhere in their memories." Leah, keeping things real sense day one.
"Could that maybe not be my nickname please?" Lily whined pleadingly. The last thing she wanted was a silly Disney nickname. She already was scared and confused enough about what happened. Joking didn't seem to make those feelings go away.
"Nope, sorry but you're Tinkerbelle now. Short, blond, and pixie dust. Its too late. Maybe it'll catch on with everyone else here if you're lucky." But with the thought of the rest of the people living on the reservation Leah's mood turned dark again.
"Fuck!" Leah screamed and ended up throwing her empty coffee cup at a tree. "I don't know what to do. What do we do Lily?" was the quiet response a few moments later.
"I don't know" was all Lily could think to say.