An Author's Note:
Oh forsaken fic, rise from your grave!
Yes, I am back. I can make excuses, but I'm sure after waiting for so long what audience I have left don't care. You want the next story. Well, you won't have to wait much longer.
I will say that part of what brought this back was the new Ducktales. Specifically one of the newer episodes. I had totally forgotten about a certain three amigos, but that episode brought it all back. More Disney duck characters are getting Negaverse-ed today, and they are two I remember fondly. I used to watch the Three Caballeros all the time as a child, but I lost the vhs a long time ago.
Donald, however, will not be appearing. I decided when I first started this that I would put in various Disney Afternoon characters, or at least those that seem like they would fit in the Darkwing universe. Jose (and for some reason I am still computer stupid and can't get the accent on the poor parrot's e) and Panchito fit because of their connection with Donald, who was in the original Ducktales from which Darkwing spun off, so I have no problem putting them in. I may just end up sticking all of the old Disney afternoon in this fic, revamped to fit into the Negaverse. However, the Big Three, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy, will only appear in brief references, mostly so they don't outshine the other characters. If I do ever bring them in it will be for something big.
But I've delayed for to long. Let's go.
Chapter 15
The Innocent and the Guilty
Detective Bulba absolutely hated the start of the day.
He hated the taste of coffee, so he had to rely on soda to help wake himself up. He sipped on the carbonated beverage as the chaos of the morning whirled around him like a tornado of discord and confusion. Officers ran about, waving papers and shouting and throwing things at each other. Each morning the dawn crew had to catch up with the night one. The night crew spent every night, from midnight to dawn, attempting to quell the various gangs that still remained, or helping the Four quell Negaduck's men. It was worse now that Ace was gone. The man had been an unscrupulous rogue, but he had at least a few standards, and for the most part kept his men in check. For one thing he didn't set fire to random orphanages. He extorted them, yes, but at least the orphans had their building.
Bulba sighed as a pair of handcuffs were flung past his head as an officer on the other side of the room decided that tossing their equipment would be a better way of giving his friend the aforementioned equipment. Bulba rubbed the area between his horns with another sigh as he slowly sat at his desk, placing his soda on the desk.
"Bulba!" Bulba winched as the Chief's door flung open, the angry voice of his boss ringing over the chaos of the station. "Get in here!"
Bulba didn't even look at the door to the Chief's office. Instead he downed the soda in one huge gulp before making his way to the office. He managed to squeeze his huge frame into the door.
"You need me, ma'am?"
The sheep at the desk glared at him over her glasses, and thrust the telephone receiver towards Bulba's face. "Mutant business. From Mexico."
Bulba blinked. "Mexico?" He shrugged and gently took the phone, scooping up the actual telephone so he wouldn't pull it off the Chief's desk. "Hello?"
"Ah! Hello!" The voice, while speaking perfect English, was still very clearly a Mexican one. "I'm from the…" The voice trailed off, as if trying to find the right word. "I suppose you can call us the South American international police. We have a bit of a problem. With mutants."
"And…you heard that we have a few of them and need our help?" Bulba asked.
There was another pause. "Ah…sort off. We usually don't get that kind of thing down here. But, we do have at least two. Two sea monster, Senor, they fled north to your country."
"And they are coming here?" Bulba snorted.
"Oh no, we already got them! Two of our best agents in fact."
"Then what's the problem, mr…"
"We have to transport them back to face justice, but you see, we have to cross your territory to get there. And we are worried about that…Megaduck fellow? And all the other crazy things that go on up there. We were hoping for perhaps a bit of support? Someone experienced with powerful creatures to help our agents?"
Bulba snorted again, and covered the receiver. "Is this a prank, ma'am? It sounds fishy."
She sighed and waved a fax at him. "Look at this. The weirdo faxed it to me. It looks legit to me, what do you think?"
He studied it. While not an expert, it did look like a very official document, with confused wording in both English and Spanish, and what looked like official seals from various places. Still, Bulba didn't like it and he said as much.
"Honestly, I don't like it either. But if we have Mexican sea monsters being transported near our city…well I don't know what if anything Negaduck will do, but I don't like the idea he might do something. Plus, it sounds like just the job for your mutant friends. Isn't one of them some sort of water elemental?"
Bulba sighed. "I can ask them." He put the phone back up to his ear. "Alright, where do you want to met?"
"I don't like this. We've never left the city limits before." Megavolt paced around the greenhouse. "It sounds like the perfect opportunity for Negaduck to strike we why are away camping off in the sticks."
The Liquidator shrugged. "I don't like it either. I don't like the idea of you being around sea monsters, Megavolt. I trust you, but who knows what kind of weird water powers they might have?"
Quackerjack chuckled, then leaned his head till his bill was pointed upside down from where he had been siting on the couch for yet another cartoon marathon. They were so frequent these days they had become all but background noise to everyone save Megavolt, although his tolerance was starting to grow as well. Gazing at the Liquidator upside down, Quackerjack said "Weird water powers. Hello, Kettle, how are you this fine morning?"
"Bluer than blue seas my friend." The Liquidator responded.
"Well, I don't see how we have that much of a choice." Bushroot straightened as he finished feeding a plant. "Sea monsters are right up your alley, Likky. And you'll have the three of us backing you up."
Megavolt made a noise that sounded about half a sigh and half a frustrated grunt. "And again, what if Negaduck pulls something? I mean, even if these guys are on the level, it would be the perfect time for Negaduck to pull something."
"We could split up." Bushroot shrugged.
"Never split the party." Quackerjack chuckled, then shook his head. "You know how often we keep splitting up lately. It's not going to go well one of these days."
"Then what do you suggest?" Megavolt gritted his teeth.
"We could call for some help." Bushroot said. "Two of us can help these agents, which would be four people, and we can call someone to help the two staying behind in St. Canard."
"Do we even know how long they will be gone, I mean come on this is so stupid…" Megavolt shook his head. "As much as I'd like to go, Likky is right. Sea monsters mean water and that's a bad idea. If they escape and run into the ocean I'd be pretty useless."
"So I'm definitely going, and you're definitely staying…" The Liquidator nodded to himself. He turned to Bushroot. "I think you should stay here too. Your plants can help monitor the city better than anyone else. We have to be on high alert."
Bushroot tilted his head. "Yes, that doesn't sound like a bad idea."
"So, who is our support?" Megavolt asked.
Megavolt groaned as a white clad rooster emerged from a black limo about thirty minutes later. Steelbeak strutted, because of course he did, up to the greenhouse with that look on his metal beak. He was also, for whatever reason, carrying a rather large folder.
"Of. Course." He shook his head. "Well, at least he's capable. You two be careful." He shook his head at Quackerjack and the Liquidator. "I still don't like this."
"Oh you worry to much Megs! Me and Likky work great together!" Quackerjack threw an arm around the Liquidator's watery shoulders, who gave him a gentle smile.
"That's not what I'm worried about." Megavolt shook his head as Steelbeak finally made it to the door of the greenhouse.
"Actually, this was rather good timing, babe. I got some things here ya'll need to look at. I'd rather have all four of you here, but at least the two of you will be a good start. It's about Negaduck." Steelbeak smiled a little more as Megavolt perked up. He followed Steelbeak back into the greenhouse, his irritation melting as the subject of his favorite foe was brought up.
"Aww, guess we will have to wait to hear what he's found out." Quackerjack sighed. "Oh well, guess we have something to look forwards to when we come back!" the clown grinned and begin to pogo towards the meeting point, the Liquidator following with a small sigh.
Once you crossed the bridge that lead from St. Canard to the mainland you could be in what was thought of as the 'yellow' zone. There was crime across the bridge, sure, but it was usually of the petty thievery type, and not really of the organized crime type. The houses out here were expensive, usually because it was safer out here than in the city or the suburbs. Most of the land out here was actually either farmland that had been in the family for generations, or land eaten up by the factories. Either way, it wasn't a pleasant place, but it was a bit less wretched then the city.
The bridge was the only way out of St. Canard, unless you cared to swim. It was in many ways a choke point, meant to keep invaders out…and the people in. One shut down of the bridge could keep people in and prevent people from getting in for weeks. But today the bridge was open, and the Liquidator and Quackerjack had no issues going from one place to the other.
The Liquidator couldn't help but feel a bit nervous about all of this. He didn't like it, no more than Megavolt did. He would rather have had them all here, but Megavolt's issue with water was a problem, especially since they were dealing with sea monsters, right next to an ocean and at least two rivers. Two rivers ran from the north, flowing into the bay of St. Canard before continuing on their way south in a single, much larger river. To much water for dealing with sea monsters, especially when you had someone who reacted to water like most people reacted to fire.
Despite their odd ways of locomotion, the pair of heroes made good time, and arrived at the meeting point a good five minutes early. The Liquidator couldn't help but like that. He loved being punctual. Better to be an hour early than five minutes late. It left a bad impression after all.
The meeting point was at a police look out by the side of the road. It wasn't exactly a government check point. The city technically paid for it, not the federal government. It also wasn't really set out to prevent anyone from getting in. It was more like a villain weather station. The police look outs kept an eye out for natural supervillain disasters like Gizmoduck. Their job was to keep watch and warn people of upcoming disasters, not necessarily to prevent them. It worked well when they needed advanced warnings.
Bulba was already there, a fact that comforted the Liquidator. He knew how much he frightened people at first glance. A being made totally of water, a monster to most, he scared people who didn't know his reputation as a hero, and even a few people that did. Supposedly these people they were going to meet didn't encounter many mutants, so having a person there other than normal, but wacky Quackerjack settled the Liquidator's nerves.
"They should be here any moment now." Bulba said with a small grunt of annoyance. "They should be in a big transport vehicle."
"Have you ever heard of these people before?" The Liquidator asked.
"No, not at all, but then again a simple cop like me doesn't usually have to deal with international incidents. The fact that another government is so scared of Negaduck that they have to you guys guard their own guards is a little…unsettling to me."
"Maybe one of these days he will reach Gizmoduck levels of terror." Quackerjack bounced on his feet, probably more out of boredom and the inability to stay still for long periods of time. "Not sure I want to think about what he'll do if it ever gets that bad."
"Just focus on this. We have no idea what we are in for with these fellows. I've never worked with them, or with their organization before. We should be prepared for anything or anyone. They could be like Steelbeak, or maybe like that Logan character or-" Bulba never got to finish his sentence, for at the moment what looked for all the world like a long, large, armored black van pulled up next to the watch tower. It resembled a sort of RV, with darkened windows and what looked like gun ports on the side. There was a small collection of flags etched on the van's passenger door, all in a circle. The Liquidator only could recognize the Mexican flag. He assumed the others were from different Latin American countries, but he had no idea where they came from. World Geography was a long time ago, and the class for reason had mostly spent their time debating about the location of the Danube river than talking about the other America just south of them. He couldn't exactly remember why everyone had been enamored with the Danube. Maybe they thought the name had been funny.
The door opened, and the Liquidator braced himself for whatever, or whoever was going to pop out. He expected a stern faced military man, or a cop like Bulba.
What emerged was a smallish, bright green parrot who exclaimed something at them in a language that the Liquidator didn't understand in the most cheery, exuberant voice that he had ever heard aside from Quackerjack himself. The parrot then approached them, grinning in a rather friendly manner and offering out a hand, which only Quackerjack still had the presence of mind to take. The Liquidator blinked at the parrot gave his teammate a rather friendly half hug and more talking that the Liquidator was sure he probably couldn't have followed even if did remember fourth grade Spanish. Which he didn't. The only words the Liquidator knew in Spanish translated to 'two beers, please", which he was fairly sure wouldn't help right now.
"Or…" Bulba muttered. "It could be the world's most energetic parrot…"
The Liquidator took a moment to study their new…ally he supposed, a bit closer. Now that he wasn't being distracted by the parrot's constant stream of verbal assault (though the parrot had not slowed down at all), he could make out some more details. He was indeed wearing what looked like a brown military uniform, but aside from that it was only formal thing about the parrot. Occasionally when the foreign bird would turn his head to speak to him and Bulba the Liquidator could see that, like old Arch, the parrot had only one eye. The other was covered in a very similar patch, and the parrot also seemed to be missing his left hand. Instead he had a double folded hook, one of those that was designed to hold things in between two bits of metal, rather than a weapon. This was proven correct as the parrot would occasionally hook the cigar he was smoking in between the metal to sort of shake the ashes onto the ground. He was also what the Liquidator's father would have called a 'hand talker', the one remaining appendage almost always in motion, and the hook sort of following along with it to emphasis whatever it was he was saying. If he had been wearing more appropriate clothing he almost would have made a convincing looking pirate.
"Or, as you American's say…" The parrot abruptly switched to English so fast that the Liquidator almost got whiplash "Nice to meet you."
"...all of that was just hello?" Bulba blinked.
"Probably not. But to be fair, I can't understand him when he does that either." A new voice said from the other side of the van. The Liquidator looked to see a tall, thin red rooster leaning against the front of the van. "I don't speak Portuguese."
"Portuguese?" The Liquidator blinked.
"Yes, I'm from Brazil." The parrot strode over to the Liquidator to shake his watery hand without a hint of fear. "My apologies, I got a bit excited. Jose Carioca, at your service!"
"Er…hi. You can call me the Liquidator. And, that's Quackerjack…" The Liquidator gestured to his teammate, who was just staring at Jose with a strange, blank expression.
"And I'm Panchito Pistoles, it's very good to meet you." The rooster approached, much more sedate then his friend, and also shook the Liquidator's hand with no sense of hesitation. The Liquidator did note that the rooster was the only one of the pair with weapons, a pair of pistols. He didn't count the hook because it clearly had a blunted end. Panchito was also wearing a uniform similar to his companion, the pistols and the bird's bright coloration the only things that really stood about him.
The Liquidator had to admit to himself that he sort of liked that neither of them seemed at all intimidated by a mutant water monster or a clown. He had barely known either of these foreign birds, and they both seemed rather friendly. The Liquidator couldn't see anything as physically dramatic as Jose on the rooster. In fact, beside the other bird Panchito seemed to exude an air of calm that was rather comforting to the Liquidator. He didn't have any idea what he would do if both of their new allies acted as extroverted as Quackerjack.
Speaking of which, Quackerjack's silence was starting to bother the Liquidator. "Excuse me, I need a word with my friend." The Liquidator oozed away from Panchito and moved the still stunned looking Quackerjack over to the side, out of listening range. "Are you alright?"
"Is…is that what's it like to meet me?" Quackerjack blinked again. "Give me a minute. Brain is rebooting."
"Well…you aren't as huggy." The Liquidator chuckled as he watched the unperturbed Jose move his friendliness over to Bulba, who also seemed slightly confused by the bird's attitude. "I mean, how often do we meet people this outgoing?"
"I think the last one was maybe Petalhead?" Quackerjack lifted Mr. Banana Brain to his face as if trying to center himself in the comforting familiarity of his own insanity "Not even I can remember that!" The puppet exclaimed.
"Well, we are going to be stuck in a van with them for who knows how long. Better get used to it, in fact…" The Liquidator sloshed back towards Panchito, seeing as how the rooster while standing there calmly while Jose continued to talk at a still very very bemused Bulba. "By the way, can I get a look at these sea monsters? I want to know what we are dealing with before we sign off on this particular contract."
"I…wasn't aware you had anything else for us to sign, but alright." Panchito shrugged, apparently missing the figure of speech, and took out a set of keys. He opened the side of the van's door, which resembled the door of an rv more than a van, and opened it, letting the Liquidator inside.
Inside the transport van was a small area that again reminded the Liquidator of a high tech rv. On his right was the front of the van, which was just two seats, a passenger seat and a drivers seat, as well as a cup holder and some radio equipment. To the Liquidators left was a small monitoring station, a small rack with some more weapon hanging on it, and a very small desk, some seats and a small kitchen area. It was clear that whoever designed this thing had in fact just taken a standard rv and outfitted it with armor and weapons. Either that or just designed the thing with modified rv blueprints. The only abnormal thing was in the far back. It looked for all the world like the back half of the rv had been separated from the rest by a tall glass wall. The wall itself was tinted black, so you couldn't tell what it was that was behind it.
"Just to warn you, they are a little…violent towards us land dwellers." Panchito pushed a button on the side of the wall, which cleared up the glass. The Liquidator blinked as a large pair of claws attempted to rake down the glass wall. The creature behind the glass roared and glared at them, still ripping its claws down the tank. A long time ago, the Liquidator had seen a movie about a fish creature stalking young girls in the Amazon jungle at a black lagoon. The creature looked very much like the one in the tank the Liquidator was facing now. The biggest difference was that this real monster had a ducks bill, and a pair of angry but still almost intelligent eyes. The monster growled at them and flicked itself away, revealing the other creature in the tank. It was small, and kept to the back, its strange fish arms folded as it seemed to cower in the tank. The Liquidator felt instantly sorry for it.
"I know the little one doesn't look like much, but she, we think it's a she, ripped a young woman to shreds down in Mexico. It was pretty gruesome." Panchito said softly.
"You have any proof of this?"
Panchito reached into a shelf and came out with a small stack of photos. The Liquidator took them and ruffled through them for a second. He grimaced, and put them back into Panchito's hands. "Look almost like those photos you see of prison gladiator arenas."
Panchito visibly winched at the mention. "Yes." He turned away from the Liquidator, his beak set in a hard line. Wordlessly he put the photos away and pushed the button, re tinting the glass. "Keeping that glass tinted makes them calmer."
The Liquidator nodded. "Any idea why they are so violent?"
Panchito shrugged. "No clue. They don't speak Spanish, or English or Portuguese. Or at least they haven't talked to us. So unless you have someone else around who can try another language, I'm afraid we are stuck."
The Liquidator frowned. For once he sort of wished he could talk to the ocean the same way that Bushroot could speak to plants. He didn't think that water could talk or have the same sort of weird awareness that the plants apparently had. It probably couldn't. Water was just water after all, and plants were living things. Still, he did wish that he could have helped the sea creatures.
"Where did they come from?" He asked Panchito after a few seconds.
"I honestly don't know that either." Panchito again shrugged. "We don't have that many mad scientist and polluted environments at home. Mostly it's all bandits and black magic."
"Really? Black magic?" The Liquidator groaned.
"Yes. You don't have that here?"
"Actually, we sort of do, it's just not as noticeable. More mad science. Less hocus-pocus. Although these past few months more and more of them are popping up."
"Supposedly the more you become aware of it, the more it will come up."
"Well, there's a cheerful thought." The Liquidator rolled his eyes. "Frankly I didn't even believe in magic until I saw it happening." And a part of him still didn't, but he didn't want to call Panchito a liar.
"Oh? Strange." Panchito shrugged. "Like I said, it's fairly popular down south. Heck, Jose knows a little, but he doesn't use it that often."
"Huh, why not?" the Liquidator tilted his head.
"Not enough training. It can be dangerous without knowing what you are doing."
The Liquidator nodded. "Might have to ask him about a few things. Negaduck himself has a freaking witch on his side, and it's a pain. Be nice to know a little more about it."
"Eh, ask him. He'd probably be happy to help if he can." Panchito shrugged. "I don't know that much about it, personally. He's helped me out a few jams with warlocks before. There was this one time in Peru…"
The Liquidator nodded as the rooster launched into a story. Magic, real or no, was indeed a pain in the tail…
"Now, we all know that magic is a huge pain in the tailfeathers, right?" Steelbeak spread out his folder on a handy table in the greenhouse, while carefully ignoring Megavolt's scornful eye roll. "But the problem is we don't use it that much anymore. Unless you're in certain southern states that are filled with gators and snakes and mosquito's."
"Yeah, what's your point." Megavolt glared down at the folder, already unhappy with its contents.
"So while you guys were stuck in that witch's house, good old Bulba and did little snooping." Steelbeak pulled out a photo. "Looks like Negsy was making some notes. Something about a mystical book and a orb of blood. So, I took it upon myself to do a bit of digging." Megavolt rolled his eyes at Steelbeak's dramatics, but didn't say anything. "Turns out that witch lady had a scroll, most of it was in old english, so we had to get it translated. It was, to put it simply, a list of items needed for a spell."
"And, this being Negaduck, it's probably a bad spell." Bushroot said.
"Yep. For one he needs three items. That blood orb thing, a rod made outta bones, and a book made out of flesh. All of these are one of a kind items, guys, and supposedly the only ones of there. Oh, and something that translates to: breath of madness, but we can't figure out what that means."
"Well, the rest of it is fairly descriptive. I mean, you can visualize a orb containing blood or a rod made out of someones, but I agree that last one is hard to imagine. Maybe it's symbolic." Bushroot nodded.
"Yeah, but symbolic of what? We aren't sure, and without someone who knows magic we don't have much to go on."
"Do we even know what these things do when put together?" Megavolt asked.
"Yeah. Sort of. Damn scroll is playing the pronoun game though." Steelbeak pointed to the last line of the scroll in the photo "All it says is 'it shall rise from the trees.' " Steelbeak looked up at Bushroot. "I know this is going to sound a little strange, but…do your plants know anything about this?"
Bushroot closed his eyes and suddenly jerked forwards, his palms slapping down on the table. "Gah!"
Megavolt grabbed for his friend's shoulders. "Bushy, what-" He looked around, and the plants of the greenhouse had begun to lash around, branches shaking and vines trembling and tiny little flower heads ducked downwards, as if every plant around was absolutely terrified.
"They…they're just…I don't know how to describe it." Bushroot trembled and sank to the ground. "They aren't talking. It's like they're screaming."
In the past thirty minutes that the two heroes had been riding in the rv, the Liquidator was certain of three things. One, that Jose almost never shut the hell up. Two, Quackerjack didn't seem to mind this and seemed to enjoy having someone to talk to about his various toy assertions who didn't argue with him and call his interests silly (although the Liquidator wasn't sure how much the parrot understood, he just seemed content to talk to Quackerjack without much care on the subject at hand). Third, and last, Panchito definitely cheated at cards.
Not that the Liquidator could tell when and how Panchito was cheating, he was just certain that no one could be that constantly lucky at poker for thirty minutes.
"I'm sorry friend, you just have an awful poker face."
"And I'm almost certain you have a few of them up your sleeves. Or something." The Liquidator sighed and pushed over the potato chips they had been using to bet with. "I think I'm done with this." He tilted his head and listened to some of the talking that was happening up front at the wheel. Somehow, the Liquidator had ended up seating across from Panchito at a small table in front of the tank, playing cards while Quackerjack was with Jose in the front.
"...didn't really have that much in the way of toys when I was young." the Liquidator perked his ear towards Jose "Mostly was just a stick, you know?"
"Aww, sorry to hear that. To be honest though, that's how d-…my old company started. They started out by building toys from wood. Heck, I made this myself." Quackerjack raised up the Banana Brain puppet, which Jose gave a quick glance to before turning his eye back to the road.
"It's nice, but why a banana?" Jose's eye scanned the road, never really leaving it, though his tone was interested. The Liquidator wasn't sure how they ended up with the one eyed man of the group as the driver, but he didn't seem in danger of crashing them.
"I don't know. I just sort of liked the shape. And, well, let's be fair, dolls that look to much like people are creepy. At least a banana is a fun shape!" Quackerjack grinned.
"I'm not sure about that. Megavolt seems a little freaked out by Banana." The Liquidator chuckled.
"Megavolt needs to stop repressing his childhood and lighten up. It's not healthy, being so serious all the time." Quackerjack argued.
"I am not familiar with this Megavolt, but in general I do agree that being serious all the time is no good." Jose said, eye still on the road. "Does it not give…ah…" He tapped the side of his head with his hook. "Himmyrodes?"
"...I think you mean a hernia." the Liquidator said.
"Is that? I mean…like boom. Head explode." Jose glanced at the Liquidator briefly
"Yeah, pretty sure it's a hernia." Quackerjack nodded. "…but to be clear, if you ever do meet Megavolt make sure you ask about the 'himmyrods.'"
"You are awful." The Liquidator laughed gently.
Jose smiled uncertainly, but his expression suddenly fell into a frown. "Duck."
"Huh, yeah, I'm a-" Quackerjack yelped as Jose suddenly grabbed him around the back of his neck and forced his head downwards. The Liquidator had just enough time to be indignant before a rain of gunshots pattered against the r.v's armor and windows. Fortunately the glass was thick and stopped the bullets, though the windshield suffered some cracks. Jose attempted to floor the pedal, but jerked as a loud explosion hit the side of the r.v and the whole thing rocked violently to the side. The r.v lurched down on the right side, and the Liquidator was pretty sure the tire had just been blown out.
There was a beep behind him, and the Liquidator turned to see Panchito pushing a button on the panel on the wall. Thick steel covers descended over the windows, stopping the rest of the bullets and what sounded like more grenades from penetrated the windows.
"Ouch." Quackerjack straightened himself and rubbed his neck. Jose shrugged sheepishly
"Sorry about that. Instinct."
"Gah, it's fine. Is it Negaduck."
"Hmmm." Panchito had gone back to the controls on the side of the rv and was fiddling around. After a few button presses a small monitor unfolded itself from the ceiling. "I am not sure. Still unfamiliar with this duck. Mr. Likkydator, could you tell?"
The Liquidator peered over Panchito and narrowed his eyes. "Well, they aren't Negaduck's men." He nodded as the figures popped there heads out of the bushes on the side of the road, firing various weapons. "Look like a local militia to me."
"A what?"
"Lot of farm folk around here form militias. They are like gangs, but a bit more rural. They stockpile weapons and will occasionally ambush government vehicles. I didn't think they'd go for another government's stuff, but here they are."
"Can we reason with them?" Jose asked.
"Eeeh, maybe. They reeeally hate the government. Let me try and talk with them. I know a few people around here from when I used to do birthday parties." Quackerjack made for the door. "Anyone have any white cloth we can stick out there?"
Panchito fished out a white napkin, which Quackerjack stuck on what looked like a puppet stick. The Liquidator had no idea where he kept these random objects. The Liquidator opened his mouth to tell Quakerjack that there was no way he was letting him step out there alone when to his surprise Jose stepped up close to the clown and put his hand on Quackerjack's shoulder. Quackerjack nodded at him before opening the door to the rv a crack and sticking out the white napkin. After a few moments the shooting stopped and a voice called out.
"Alright! Give us all yer weapons and we'll let you foreign types go!"
Quackerjack called out. "We aren't all foreign, and we aren't carrying a lot of weaponry. I'm Quackerjack from the city. Let me talk to you."
There was a long silence, then the voice responded. "No funny business."
Quackerjack nodded and went to leave the rv, Jose right behind him. The Liquidator gathered his water, ready to rush out the door at the slightest sign of a bullets. For a moment he though he could hear Jose sort of…humming as he passed the Liquidator, which he though was awfully weird to do in the middle of a crisis. He felt Panchito step a bit closer to him and poke his watery hand with something. The Liquidator looked down and his eyes widened as he saw the grip of a gun tapping into water gently.
"While I appreciate the spirit of it, I don't need firearms, I don't like them." The Liquidator said. Panchito chuckled and raised the weapon. He spun the cylinder out of the weapon and pulled a bullet out. The Liqudator's eyes widened as Panchito pulled out a small tranquilizer dart instead of a bullet.
"I believe in guns. I don't believe in killing." Panchito smiled at the Liquidator and placed his dart back into the pistol. "It's modified."
The Liquidator nodded, but still didn't take the pistol. "It's alright. Just watch me. I don't need firearms." The Liquidator turned back to the scene before them. He couldn't make out exactly what their ambushes were saying. He could see that one of them, a small white bulldog, had stepped out of the trees and pointing angrily at the rv and occasionally pointing angrily at Jose, who was still next to Quackerjack in almost protective stance. The foreign bird still didn't say a word, as if realizing that if the militia was upset at the very sight of two strangers than talking with an unfamiliar accent would probably be worse.
The Liquidator's eyes narrowed as the white bulldog suddenly pointed his gun at Quakerjack and bellowed "Zack! Get the firebottles!"
The Liquidator didn't even hesitate. He flowed out of the door in a splashing rush as hastily thrown Molotov cocktails began flying through the air towards the rv. At first he was going to cover both Quackerjack and Jose, literally, but all of a sudden Jose suddenly sang out in his native tongue, clapping his hook to his palm and extending his limbs. The both of them were suddenly surrounded in a magical dome, which the Liquidator sort of flowed around. It sort of tingled against his water, and he realized that it was some sort of barrier, meant to keep the bullets and the fire away from the two. The Liquidator couldn't help but appreciated its presence. Still perched on the top of the dome he gathered his water and waved himself to the roof of the rv as the first few fire bottles came down. Letting out small waves he caught each of the bottles and drowned them, putting out the fire before it could do any damage to the transport. Carefully he flung the bottles back into the trees, attempting to brain the people trying to shoot them.
Below him Quackerjack and Jose had backed up towards the rv. Quackerjack was throwing explosive gas marbles into the trees, hoping to scatter the militia so they could get out of there. Jose, meanwhile, was apparently sending out weird purple balls of dark energy out at the militia, probably more magic. He was also apparently singing something in his language. Why the hell was he singing? Still, as long as he kept fighting off the militia the Liquidator really didn't care what Jose was doing. Instead he kept up his defense of the rv.
A few seconds later Panchito burst out of the rv, rolling a tire in front of him. The Liquidator glanced down as the rooster began to frantically change the flat they had. He must have been trying to get the rv moving so they could escape. The Liquidator slightly changed his flow, allowing a stream of his water to cover Panchito, catching any stray bullets or bottles that might be going for his new ally. Panchito finished the tire in record sped before climbing running back to the other two. He started yanking Quackerjack into the rv by the arm and screaming at them to leave in Spanish. The Liquidator stayed on the roof, letting his water lash out in multiple tentacles as they batted away more bottles, and now the occasional grenade. He was startled a bit when a hook…well hooked itself on the roof and Jose hauled himself up. The Liquidator was flabbergasted as the parrot began to a do a rather odd little dance, but soon that barrier was back, this time surrounded the rv as someone began to drive. The Liquidator focused on his deflection efforts as they drove away down the road at what he was pretty sure was top speed. He frowned as the militia got on motorbikes and began to follow them, but after a few miles they stopped pursuing the rv.
The Liquidator turned towards Jose, reforming as he did so. "You okay, what was all of that dancing?"
"Is how I cast spells." Jose smiled at him. "We should probably go back in. I'd rather not have to do that again. Can only do so much." With that Jose hopped off the rv roof and ducked back into the vehicle. The Liquidator sighed and flowed inside as well.
"Well…I'm canceling my appearances around here from now on." Quackerjack snorted as he started to drive forwards. "They were just downright unreasonable!"
"Suddenly I miss the inner city." The Liquidator sighed. He looked over at Jose. "Going back to that…magic stuff, how come you have to dance around for it to work?"
"Magic comes in many forms. I think here they like silly books and things. I always preferred my method. You can feel the magic better without so much words in the way." Jose grinned. "It's a chant. Useful, yes?"
"Can anyone learn it?" Quackerjack asked, and the Liquidator felt a small shudder at the thought of Quackerjack dancing around flinging curses at people. Even though he was still half convinced that all of this magic stuff was just people with telekinetic abilities who had rationalized their power by using magic as an explanation the thought of Quackerjack slinging spells unnerved the Liquidator.
"No, you have to have…ahhhh…I don't know the word in English." Jose shrugged.
"I guess you can't exactly go to magic school." Quackerjack said wistfully. "That'd be awesome though."
"Actually, I think there is a magic school somewhere in America." Jose said as he slid into the passenger seat. "The Macawber family runs it."
"Wait? Macawber?" the Liquidator blinked. "As in Morgana Macawber?"
"Yes. Family is pretty famous in magical circles. And the Despells as well. You know them?" Panchito looked at the others curiously.
"Our arch enemy, Negaduck. Morgana is one of his minions." The Liquidator said. "The witch I told you about before."
Jose let out a rather loud laugh. "A Macawber? Some two bit gangster's minion?" He shook his head. "I don't believe it. From what I know about them from other spellcasters, the Macawbers are a good family. They actually protect a village near their old castle full of non magical people, as well as running that school here. They're fairly big…ummm…." Jose rubbed the side of his head as he searched for the right word. "They want use with magic to get along with those that don't"
"Well, we probably got the black sheep of the family." The Liquidator shrugged. "She's supported Negaduck for a while now. Hell, he's gathering all sorts of strange characters. The dinosaur, the witch…"
"And he got rid of the Ace gang." Quackerjack said thoughtfully. "You know, I don't really think about it, but it occurs to me that aside from the super-powered villains like Phyros the only other crime gangs left are those militia people we just fought, SHUSH and Negaduck. And the militias aren't in Negaduck's territory."
"You know, that is a good point. I wonder if Megavolt has noticed anything odd. He's good at putting those things together."
Meanwhile, the other two had been staring at the Liquidator and Quackerjack. Suddenly, Jose grinned and nudged Quackerjack with his elbow. "Hey, I've heard Panchito telling you some of the stuff we've done. Maybe you can tell us more about this Negaduck. I'm curious."
The Liquidator grinned, and began to tell the two foreign agents the tale of their first adventure together, while Quackerjack took the responsibility of driving them ever onwards.
In the end, despite the need to get some distance between them and the militias in the area, eventually the rv needed to get some gas. The Liquidator couldn't remember a time when he had to fill a tank of gas, but it happened. Quackerjack had insisted they stop at a decent looking gas station as they started to enter the swamplands just south of the forest. While their new friends filled up the tank the Liquidator went in to pay for the gas with a card Panchito gave him, and Quackerjack went in to track down snacks for those who had to actually eat.
As soon as they had disappeared into the building, Jose peeked around the rv and looked around. He slide next to Panchito, who was filling up the tank, and leaned against the rv. He lowered his voice, switching from English to Spanish.
"You're clear."
Panchito nodded and took out a radio with his free hand, still speaking in English. "It's us, we are delayed."
The radio sparked, and a harsh, angry voice growled forth. "What the hell is holdup you idiots."
The two frowned at each other before Panchito responded. "We got ambushed by a militia. It's alright, the cargo is safe and the lawmen don't suspect anything. We will be at the point in ten minutes."
"...you better be certain of that, rooster, or both you knobs are going back to Mexico in your own person burritos!" The radio clicked off. Panchito scowled and stuffed the radio away, cursing rather colorfully at the parentage of the person at the other end of the radio.
"You sure about this?" Jose said, still speaking in Spanish. "That guy is bad news. I really don't like the job, and I don't like that lunatic."
"Sure you're not getting to friendly with the marks?" Panchito said in Spanish. "You seem almost fond of that duck."
"Pah, not after him. Ducks are trouble." Jose shrugged. "But that's two strikes about our so called employer. He's going to back stab us, Panchito. I know it."
"Yeah, well, we can still get something out of it. Even if he doesn't pay, there are ways we can still get something out of this."
"I don't know." Jose sighed. "And those two are a lot nicer than anyone we've met for miles."
"Just keep your head in the game, pal. It'll be over soon enough, than we can do something we're really good at."
"I always wanted to see an American baseball game." Jose chuckled. "So many credit cards, so little time…"
Panchito chuckled. "Fishing time?"
"Oh yeah…"
Megavolt blinked as something rang from Steelbeak's pocket. "Hold on, I need to answer this." The electric superhero blinked as Steelbeak pulled something out of the pocket.
"Hey, is that one of those little portable phone things?" Megavolt asked, fascinated.
"It is! It's really handy. But hold on, I need to talk to this guy." Steelbeak held the thing to his head as Megavolt studied the phone from a distance, fingers itching to take it apart and see how it ticked. However, as Steelbeak's usual grin fell into a frown Megavolt became slightly uneasy. Steelbeak almost never stopped grinning, unless it was bad. After a few moments Steelbeak pushed a button on the phone and put it back in his pocket.
"We have to go find your friends." Steelbeak said.
"What is it?"
"I asked my boys to look into those two people." Steelbeak said. "Just wanted to make sure they were on the level. Sent one of my men to spy on em and ask the Mexican government if they really worked for them."
"And I guess from all of that they aren't really working for the Mexican government." Megavolt growled.
"Nope." Steelbeak said. "Not sure what is going on, but we need to get over there before something happens. The guy I have tailing them? Apparently our two new buddies got a radio call. From Negaduck."
It was eerily still in the swamp lands, and the Liquidator didn't like it. For one thing the swamp water seemed off to him. He had never encountered it before, and while water didn't talk, it did sort of feel different from the usual river or ocean water. Perhaps it was all the mud and plant life and algae mixed it. It felt…soupy. That really was the best definition for it. Like soup. It was actually kinda gross, and the Liquidator was just about ready to be out of it.
It helped telling Jose and Panchito about their adventures though. It was nice and distracting, and the Liquidator found that he sort of liked talking about their exploits. Quackerjack occasionally piped in with a comment or two, but for the most part kept his eyes on the road and the surrounded trees.
It happened almost as fast as the attack from the milita before. All the Liquidator saw was a flash of green scales and all of a sudden a large scaly green figure had burst from the thick foliage and grabbed the front of the rv. Using its own momentum the giant dinosaur swung the rv around and slammed it into a tree, where it's rear tires sank deep into the swamp mud.
"Great. Negaduck's goons are here!" The Liquidator growled. He noticed Panchito messing around with his gun, but decided it didn't matter. He was probably reloading it.
"Ready for more playtime, Joey?" Quackerjack laughed and nudged Jose, who chuckled good naturally as the two leaped out of the rv, Jose already starting up his weird chant as they left.
However, Stegmett wasn't alone, as the trees suddenly came alive with Negaduck's men. They burst from the muddy swamp water, fireing weapons with littel care for who or what they hit, including the large dinosaur in thier midst. However, Stegmutt shrugged up any friendly fire that came his way, choosing to crash into Jose and Quackerjack, knocking them out of the treeline and back into the middle of the road.
There was a strange shout, and Morgana gracefully stepped into the road. Unlike the rest of Negaduck's goons she was untouched by mud or swamp muck, her palms sparking with her own dark magic. Jose's eye gleamed as he got to his feet, still chanting and now focused on his fellow black magic user. Morgana chuckled.
"Kinetic magic? Please. You can barely control your spells like that! Let me show you how a real sorceress uses magic!" Morgana raised her hands, calling down lighting on the chanting parrot, who managed to dodge out of the way. For a moment nothing happened on his end, but eventually he started launching balls of dark magic back at Morgana, who waved her hand and dispelled them before they got to close to her.
Meanwhile, the other goons were facing Quackerjack. Realizing he didn't want to be in the middle of a magic duel, he instead pelted the other goons with water balloons filled with sticky goo, planting them in place and gumming up thier guns so they couldn't fire at him or Jose. However, there were a lot of them, and Quackerjack was quickly being surrounded.
"Go, help your friend. I'll guard the tank." Panchito looked at the Liquadator, who nodded and went out. He swept forwards, gathering some muddy swamp water to dunk the goons with.
Panchito backed away towards the control panel as a large hand gripped the side of the rv and yanked it away. Growling, Stegmutt stomped into the rv, looming over Panchito.
The rooster grinned and pushed a button on the control panel, revealing the two mutants. Panchito pointed at the two, who were both staring at the rooster and the mutant. "There you go, amigo."
"You do realize I'm still going to have to slam you through the wall, right?" Stegmutt growled.
"I know. Make it look good, right?"
"Oh, it will." Stegmutt swing his tail and smashed the tank wide open. He turned his head towards the mutants. "Come on, he's letting you go. I'll take you to safety." He offered a hand and, for him, a friendly grin towards the smaller fish mutant. The mutant gasped, looked at Panchito, who nodded to her encouragingly. She flung herself at Stegmutt with a little cry of relief. The other mutant stared at Panchito, grinning with a maw filled with sharp, razor teeth. The creatures strange, hungry gaze sent a chill down Panchito's spine, and he was relieved when the creature turned to follow Stegmutt. The dinosaur grinned back at Panchito, then swung his tail again, slapping Panchito through the door and out of the rv. Even though he had been expecting it, the rooster still shouted in pain as he landed on his arm. It was only sheer luck that had kept him from breaking it as he skidded on the pavement.
"Panchito!" the Liquidator reformed near the fallen rooster, and Panchito felt the smallest stab of guilt at the Liquidator's worried expression. "Are you okay?"
"The dinosaur, he has the mutants. Go! Get them back! We'll follow." Panchito handed the Liquidator his gun. "Put them to sleep!"
The Liquidator frowned at the gun, but nodded. "Leave it to the Liquidator! Delivery of two dangerous mutants in five minutes or your money back!"
"Ummm…okay." Panchito blinked, and pointed into the forest. "They went that way." The Liquidator nodded and rushed off in the direction Panchito was pointing at.
Usually the Liquidator moved rather fast in the water, due to being…well, water. However, the swamp water slowed him down, due to being filled with debris and plant life and what he assumed was willow trees every five minutes. It made his progress slower, even following the broken trees and branches left behind by Stegmutt's progress through the swamp. Eventually, however, he came to a clearing in the swamp, and a tall grassy hill sitting above the water. Perched on the hill was a rather large, helicopter. Stegmutt was handing over the smaller mutant to a grinning Negaduck, and the Liquidator could see Launchpad at the helm of the helicopter. The other, taller mutant stood a few feet away, staring at the chopper with clear suspicion marring his bill.
"Stop!" the Liquidator pointed the tranquilizer gun at the tall mutant. "Negaduck, stop!"
"Oooh, firearms, water boy?" Negaduck grinned as he shoved the small mutant behind him in an almost protective stance. "Naughty naughty."
The tall mutant snarled and stepped towards the Liquidator. The tall, slender mutant extended its webbed claws and hissed through shark like teeth. "I never tried to eat water before. I wonder if it will work?"
The Liquidator grimaced, then fired.
He was a terrible shot, so he fired all of the darts he assumed were in the gun. To his utter shock and horror the tall mutant's shoulder seemed to explode, blood shooting from the large hole it now had in its shoulder. It screeched in pain as two other bullets grazed it. Another bullet shot through the window of the chopper, barely missing Launchpad's bill. The other two buried themselves in Stegmutt's scales as he got on the chopper.
Negaduck roared as Launchpad sent the chopper into the air, weaving slightly from Stegmutt's weight. For a moment Negaduck's eyes met the shocked gaze of the Liquidator, and the crime lord gave a triumphant grin and a mocking little wave as the chopper turned back towards St. Canard.
The tall mutant hissed at the Liquidator, than bounced off towards the swamp, clutching its bleeding shoulder. The Liquidator was to shocked to do anything as the creature dove into the mucky water and vanished with a ripple.
The Liquidator stared down at the gun as he heard someone crashingg through the swamp towards him. He turned and saw Quackerjack, who bounched up with a worried frown.
"What happened? Did you get them?"
"No." The Liquidator tossed the gun away with an enraged glare. "And I need to have a chat with that rooster."
By the time the Liquidator and Quackerjack returned to the rv, the other two were gone. Instead, they found a familiar limo, a very familiar rat and plant duck, and a clutch of Steelbeak's men. The rv had been stripped of everything that could be carried by two people that might have been in any way valuable (along with the twenty dollars that Quackerjack had in his pocket that he only just now realized had been lifted off him at some point during the trip.)
"Let me guess. We were set up, weren't we?" The Liquidator snarled.
"Yep." Steelbeak emerged from where he had been inspecting the rv. "This thing was meant to carry mutants, but it was stolen. So's a lot of the gear thta was in it."
"Who were they?" Quackerjack growled. The Liquidator could tell from his friend's dark gaze that his friend didn't appreciate being tricked at all.
Steelbeak pulled out some papers from his jacket. "Soon as I heard about this I had some of my boys investigating. Turns out those two you met don't resemble anyone in the Mexican government, but they do have a record. Specifically a police one."
"They're criminals." Megavolt frowned.
"Yep. South American bandit clan, actually." Steelbeak leafed through his papers and handed a single photo copy to the Liquidator. "These were them, right?"
The Liquidator frowned down at two familiar faces. "…aside from the fact that the parrot has both eyes and hands, yes."
"Hmmm, from the info they gave me, it looks like someone in their gang sold the entire group of em out. These two were the only ones actually brought in. Others were either killed or M.I.A. And…well South American prisons are pretty bad. Not as bad as ours, but you get the same brutality there. Ain't surprised one of em didn't get through it without some scars." Steelbeak sighed. "No idea why they decided to work for Negaduck."
"I can guess why Negaduck used them. They were strangers to us. If he tried to send one of his gang or someone from SHUSH we probably would have figured it out sooner." Megavolt growled and kicked the rv. "What the hell was the POINT!? What's he up to! Why go to all this trouble to snag two mutants? I mean, wouldn't SHUSH go ahead and sell one to him?"
"...not if he wanted it to be loyal to him." The Liquidator said thoughtfully. Think about it. You're a mutant. You get carted around by either SHUSH, or us. They got a good look at me in that van…"
"Yeah, interesting thing about that." Steelbeak interjected. "There's a tv monitor above the water up there. Its a little damaged, but I think its connected to the control panel in the other room. If I'm right the mutants got a good look at you and Quackerjack."
"Ha!" Megavolt snapped his fingers. "They set it up so that we looked like we were involved in kidnapping them and mutating them! Then, ol' Stegmutt and Negaduck come in, heroically busting them out and freeing them. Who wouldn't work with Negaduck! They probably think he's their friend!"
"...Panchito deliberately showed me a gun with tranq darts, but gave me one with actual bullets. It looked like I was trying to kill them!" the Liquidator groaned. "We fell right into this trap!"
"Now we have two more mutants on Negaduck's side." Bushroot shook his head gently.
"Actually, he only has one. The small female one." the Liquidator corrected. "The big one got away into the swamp."
"Oh that's so much better." Megavolt paced in frustration. "One mutant with Negaduck, one out here in the swamp doing God knows what, and two South American conmen out there, probably under Negaduck's payroll! WHAT IS HE UP TOO!"
"I don't know." Steelbeak sighed. "But…look you guys." He gave each member of the Friendly Four a look. "I know you guys don't trust me. Hell, I'm pretty sure none of you even like me"
"That's not true." Bushroot said gently, and Quackerjack gave a small nod.
"Regardless…I don't know how much more I'd have to do to prove it, but I'm on your side." Steelbeak shook his head. "This stuff…I can't handle all of it the way I want. Agents like Logan just want you all locked up or gone, but I want to work with you. That can't happen if we don't start trusting each other."
The Four looked at each other, and, one by one, small nods were exchanged.
"Steelbeak, there is no way I'm working for the government." Megavolt said. "But…I'm willing to work with you." He extended a hand, and he and Steelbeak shook on it. "We have to work together, you're right. Negaduck is up to something, and we are the only people capable of stopping him."
"Negaduck leaned back in his chair, laughing cruelly at the rooster on the other end of the radio. "You really think I'm going to let you idiots in and pay you? Please, you ever heard of delivery in a timely manner. You knobs can go swim back to Spain for all I care."
"But-"
"If you morons show up here I'm going to have the boys fill you full of holes. Don't contact me again!" Negaduck slammed the radio into the ground, shattering it. He leaned back even further. "I love getting something for nothing…"
Negaduck lifted a notepad out of his coat and made a check next to the name 'Neptunia'. Above the new mutant's name were two other names: Stegmutt's and Morgana's. Each with a check next to them. There was only one name left. Negaduck frowned in hatred of the name.
"One to go." He growled. "Gizmoduck…Good thing I don't have to ask this one. One way or the other that tin plated wannabe is gonna be working for me by the end of this summer! And then…" He laughed. "The Four won't have a chance! Dipwing proved that for me!"
His laugh echoed through his warehouse, and every single hood there shivered in fear.
An Author's Note: I feel very conflicted bout this. I haven't written for so long I may be rusty. I hope it's at least acceptable. Hey, at least I updated after, what, five years?
Jose's magical abilities come from a tiny scene in The Three Caballeros movie, where he used 'black' magic to make himself bigger. It's…a weird little movie. I love it.