oOo
"I'm sorry."
The Doctor turned to face his later self, startled. "Sorry? You? For what?" They had barely stepped into the TARDIS and closed the doors behind them. "For not telling me about the need to take care of the Master? Believe me, it wasn't difficult to deduce."
His later self shook his head. "For this." His eyes narrowed as he locked gazes with his younger self. A startled gasp escaped that other self's lips before his expression froze, blue eyes wide and staring. Contact! He hated meddling with his own mind, but in this case it was unavoidable. "I really am sorry." He fell silent as he pulled certain memories out of the other man's mind. "The White Guardian will remove more memories later, when the ten years I've bargained for are up," he murmured after a full minute had passed. "But these are mine to remove."
Ace remained frozen by the console, not sure what was going on or what to do, if anything. "Professor?" Her voice was tentative, unsure, as was her expression. "What are you doing?"
"I'm ensuring my peace of mind," he replied, his voice distant. Then he blinked and suddenly appeared to be fully with her again, his mind returned from whatever distant place he'd just taken it. She wasn't so sure about his earlier self, however. "There, that's done it." He shook himself gently by the shoulder. "Hullo, are you paying attention?"
"What?" His younger self sounded dazed, sluggish. "What happened?"
He shrugged. "I'm not sure, you just went foggy for a moment. Contact by the Guardians, perhaps?"
"It's possible, although I can't imagine why." His voice was still a bit confused, and only a sharp look from "her" Doctor kept Ace from blurting anything out.
"Did it feel as if someone were examining your mind?" his later self asked, still gazing intently at the man before him. "Like someone wanted to take a peek at things from your perspective, perhaps?"
Another dazed nod. "Exactly. Then it was gone, leaving only a sense of...satisfaction."
"That certainly sounds like the Guardians," his later self said gravely. "They probably wanted to make sure things were going to stay on track from this point forward."
"Of course." Ace realized the Doctor's fifth self was still in some kind of a trance or something; he certainly seemed agreeable to anything "her" Doctor was telling him! "We've made sure of that." He sounded steadier, more assertive, and within seconds his crystal blue eyes had regained their full clarity.
He shook himself, offering Ace a puzzled stare. She smiled back uncertainly. "Look, the time rotor's stopped!" she said, grateful for the distraction. "We're back!"
"Ah, but when are we back?" The Doctor's fifth self bustled over to examine the chronometer. "Three days later, not too terribly bad."
"We've made excellent time. Speaking of which," his later self said, gesturing Ace toward the door, "I believe it's time we took our leave. Please tell everyone good-bye for us. Thank you for your cooperation, very generous of you, I'm sure; with any luck, I'll not be seeing you again!" He opened the door and ushered Ace through without a backward glance.
oOo
"That was cruel."
"What, just swanning off like that? He doesn't need us cluttering up the TARDIS while he greets his family," the Doctor replied, deliberately misunderstanding. He closed the door while Ace circled the console until she was facing him.
"Your family too," she pointed out, then frowned. "Which isn't what I was talking about, and you know it."
He shrugged. "Leaving the memories in place would be crueler. Much crueler." Yes, he knew what she was talking about.
"I don't think so." Ah, Ace was going to be disagreeable about this. Of course.
"Look at it this way," he said, turning to face her. "I have the memories, and he is me and I am him, so they're not truly gone. Just…temporarily suppressed."
"But why?" Ace demanded. "You can't just leave it at that, Professor. Just tell me why you made him forget everything."
"I didn't make him forget everything," the Doctor corrected her waspishly. "Only that there's a shorter span to his, er, 'off time' than he hopes." Only that the future holds more tragedy than he needs to know about ahead of time, he added silently. More tragedy than Ace needed to know about, either. He considered meddling with her memories as well, then decided not to bother. She would never run into any of his past selves again, especially the fifth one. He'd make damn sure of that. And if she did? He shrugged mentally. He'd deal with it then.
Ace, unaware of how narrow an escape her own memories had just navigated, continued to press him. "You worked it so he went back to Earth and found out about Lanie, right? You help him trap the Master so the Universe can stay in balance or whatever, then you bung up his memories just to give him peace of mind for ten years? I still don't get it."
"Because, young lady, those ten years of peace are very precious to me," he finally snapped. "I cherish the memories of that time above almost all others I've managed to hold onto, and I would do and have done anything to retain them." He took a calming breath. "If I allowed my earlier self to remember that there was a time limit set by the White and Black Guardians, if I allowed that self to understand that this was only a temporary lull, that I would be pitched back into my regular time stream at the end of that lull without any forewarning, with my memories being once again temporarily altered, this time by the White Guardian, it would destroy that peace of mind. Tegan's as well," he reminded her. "They would never be able to live in the moment, never be able to enjoy each other's company, watching Lanie grow and learn, the way I remember it happening."
Ace was frowning. "Wait, you said when your fifth self gets sucked back into the life you remember having lived, that the White Guardian alters his memories again. So how come you have them?"
"Because that's part of the deal I struck. Once time resumed its proper course, once I was firmly settled into my sixth incarnation, then the memories came back. It's no coincidence," he added with a trace of bitterness, "that I regenerated so quickly after meeting Peri and sending Turlough back to Trion. That was also part of the deal, unfortunately."
"So basically you sold out your earlier self just so you could remember some good times." Ace sounded disappointed, and he fought to ignore the discomfort that caused him. She scowled at him. "Selfish, that's what I call it."
"Call it what you like," he replied with a shrug he hoped radiated indifference. "I call it my life to do with as I please, at least within the constraints placed on me by outside sources. I wouldn't be so quick to judge if I were you, young lady. You certainly don't understand everything that happened."
Ooh, she'd really gotten him mad now. Good. He didn't deserve to feel complacent about what he'd done, how he'd manipulated himself. "So tell me. What am I missing?"
"You're forgetting that I not only have the pleasant memories I fought so hard to regain, but I also have the unpleasant ones as well." The hint of bitterness bloomed full force. He could see it surprised Ace; good. She wasn't the only one who felt he'd overstepped himself.
"Because of this," he continued, his tone intensifying, "I not only regenerated earlier than I might have otherwise, but that regeneration was a bit of a rough one." That was an understatement he chose not to revisit in detail. "The return of my altered memories, both sets, put my mind temporarily out of balance; I had to reconcile them at the same time I was struggling to deal with the regeneration itself. Six never fully came to terms with those memories, either," he added. It was also a key component in his post-regeneration fit of mania, when he'd tried to strangle Peri. He remembered deliriously blaming her because he'd been yanked out of the life he'd been so quietly living, plunged into a crisis and then forced to regenerate.
"Sounds confusing." Ace sounded a bit more subdued, her expression a little more sympathetic. "What about the regeneration after that?"
"It went a bit smoother, and here I am as you know me, a much less turbulent personality than my predecessor." He spread his arms then dropped them back to his sides.
"So you're number seven, right?" She grinned. "Why didn't you want me to know before?"
Something on the console beeped, and he stepped over to examine it before answering her. "Because I didn't want him to know, and there was already too much I knew I'd have to erase," he finally replied, looking directly at her. "It's dangerous to know too much about your own future. Especially for a Time Lord. And it's equally dangerous to muck about with your own mind, so I preferred to minimize that, thank you very much."
"But it worked out, right? Everything's back where it belongs?"
The Doctor nodded, then tapped the side of his head. "All there, firmly in place."
"As far as you know," Ace couldn't resist adding as her grin turned mischievous.
The Doctor frowned. "Ye-es," he replied, drawing the word out thoughtfully.
"So what about Tegan, then?"
"Tegan copes," he lied. No point in telling her Tegan's true fate. That was one memory he wished he hadn't retained.
"There's just one more thing…"
"Isn't there always? What is it?" The Doctor was resigned to her questions, willing to answer them. Within reason.
"Is Lanie Susan or isn't she?"
He smiled, leaning forward until his face was very close to hers. "That's a very good question, young lady." He tapped her nose and abruptly leaned back. "A very good question indeed." Then he turned his attention to the console, ignoring Ace's strident demands for an answer. He was resigned to her questions, as he'd already told himself, willing to answer them.
But only within reason.
oOo
The Doctor stared after his future self, puzzled at his abrupt leave-taking, then shook his head and opted to ignore it. After all, who knew what extremes would shape his self-to-be. Extremes he would rather not know about, thank you very much.
Before exiting the TARDIS himself, he returned to the console. Should he check, just one more time? As he hesitated, the sound of voices alerted him to visitors, and he turned back toward the still-open door.
"Take care of yourself!" The muffled voice was Lavinia's, growing clearer as she peeked her head into the TARDIS. "There you are! Your later version informed us that things went well, but of course we had to see for ourselves!"
"Everything is just splendid," he beamed. "We won't have to worry about the Guardians interfering for a good long time."
"How long?" That was Tegan, nervously edging around Lavinia. She was holding Lanie by the hands, helping her walk. When she saw her father she crowed with delight, let loose of Tegan's fingers, and toddled toward him. "Her first steps! It figures it would be on the TARDIS!" Tegan muttered, but she couldn't hide the pleased smile that spread across her face.
The Doctor squatted down, opening his arms so Lanie could totter into them, laughing. He looked up at Tegan. "For a good long time," he replied to her initial question, his own smile still plastered across his face. "We've arranged things to their satisfaction, and the deviations have been corrected." He kissed the top of Lanie's head. "I plan to be around long after she's started University, or whatever else she might have planned for her life. Long enough for us," he added. He stood up, swooping Lanie into his arms, moving toward Tegan in three long strides.
She hadn't left the TARDIS entrance, seemed reluctant to cross its threshold, but the Doctor pulled her inside, holding her tightly. "It'll be all right," he murmured into her ear.
"The Guardians are going to let you stay, just like that?" Tegan was not convinced. "You're sure? Absolutely?"
He held them both close to his hearts. "Absolutely," he swore, then frowned. Was he? There was almost something, a memory of something, and then it was gone. Yes, he was sure, he knew it. Absolutely.
Ten years. He frowned again as that phrase echoed through his mind. Ten years what? But before he could follow that stray thought any further, Lanie chortled and Tegan was hugging him back and his mind snapped fully into the present. Ten years, who knew what it meant. After all, he had fragments of thoughts and memories from five selves floating around in there. He leaned forward and kissed Tegan joyfully, "ten years" as forgotten as any of those other half-remembered snips and snaps.
And the White Guardian smiled.
The End (at least for 10 years...)