A Chance To Change
By: Guiltshow
Disclaimer - I do not own this masterpiece, only the idea of this story.
A/N - Tamaki is a little dramatic. Nothing to angsty, just something I thought was in-character for him. :D
Alternate Ending Two: Faith
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I stare at the arches that make my imagination run wild. The Greek architecture had flourished in the new wing of the high school I was attending. I fiddled with the light, cobalt blue blazer someone had gave me. It seemed like my world was finally working out for the better. If there was a God out there, I would have praised it right then - the way all the people on the infomercial did. It seemed skeptical the way the tears would run down their faces as they adored someone who never showed their face in this era. It was absolutely ridiculous. Heaven and Hell seemed so far off, something no one should worry about in their young lives like my own. I need to embrace my youth, and keep a promise kept.
I begin to rush down the hallways, and was glad to see no one my outburst of jubilation. Being alone in this large insitution seemed to overwhelm me. It seemed to dare me to be exceptionally abnormal. I ran, and I flew. I danced, and I broke out into an orchestrated symphony of sounds. My voice is nothing special; in fact, it's a little embarrassing at times. This is why I let my fingers sing when I let them press against ivory keys.
I almost fell on my face when I saw her. Actually, now that I remembered it, I did fall on my face. I face planted onto the cool, marble floors. I jumped up and stared at her. She was in a uniform I couldn't recognized. Taking a step forward, I saw her hair fly. I needed to see her face, but my hand fell before I could reach her. I heard her say - 'Mother in Heaven...help me.' And she walked away without noticing me. I stared in disbelief at the ignorance I had just been given. Truly...this was love at first...well - not sight. It was more as 'Love at first cold shoulder.' I liked the sound of that. From then on I solemnly swore to find her, and get her to marry me. This was a great task I was willing to take.
I continued to gallivant through the empty halls, not wishing to keep whatever emotions in myself die down. I had just realized how this fit into my perfect life plan. I would now have an exceptional bride - who ever she may be-; I had the Host Club who would get approval from my grandmother; I had a best friend; I had everything needed. So much to say that I never thought to need a God. This life was going quite swell on my own.
I admit, I never thought Haruhi was a boy until I had proof. I just thought of her as a new project. An extremely cute project. So cute it made me think I was homosexual. I was throughly relieved that I wasn't.
When she was there within my grasp, I had to find a way to keep her by my side for all eternity...or just long enough for her to realize she was in love with me.
I found it so hard to not stay jealous as though my utter adoration wasn't enough for her. I needed her to know how much I loved her. I tried time and time again. You would think she would get the idea if you plunged yourself from a very high, steep rock to save her. Nope. Instead she got incredibly prideful of the whole situation.
All things I did always turned out wrong. I tried everything to woo her. Haruhi is one unwooable person, let me tell you. The more I push, the more she pulls away.
It was an impossible game that I felt I couldn't win.
The years went by, and now I stand at the piano bench in the room of my previous highschool. Graduating yesterday felt surreal, and not fair. I had utterly failed in capturing the heart of my daughter...of my obsession, Haruhi. My grandmother was right - I was a failure.
Normally I could shake this off. I could smile and shrug off whatever unbearable weight that had preoccupied my shoulders. This was different. This was about the love of my life leaving me forever.
I stare at the ceiling, and see the cherubs flying across the painted mural. They looked so happy: the exact opposite of my current state. I sit on the bench, and I begin to play to whoever was mocking me up there. Whoever had gotten a kick out of my demise. Whoever had planned this sadistic soap opera, they really had taken everything...or the only one thing I ever wanted away.
I feel my shoulders hunch, as I plunk mercilessly away on the piano. I felt the bitter tears form in my face, as I begin to pound away on an ominous tune I had once heard in my head. I keep plunging into a darkness that wasn't there before. I keep playing, and I begin to curse whoever was tearing away my happiness. Why couldn't my old life last forever?
I stop, my chest heaving as I stare at my hands. I instantly jump up, knocking the bench over onto the marble floors. I pound away with such discord. I harm the instrument as if it was its own fault for leaving me alone. The song is no longer filled with melancholy. It is now filled with utter hatred to this unknowable force that loomed over me.
"Damn you...," I mutter, as I keep playing, though my wrath on the tangible object was lessening. "DAMN YOU!" I cry as I sunk to my knees. "DAMN YOU! You think you are so great? Is this what you want from me? DO YOU WANT ME TO FOREVER BE ALONE?" The words echo through the room, and I'm now wallowing in the silence and depression now. It is no longer a comical expression of my childish feelings. Oh no. This is the real thing. I feel suffocated, as I stare at my hands. Why had I even come here...I knew she was packing to go to some Ivy League school in the United States. It was a hard blow to the chest for me. It was as if she was trying to get far, far away from me. Was I that disgusting?
I let out a small laugh. "I give up," I begin. "I give up. You win...Thanks for nothing." I stand up, and I try to smile. How could I even as myself that question? My actions were far from pleasurable at that moment. I truly had nothing to give her outside of a childish love and money. These things she never wanted...she only wanted things I couldn't give her. I was a bad match for her. I pick up the wooden bench, and place my hands on the piano. Whispering an apology, I leave the room and shut off the light, but thats not the only thing I shut off.
The ride to the airport was an uncannily quite one. I am sitting in the limo with Kyoya, Kaoru, and Hunny. Hikaru couldn't make it on unknowable circumstances; Mori couldn't make it for being sick with the chicken pox that Hunny had given him.
"Tama-chan. Ne, Tama-chan. Look! I brought a camera so Takashi could have a reminder of Haru-chan!"
"That's great, Hunny-senpai. Mori-senpai will be happy to know he didn't miss out on anything."
"Kyoya...you look surprised," Kaoru stated, as I saw the eyebrows on my best friend rise.
"It seems Haruhi has paid off all her debt...and that I owe her some money."
That was all that was said. Kyoya had swiftly slipped his check book out and wrote down an unknowable amount of money.
Arriving at the airport, I put on a brave face. I feel a cold hand touch my shoulder, and I turn to see Kyoya's masked face.
"Are you going to be alright?" He asked with a eerie calmness in his voice. I try to smile, but instead just shrug.
"I need to go get her some flowers. Do you think she will like roses?"
Kyoya just nodded, and I went off. The airport was surrounded by trees and grass. It was to welcome distinguished visitors who had come to visit. I had bought my dozen of red roses, and I quickly made it back to the airport in due time. Stepping outside, bouquet in hand, I search for Haruhi. I begin to walk towards the water fountain and fall. I had crushed the flowers underneath me. "Damn it..." I mutter, feeling my fists clench around as I silently curse the holy being that was smiting me from above. I panic, seeing her taxi drive up. I quickly run to the grass and pick some dandelions into a make-shift arrangement. Anything would do for a present. She saw me, and smiled softly as I ran up to her.
"Tamaki-senpai."
"Haruhi," My breath is unsettled, and it's tempo is erratic. It just has to deal with her, I remind myself. "Here are some flowers..." I feel bashful again, as I give her my dandelions. I watch the surprised expression on her face grow into a warm smile. I smile back, and she thanks me; It baffles me to no end on how she can be so grateful for a handful of weeds.
We walk into the bustling airport, her hands both surrounding the dandelions in affections as I carry her luggage.
"HARU-CHAN!" My senior cries as he runs up to hug her. He now is taller than her, though still on the short size. He grins at her, and smiles back. I notice how the flowers are unharmed as she keeps them behind her back. "Haru-chan...do you have to go?"
Yes, do you?
"I do, Hunny-senpai - " The sounds of his sobbing commences as she hugs him like a warm mother would. "Don't worry. I promise to write to you. You told me we were going to spend Thanksgiving together."
"Ne...Haru-chan won't forget about us?"
"That's impossible."
"Haruhi, here is your payment."
Kyoya swiftly gives a no nonsense handshake with her, and slides the check into her hoodie. She doesn't argue, and my eyes remain on the untouched dandelions.
"Haruhi...thank you."
"You're welcome, Kaoru. Tell Hikaru not to be too stupid."
"I promise." He laughs softly as he hugs her briefly and steps away, hands in his pockets. Now...it's time for me. I find strength as I get pulled into her gravitational pull. I am a foot away from her as I smile at her with whatever happiness I have left.
"Tamaki-senpai. Thank you."
I can't fight any tears, they won't be released. I will be damned if she sees me cry. I just smile and nod. Then I feel an inevitable push and I wrap my arms around her in a warm embrace. I feel wetness on my shirt, and I find myself shocked as she cries silently into my cotton shirt.
"Haruhi..." I whisper for her ears only. "I lo-"
"Don't Tamaki-senpai..." She says sternly, as she pushes me away. The evidence of water escaping her eyes was not non-evident. I stare in disbelief.
"Why?" My voice comes out rasp, as I look painfully at her. "Why can't I? I know you don't care, and you don't feel what I do. I know these things...I know it's over. This doesn't change the fact that I love you. It maybe childish, or crazy. I frankly don't care. Haruhi. I wish you the best. I'm sorry I couldn't be whatever you wanted me to be."
My performance has left stares on the two of us. Our shadows are now molding in with the surrounding crowd.
"How can you say such nonsense, you rich bastard?" She is glaring at me, as she walks towards me. A slender finger forcefully pokes me in the chest. "I hate how you think it can be so easy for me. I will have you know that this is the best for us."
"The best for us? There was no 'us', Haruhi. You never allowed it to be more than a friendly relationship. Please painfully lie to me, and tell me you didn't know how I felt for you."
"That's because you never had any faith in relationships. You would flirt shamelessly with me like your other clients."
Faith. Heh. Damn you.
"I've always had faith in us, Haruhi. You just ignored it. You couldn't see past the illusions you wanted to see. You saw me as a bad relationship waiting to happen. You played it safe, though those moments we had...you knew it was real. My love for you is something not to be doubted."
Our voices are hoarse whispers, as we stare fiercely at each other. She turns away, and grabs her bag. She turns towards me, and drops the untouched flowers onto the floor of the airport. I see her eyes water as she stares at them, and then she leaves to get on her flight. I fight whoever is pushing me to go get her. Can't they leave me alone? I feel the words 'Go to her' from no where, and I stare at her fading image.
I pick up a fast pace, and run to her.
"Haruhi!" I bellow, as I reach for her wrists. Since when did they get to brittle? When she turns around, since when had I failed to notice the bags under her bloodshot eyes. She was crying, though hiding it like before. "Don't leave me..." I beg. "Please. I need you." I hand her only one dandelion I had been able to grab and I look up with a fire that couldn't be put out. "I will always love you. Please stay. I will take care of you. I promise. Please just stay."
"Why can't you understand...that this isn't for me. It's for you. How are you...suppose to become sucessful when you have a simple-minded commoner as a lover?" Her voice was just as hoarse as before, as she stared at the dandelion in her grasp.
"I don't want to be successful. I would rather become one of those hobos I had read in one of your commoner books." I say lightly, as I tower over her.
"Tamaki..."
I feel my lips crash onto her own, as I place my hands on her face. I brush my thumbs against her damp cheeks, and I hear her sigh. Her small hands clutch my shirt as she kisses back with such unfathomable tenderness. I release her from my feverish kiss, though my hands refuse to let go of her face. She blushes, and I respond with my own shade of red.
"What am I going to do with you, senpai?" She sighed, though a small smile was given.
"I don't know Haruhi...I think I'm happy just where we are right now."
If I had believed in something...would it have turned out better for me? I know there is someone up there...who is giving me a second chance with Haruhi. I was too busy trying to be someone I wasn't...just for her sake. Now I had a chance to prove to her that our love was real.
If I could, I would certainly be a spiritual person. But it doesn't matter right now. Maybe in the near future, but certainly not now. Because all I need is her, and I don't want to miss her anymore.
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A/N - There we go. I tried to be non-religous, but I thought it fit. I'm a Christian, though some people can't tell. Aheh. Please don't focus on the references to religion. I just want you to see a struggle for Tamaki.
I was listening to 'Iris' by The Goo Goo Dolls when I thought and wrote this, and I hope you enjoyed this second installment of Alternate Endings.
Please Read and Review.
Next week will be Hunny-senpai! Yay!