How many of you have heard "My Immortal" by Evanesence? I think it to be the most beautiful song ever...so one day after I had heard it on repeat for the 5th time, this story came up. Now this story may not seem suite life based...but if you read deeply into it, you'll see it really is. And that makes it all the more deppressing.
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Death is hard. Sometimes it takes years to heal from. Some people never heal at all. They let it put them into such a deep depression, that they can't think about anything but how much they miss that person. But these are the simple words I use to explain it. What I am saying here cannot describe what it is really like. Why the people do it. What causes it. I know I cannot begin to explain what it actually feels like. For this is a feeling deeper then even the largest quantity or quality of words can explain. But I can say that I will try my best to give you a peak into what is felt. What is believed. What is unknown.
If you have ever had someone close leave your life…you might think that you know what it feels like. But have you ever had them die…in your own arms? Have you ever held that person…the one that you love so dear…in your arms…and felt the life escaping them? Felt them drowning away? Felt them leaving you. And knowing that they were leaving you when your heartbeats tear apart from their simultaneous rhythm? And while yours continues, steady and healthy, the one of that person…the one you love so much…slows down. Softly. Barely beating. Until it is gone.
What if you had spent your entire life trying to help this person? Caring for them. Nourishing them. What if you had put every ounce of your being into this person? Spent all your energy on them. Your hands were always damp from wiping their tears. You couldn't fear anything…because you had to be there for them when they were scared.
And you loved them. Loved them so much…that you would at any second take their place. Take all of their pain and let it cut into yourself, so they could come back. And be happy. You would give up your own heartbeat to hear theirs once more. But that is impossible. And now…you know that they are gone.
And as much as you try to forget…and to try to move on…you cannot close your eyes without seeing their face. You can't take a step without feeling for their hand. You can feel them…and you know they are still there. Haunting you. Lingering in your heart. And nothing can erase what you are feeling.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
She stood next to the grave. Flooded with memories. And they hurt even more then anything she had ever felt. She could feel him. Inside of her. Moving. His hand was still entwined in hers.
"Just leave me alone!" she screamed, piercing the still night sky. "Why can't you just leave?"
It was that haunting feeling. Covering her. She bathed in her own misery, surrounded by the presence of him. And she couldn't stand it. It took her breath away. It caused her to heave.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
"Five minutes"
"I love you"
"I love you too"
It wasn't fair. How could he be gone? How could any of this be real? After all she had went through. All she had incorporated into him. All of her sacrifices into their relationship.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
She crawled closer to him. To what was left. The stone couldn't give what he had been. What he had been for her.
A raw drop of rain fell on her cheek. She let it slide down her chin, and fall onto the ground bellow. It was joined by a series of raindrops like it. Falling. Pounding on her. Drenching her in pain, and she allowed it.
"Have you ever danced in the rain?"
"No" she giggled.
"Come on then!" he said, dragging her to the door.
"But…"
"You wont regret it"
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
The rain hurt her. Brought back memories. But she couldn't cry. It hurt too bad to cry.
He took her hand in his, and led her out the door. Outside, rain was beating on the pavement. She followed him to the backyard, where he took her other hand. Then began to spin. Then spun, holding hands. Faster and faster, while the rain beat down on their shoulders. Then she let go. One hand, and they broke apart, whirling into the ground and landing in a puddle of mud. They sat there for a while, laughing and staring into each other's eyes. A true Hollywood moment. Then he grew serious.
"See what happens when you let go?"
Now she breathed in the deepest breath that she could. Sucked it in, the let it out. Water fell into her open mouth, and she let it dribble out.
The lightning struck.
"Are you there?" she whispered, softly this time.
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
"How could you leave me? After what I've done for you? And what you've done for me? I can't live without you!" the words were bitter out of her mouth, as she screamed them to the person there. She knew he was there. Lingering there.
"I know you're there!"
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
She reached for his hand and held it in hers.
"I don't care if you get scared easily. I love that about you. I love everything about you. I'm here for you," she whispered, tightening the grasp of their hands.
"Thanks" he had said, smooth like honey. "I'm sorry I'm not strong."
"But that's what makes you…you!"
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
Maybe if he had been stronger he would still be here. She took a finger and traced the epitaph carved into the stone. It didn't say enough. It wasn't enough.
He opened his eyes slowly.
"Oh thank God you're alive!" she had screamed, hugging his cold figure closer to her body. "It's going to be ok."
Then he shook his head, and shut his eyes again. She saw his lips part, as he tried to utter a sound.
"I'm sorry" he blew out, through closed lips.
"No! You can't be dead!" she screamed. She sat there howling, as she held his lifeless body in her arms.
Loud noises erupted, but what had happened was no longer there.
It should have been her. She knew it should have. If they had been somewhere else. If she had allowed him to stand in front of her.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
And he was gone. Forever. She stood up, and coughed loudly.
"I'll miss you"
The rain began beating harder. His voice had been like rain. He had been so perfect. And now he was gone.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
She thought logically for the first time. "And he wasn't coming back. I knew I had to face that. He wasn't coming back.
The lightning struck in the distance, and I stared at the empty sky. Or was it empty? Maybe that was him. Telling me to move on. I knew I would have to. It's what he wanted.
But I wouldn't forget him."
And I held your hand through all of these years
I would never forget him. It would take time to move on. Much time. But I knew I had too.
"I understand." I muttered softly. Then I began to cry.
It didn't hurt as bad anymore.
And crying helped. Those tears flowing, mixing with the pounding rain.
"I'll go on…but I'll never forget you."
And as if that had been some type of cue, the rain slowed but it continued.
I knew he was gone. And that I would have to go on without him. But I would continue my life how I knew he would have wanted me to. I would continue life…as hard as it was. And maybe some day…I would be ok.
But you still have
All of me
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Who is SHE? And most importantly...who is HE? How did HE die?
Thats up to you to figure out. I left hints...try to figure it out! And if you don't get it...pm me!
I hope you liked this...if not I don't care if you flame.
Please review!