Hi! I'm back with a new update, only took a month this time. I'm having an absolute blast writing this story, and I doubt that'll end soon. Hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did! I got impatient and posted this before anyone had the time to proofread it, so hopefully it's good! (Sorry whimsy, teehee) At a certain point during the prologue, I use a type of text called zalgo script, and I'm hoping it shows up properly but it might not so oh well. It's supposed to look like corrupted text, so if you see that don't freak out.
Anyway, read and review!
Late nighttime, March 28th
A full moon hung high in the sky, casting silver beams down over a thin cloud cover as Issei lazily plodded down a sidewalk. He traveled in Kuoh's downtown, a normally bustling part of the city, and was mildly disturbed at how empty it was. Not a soul was outside, and the sheer emptiness of the city made his skin crawl.
"Just what in the fuck is going on here…?"
Even the now-vampiric Issei felt something was terribly amiss with the situation, but he couldn't put his finger on what.
Little did the poor kid know, it was his own fault.
A vampire's power is at its absolute maximum during the night, even more so during the full moon- and a vampire, even a weaker one, exudes an aura of palpable dread.
But this was far from a weaker vampire- the servant of the King of Monsters himself was in town, and an atmosphere of absolute death laid upon an area a mile around. By the time Issei got where he was going, most people had packed up and left. Everyone outside on the streets quickly entered whatever shelter was closest- they didn't know why they felt so afraid, but they wouldn't be caught dead outside.
Of course, Issei knew absolutely none of that, so to him, it was just creepy. Naturally, he also didn't know that a vampire could cancel this ability by simply willing it to cease.
Rather hypocritically, a chill ran down his spine.
Earlier in the day
On the cram school balcony, Issei had finally accepted Kiss-Shot's task- that is to say, defeating the three who'd hunted her.
"So, where are these vampire killer dudes even at?" he asked, wondering where to begin.
"I haven't the faintest," came Kiss-Shot's short reply.
Issei almost went ballistic.
"You don't even know where they are?!" he yelled, fed up with this tiny vampire's devil-may-care attitude.
"Just go outside! This school is safe and sound, aye, but to venture outside would instantly expose ye to them. They art vampire hunters- to hunt vampires is their forte. Just walk around aimlessly for a time, and they shall find you."
"Just walk around, they'll find you," Issei said in a high-pitched mocking voice, childishly tilting his head left and right as he mimicked his master.
Eventually Issei decided to leave the main road. He hadn't seen anybody in quite some time, and while he normally wouldn't try his luck in a back alley, what did a vampire have to fear?
So, he entered the first alley he could find. It was a crevice between two large buildings, with two paths spitting off in a T shape at the end.
He was contemplating which path to take when a figure appeared at the end of the path on the left. Issei's heart instantly jumped into his throat. Vampire or not, he'd never had to deal with anyone in a back alley before, and it startled him.
But once again, he reminded himself: "you're immortal." Rather than retreating, he sharpened his eyesight and peered at the figure in the shadows.
It was a man, one of huge stature, with muscles almost as wide as the alley itself. He had long black hair falling past his shoulders, a grim, strong face, and wore nothing save for black pants and a gray collared shirt.
More than that, he carried two gargantuan swords.
Issei gulped hard. He sure seemed like the man Kiss-Shot had described as Dramaturgy. If that was really him, it was the man who stole Kiss-Shot's right leg.
Turning around to get out of this alley before that man got any closer, Issei attempted to go down the path on the right.
There was yet another figure.
It was a teenage boy, one who looked about Issei's age. He was wearing an unkempt white and purple tuxedo, had long blonde hair, and a wildly smug look on his face. Upon his back, he carried a massive silver cross, and Issei could feel the burning radiance from the object even at a distance.
Issei instantly recognized the boy as Episode.
This was the vampire hunter who'd taken Kiss-Shot's left leg.
Issei stepped back in fright. One vampire hunter appearing could've been a coincidence. Two was most certainly bad.
But as he turned around to flee the way he came, Issei came face to face with his worst fear.
Guillotine Cutter.
By far the most unassuming of the three, but also the most deadly.
This was the man who'd stolen both of Kiss-Shot's arms, and had done so without giant swords or a cross. He wore black clergy robes, and carried naught but a bible with him.
It wasn't just one, or even two.
All three of the vampire hunters were surrounding him.
It was as if they'd been waiting for him to go into such a perfect place. At the center of an alley, he was confined like a rat in a trap.
Issei pressed himself flat against the uppermost wall in the T shape of the alleyway, where he could see all three of them. The sky was above him, and the walls of the ally were only as tall as the buildings- that meant he could easily jump to safety, but would they let him?
Was he going to die again?
Am I gonna die again?!
I thought giving my blood to Kiss-Shot would be the only time this week I croak, but no- now I find all three vampire hunters?!
Or they found me, I guess. Who even cares?!
They've got me totally blocked off. Shit, shit, shit! Think, Issei, think!
Ah, screw it- if these guys beat Kiss-Shot, what chance would I have?!
Without a plan or any hope of survival, Issei began to panic.
"Z̴̼̣̆̕ỉ̸̪͙m̴̛͍b̷͈̦̀l̸̦̍o̵̜̐ ̷͚̓n̷̗̪̊̿à̸̖͘f̴̢̚a̶̙̯͋ ̷̻̳̔̍t̸̖͍̃i̵͑͜ṭ̶̥̑ơ̵̠̥ ̶̝͋̚ẇ̶͓̝ö̵̜́̑? T̸͈̘͗a̸̗͝t̸͈̑t̶̼͆e̶̢͆ ̵̗̽̿t̴̞̃o̵͙̽w̷̜͐e."
"Uh, what? Was that English? Italian? Spanish? It sure wasn't Japanese…"
Episode said something in a language Issei didn't understand, in a high-pitched voice that matched his messy appearance. He giggled and grinned a wicked grin, sending shivers down Issei's spine.
"K̶͎͛͒i̴̢̢̅̃w̶̨̗̅ō̶̟͕ ̶̥̜̊ņ̶̭̿o̴̟͇̓n̴̫̕s̸̘̈ë̷͓́̂? Ž̷͜e̵̜̿͆ñ̶̥̏b̷̲̥̈́ụ̴͎͗ ̴͂̄ͅ Heartunderblade," Dramaturgy announced, his voice deeper than Issei ever would've imagined one could be.
Once again, the vampire hunter spoke in a language entirely foreign to Issei. The only words he recognized were the name of his master.
"Now now, Dramaturgy, Episode. When working in a foreign country, one must adhere to the language of the locals. That is only the most basic courtesy," came the third voice. It was smooth, like a man whose career hinged on speaking.
"Well, anyway, it's exactly as you said. This boy is likely- no, this boy is most certainly Heartunderblade's subordinate," Guillotine Cutter asserted. He didn't move forward at all, simply staring at Issei from his place at the end of the alley.
"Ha! No kidding?" Episode remarked, his statement half a question and half a disappointed acceptance. "I thought that vampire didn't make thralls?"
"She's not incapable of it. She's made one before."
"...We forced her hand. She's likely made this one to act in her place while she recovers." Dramaturgy spoke in Japanese this time, to Issei's (very minor) relief.
"So what now?" Episode asked with a wide smile, cheerfully slinging the giant cross off his shoulder. "Do we ask this runt where Heartunderblade is?"
"That seems like the best option," Dramaturgy replied, scraping his wavy swords together and making sparks. "I'll get rid of this kid and find the real bounty."
Issei gulped. It certainly didn't look like they'd be letting him go.
"Ehem."
Guillotine Cutter cleared his throat.
"So, that being the case, who would like to go first?" he asked, as if offering a place on a game show.
"Let me do it," Episode laughed. "I'll completely destroy him."
"No, I'll do it," Dramaturgy retorted. "I've got the most experience."
"I don't mind doing it either," Guillotinecutter smoothly expressed. "You two must be tired."
Sick of being talked about like he wasn't there, Issei collected himself. Without facing anyone in particular or making eye-contact, he roared defiantly.
"If you really wanna kill me, then come get some!" he bellowed, posting up into a boxing stance he saw on TV one time.
"..."
"..."
"..."
It bought him a moment of silence.
"So it's the same as usual, then?" Dramaturgy asked suddenly.
"Fastest one wins," Episode replied with a wide grin.
"Good, equal competition based on skill." Guillotine Cutter offered, nodding.
All at once, without a single instant of warning, all three vampire hunters charged.
I can see them all! Even in the dark, with these elite eyes- I can do this!
I can beat them!
I'll get your limbs back, Kiss-Shot!
Wait- no I won't!
What is this, a shounen manga?
A real-life superpowered school battle?!
I'm just a kid! I don't wanna fight any vampire hunters! I just wanna lay around and look at tits in peace! I wanna go home!
But first, I gotta get away~!
As the vampire slayers rushed forwards, Issei crouched down and put all his immense strength into his legs, ready to leap like a rocket. After a millisecond, he looked up into the air, ready to fly- and saw a foot.
Said foot came crashing down on his forehead, taking all the steam out of him and sending him wildly off balance.
But, this wasn't the foot of an aggressor- in fact, as Issei looked up at the owner of the foot, he realized the person was holding not just one, but all three vampire hunters back- with a single hand.
"Hoh hoh! Flinging swords around and throwing big crosses? You guys sure are feisty!" said the person who caught the blades with his bare hand. Using only his right hand's index finger, middle finger, ring finger and pinky, he had stopped Dramaturgie's blades. He then halted Episode's cross with nothing but his right foot. Lastly, he raised his left hand, and Guillotinecutter simply ceased his movement as if ordered to. His left foot was still firmly on Issei's forehead, balancing there as if it was the easiest thing in the world.
"Who is this old dude…?" Issei wondered, struggling not to fall off-balance underneath this middle aged man's entire weight.
Standing up on just the one leg, holding everyone still, he spoke up.
"Something good happen?"
Oshino Mémé.
An old fart who "just happened to be passing by."
Or so he said, anyway.
Isn't it kinda weird for him to just happen by as I'm about to be killed?
And isn't that kind of a weird name?
And what kinda weird psychedelic Hawaiian shirt is that?
Even from a perv like me, everything about this guy just screams "weird." Like someone you wouldn't wanna sit next to on the bus.
But, he did help me out, so I guess I can't complain too much.
But something about this dude is off…I can't decide if he's a friend or foe.
We made some short introductions after the vampire hunters left.
"Oshino, huh? Thanks for saving me, I guess."
"No need to thank me. You saved yourself, Hyoudou." the guy said in an innocent tone.
The three vampire hunters had promptly left as soon as he showed up, as if on command. They fled quickly, without even a parting threat. I don't have Kiss-Shot's limbs, but…I'm alive.
Oshino Mémé-
The Hawaiian shirt wearing dude who doesn't look like a bad guy...or an enemy of Kiss-Shot.
"Honestly, Issei Hyoudou- nice name, by the way- can you believe those guys? No common sense. Otherwise, they'd have opened a barrier before they attacked, and you'd be mincemeat. Oh well, "even monkeys fall from trees," or so they say."
"..."
What the fuck am I supposed to say to that?
Whose grandpa is this?!
"No need to be so alert around me, Hyoudou. No need to stare. You sure are feisty. Something good happen?" Oshino took out a cigarette as he asked that odd question for like the third time in five minutes. I thought he'd light it, but he just put it between his teeth and let it sit.
"Anyway, should we head home?"
"Huh? Home?"
"The cram school ruin."
Saying that like it was the most obvious thing in the world, Oshino began to walk.
"Wait a minute," I yelled at his back. "How the hell do you know about that?!"
"Huh? Of course I know about it. Who do you think told that little girl where to find it?"
…
Huh.
I didn't even think of Kiss-Shot not knowing where to go.
This guy told her where to find the cram school?
So...is he an ally?
"Well, I wasn't going to, but she was carting your body around and shouting about saving you, so I was pretty inclined. Man, she sure was feisty," he said, idly waving his hands around.
"You know Kiss-Shot?" I asked.
"...?"
Oshino didn't answer me. He just stared blankly, like I said something stupid.
"What?"
"Oh, nothing, nothing. You just called her Kiss-Shot."
"So what? Is that weird?"
I may have gotten a bit defensive.
"Well, not weird, but as you heard with those three, most people call her Heartunderblade- II was wondering why you didn't."
"Isn't that a mouthful? Besides, she was cool with it."
"Well, I suppose that's what matters. Still, it's extraordinary to call a vampire by her true name as her subordinate. But I guess that's just with normal vampires- Heartunderblade is not a normal vampire. You know your master is the legendary King of Monsters, right? The apparition killer. The Iron-Blooded, Hot-Blooded, Cold-Blooded vampire."
"So...you know about vampires?"
Well, I guess that was stupid question. He did just show up outta nowhere and save me from some vampire hunters, after all.
"Just what are you, anyway?" I followed up without waiting for an answer, not really sure if I should trust this guy after all.
"Me? Sometimes a mysterious child of the wind, sometimes a mysterious traveler,
sometimes a mysterious drifter, sometimes a mysterious bard, sometimes a mysterious nomad of the higher sort."
Mysterious all the way through.
"I wouldn't think too hard about it. I'm just a guy that was passing by," he said coolly. In an incredible display of irresponsibility and carelessness, he smiled and shrugged.
How sleazy can one guy be?!
"I was just passing by today, and the other day too- when I saw Heartunderblade in trouble. Don't worry, I'm not a vampire hunter or anything."
"..."
I didn't know whether or not I should believe him, but I really didn't have the option not to.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm no amateur. But my...specialty is broader, one might say. In any case, let's put off our formal introductions until later. For now, we should head back to that cram school."
Ah, shit. Is this gonna turn out like some anime trope where he only saved me to gain my trust and then I lead him right back to Kiss-Shot, where he goes in for the kill?
Although- he does already know where she is, so I guess he could've just gone straight there.
Oh well. Not like I have a choice. I was gonna go back there anyway.
Ugh, this shit makes my head hurt! Why couldn't he just be a simple enemy or a simple ally?!
On the way back, we wasted time on pointless chit chat- random stuff, like old anime and retro video games, and whether ass is better than tits or thigh highs were better than tights. Friend or foe, by that point I was sure I wouldn't be calling him mister Oshino any time soon.
After about an hour's walk, Issei and Oshino arrived at the abandoned cram school. Upon reaching the second floor, Kiss-Shot was there to greet her servant with a big smile on her face, like she was eagerly awaiting his arrival. She hadn't yet realized her blunder, in that he was visibly empty handed.
"Ah! Thou hast returned!" she exclaimed, holding Issei's hands and jumping up and down in front of him. The poor boy felt a little guilty- she was obviously expecting some limbs to have arrived with him.
"Hm? Who hast thou dragged in with ye? I seem to recall his face," she said, poking her tiny head out from behind Issei.
"Is that all I am to you? Gosh," Oshino chuckled, "I'm the one who told you about this place, King of Monsters."
"Ah, right. From then," she nodded, as if not really remembering what he meant but agreeing anyway.
Then, completely disregarding Oshino, she turned back to Issei.
"And?" she asked simply, her eyes twinkling.
Issei's heart did a flip. There was such hope in her eyes, and he hated to crush it.
"I, uh...just calm down and listen for a bit, okay?" he said, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head.
Issei explained everything, how he'd been attacked by all three vampire hunters, and hadn't been able to recover her limbs as a result. He also briefly mentioned how Oshino saved his life, and they'd come back to the cram school.
Meanwhile, Oshino was pushing all the desks in the classroom together to form a bed.
"Is this dude planning on sleeping here? How carefree can you get?!" Issei thought, watching him from the corner of his eye while chatting with Kiss-Shot.
"Hmph," Kiss-Shot replied after Issei's short explanation. She didn't sound nearly as let down as he thought she'd be, but it still hurt a bit to dash her hopes like that.
"So those three are still hunting together, huh? Now that they have me cornered, I was sure they would separate and engage in free competition…"
"So that was the plan? Wow, great..." Issei remarked, realizing he'd been sent on a suicide mission based on nothing but Kiss-Shot's assumptions.
"They seem utterly determined to destroy me. What ridiculous obstinacy. Have I not been wounded enough?"
"They did mention a bounty."
"Hm? A bounty? Ah, I suppose that is how this age operates. Of course. How heartless."
Kiss-Shot snickered, apparently thinking of something.
"Anyway, aren't you forgetting something? Like I said before, if those three beat you at your full power, how am I supposed to beat them?!"
Annoyed, Issei ground his knuckles into Kiss-Shot's scalp, while the tiny vampire shouted back at him.
"One at a time, like I said before!"
In response, she stepped on his toe rather forcefully, eliciting a cry from the poor boy.
"I can't do that if they're still working together, you little-"
"Ah, about that-" Oshino Mémé finally spoke up, interrupting Issei from atop his 'bed' of desks. He and Kiss-Shot stopped their squabbling to look at him, both of them having forgotten he was present.
"I can help out, in that regard," Oshino said coolly. "And, by the way, you also don't have to worry about them finding you here- I put up a barrier while the two of you slept."
"A barrier? What are you, some kinda magician?" Issei asked, a little bit of disbelief in his voice. The old man had mentioned barriers before, but Issei had kinda just been going along with whatever he said.
"Not really, but that's not far from the truth," Oshino replied.
Issei, seriously tired of all the half-truths he'd been told in the past few days, lost his patience.
"Screw that, dude! Who the hell are you? Are you our friend, or foe, or what? Whose side are you on?!" our poor vampire yelled, pointing accusingly at Oshino.
"Man, you sure are feisty! Something good happen? If anything, I'm on no one's side- I just keep the balance. You could call that my job. Building the bridge between 'this side' and 'that side', so to speak."
That answer, if anything, made Issei just a teeny bit more angry, but he forced himself to calm down so as not to make a fool of himself in front of Kiss-Shot.
"Remember how you said we'd do formal introductions later? I think maybe now's a good time," he said, rubbing the bridge of his nose and trying not to go berserk and turn a desk into bits and pieces.
The old man chuckled, then took out another cigarette. Once again, he didn't light it, but simply let it sit between his teeth as if savoring the taste.
"Oshino Mémé. I'm a free-spirited man with no set address. You can think of me as an authority on specters and apparitions- the supernatural at large. Unlike those three, though, I'm not that good at exterminating."
"Not that good?" Issei asked, wondering why the other three had stopped in their tracks if Oshino 'wasn't that good.'
"Well, to be a bit more accurate, I just don't like it."
"But isn't that your job?"
"As I said, my job is to maintain balance. To keep the peace and negotiate. If you had to put a label on me, that's what it would be- a negotiator."
"Keep the peace? Negotiate? Between 'this side' and 'that side'? Who's this side, and who's that side?" Issei wondered, feeling spectacularly out of his depth. "Is he talking about monsters and humans…? Then...what side am I on?"
"So...you negotiate between monsters and humans?" he asked aloud, still not entirely getting anything the old man had said so far.
"Monsters, huh? Not bad, but I call them apparitions. And that little girl- she's what we call an 'apparition killer'. She's a rare type of vampire that can perform an 'energy drain' on apparitions. That's why she's such a famous one. That's why she's the King," Oshino said with a wide grin.
"I'll have thee know, I did not choose to be 'famous' or the 'King.' Do not presume to know me, boy."
Speaking up for the first time in a while, Kiss-Shot spat at Oshino, clearly displeased with how he spoke of her.
Issei's head went through a little bit of a spasm at this point- both of these people were referring to each other as children, which was a little odd and confused him. One of them was physically an adult, and one of them was literally over five-hundred years old. He supposed, with Kiss-Shot being the obviously older one, that Oshino calling her 'little girl' was probably endlessly disrespectful.
But, Oshino didn't really give a damn, and he didn't seem to mind being called 'boy' in return either.
"I was kind of listening to your conversation earlier. You guys sure are in a pinch, huh? To think something this complicated would happen- geez."
"There is nothing complicated about it," said Kiss-Shot, clearly annoyed, "rather, 'tis extremely simple."
"I suppose it must look like that from the lifespan of an ancient vampire. However, from the perspective of us humans, this is a pretty troublesome situation. Isn't that right, Hyoudou?"
"Huh...? Why are you lumping me in with humans?" Issei asked, clearly thrown off by the odd statement.
"Hm...a good question," Oshino said with an ever-widening grin.
"Do not speak when it is not thy place to do so."
Issei looked to Kiss-Shot, who was glaring at Oshino with a fury he'd not yet seen from her.
"If the boy chooses to remain by my side, then thou wilt honor him," she added, an underlying threat clearly present in her words.
Oshino just grinned and swished his cigarette around in response.
After a moment of awkward silence, the old man stood up.
"Putting all that aside- if you guys want, I can become your mediator."
Now that was a shock.
"Mediator? For us? And the three dudes trying to kill us?" Issei said, nearly flabbergasted.
"Who else? After all, I feel the balance is off in the current situation. This is something akin to bullying," he said with a smile. "But of course, this is a job for me, so it won't be free."
"Let's see," Oshino continued, closing one eye and biting down on his cigarette.
"How about...two million yen ($20,000)?"
Issei nearly choked.
"T-two million-! You're freakin' nuts, dude!"
"You can pay whenever you have the money, and I'll never nag you. I have to charge at least that much, or I can't maintain a good balance."
Oshino spread his arms out, like he was completely innocent.
Issei sighed in exasperation. He'd never had so much as half a million yen in his whole life, much less two. He glanced at Kiss-Shot, who seemed enthused.
"Let us hear thy plan," she said, mirroring the old man's grin. "Thou sayeth 'negotiate', but that shan't be simple. There's no way ye can convince those three," she said shortly, obviously eager to hear his ideas.
"All I can do is bow my head and plead with them in a sincere manner. If I can't convince them, then I may resort to dangerous measures. Fortunately, we can communicate through language, so I can play a game."
"A 'game'?" Kiss-Shot repeated, disbelieving.
"First off, we need to split those three up. 'You can defeat them one on one.' That's your tactic, isn't it, Heartunderblade? Then let's make it happen in reality."
"That's well and good, boy- but how will you negotiate with them?"
"That's a trade secret, but I'll set up the field for you. Then, Hyoudou will retrieve your limbs. If he succeeds, you will return to full power. After that, we can see how you both feel."
After a little pause, with Issei wondering what he was going on about and Kiss-Shot considering his words, she spoke up.
"Servant- I cannot prepare any human currency. I also do not understand how large this debt of 'two million yen' is. However, can ye shoulder that sum?" she asked, talking directly to Issei as if Oshino wasn't even present.
Issei's heart immediately fell. How in the world was he supposed to come up with two million yen?!
"Worry not, the boy's skills are genuine. No matter how weakened I am, I can still sense that much."
After a moment of grumbling, Issei picked his head up. "I don't have anything saved up, but...if you don't care how long it takes and you won't nag me, then...I can probably get it."
"It's a done deal, then!" Oshino said, visibly excited. He stood up in a heartbeat, flipping his cigarette up out of his mouth and catching it in his palm.
"Thanks for the business!"
Morning, May 1st
"So...are you a tourist?"
"Oh no, not at all. As a matter of fact, I was just assigned to serve the church in this town!"
"So you're a nun, then?"
"Mhm!"
Issei and his new friend walked through Kuoh's park, with an angry-looking blonde vampiress stalking behind them. She still had on her purple hoodie, and if anything the hood was even more drawn than before. Shinobu held her umbrella close, so that she could only be seen from the front.
"I'm really lucky I ran into someone kind like you. I guess someone really is looking out for me, huh?" The nun said, smiling brightly. She had yet to introduce herself, and Issei hadn't really thought to exchange names.
"Guess so, huh?" he replied, returning her smile. As he looked over, however, he noticed something on her chest- a blessed silver cross. When he saw it, the sight of it literally burned his eyes, and he turned away swiftly- hoping that the nun hadn't caught sight of his pained expression.
Behind them, Shinobu snorted a laugh.
"Um, by the way, is your friend okay…? She seems mad."
"She's just cranky in the mornings, don't worry about it," Issei said, glancing back at Shinobu with a rude expression. She returned one of her own, sticking her tongue out at him in a rather childish display of attitude.
The nun didn't really respond, looking worriedly back at Shinobu. The vampiress didn't even spare her a glance, instead choosing to glare a hole in the back of her master.
"Wah~!"
Issei and the nun both stopped as they heard a cry, coming from a little boy sitting underneath a tree who'd apparently scraped his leg. He sat on his bottom, holding his knee and crying out in pain.
The nun quickly ran to him, kneeling by his side while Issei watched in confusion. Shinobu took this time to approach him from behind, kicking him in the back of the knees and making his legs buckle. It wasn't enough of a kick to hurt, but it did nearly make him fall over.
Issei, at this point thoroughly annoyed, turned around.
"What the hell is your deal, Shinobu?"
"Hast not thou noticed? Thou art conversing with our mortal enemy!" Shinobu replied, as if he was an idiot. "I thought surely the pain from her cross would shock thee out of thy delusions, but no! She would've been thy enemy as a simple vampire, but now, as a devil, she is even moreso!"
"She's not our mortal enemy, she's just a lost girl!"
"She is a nun of the church! Hast thou forgotten the man who stole my arms? Guillotine Cutter was of her ilk!"
"Are you seriously comparing that cute girl to Guillotine Cutter?!"
"Hmph! Thy ignorance knows no bounds! Fine, have it thy own way! I shall say no more on the matter."
With a cute huff, Shinobu turned away from her master. Issei let out an exasperated sigh, turning back towards the nun. She was still kneeling by the boy, but now had her hands cupped around his knee.
All of a sudden, a green light began to emanate from two beautiful rings on her middle fingers. Issei, now intrigued, began to focus a little harder.
She was healing him. The little boy's wound began to rapidly close, before completely disappearing.
As Issei watched, his left hand suddenly throbbed in pain. He looked at the appendage, puzzled, while the nun stood up and brushed off her clothes. After saying some parting words to the child, she walked back over to Issei.
"I'm done now, sorry~!" she said with a happy look on her face.
Issei's thoughts turned back to his arm while they continued walking. Ever since waking up as a devil and awakening that gauntlet, his body was changing, and it felt unlike anything that had happened during his stint as a vampire- something was seriously up, and it made him anxious.
"You must be surprised, huh?" the nun asked after a moment of silence.
"Huh? Oh, not at all! That is a pretty nifty power you have, though."
"Thank you! I consider it a gift and a blessing...truly…"
She trailed off on the last bit of her sentence, and looked a little sad- but before Issei could even say anything, she was focused on something else.
"Hey look, there it is!" the nun said excitedly, pointing at a Christian church in the distance.
"Oh yeah, there it is. The only one we have," Issei remarked, honing in on the church with his enhanced senses. Not a moment after he'd begun to look closely at it, though, he was struck by an extremely odd sensation- like something in his body was screaming at him to stay away.
"You know, I've never seen anyone up there- not a single person," he said, beginning to feel very strange. Shinobu looked at him with curiosity, (and still quite a bit of annoyance) not really understanding his apprehension.
"Let me thank you properly. Would it be a problem for you to come inside, just for a bit?" the nun asked with a sincere expression.
"I can't!" Issei suddenly shouted, unconsciously taking a step back. "The thing is, we actually have somewhere to be…" he continued, gesturing to himself and Shinobu.
The nun looked disappointed for a moment, but quickly recuperated.
"Oh, that's okay. I guess I should go too. It was sweet of you to help me find my way- my name's Asia Argento, by the way."
"My name's Issei Hyoudou, and the grouch over there is Shinobu Oshino. You are very welcome," Issei said with a smile.
"Issei and Shinobu, huh? Well, meeting you here was a great blessing, and it's one I won't soon forget. I hope we see each other again."
"Uh, me too…" Issei replied, blushing just a bit. He may have been entwined with Shinobu for a while now, but he still wasn't good at talking to girls that weren't her.
"If you're ever bored or in the neighborhood, come by the church! That's where I'll be."
"Uh, thanks...have a good one!" Issei abruptly turned away, finally having had too much of the church's oppressive aura. Shinobu moved behind him, not having acknowledged Asia the entire time.
"You have a good one too!" Asia said, waving to him as he walked away.
"I think she's the nicest girl I've ever met," Issei said under his breath after they were out of earshot.
"Thou should not get attached to those who ye may have to cross swords with in the future. Thy master will likely tell ye the same," Shinobu replied, finally speaking up.
"I'm sorry, but I seem to remember getting pretty attached to someone and then 'crossing swords' with her quite a bit. I think she's wearing a purple hoodie right now," Issei rebuked, glaring accusingly at Shinobu.
"That was different, ye dolt!" she exclaimed, glad that the hoodie was covering her face when she began to blush. Issei didn't even realize what he'd said- he'd admitted he was 'pretty attached' to her.
Even if it was obvious to literally anyone else, for a formerly-lonely five-hundred-and-ninety-eight year old maiden, it was quite the tug on her heartstrings.
The tough "don't talk to me unless you wanna die" attitude Shinobu normally had in her teenage form was blown away in an instant by his words, and she wouldn't look right at him when she spoke.
"We fought for thy own sake, not because I wanted ye dead! If ye get mixed up with those from the church, it will be entirely different!"
"Look, I appreciate the concern- I really do," Issei replied, finally taking a spot underneath her small umbrella by standing very close to her, "but I think you're overreacting. Now scooch over, quit hogging the damn umbrella! I'm dying over here!"
"F-fine, if that is what ye desire…" Shinobu mumbled, relenting. For all her attitude, she sure did seem to concede awfully fast whenever Issei wanted something from her.
If you were a random citizen in Kuoh Town during this time, you may have seen quite the odd sight- a stunningly gorgeous blonde foreign girl in a purple hoodie and a stupendously average brunette boy in a school uniform sharing an umbrella in the middle of a sunny morning. They were certainly close enough to be a couple, but neither of them gave the impression they were anything other than good friends as they simply walked and talked.
"Oh hey, what was that you said about Italian earlier? Asia mentioned it too."
"'Tis rather simple, milord. When conversing with the Sister, both of ye wert speaking Italian."
"That doesn't make any sense. I don't speak Italian, I barely speak Japanese!"
"That was exactly my thought on the matter. Thy vocabulary is pitiful enough in one language, speaking another would most certainly be beyond ye."
"Okay, first of all, ouch. Secondly, ouch! And thirdly...why the hell could I understand her Italian, then?!"
"I knoweth not. Mayhaps 'tis simply a side effect of becoming a devil?"
"I guess that kinda makes sense...well, you wanna try it out?"
"What do ye have in mind?"
"Say something in another language to me, and we'll see if I understand it."
"Thou merely presume I know another?"
"Are you saying you don't?"
"Hmph. Thou art no fun at all. Yes, 'tis true- I speak many a tongue."
"Go ahead, try one on me."
"Thou art a simpleton."
"Hey!"
"It worked."
"Huh?"
"It worked. My assumption was correct."
"Wait, seriously? What language did you speak?"
"Latin."
"I thought Latin was a dead language?"
"I am a dead woman."
"I...huh. You got me there. Try it again!"
"Thou art a brutish ape who assaults helpless women in their sleep and-"
"Stop! It works, it works! Jeez…"
"Hmph. 'Twas French, in case thou wert wondering."
"I don't wanna play this game anymore. It feels like you're insulting me behind my back and to my face."
"I can simply insult thee if ye'd like."
"How about you don't insult me at all?"
"Even I, the former King of Monsters, am unable to perform such a Herculean feat."
"I seriously cannot win with you."
"Kaka~! Were I ye, I would get used to that, my master. A long life of thy losses to me is thy future."
"Just wait, one of these days I'll get you!"
"I await thy victory with bated breath."
"Oh, hey- you know what?"
"Hm?"
"I bet I can win right now!"
"Hoh? How, praytell?"
"You're normally cocky, but you always lock up when I tell you're pretty!"
Shinobu said nothing. If Issei could see her cheeks under her purple hood from his position beside her, he'd see a faint blush.
"Uh huh, see?! And I didn't even say anything yet!"
"'Tis cheating!" she yelled, shoving him out of the umbrella with her hip and casting him into the sunlight. It didn't harm him, being that they were both somewhere around half-vampire level, but it most certainly wasn't pleasant.
"Quit shoving me in the sun, damn it!"
"Then quit being a nuisance!"
"How is calling you pretty a nuisance?!"
"It simply is!"
"Let me back under the umbrella!"
Shinobu was using her free hand to keep him out of the cool shade of the umbrella, much to his annoyance.
"I shan't! Not until ye cease with that nonsense!"
"Maybe I won't! Maybe I'll sit here and call you pretty in front of everyone!"
It was at that point in time, after that particular sentence, that Issei had an idea- he'd never tried it before, but he really wanted to know what Shinobu was thinking.
He could always feel their bond- it was ever present, a constant reminder they were tethered to each other's souls literally until death, and if he really focused he could feel it. He wasn't experienced enough to read her mind, not by a long shot, but if he put a pretty sizable amount of effort into it, he could feel her emotional state. It was a handy ability, being Shinobu would rather die than talk about her feelings, but it wasn't something he used often.
He definitely used it then.
"K-kaka! 'Tis what ye deserve!" Shinobu said accusingly, nervously laughing at Issei when he began to sport his own blush after sharing her emotions.
Obviously, since the bond goes both ways, she would immediately know that he'd probed her.
Issei didn't look at Shinobu's mind very often at all, but Shinobu frequently read his thoughts and emotions, being the nosy type.
Neither of them said anything at that point, both of them simply too embarrassed to converse properly.
If anyone onlookers caught sight of them at this point, they would see a brightly blushing "couple" sharing an umbrella just a bit too closely.
What an odd sight.
"I-in any case, thou would do well to not go near that church again," Shinobu said, defaulting to what she'd started the conversation with.
"Whatever. I bet Rias will see it my way, just watch."
Upon finally making it to Kuoh Academy (late to school, I might add) Issei sought out Rias, finding her in a dimly lit room attached to the Old School Building that was their base of operations. The only light poured in through stained glass windows, and if he didn't know any better, Issei might guess that it was a chapel.
Rias stood underneath one of the windows, leaning against the wall while she listened to Issei's story about meeting a nun with healing powers and escorting her to the church. Shinobu simply lurked in the dark near the entrance, choosing not to insert herself in this interaction at all.
"Hmm…" Rias hummed, after he'd finished up the tale.
"You must never go near that church again, Issei."
Shinobu laughed out loud.
Issei didn't even acknowledge the other vampire.
"What? Why?" he asked his current master, not understanding.
"Simply put, the church is enemy territory for devils like us. Even just setting foot inside would cause major troubles for both devils and angels. Surely you could sense that something was telling you to be careful?"
"Oh, so that is what it was! When I went near the church, I felt a chill and my left hand tensed up. Plus, the cross that Asia was wearing kinda burned my eyes…"
"It was probably blessed silver. It'd burn a normal devil, but a half-vampire devil? I can't imagine."
"I don't think blessed silver has anything to do with being a half-vampire. I, uh...we've met a half vampire named Episode that used a blessed silver cross as a weapon," Issei explained with a sheepish grin, gesturing to himself and Shinobu. "That guy was a total douchenozzle, seriously."
"My master, do not lump us in with his ilk. We are not half-vampires, we are simply 'around' their level, so to speak," Shinobu finally spoke up, explaining where he was wrong.
"Wait, what?" Issei turned around to look at her, totally confused. Rias perked up, eager to hear what Shinobu would say.
"Thou drained my blood to the level of 'near a half-vampire', aye. But we are not half-vampires. Those are different creatures entirely, born of the union between a vampire and a human."
"...seriously? So we can't be half-vampires?" he asked, totally lost. Why had she sounded so okay with the suggestion before, then?
"I never said that. 'Tis possible, yes, but we require a full moon and some of the blood of thy half-vampire."
Shinobu grinned wickedly, her golden eyes glinting in the dark.
Rias, a little on-guard, decided to change the subject. "There is a half-vampire in my peerage, like I said. But we can worry about that on the next full moon, if that's when you need it. In the meantime- Issei?"
"Yeah?" he asked, having been thoroughly distracted by Shinobu.
"Putting all that aside and returning to the topic at hand- the tensing and chills you felt? That was your devil instincts telling you something was wrong. Being in close proximity to someone from the church is a very risky proposition. What's even more dangerous is that some of the exorcists affiliated with the church use sacred gears. They could seriously hurt you."
Issei flashed back to Asia using her ability to heal that child using her rings. Were they just magic rings, or a sacred gear?
"Issei?"
"Yeah, I'm listening!" he asserted a little too loudly, snapping back to attention.
"Just know that when a devil is exorcised, it's the end of the line. They're completely destroyed, and no amount of vampire powers can save you. You can never come back from that. Do you understand?"
Issei's shoulders slumped and he looked at the ground, guilty.
"I got it," he said quietly.
Shinobu tilted her head in curiosity. The only thing she was feeling through their bond was remorse.
After a moment, Rias sighed, then spoke up again.
"I'm sorry. I've gotten too worked up. I just want you to be more careful, that's all."
"Yeah, I know…"
"Well great, I've gone and done it again. Seems like she's always pissed off at me for something."
Issei was sitting on a couch in the ORC and packing his bag with devil flyers, about to start on his work for the evening. Shinobu was beside him, her feet rudely propped up on his left leg while she reclined on the other end of the couch. She said nothing, merely watching him work and thinking.
"She's not pissed off at you, you know. She's just worried about you, you silly boy."
Issei jumped, startled. Akeno had appeared behind him while he wasn't paying attention.
"Ya-hah, you scared me!" he yelled out, flinging some of his papers across the room by accident.
At that moment, one of the double doors behind them opened up and Rias walked in.
"You're still here, Akeno? I thought you'd gone home for the day," she said.
"We just received a message from the archduke," Akeno replied, slipping into a businesslike attitude.
"The archduke?"
"It's urgent. Apparently a stray devil has been causing trouble nearby."
"Stray Devils start out as devil servants."
"You mean like we are?"
"At first, yes. But every once in a while, a servant rebels against their master to gain freedom. Then they become strays."
Kiba was explaining to Issei what exactly a stray devil was on their way to go find it. The two boys were with the rest of the peerage, walking through a dimly lit and overgrown part of Kuoh, the only landmark amongst the woods being a massive old house.
It was nighttime now, and because the Sun was no longer an issue, Issei and Shinobu had both returned to their fullest strength. She was hidden inside Issei's shadow in her most powerful form, ready to act in his defense on a moment's notice.
"They say this stray has been tricking people into that abandoned house, and eating them," Akeno, in a tone like she was telling a ghost story around a campfire.
Issei laughed nervously.
"Wow, how evil is that," he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head and glancing at his shadow.
[Kaka! 'Tis truly not our place to judge this 'stray' for such an act, but thy cohorts seem upset.]
"Tonight's job shouldn't be too hard," Akeno continued. "Just find the beast and kill it."
Together, the peerage fearlessly approached the abandoned house. They walked in the front door, uncaring for any sort of strategy.
"These monsters are pure evil," Kiba explained as they entered. "They don't care about anything but their own selfish desires, and that always ends in ugliness."
The building was a huge house- it even had a reception desk at the entrance. There were lavish decorations here and there, but all of it was in a state of horrid disrepair. The peerage spread out, but none of them really left the immediate area around the entrance.
"Issei?" Rias suddenly asked.
"Yes, president?"
"Normally, I'd take this opportunity to show you how we fight as a group. Since you're new to being a devil, it would benefit you to watch and learn. But since you're a bit of a special case and no stranger to the supernatural...I think we'd all love to see what you can do."
"You want me to kill this thing?" he asked, surprised.
"Is that a problem?" Rias responded. She didn't sound angry or accusing, just curious.
"No, not really. Just making sure, I guess."
Underneath him, his shadow stirred as if excited by the prospect.
All of a sudden, Issei's nostrils were under attack by one of the most wretched things he'd ever smelled.
"It's here," Koneko announced.
"You can say that again," he replied, pinching his nostrils.
"We'll focus on dodging and defense. You just go ahead and show us what you got, Issei!" Rias said encouragingly, flaring her wings. The rest of the peerage followed suit, preparing for battle.
Issei just stood there, waiting. He had an embarrassed look, as if he wasn't quite happy with everyone's eyes on him.
[Surely thou aren't experiencing- what is it? 'Stage fright'?] Shinobu asked, her grin audible.
"I'm kinda nervous!" he mentally admitted. "I didn't think she'd put me on the spot like this!"
[Thou art truly a child. Simply rip it limb from limb, and show thy companions our might. But first, allow me a front row seat.]
Shinobu, in a display like something out of a horror movie, began to rise from his shadow. The rest of the peerage looked in surprise, not expecting her to show herself.
"Show them thy might, my master," she said with a grim smile.
"What is that I smell~?" came a sneering voice from somewhere in the dark.
"Is it sweet? Is it bitter?"
The voice seemed vaguely female, but it was filled with such malice that issei couldn't really discern what the owner might look like.
He didn't have to think for long.
Mere seconds after her sentence, a massive chimera stepped out from behind one of the walls. The beast was at least five meters tall, with the lower body of a monstrous centaur bearing four clawed legs and gaping mouth at the front and a snake for a tail at the rear. The upper body, however-
"Big boobies!"
-was a voluptuous and beautiful woman, completely nude.
Issei looked like a kid in a candy store, staring unabashedly at the monster's chest.
Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heartunderblade nearly obliterated the stray devil herself out of sheer annoyance. Why was it that all her master's enemies had to be naked?
"Either defeat her, or I will," Kiss-Shot told Issei in a dark tone, her already short patience immediately expended.
"Oh, right. Sorry…" Issei grinned dumbly and rubbed his head, like he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"Vizer, you wretch. You betrayed your master and ran away to fulfill the lustful wants and desires that have consumed you. Your sins are worthy of a thousand hells. In the name of the great Marquis of Gremory, begone from this place, or meet your death!"
Rias shouted, giving even this stray a chance for a peaceful resolution.
"Give it a rest, you slut! You're just jealous your tits could never be as luscious as mine!"
She didn't take it.
Vizer laughed a wretched laugh, and began to fondle her own chest.
"Are women not taught decorum in this day and age?" Shinobu mumbled to herself, honestly unable to believe what she was seeing. She had fought and killed an innumerable amount of opponents in her life, but this had to take the cake for most...shameless.
"This is your last chance, Vizer! Go back to your master, now!" Rias commanded once more.
"This is a stray devil? She looks like a softcore late-night cable star~!" Issei, literally enraptured by what he was seeing, couldn't help himself.
"Let me show you what I'm made of then!" Vizer shouted, rearing up on her massive forelegs.
"Is that my cue?" he asked, looking at Rias.
"She's all yours," she replied coolly. The peerage all moved behind Issei, leaving him alone in front of Vizer.
Issei took up a dopey fighting stance, mimicking something he'd seen in a video game.
"Dope! Alright bitch, no matter how nice your rack is, I'm gonna kick your shit in!" he yelled, pointing at her.
Pretty much everyone in Rias' peerage cringed at his remark. Shinobu simply shook her head- she was used to it.
"Come get me, then!"
Taking the initiative, Vizer dashed forward, aiming to crush him under her two front legs. Issei just stood there and watched, not leaving his stupid stance for a second.
Laughing in assumed victory, Vizer brought her legs down on top of him.
He offered no resistance as she crushed him into the floor.
"HA! Was that all!? Pathetic!"
"Issei!" Rias and Akeno called out simultaneously, both of them not believing their eyes.
Had Rias just gotten her new servant killed?
"Worry not. Look closer," Shinobu said with a proud smirk.
Trying not to go ballistic, the peerage looked harder.
Coming out from underneath Vizer's claws was a plume of thin fog, barely visible to the naked eye.
Only then did they all remember one of the lesser known abilities of powerful vampires-
They can turn into fog.
Vizer turned her eyes to the peerage, not realizing the little cloud of vapor was moving behind her.
As the stray devil dashed towards them, aiming for blood, she was stopped by a force pulling on her snakelike tail.
"You didn't think you got me, did you?!" Issei roared, holding her entire body back with a single hand.
Rias, Akeno, and Kiba all sighed in relief when they saw him. Even Koneko looked a little happy.
Shinobu, though, gleamed like a proud parent. Unbeknownst to any of them but her, that was the first time Issei had successfully turned his entire body into fog on such short notice. She was beyond pleased at her former servant finally utilizing one of their kind's greatest strengths.
"Why aren't you dead?!"
Vizer roared, turning back towards Issei and swiping at him with her giant claws. This time, however, Issei dodged them. He deftly flipped over her left claw and ducked under her right, before launching off the ground and planting a haymaker on her cheek.
When he'd fought Dohnaseek, he'd pulled his punch- his opponent was only comparable to a human, after all.
With this giant beast, he thought she'd be stronger.
He thought she'd be a LOT stronger.
Issei may have put too much force into the punch.
The entire peerage was stunned silent as Issei literally punched the stray devil's head off at the neck, sending it flying back into the wall where it simply turned to red paste against the concrete.
Issei landed on his feet, sliding to a stop just in front of his comrades. Behind him, Vizer's chimera body simply collapsed to the floor, entirely dead.
"Uh...oops," he said after a moment of awkward silence, not really sure what to do. He hadn't gotten used to his former strength, so he may have gone a bit overboard.
The devils were all bewildered- nobody really knew what to say. Rias, having seen Kiss-Shot obliterate Raynare, knew they were both insanely powerful- but she hadn't expected him to defeat the stray devil in a single unarmed blow! He hadn't even used the sacred gear he awakened!
As for the rest of them, who'd only seen Issei fight Dohnaseek, this was entirely unexpected. Akeno's mouth hung wide open, Kiba's eyes were nearly popping out, and even the normally expressionless Koneko was visibly shocked.
"...Did I do something wrong?" Issei asked, a little worried as he looked over his team.
"N-no. No!" Rias asserted, shaking her head as she got a grip. "No, not at all. I just...wasn't expecting you to be quite that strong," she said sheepishly.
"I...wow," Kiba didn't really know what to say. He'd known Issei was a vampire, and he'd known Shinobu was one of the strongest vampires, but he hadn't really got what that meant until now.
Akeno was morbidly impressed, both by the fact that Issei could probably dismantle anyone he wanted at a moment's notice, and by the fact that punching the head off a living being hadn't phased him at all. It didn't bother any of the devils to kill someone, especially someone as vile as Vizer, but she hadn't expected that to be the case with Issei. He was just so...innocent, which made his decisive victory all the more exciting.
Koneko wasn't sure what she thought. She normally respected strong people, but this wasn't normal strength. This unassuming boy had just ripped a stray devil's head off with a single blow, sending it off her shoulders with enough force to turn it into pudding on the wall behind her. He could probably kill most beings with a single blow, then, she figured. And she never would've known it from looking at him, which scared her quite a bit.
Shinobu smirked, seeing the reactions of all the devils. She'd suspected Rias hadn't told them quite who their new companion was- that is to say, the scion of the strongest vampire to ever live- and the looks on their faces confirmed it.
"You guys are kinda freaking me out," Issei said, chuckling nervously.
"Sorry," Akeno apologized, shaking herself out of her thoughts. "You're really strong, huh Issei? That was kinda hot~," she cooed, smiling devilishly.
"Mark that as the first and last time I underestimate you," Kiba added.
Koneko said nothing, watching Issei warily.
Issei, not really knowing how to respond, just chuckled and rubbed his head again. He still wasn't used to all this attention.
Finally getting a handle on the situation, Rias began to think properly once again.
"Well, I suppose that wraps this up. I'll destroy the body, and we can head home. Good work, Issei."
Did you like it? Sure to leave a review if you did!
Now I'll answer some questions you may have had during that.
Q1: What was that whole deal about turning into a half vampire?
A: As is stands, Kiss-Shot would likely refuse turning Issei back into the Quasi-Human Quasi-Vampire form he was in when he died. Him dying again would shatter her psyche and crush her soul, so she wants to keep him at least somewhat vampire so he retains his immortality. That said, full vamparism or even semi-half-vampirism (what they have right now) is unsustainable without eating other beings, which Issei refuses to do. So, compromise- becoming a true Half-Vampire, who can drink blood without spreading vampirism or killing a person, doesn't burn in the sunlight, and still retains some immortality. It's perfect for both them as characters and me as the author (because believe it or not, balancing power levels in a story like this is kinda hard) and there's already a perfect jumping-off point in canon DxD for me to use. Spreading regular vampirism in the Monogatari universe is as easy as a single bite, but in DxD one must perform a blood ritual on the night of a full moon. I'll be using something very similar to that, I think. Obviously, none of that is set in stone, but I'm heavily considering it.
Q2: Is this going to be a harem story?
A: Honestly? Not really sure yet. Originally, it was meant to be, but the more I write the more I love the idea of a singular Kiss-Shot relationship. I still like the idea of a harem too, but I'm not sure how well it would fit into the story I've established. Rest assured, somebody's getting fluff at some point.
Q3: Not really a question, but more of a fun fact for me!
A: For those of you who don't know, the prologue story at the beginning of each chapter is based on Kizumongatari, the story of Kiss-Shot. For those of who do know what Kizu is: as of this chapter, I've now adapted the entire first movie of Kizumonogatari into the DxD universe! I'm kinda proud.
Q4: Did you forget what you were gonna say in this AN?
A:...yeah. If you have any other questions, just join my discord server.
discord .gg/ KnQzEW9
See you next mission!