A/N: I don't know how certain I am that this would really happen. As much as any work of fiction can really happen. What I mean to say is, this is definitely not canon. But I was just driving tonight, and I had the windows down. The weather has really started to get nice here, so it was pretty comfortable, maybe the high seventies. The perfect night to think about angsty things. As I'm driving along, this song by Death Cab For Cutie comes on, called "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" and it just made me think of James and Lily, and my poor, beloved Sirius. Those of you that have heard the song, know that James loved Lily like that, and visa versa. So there I was, driving in the twilight, radio blaring and tears running down my face... and this popped into my head.
I Will Follow You Into the Dark
The devastation around him was unbearable. He sank to his knees in the cold, damp grass. Parts of the house before him were still groaning and smoking. He held his head in his hands, stifling the roar of rage and mourning. His insides were simultaneously on fire and full of lead. There was a gaping hole in his chest, sucking his heart in and pulling at the rest of him. He slumped over until his elbows were on the ground, his sobs muffled. His fists pounded and pulled at the grass. He heard a noise in front of him and leapt to his feet, face stained with tears and wand in hand.
"Easy, Sirius, jus' me," Hagrid said, putting a hand up in surrender. He held a pink umbrella under one arm and a bundle of blankets in his other hand. His face showed signs of fresh tears.
Sirius lowered his wand and felt the gravity in his chest again. It was pulling so hard on him that his shoulders were slumping forward. Hagrid's eyes had wandered up and down Sirius.
"Are they – all…." He couldn't even finish the sentence.
Hagrid's lower lip began to quiver. "No, jus' James an'-" He couldn't finish either. "The baby's all righ'." He pushed a bit of the blanket away with one finger and showed a healthy, sleeping baby underneath the blankets. Sirius felt alive again. He bound forward with new energy and scooped the baby into his arms, holding him close. There was a cut on his forehead, but not much else. He looked a little dirty, but he was sleeping so soundly that nothing else could be wrong.
He was very big now, bigger than the last time Sirius had held him like this. Before they had gone into hiding, James had let Sirius know that Harry had learned three words all together and was already running. Ahead of schedule for most fifteen month olds. Sirius pulled him close to his chest, holding him tightly and feeling a different squeeze on his heart.
"Dumbledore asked me to bring Harry to 'im. Said he needs to be with his Aunt an' Uncle, now," Hagrid said, reaching a hand out for the baby. Sirius instinctively took a step away.
"I'm his godfather, let me take him," he said. Hagrid looked sad, but held his hands out.
"It's Dumbledore's orders," Hagrid said. "He says it's for his own good. He's safer from You-Know-Who there." Sirius looked at the face of the sleeping baby for a long moment, then kissed him on the forehead. He looked back up at Hagrid for a moment, and knew that Dumbledore was right. Sirius was far too reckless. Even now he could feel his anger bubbling deep inside him, threatening to overtake his sadness soon. He held Harry out for Hagrid to take, and tried to keep his arms from shaking too badly.
"You can take my bike," Sirius said. Hagrid looked stunned.
"Are ya sure?" he asked. He might have seemed more excited if it weren't for the seriousness of the night.
Sirius nodded. "I won't need it anymore," he mumbled. He sucked in a deep breath and stood up a bit straighter. "It'll be safer for Harry," he added. Hagrid nodded.
For a moment they stood there, the company of the other providing solace. Hagrid clapped him on the back lightly, though it still pushed Sirius forward a bit. "The Muggles'll be swarming about soon. Y'better get goin'," he said. Sirius nodded, and watched Hagrid climb effortlessly onto the bike, Harry held tightly against his chest. Hagrid secured the blankets around the baby. The motorbike roared into life He looked over at Sirius once more, nodding in his direction. Sirius nodded back, crossing his arms across his chest. Hagrid flew away into the night, and soon Sirius couldn't even hear the engine rumbling.
It didn't take long for Sirius to summon his courage back up. He went into the dark house, not wanting to use his wand for light, for fear of finding what he was looking for. If he didn't see their bodies, they might still be alive. The floor creaked dangerously with every step he took, like it might give at any moment. Hex marks were burned into the walls, and there were signs of an obvious fight all around. There was a large hole blasted through the parlor wall, and the kitchen was in shambles behind it. Bits of cupboards and dishes were everywhere. The stairs were missing a few steps, but otherwise looked sturdy enough for the condition of the house. Sirius carefully made his way up, his nostrils being met by the stinging stench of fresh blood.
When he got to the nursery, or rather, where the nursery used to be, he had to close his eyes. There was a gaping hole in the ceiling, letting the moonlight in. He couldn't hide his eyes forever, it was too plain to see. Splatters of blood were all over the right side of the room. The floor was collapsed on both sides, and there were pieces of black robes and what must have been body parts of whoever had been sent to kill the Potters. Sirius swallowed hard and looked around the room for signs of Lily.
It wasn't long until he found her, hunched limply over an over turned crib. If the house shifted, her body and the crib would fall into the dining room below. Sirius could feel the sick rising in his stomach, but his guilt and his anger pushed it back down.
"Sirius?" Lily asked weakly. His heart leapt for a moment, even though he knew the voice had come from behind him. He spun around to see her pale, transparent figure in the hall. Her face showed a mixture of concern and fear.
"Where's Harry?" she asked, stepping forward. "It was Him, Sirius, he tried to kill Harry, and then… then-" She didn't finish. She looked confused. "Where's James?"
"Lily… it's okay," Sirius said. He took a breath to steady himself. "Harry fine. He's not hurt."
Relief flushed her face. "Oh, thank goodness. Where is he?"
"He's on his way to your sister's house. He'll be safe there until all of this is settled," Sirius said. He was only thinking about Peter and Remus. Peter and Remus. It had been one of them, and he needed to know who.
"He can't stay there! Sirius, you can't let him stay there. Promise me-" Lily begged.
"Harry will be fine. I'll take care of him, I promise you," he said. He wanted to touch her shoulders, if not to calm her, to calm himself. But her shoulders weren't really there.
"I thought you were going to use Peter," he said.
Lily's eyes grew wide. "We did! Oh, god, do you think he's all right?"
Sirius remembered his empty safe house only hours before. There were no signs of struggle there. He had his suspicions then, but now he was sure. "He's fine, Lily. I'll take care of him, too." She nodded, hand to her chest.
"Where's James?" she asked.
"I don't know, I haven't found him yet," Sirius said.
"Why didn't he - why isn't he like me?" Lily asked. She was quickly growing frantic again. Sirius shook his head.
"I don't know, but Lily… Lily, you can't stay like this. You deserve better than this. You have to go on," he said, his voice shaking.
"Why did James go?" she asked, white tears brimming in her eyes. Sirius couldn't begin to answer her question, so he stayed silent. When he said nothing in reply, she tried to answer herself. "He must have… must have thought that Harry and I were okay. That we made it out all right."
Sirius nodded. "Lily, go. Go be with James. I'll take care of Harry." She stood up a bit straighter and held her head up. She smiled at Sirius for a moment.
"Take care of Harry for me, please. He'll be safe as long as you look after him," she said. She reached out to touch him, but as she did, her hand began to fade away.
"I will, Lily, I swear," Sirius said, feeling the weight come crashing back. The rest of her was quickly fading, but her eyes were boring into his. They were no longer a bright vivid green, but a transparent, piercing gray.
"Thank you," she said. "Tell him I love him." And she was gone.
Sirius was left alone in the house. No breeze went through the trees, no neighbors were close enough to be heard. The only sound was that of distant, Muggle sirens.
Sirius knew he needed to leave, but he couldn't quite yet. He went down the rickety stairs, and into what was left of the kitchen. He surveyed the chaos. The stove was twisted and slumped to one side, like it had been melted. The icebox was laying on its side, the door flung open and food spilled onto the floor. Bits of wood and glass were everywhere on the floor. Part of the ceiling had collapsed in and landed on a pile of broken cupboards and debris. Sirius felt a sinking inside him when he looked at the pile of rumble, and he knew – just knew – who he would find under there. He looked away from the pile, but set his eyes on something else just as bad. One of James's shoes lay on the floor near the hole in the parlor wall.
There was instant fire, and the sudden sadness threatened to consume him. That gaping rushing hole was back, worse than ever. He couldn't breath for his anger, and he knew what he had to do. He would go back to his apartment, where he would work detection charms and tracking spells until he could find the rat that was responsible for this.
Muggle law enforcement pulled up in front of the house. First the fire brigade, then one police vehicle. With the sound of the wailing sirens, they had no chance of hearing the 'pop' of Sirius' disappearance.