Author's Note- Thanks to Pickachukite, like I didn't realize ffnet had messed up the formatting. I wasn't trying to do anything clever! UGH lol

Starscream didn't like the Ark. It was too quiet.

Quiet was not something he expected here. The Decepticon base had always been loud with fights and raucous laughter. He had never had time to fully investigate the base though, and so much of it had been a mystery to him.

Now he wondered if he would ever see it again.

When they arrived, Optimus had quietly escorted him in, always watching him and seemingly on the cusp of asking him something, but never quite getting to it. It made Starscream anxious.

Jazz was nowhere in sight. He had kind of hoped that they would let him be "handled" by Jazz during… whatever they were going to call this. Jazz he knew. He might not agree with Jazz's decisions or thought processes, but he understood them. He could not figure this Prime out.

The Autobots loved their Prime; that much was obvious. They looked at him with admiration and it was not unlike the kind of looks that the Decepticons gave Megatron, but it was different. They didn't seem to fear him.

But the Decepticons did fear the Prime. And Starscream wasn't sure whether he had need to fear him or not.

His trine had tried to give him a history of the war and a description of the conflict, but he knew they weren't exactly historians. There were millions of years of history that could hardly be summed up in a few conversations; there were nuances, events that even his trinemates didn't understand, and they admitted to him that there were some biases. In the end, Starscream was left with more questions than answers.

Shockwave had been a great source of these answers, but they always seemed to run out of time.

He was told Optimus Prime was someone to be avoided at all costs, chiefly because of his new and odd interest in bringing Starscream over to his side of the conflict. But here Starscream was, walking beside him, in his… "care." His plating was crawling, and he tried to hide his tension by flicking his wings.

Optimus stopped in the hallway and hailed a young-looking bot over. "Starscream, this is Bluestreak. He will be helping to take care of you while you are here." He looked to be to be a car-alt… who oddly wasn't blue at all. He looked a little nervous but smiled uncomfortably.

"I will leave you with him; please stay close to him. We will talk more tomorrow. I have a favor to ask of you."

Starscream tried to keep his face impassive. Would this be his fee for staying here? He gave a small nod.

"Ratchet said you were hungry. Let's get you some energon," Bluestreak said, walking with him down the corridor. Starscream could feel the blue optics of the Prime watching him as they left.

Starscream noticed that no matter where he went, mechs watched him carefully and then would start to whisper amongst themselves. Most of the looks weren't hostile, he observed. Occasionally he saw a flicker of distrust but mostly the looks were curious and watchful.

Sadly, he remembered the same thing at the Decepticon base. At least then he had his trine.

"You okay?" Bluestreak said before they entered into what looked to be the canteen. "You're awfully quiet."

"Just… processing," Starscream said.

"You used to be a lot louder," Bluestreak observed, laughing nervously.

"I used to be a lot of things. Apparently."

Bluestreak raised his optic-ridges at that but then just nodded and escorted him in. Bluestreak got them two cubes and handed one to Starscream before guiding them to the far corner. They were out of the way, much to his relief. Starscream didn't touch his cube, choosing to observe the other mechs.

"I'm going to be honest here and say that I expected you to be… different," Bluestreak said. His blue optics looked at him with something like concern. "Louder maybe? Complaining? Like you've barely said ten words at all. Or touched your energon."

Starscream looked down at the cube in front of him. "I don't need it."

"Ratchet said you were underfueled."

Starscream tamped down some irritation and flicked his optics up at Bluestreak. "Will you make me consume it if I don't want to drink it?"

Bluestreak stilled a little at the tone of his voice. "No," he sighed. "No, we aren't going to make you do anything like that."

Starscream nodded. "Well, we shall see, won't we? I have a feeling you all have the best of intentions, but it might not always... work out."

Bluestreak knitted his brow and looked down into his energon. "Instead of the 'Cons who have the worst intentions for everything they do?"

Starscream bit his glossa. He wasn't about to debate war politics and factions with this mech since he still didn't quite understand them himself. Looking around, other than a lot more red and white colors schemes, there wasn't much difference in how the mechs looked at him. More endless faces that he didn't know watching him with expectations of what he used to be.

"Bluestreak, thank you for the energon, but I am quite tired. Please, can you tell me where I will be recharging?" he asked as pleasantly as he could muster.

Bluestreak nearly spit his energon. Perhaps he was too polite. That had been something Skywarp had told him to tone down at little-

Skywarp.

He tried to keep his face impassive, but it was impossible. He looked down at his servos folded neatly on the table, and his mind drifted to thinking about what he had done.

"I'll take you there soon," Bluestreak replied. "You probably need some rest. Ratchet just needs us to stop by the medbay and pick up some more pain patches for you. Do your wounds still hurt?"

Starscream thought about it and didn't really see the need to lie. "They do. Is that… normal?"

Bluestreak's expression softened. "Let's… get you to Ratchet. You can take your energon with you for later."

When they rose, the light murmuring of the canteen quieted down for a moment. Everyone stared at Starscream for a few moments and then went back to their conversations.

They walked down the orange hallways in silence and Starscream was actually happy for it.

"We will need to remove those," the mech named Red Alert said, his tone tight. He was pointing to Starscream's null-rays.

"I can't even turn them on," Starscream replied neutrally. "I can't use them."

"Then you won't mind if we remove them, then."

Starscream just looked at him and then at Ratchet, who gave him a shrug. Starscream didn't really want to lose them. They were part of his identity as a seeker even if they were worthless. Every seeker he had ever met had these rays. He had never learned the significance of them, if they were important, and why he had them.

He didn't think the Autobots would have answers for him, so… he might never know.

He dared another beat of reluctance and then sighed. Starscream supposed he had to get used to doing things he didn't want to do with the Autobots until they… what, trusted him? Who needed to trust who, here? He reached up and deactivated the magnetic locks that kept them in place and took them off his upper arms. He held them out for Red Alert to take. "Please don't destroy them," he asked quietly.

Red Alert narrowed his optics suspiciously at him, but then reached out and took the null-rays. "You will need to have a security briefing tomorrow," he retorted and then left the medbay without another word.

"I'm afraid you had history with him," Bluestreak said.

"I get that a lot," Starscream replied, feeling oddly vulnerable without the weight of the null-rays on his arms.

Ratchet pulled out some pain patches and placed one on Starscream's wing and the other near his thigh. "These will numb the areas for a little while until the nanites have done their job." Ratchet then gave a significant look to Bluestreak and threw his helm, indicating the door. Bluestreak hesitated and then nodded, walking away from them while closing a curtain around the medical berth Starscream was perched on.

"Starscream, do you mind if I ask you some questions? Just some things I need to put in your file."

Starscream immediately knew that he was going to be uncomfortable with this line of questioning. He glanced at the medical curtain, cutting off his escape to the door. Ratchet was trying to appear non-threatening, but Starscream could see the tension in his neck. He also didn't think he actually had a choice in answering these questions. "Of course," he said easily. "Ask away."

Ratchet looked up from his datapad with suspicious optics, as if submitting to the request without complaint was suspect. "Physically you appear to be well. I wondered how you were doing mentally?"

"I… don't understand your meaning."

"By our accounts, the Decepticons erased your memories about two months ago, so you haven't had a lot of time learning about how things work. Living with the Decepticons could not have been easy on you. Frankly, we realized too late that letting you stay and develop with the Decepticons was a mistake."

Ah, so it was common knowledge that his memories had been taken from him on purpose. That was a wound he hadn't had time to ruminate over, and now reminded of it, it stung. "I was a Decepticon before, right? And I was here when I was altered, correct?"

Ratchet sighed, picking up on his hidden meaning. "Yes. And you were in the Decepticons' care when the Combaticons used you as a living shield against us."

Starscream shrugged. "It would appear that no matter where I go, I am in danger then. It seems to be the nature of my new existence."

Ratchet clearly heard the acid in his tone. "Look, I'm not going to debate with you about who is better; I just want to understand how to help you. And I'm really not built to be a therapy bot, but I might be the closest you are ever going to get. So. Did anything happen with the Decepticons that we should be made aware of?"

Starscream folded his too-light arms across his chest. "Like… what? I'm not trying to be difficult, I legitimately do not understand what you are asking me."

Ratchet sighed. "Other than the Combaticons, did anyone ever… hurt you? Either physically or emotionally? Did they lie to you or manipulate you into anything you didn't want to do?"

Starscream stared at Ratchet for a long moment before looking away. He thought about trying to devise some clever story here to keep the Autobots guessing; some ingenious series of lies or half-truths that would somehow still earn their trust and make them stop asking questions, but not actually make the Decepticons out to be bad. He knew they weren't, not actually. But there were all kinds of colored lenses that everyone was wearing that no matter what he said, his words were going to be taken far beyond how he meant it.

"I find myself continually frustrated that no one who cares about me told me the truth from the start of my life. So, Ratchet. If I tell you the truth, will you do me the same courtesy?"

Ratchet looked incredibly serious then and then nodded slowly. "If I can't tell you the truth, then I won't answer the question."

"Fair enough," Starscream said. "The truth is, I was not harmed while I lived with the Decepticons. I need you to believe me on this, even if that is hard for you to grasp." His words increased a little in volume and speed. "I was harmed the moment Mirage kidnapped me from the base, and I was harmed the moment I saw Thundercracker lying on a berth, unresponsive as the Constructicons tried to save his life." Now he felt his fanged denta flashing as he spoke. "You understand that both of these incidents were caused by Autobots trying to do the right thing for me." His wings flared, and his optics glowed in intensity, and he was angry-

And then it was gone. The feeling subsided, his optics dimmed, his wings fell behind him, and he couldn't say anything more on the subject.

"UGH!" he said in frustration, still quieter than intended. "Why- why can't I get angry Ratchet?!"

Ratchet blinked. He tilted his helm and looked at him again. "What do you mean?"

"I just- I can't. I get upset, and then it's like… something switches off and everything comes out softer and kinder than I wanted it to."

Ratchet sighed. "That might be a side-effect of the program. Do you… feel frustrated often?"

Starscream clenched his jaw. "It seems that I used to be quite clever in my insults before, and my processor is still primed for them, but I can't say them." He slowly relaxed the fists he didn't realize he had made. "It's like I don't want to upset anyone, even if what I need to say is the truth and would make me feel heard."

Ratchet looked at him with pity. "You don't feel listened to? What about Thundercracker or Skywarp?"

Starscream's servos trembled. "They… tried their best." His voice was very raw and gravelly. "Is… there any way I can find out if Thundercracker is alright? Or send them a message explaining to them why I did this?"

Ratchet watched him for a few long seconds. "I don't know if either one of those will be possible, Starscream. But I do promise to ask Optimus about it."

Starscream's spark hurt then in his chest, and he had to bite back a lump of emotion from erupting from his throat. "I think I made a mistake," he said quietly. "I shouldn't have left."

Ratchet blessedly gave him a few moments to collect himself. "Why did you leave?"

Starscream looked down at the ground. "I knew you wouldn't stop attacking until I did. TC was hurt so badly, and there were tons of other wounded coming in. Everyone knew why you had invaded the base, and while no one took it out on me, I still… felt it," he said bitterly. "However, there were other things." He heaved a sigh and bit the inside of his cheek before continuing. "I've talked with Shockwave a lot about my condition, and we found some strange limitations that made it increasingly difficult for me to be around the Decepticons."

Ratchet had a brief look of alarm when he mentioned Shockwave. "Did Shockwave… experiment on you at all?"

Starscream narrowed his optics. "We worked together to learn about my condition. But… experiment on me? What are you saying?" There was some offense in his voice.

Ratchet put up a placating servo. "It is clear to me, Starscream, that you had a different experience with the Decepticons than I am traditionally used to. Shockwave has a reputation for conducting experiments on 'Bots and 'Cons alike if it suits him."

Starscream opened his mouth to protest and defend Shockwave. But he stopped himself realizing that yet again, there was just so much that he did not know or understand about everything, that he would just have to try and find out the answers for himself. "Shockwave never hurt me." It was a tiny lie, and one that he was happy to tell. They wouldn't understand the context.

"I am glad to hear it," Ratchet replied. "Can you talk to me about some of the limitations that you discovered?"

Starscream told him about the experiments he and Shockwave had gone through with trial and error, explaining about his inability to harm inanimate objects (or "property" as Shockwave had eventually determined) on purpose. There were strange nuances to his interactions with other sentient beings, being that he could not willfully harm anyone, and if he was forced to harm someone, he was still "punished" with an unpleasant tingling in his frame. He could easily be restrained by someone just touching him or lightly holding him. Flying appeared to be unhindered, but they had theories as to why.

Ratchet took meticulous notes. His brow increasingly furrowed as time went on, and he started muttering dark curses under his breath as Starscream described how he interacted with the world.

"And therein lies my problem," Starscream said, drained of his energy after explaining all of this. "The Decepticons are physical, and love to fight for the fun of it. Just a canteen brawl was almost a major problem for me. Someone… tried to physically manipulate me and it was only because I could talk them out of it that it was prevented.

"Shockwave said I might fit in better with the Autobots, and I've secretly thought the same thing."

Ratchet had clenched his jaw and slowly lowered the datapad. He searched Starscream's optics and let the silence fill the space between them for a moment. "But you still feel like you made a mistake."

Starscream was so tired. He knew he should probably be guarding himself more as he didn't know this Ratchet and whether he could trust him, but he knew he was completely vulnerable and exhausted. "I betrayed them," he said with a quiet voice. "They took care of me, they taught me how to fly again, they love me. And I still left them."

"Skywarp and Thundercracker?"

"Yes. Them." He paused, letting the words sink in for a moment before sighing. "But honestly? There were others as well. Ramjet, Rumble, Shockwave. Even Megatron was… actually, I never quite figured Megatron out."

Ratchet gave him a strange look at that and put his datapad down. This Ratchet seemed older in a way than anyone else he had met, and Starscream found himself happy for it. "I am not going to tell you that you made the right decision or made a mistake. You are going to have to determine that for yourself. But it does seem that you have a lot more agency and understanding of a mech's nature than we were giving you credit for. We will try to not underestimate you and your abilities, or your capacity to know your limits."

Starscream stared at Ratchet for a long time, and then closed his optics. He hadn't realized he needed to hear those words at that moment. Thundercracker and Shockwave had said something similar to him, and he was afraid he had lost any hope of someone saying it to him again.

"Thank you, Ratchet," he replied with relief.

Ratchet nodded gruffly and stood, pulling away the curtain. "I've bothered you enough with these questions. Bluestreak will take you to your quarters."

Starscream nodded and went to the door of the medbay, where Bluestreak nodded at him nervously and escorted him away.

"So, I'll be back at 0800 in the morning," Bluestreak was saying just inside the his new quarters. It was nice and clean, and did not smell of rust and damp. The berth was definitely big enough for him, but it was still smaller than he was used to.

He… had to take a moment to think about that.

"Here, I'll give you my private comm frequency," Bluestreak said, sending him a ping.

"I'm afraid my comms are still disabled."

"Oh. Uh. Well, you can still use this terminal here." He tapped a little display screen on the wall by the door. "You can just find my name in here and contact me that way. Please… contact me. If you need anything."

Starscream could hear the sincerity in his voice and smiled softly. "I don't think I will need anything, Bluestreak, but I will keep that in mind."

"Yeah, I totally understand. You must be terribly exhausted, I can only imagine! It's been a long day for all of us, but wow, yeah, it must be terrible for you. I think you are incredibly brave for coming with us, and I can't even begin to think how you must feel about us or what the Decepticons told you but I really want to tell you we are going to try and make this right for you so that you feel welcomed and safe and accepted by us! We all feel responsible and though some were mad about how we planned to help you, I think they will see that we did the best thing for you and you will see we are trying our best and I think that might be all we can do in the end."

Starscream's optics were wide by then, and once Bluestreak had stopped he clamped a servo over his mouth. "I… am so sorry. I do that. On occasion," he mumbled through his digits.

Starscream huffed a small laugh. "It was… a lot," he said. "But that's not all a bad thing."

"Oh, thank Primus. Thanks, Star!"

Starscream stilled. "…Star?"

"Oh yeah sorry, we all like to shorten our names. Do you prefer 'Screamer?" he said with a laugh.

Starscream kept his face impassive, trying not to think of who else called him Star. "I think… I just want to be called Starscream for now."

Bluestreak shrugged. "Okay. Sleep well, I'll see you tomorrow." He left and the door snicked shut behind him.

Starscream was truly alone for the first time in a while. He stared at the berth, trying not to think about where he had been just a couple of hours ago, sleeping with Skywarp before he gently woke him to warp out of danger.

He wasn't sure what it was going to be like to sleep alone. Do all the Autobots sleep alone? Would it be… weird for him to ask that question? Probably. It would probably sound sexual, and Starscream didn't even want to think about that right now. Was there… platonic cuddling? Primus.

It appeared he had his own private washracks that he didn't have to share with anyone, so he took advantage of it. The water was extremely clean and warm, and the solvent was of high quality; he actually felt cleaner than he ever had in his short life.

The Autobots had some more luxuries than he expected. He wasn't sure what that meant.

He finished and dried off, going back into the main room and staring at the berth again. He was exhausted, and every bolt and strut he had was tense and tired. He needed to recharge. But the thought of being in the berth was still unappealing.

Finally, he crawled into the berth and laid there, staring up at the ceiling, trying not to think about how cold it was.