Not Another Ninja!
Disclaimer – I don't own Naruto. I don't even own a single Naruto DVD or book. That's what the internet is for. I also don't own the "make the characters say whatever you want them to" (stolen from other ficcys!) device. Hence the name.
A/n – I AM SHOCKED AND APPALLED! I got ZERO reviews for the last chapter! If you want this fic to be continued, the REVIEW, for the sake of my sanity (of which there is very little, but the concept works here)! Also, I couldn't help it! There is one big, long Red vs. Blue reference in here! If you don't watch it, then you should!
A/n – In case anyone cares, I just got a SUPER KAWAII HAIRCUT! It's kinda like a mix between Sakura's and Hinata's hair. I 3 it lots.
Chapter 4: Capture the Flag: Part Three
As he kissed her, Naruto realized something he had probably already known for a long time. He had never wanted Sakura in the first place.
Hinata turned a terribly bright shade of red, and promptly fainted.
Michelle sighed. "Got any smelling salts or something of the like?"
Naruto stared blankly at her.
"That's what I thought." She sighed, and reached into her shuriken holder. Pulling out a bottle of we-probably-don't-even-want-to-know-what, she stuck it underneath Hinata's nose.
Hinata coughed, and opened her eyes. "What is that stuff?"
"Umm…" Michelle said, "You don't want to know. But it worked, didn't it?"
Around the same time that drama was occurring at the blue base, Leah, Shikamaru, and Gaara were jumping along the trees in "enemy territory."
"Do we really have to move this fast?" Shikamaru asked.
"Yes," Leah said, "And if you don't shut up so they don't find us, I will use my 'make the characters say whatever you want them to' (stolen from other ficcys!) device or MTCSWYWTTSFOF device for short!"
"Is that supposed to be a threat?" Gaara asked blandly.
Leah pushed the button on the MTCSWYWTTSFOF device.
"When Temari isn't looking, I put on her pretty dresses and pretend to ride pretty pink ponies around her bedroom!" Gaara suddenly screamed at the top of his lungs.
As it would happen, Temari, Sasuke, and Sakura were standing beneath them at that very moment!
Temari looked disturbed. "Someone please tell me it wasn't Gaara who just yelled that."
Sasuke looked up, and saw a beet red Gaara with his hands clapped over his mouth hanging by a rope of sand out of the tree above him. "That depends," he told Temari, "What do you want me to say?"
Temari looked up as well. "Gaara," she asked nervously, clearly not aware of the threats placed on him if he killed someone, "Is that true?"
"No, no, of course–" Leah pushed the button again, "– Yes, it is! My favorite one is your bright pink one with the purple butterflies and polka dots on it!"
Temari turned bright red. Leah readied her finger on the button. "I can't believe you just told everyone about that!" Suddenly she turned to Sasuke and Sakura. "Even though he's my little brother, I've always thought that Gaara was the sexiest thing on the planet!" Now it was Temari's turn to clap her hands over her mouth in horror.
Sakura was truly disturbed. She clung to Sasuke's arm until he yanked it away and ran up the tree to Shikamaru and Gaara, who hopefully wouldn't start hugging him. But, alas, another push of the button was at work.
Gaara turned and grabbed Sasuke's hands. "Uchiha Sasuke, I have to admit it! I've always been madly in love with you!"
Sakura looked up, and saw her beloved's hands being held by another boy. She swayed, and promptly fainted.
Gaara recovered from the button push, and sand promptly crushed the device. He advanced on Leah. "I. Am. Going. To. Kill. You."
"Gaara," Leah said sweetly, " Now that they've all gone all twitchy-crazy like, why don't we go steal their flag?"
Unaware of the insanity that was going on in red territory, Olivia, Ino, and Tenten were relaxing against a tree. No enemies had come their way, and there was nothing to do.
On the other side of the tree, Lee, Shino, and Kankuro sat down to take a break.
Lee was very absorbed in driving Kankuro thoroughly insane. "Kankuro-san, you are not very youthful! You must learn to be youthful! Blah blah blah youthful! Yada yada yada youthful! Zuru zuru zuru zuru youthful!" And so on it went.
Tenten heard. Tenten rolled her eyes. "Lee, shut the CENSORED up!" she yelled and ran over without even thinking to hit Lee on the head.
"Tenten-chan!" Lee yelled, "You are looking so youthful today!"
"Hey, Lee," Shino said emotionlessly, as usual, "You DO know she's not on our team, right?"
"Now!" Olivia yelled from above them, and they jumped down to attack the three boys with their ropes.
Thirty seconds later, there were no reds tied up, and our three kunoichi were stuffed inside one of Kankuro's puppets.
"So, now what should we do with them?" Shino asked Kankuro.
"Take them back to our side, I guess."
"I am sorry, Tenten-chan!" Lee yelled, over exaggerated tears streaming down his face.
"Lee, for the last time, SHUT THE CENSORED UP!" Tenten yelled.
"Come to think of it," Olivia said, "I don't really want to win. The thought of Lee, Shino, and Kankuro in bikinis is rather frightening."
"This is supposed to be a flag?" Leah asked incredulously, pointing at the handkerchief tied to a stick as they ran back to their territory.
Lee, Shino, and Kankuro arrived at the base of their worthless pile of rocks just as Sasuke, Temari, and Sakura returned, looking disturbed. Neji, Chouji, and Kiba were already there.
Lee promptly began a pep-rally sort of thing. "Get the flag!"
"Get the flag!" Kiba joined.
"Get the flag!" Neji joined as well.
"Get the fucker's flag!" Sasuke was the most enthusiastic, for once.
"We must protect this house!" Lee continued.
"We must protect this house!" his teammates chorused.
"We must protect this house!" Kiba repeated in a very high pitched voice.
"This is our house!" Lee yelled.
Sakura looked up. "Umm, guys, look! Where's our flag?"
"What?"
"No!"
"The flag is gone?"
"What will we do?" Kiba said in the same voice.
Lee stood up on a platform. "If the flag is gone, who will lead us? Who will inspire us with their shiny pole? Who will flag directions to us in battle? We are lost, and the world as we knew it is gone forever from our eyes, only to live in our memories as the days of salad and glory! Truly these are the ends of times! Repent! Repent!"
Insert awkward silence here.
Sasuke was the first to respond. "This sucks, I'm leaving!"
"Yeah!" Neji added. They all promptly left to their respective locations.
"Woot! We win!" Leah screamed as she slammed the flag down onto her castle.
"Hell yeah!" Naruto yelled, "Take that, Sasuke!"
"I still hate you," Gaara informed Leah.
"Is this any different from before?" Kakashi asked.
"Whoa!" Michelle yelled, "Where'd you come from?"
"Well, Michelle," Hinata said, "When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much-"
"NO!" Michelle yelled before Hinata could continue, "I meant, when did he get to our base?"
"Ohh…" Hinata said. She was obviously thinking about Naruto the entire time.
"I have to admit," Kakashi said, grinning, "I found this quite entertaining. I even invited some other people to watch!"
"Kakashi, what in the world have you been teaching these kids?" Anko said. "And they all thought I was weird!"
"So, when is the parade?" Jiraiya asked.
"As soon as the losers are informed of their fate!" Kakashi yelled.
"Ohh…" Anko said, "May I do the honors?"
"Of course," Kakashi told her, "They're over there."
At the red base, Anko promptly appeared. "Congratulations!" Anko told them, "You've won-"
"We did?" Lee asked.
"-an all expenses paid trip to Tsunade's secret bikini stash!"
"Tsunade has a secret bikini stash?" Kankuro asked incredulously.
"Nah," Anko said, "That's the name of the store where we're going to get you your outfits! They're our sponsors!"
RANDOM COMMERCIAL: This fic is brought to you by Tsunade's Secret Bikini Stash! For all your blackmailing needs! Note: Camera not included.
Well, I hope you liked chapter four. I probably will continue regardless of reviews, but reviews will motivate me to do it a lot faster.