Not Another Ninja!

Disclaimer – Me no ownie. You no sue-ie. Neh?

A/n – Yay! Olivia sent me a nice, long review, and it made me want to update really fast! So, here, without delays, commercials, or sticky soda spilled all over it, is Chapter Five! On another note, this is the end of the Capture the Flag story arc. Next will be something different, but the same. Did that make any sense at all? Also, Leah's mind has been changed. Ino is an annoying ditz, and Shikamaru is much better with Temari. We all know she likes him.

And, another random bit of randomness, as I couldn't think of one for the last chapter.

If a stripper got breast implants, could she put it down on her taxes as a career expense?

Why do they call the peanuts "shelled?" Shouldn't they be called un-shelled? Or de-shell-afied? Or something?

Chapter Five: Capture the Flag: The Aftermath

"Sweet holy hell, someone gouge out my eyes!" Leah screamed.

Apparently, Kakashi was quite the gossip. At least half of the Jounins, most of the Chuunins, and all of the academy students had turned up to watch the losing Genins parade. And at the very head of the aforementioned parade, a very sulky looking Kankuro stomped along in a hot pink string bikini. Hence Leah's outburst.

But the horrors did not stop their, and the winners were more likely to take a kunai and stab themselves in the eyes than enjoy their victory. Behind Kankuro, was a heavily padded blue tankini-clad Lee, who was busy exclaiming to the crowd how he felt so youthful, and wished he had tried this before. Tenten simply could not stop laughing, but the others were on the verge of puking.

Seeing the next parader (if that isn't a word, then it is now), all kunoichi present burst out in laughter, and all males whistled, catcalled, or drooled. Alas, it was Sakura in a padded pink bikini with hibiscus print on it. She was waving her chest and butt around, clearly trying to look sexy for Sasuke-kun.

As Neji would put it, she was not destined to succeed. Sasuke was right behind her, and did not look happy at all to see every girl there staring at him in skintight green Speedo. It was clearly originally a bikini, but he seemed to have shed the top section. Every female, and even a few males, drooled incessantly. This did not please Sasuke-kun, and neither did Sakura's rear, which occasionally brushed up against him. He resolved to slit Leah's throat while she was asleep. Leah and her stupid ideas must not be allowed to live! This little outfit was crushing his manhood – umm… we mean… his dignity!

As destiny had it, Neji was next! Later, he was slapped by Sakura for being suggested of using his Byakugan to look inside her bikini. He had followed the fashion set by Sasuke, and had shed the bikini top and left the bottom. His was electric blue with lightning bolts on it. He decided it was much sexier than Sasuke's, and was thus appeased.

Everyone on the winning team promptly hid their eyes, for Shino was next in line. He had left the top on, unlike the boys in front of him. His was yellow with big, happy ladybugs on it. Shino secretly liked it a lot. He resolved to keep it afterwards.

No one looked up, for Chouji was next. He's sweet and all, but I don't think any of us want to know what he looks like in a bikini.

Heads were raised again, Kiba was up. He was in not a bikini, but a pair of leopard-print underwear that said on the back, "I'm a Sexy Beast." Akamaru had a cute little matching cape. All females swooned.

Males finally had another shot. Temari paraded down with all flair. She was in a black itty-bitty bikini, and damn did it look good on her. She knew it, too. She strutted her stuff down the line with pride, only stopping to wink at Shikamaru. We all know she likes him.

Leah had had more than enough. She ran over to the next street and ducked into the ramen shop, waving Michelle and Olivia with her. To her dismay, when she arrived, Naruto was seated, grinning at her.

"You," he said evilly, "Said you would by me ramen if we won. I want it now."

Leah sighed. "I knew coming here was a bad idea. I would have gone to the dango shop, but I was afraid Anko might be there. I think I need a little bit of sanity after our 'victory celebration,'" she sighed, "And somehow, I got the feeling she wouldn't provide it."

"Don't care. Pay up. I'm hungry."

Leah looked up. "Whoa, look, Sakura's coming by in that bikini of hers. I still say it looks awful."

"Sakura-chan? In a bikini? Still?" Naruto squealed, and spun to look. By the time it occurred to him that a) Sakura was not there, and b) he was with Hinata now, there were no Leahs, Michelles, or Olivias in the ramen shop.

"That kid is ridiculously gullible," Olivia laughed.

"Too true," said Michelle, "Most of them are."

Leah shrugged. "Meh," she said, "What should we do now?"

"Prank calls?" Olivia suggested with a grin.

"Sounds good," Leah said and pulled out her cell phone. "Who should we call first?"

"Ooh…" Michelle said, "I knew this would come in handy!" She pulled a sheet of paper out of her pocket.

"What's that?" Olivia asked, although she was pretty sure she already knew.

"A list. It's got a bunch of ninjas' cell phone numbers."

"Just Konoha? Or all over?"

Michelle grinned. "All over."

"Gimme that!" Leah squealed, and snatch the list. She scanned her eyes down the page, and a grin lit her face. "Here's our first victim. I always wanted to do this."

Olivia looked at where Leah pointed. "Are you absolutely insane? What if he has caller ID? He'll freakin' annihilate us!"

Who was Leah pointing at, that caused such uproar? To find out, wait for the next chapter! Woo hoo!

A/n – Okay, I couldn't resist the cliffy. You can probably guess anyway. I just wanted the prank calls to be a separate chapter. REVIEW! I'll start writing chapter six right away!