Not Another Ninja!

Disclaimer: If I own Naruto, this would not be hosted by fanfiction dot net. Also, I would have money and also probably speak fluent Japanese. As none of these are true, it should be publicly assumed that Naruto does not belong to me.

A/n – Haha, the cliffy was just a joke. I just wanted more than one chappie in a day! Also note that all phone numbers were derived from randomly pressing numbers on my keypad. You know what I love about this fic, though? It's the kind of storyline that will never really be complete, so I can keep going indefinitely! w00t! Also, there is a REALLY easy to spot Inuyasha reference in here! If you don't get it, you're either completely pathetic or you've never seen Inuyasha! For the latter people, if you don't know, a yokai is a demon. In case you are unaware like that.

Feh. I can't think of any Randomnesses as the moment. You'll just have to wait until next chapter.

Chapter Six: Prank Calls

Olivia's and Michelle's eyes widened in horror when they saw Leah's planned prank call.

Where she pointed, the sheet of numbers said:

Orochimaru………………………………………………….148-963-1484

"Let me get this straight," Olivia said, "You want to prank call Orochimaru. The Orochimaru?"

"Y'know, like, the guy who's like a Sannin and stuff?" Michelle added, "Who is, um, all evil and not very nice and stuff?"

"Not to mention kind of creepy looking?" Olivia put in.

Leah rolled her eyes. "You two are a bunch of pansies!"

"I am not a pansy!" Michelle yelled, "I just kinda value my life a little bit!"

"Feh, whatever," Leah said, and dialed Orochimaru's number into her phone. "What should we say?"

"Say to who?" said a female voice behind them.

"Eep!" said the three girls, and jumped up about a foot each.

"What are you three doing out here?" said Anko, who had certainly freaked the girls out to a level at which Naruto would have pissed himself. However, as we all know, the female half of the human race has much more composure than their male counterparts, and does not fall victim to such silly things.

"Oh… um… nothing?" Olivia said innocently.

"Then why are you holding a sheet of paper with phone numbers on it?" Anko demanded. She looked closer at the phone and sheet. "And is there some specific reason that Orochimaru of all people is one whose number is dialed?"

"Um… well…" Michelle started.

Leah, being her outgoing, overbearing self, happily said, "We're gonna prank call a bunch of ninjas! Wanna help?"

Anko looked around, making sure there was no one nearby before she leaned in and said, "Hell yes!"

Leah grinned. "That's what I thought. So, what should I say?"

Anko grabbed the phone. "No way! I'm so doing it."

Leah pouted, but was not interested in meeting the sharper ends of any of Anko's various weapons if she argued. So it was Anko who got to make the call.

In a pretty little nail salon in Hidden Village of Sound, everyone's favorite creepy snake-like guy was getting his nails done (we all know they aren't naturally that color!). The front attendant suddenly ran up to him. "Orochimaru-sama, your cell phone is ringing. Are you going to answer it?"

Orochimaru flipped open his phone. "Hello."

The voice on the other end giggle very girlishly. "Orochimaru-chan, I simply couldn't wait to talk to you again! We had such a grand time last night!"

"What?" Orochimaru exclaimed, "I wasn't with anyone last night!"

"Oh, that's right," the voice said sweetly, "You were awfully drunk, weren't you?"

"But, that's not possible! I didn't have any sort of hangover this morning or anything!"

"Well," the voice said, "Sex is pretty good at preventing those. Doncha remember? At the dango shop in Suna?"

"I wasn't in Suna last night!" Orochimaru nearly cried. Then something clicked in his brain. "For the love of – This had damn well not be you, Anko!"

"Anko?" asked the voice, "Of course it is – I mean, no way! Who's Anko? Is she your girlfriend?"

"Anko," Orochimaru said dangerously, "If you don't hang up the phone this instant and let me get back to my manicure, I will head straight over to Konoha and rip your goddamn head off."

There was a loud, long giggle at the other end. "You're getting a manicure? So are you a crossdresser now?" The call was promptly disconnected before Orochimaru could respond.

Thirty seconds later, in Tsunade's office, the phone rang.

"Hello?" the Hokage said, downing a cup of sake.

"Dammit, Tsunade! You need to keep better control over your ninjas!" the voice yelled.

"Orochimaru?" Tsunade said, "Why are you calling me now? You know I take my sake break around this time!"

"I'm freakin' serious! If Anko prank calls me one more time, I'm going to friggin' kill you all!"

"She did?" Tsunade gasped. "I gotta go congratulate her for having the balls to!" She hung up the phone.

"And people wonder why I hate Konoha so much…" Orochimaru groaned.

"Alright, who's next?" Anko asked.

"I so get to do this one!" Leah said, "You got the last one!"

"Alright, then, who do none of us want to do?" Olivia asked.

Michelle pointed on the list. "Him."

Leah looked on. "This will be awesome."

Halfway across Konoha, Gaara's cell phone rang. "Hello?" he said blandly, as usual.

"Hello, sir!" the person on the line said, "Here at Sango's extermination services, we've heard that you've had raccoon problems! For a limited time only, we'll only charge you-"

"I do not have raccoon problems," Gaara said menacingly.

"Oh," said the caller, "What about yokai? Got any yokai over there?"

"This is Leah, isn't it?"

"What? No – of course not!" Leah hastily hung up. "Man, he sure seems PMS-y. Are you really sure he's a guy?"

Once every other genin (excluding Hinata, that would just be mean!) on the list had been pranked, Leah, Olivia, Michelle, and Anko were finally satisfied. They made a very Anko-forced unanimous decision to head over to the dango shop.

"Hey, look, there they are!" said a not very happy Kiba.

"You still owe me ramen!" Naruto yelled.

Many other shouts went up. Pretty soon, Anko got pissed off and charged. The three girls followed suit. Within a few minutes, an all out riot was formed. Even Hinata was there, albeit just watching.

The fight went on, and on. Finally, water splashed over everyone, knocking them to the ground.

Kakashi, Asuma, Kurenai, and Gai stood on the edge of the little square, none looking terribly happy.

"I think you all need to come with us," Kakashi said. He turned and started walking, all present following.

A/n – This ending was absolutely the perfect way to lead into my next idea. It shall come soon, so review!