"Mommy?" A small eight year old Shawna looked up at an woman.

"Leave me alone, you disgusting creature!" The woman screamed. She hurled a magazine at the girl, who just stood there for a moment, stunned. "Okay, Mommy." The little girl smiled as she picked up the magazine. "I'll come back later. I love you."

:-P

A slightly older Shawna, looking about 12, was crying and being held by an older girl.

"She's gone... I loved her, Lilah, and she never even smiled at me! I will never love again!" The 12 year old Shawna sobbed.

"Shhh... I know it hurts, Shawna. I know, but just because your mother wasn't suited to raise you doesn't mean that you should give up on loving!" The girl called Lilah stroked Shawna's hair gently.

:-P

"But I'm your brother, Shawna! You have to give me a chance!" A tall man exclaimed, looking down at a 14 year old Shawna.

"Oh, yeah? I have to give you a chance, huh? You had your chance. It came and went 7 years ago when you walked out, leaving me to take mom's wrath alone. Do you remember? I begged you not to go. I even tried to physically force you to stay, but you just pushed me out of the way and left. You didn't even say good bye! Now you have the gall to walk in here and tell me to give me a chance to be my big brother again? No way, buddy. I might have even considered you if you'd come back when mom died, but where were you the past two years? Thanks, but no thanks. Everyone I need is right over there. They stayed with me through everything!" 14 year old Shawna ranted, motioning to Lilah and Dean.

"You used to love me. What happened?" The guy asked.

Shawna stiffened, then walked away, Dean following after her. Lilah stopped, though.

"She hasn't loved anyone since that bitch mother of yours died. She doesn't even love me and Dean anymore. What made you think you had a chance?" Then Lilah hurried after Shawna and Dean.

:-P

I jerked up in bed, sweating and gasping for air. I hadn't had that dream in ages. Did it star again because I told Kyou I loved him?

Slowly, I got out of bed and reached for the phone. I did the only sensible thing to do. I called my cousin Lilah while going across the hall to sit on Dean's bed while he slept. It was okay- he was a heavy sleeper.

"ello...?" A sleepy voice asked.

"Lilah? It's me." I whispered.

"Shawna! How've you been? I miss you! Are you coming back soon?" The sleep immediately left Lilah's voice.

"I'm alright, I miss you, too, probably not in the near future." I whispered back.

"Okay, what happened. Last time you called me in the middle of the night whispering was to tell me you thought you were going to die the next day and you wanted to spend your last might with your two favorite cousins. You're on Dean's bed again, aren't you?" Lilah accused.

"He didn't wake up last time, did he?" I whispered in defense.

"Okay. What's up?" Lilah asked. She was a considerable amount older than me, in fact, she was 20 while I was only 16, and had taken the role of protector when my mom had died. Lilah was like my lighthouse in a storm.

"That dream about my past happened again. I think it's because I told someone I love them." I said, softly.

"OH. MY. GOD! You've decided to start loving people again! What about me and Dean? Do we get some love, too? We hung through, even during your Queen of Grump stage." There was an excited squeal in my ear. Then sometimes, I thought Lilah was younger than me, only put into a 20 year old body.

Suddenly, a hand reached out, jerked me into a lying down position on the be, and wrapped around my stomach. "Yeah. Do we get some love?" Dean asked.

"Did I wake you up?" I asked, worriedly, rolling to look my cousin in the face.

"Naw. You were fine. Just like last lime. Lilah's the one with the damn loud voice." Dean yawned in my face, then gave me one last squeeze, then released me. I sat up.

"Shut up, Dean!" Lilah's voice rang in my ear.

"So! Anyway! The thing is, I'm not really sure I'm ready to love somebody again... not yet, anyway." I said to both of them.

"Sweetie, It's been 4 years since you decided never to love again. I think it's been long enough." Lilah said gently.

"Kyou is goods for you, Shawna. Don't let him slip away. You may not see it, but ever since you started hanging out with him, you've been so much... lighter. Like the old Shawna." Dean offered.

"How'd you know it was Kyou!" I exclaimed.

"Are you kidding? Have you SEEN the way he looks at you? It's like he's worshiping the very ground you walk on. Hatsuharu mentioned to me, Kyou's been a lot nicer since he started hanging out with you, too. You guys need each other." Dean smiled at me reassuringly. " Now get the hell out of my room. I wanna go back to sleep."

I sat there for a moment, shocked. I quickly said good bye to Lilah (she wanted to go back to sleep, too) and stood up. They were right. I had pushed away and closed off my emotions for much too long.

I turned to look back as I was about to close the door. "Dean?"

"Yeah?" He replied.

"Love you." Then I quietly slipped from his room and sank into a peaceful slumber on my own bed.

:-P

Author's note: Hey, guys. Should I end it here, or are you interested in stretching my brain to see what other yummy things it can churn out? This COULD be a nice ending... but if you really want more, leave me a review and I'll see what I can do.