Not Another Ninja!

Disclaimer – I own no Naruto-ness.

A/n – Sorry for the loooooooong wait. I've been really busy. This chapter is dedicated to my friend Sam, who knows nothing about Naruto or any other anime, but I felt like giving her a cameo. In other news, this is the first fic I've written that made it to chapter ten! We should have a party!

A/n – I also apologize for the severe Lee-bashing taking place in this chapter. Don't take it seriously. Lee kicks ass. As well as Sakura. Her character is awesome, but she's ridiculous when it comes to Sasuke. SUPPORT NARUxSAKU, DAMMIT! Mehehe. Then I can take Sasuke all for myself.

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Chapter Ten – Drastic Measures: Part Three

"My head hurts…" Naruto whined.

It was bright and early the next morning, marking the start of the group's second day in the Forest of Death!

"Anko-sensei, didn't you bring hangover medicine?" Tenten moaned, one hand clutching her head and the other clutching Neji's… hand. Yes. His hand. His very, very, large hand. Wanna see him shoot Chakra through that? We bet you do.

"What are you complaining about, Tenten-chan?" Lee said, "Being hung-over is not very youthful!"

"I agree, Lee-san!" Sasuke said, "I feel as if I am burning with the fires of my youth now!"

"Sasuke-kun!" Lee said, hugging Sasuke, "You are truly youthful!"

"Oh no!" Anko said, "Sasuke's got… Leeitis!"

"Wait… Leeitis?" Leah said, confused. "Umm… since tendonitis is inflammation of the tendons, appendicitis is inflammation of the appendix, and bronchitis is inflammation of the brontosaurus…"

"Inflammation of the brontosaurus?" Olivia asked with raised eyebrows.

Leah ignored her, and continued. "That would mean… Leeitis is the… inflammation of the Lee? What the crap?"

"My thoughts exactly," Michelle concurred.

The others were not listening to Team 7.5's semi-rational discussion. They were too busy running around and trying to make masks out of leaves. You never know, Leeitis might be contagious!

"Yes!" Lee shouted, "Running around and playing with leaves is very youthful!"

"Stay away from us!" Ino yelled.

"Somehow," Leah commented, "I knew this was going to happen."

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Three hours later, the remaining members of the semi-sane group had made a base in the central tower. Sasuke and Lee had run off somewhere or another. With them they took Sakura, who did not seem to notice the contagion due to the fact that she was being dragged off by her precious Sasuke-kun.

Leah sat on one of the tower benches, her trusty cell phone in hand. Due to the panic and the presence of the Lee virus, she called the first person in her directory, just for the hell of it.

Ring, ring, went the phone.

"Hello?" went the voice on the other end.

"Hi Sam!" said Leah, "So, you see, I'm stuck in a forest with a bunch of maniacs and hot boys, do you think you could check my email for me?"

"Leah?" Sam said, "What are you doing in a forest?"

"Long story."

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"Look, Sakura-san, we're at a cave!" Lee shouted. Lee is rather talented at stating the obvious.

"Umm… yes, that's wonderful, Lee-san," Sakura said, still staring at Sasuke.

"Yes, it is wonderful!" the poor infected Sasuke exclaimed, and promptly glomped Sakura.

Sakura promptly fainted.

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Meanwhile, the tower base was in chaos. Not that this was unexpected.

"Ramen! Ramen!" Naruto screeched as he repeatedly tried to eat Ino's hair.

"Die, Naruto! Die, Naruto!" Ino screeched as she repeatedly punched our little blond ninja.

"Gaara-kun! Gaara-kun!" Leah and Olivia screeched as they repeatedly glomped said redhead.

"Get off! Get off!" Gaara screeched as he repeatedly tried (and failed) to fend off the glomps.

"WTF? WTF?" Michelle screeched as she stared at the scene.

"Troublesome! Troublesome!" Shikamaru screeched (well, not really screeched, more like muttered, but we're working with parallel structure here) as everyone else was an idiot.

"SILENCE, MORTALS!" Anko screeched.

"Hai, Anko-sensei…" said the dejected and now quiet group.

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Okay, I know it's short. But it's been so long since I've posted, I wanted to get something up there.

Also, I think this fic is due for AN OMAKE CHAPTER! I have an idea I wanted to write for this fic, but it doesn't quite fit with the storyline.